I don't know what it is about break-ups, fights, heart ache, and the like, that gets the fire lit under people's asses but here we go again....in a way. How you break or create space from something that wasn't a full commitment to begin with I'm not sure, but I guess I'll just have to think of it as shifting a habit. Why do people need to cause drama for themselves? Why do we choose to make things harder than they need to be? Especially US creatives. Heartache creates the best songs, Abuse-Lies-cheating-fighting-whether comedic or dramatic the best films. This Human condition to suffer, or long for, feel lack, or settle....why do we choose this?
I'm doing my best to follow my heart as best as I can, sometimes the heart leads us through a painful experience and other times the most blissful. Either way I'm living. I'm learning and growing and transforming with every idea of LOVE I can create and manifest in my Life. Cause that's what life should be right? LOVE! It gets all mucked up when we place our conditions & Judgement on it. When we over-analyze what it is supposed to look like. Well, I'm making a commitment. TO MYSELF, and I have been working on this commitment, no more of that SHIT!
If I love you? I love you for you, all your strengths & imperfections.
If I love a creative project? It doesn't matter if I'm casting or acting I believe in it's worth so I will give my energy to that.
If I have truth and feelings to share I will, without the need of a certain response back because that is truly honoring, owning, and LOVING myself.
So what does any of this mean....I'm still sorting it out. But what I'm creating the path to, is total Love & Abundance in my life. This means allowing my self all of my desires NOW. Being grateful for all the good I have NOW and attracting more of the things that make me feel good. I tend to put a lot of energy outside of me, and part of my challenge is to bring in back in. Also raising my standards for myself, owning what I deserve, and somehow with all those I's and Me's not getting caught up in Ego.
This is my oxygen mask on a plane time...again. I've grown a lot in the past 2 years, I've had relationships of all sorts pop in and out of my life. Sometimes these things happen for necessary growing and I'm learning to see it for that and not as loosing some kind of attachment.
So I'm back to ME FOCUS! It has been creeping up on me the past few weeks but now it's a conscious decision. This time for as long as it takes. Things that have led to HERE...
1) Trip home for Northampton Film festival - This showed me again there's a higher Purpose in my ACTING that I want to keep following, so I'm gonna be picky
2) Seeing my FAMILY and having the reflections of how they are changing and where they are staying the same
3) House-sitting - connecting with ANIMALS has been HUGE, everything is so simple in there world, there's food, nature, and love - AND it's giving me a feel of different parts of LA and what it's like to live in someone else's abundance
4) Casting jobs - The difference between for the money and for the higher purpose. The Commercial is for the money and so grateful for that, but the feature is for the Love and Purpose - and this script helped me acknowledge a block and some truth with my producer.
5) Loose ends - some things need to be handled before the new year.
6) My body - since my GOGO job was taking away it hit me financially as well as physically, noticing a difference in my energy and comfort in my body - so MORE EXERCISE
7) Guidance - we can't always figure our shit out on our own, so I'm attending phone seminars every other Sunday for some good spirit talk, to help make sense of personal and universal shifts. I may be calling a psychic I heard great things about too.
8) Gratitude - being aware of all the good that surrounds me already - make list of gifts, not just material to remind myself
9) Stability - I want more consistency in all areas in my life. Especially work but also People. I have been a fickle person and hard to tie down, I get it, but I'm growing out of that and want to surround myself with other committed, solid people. which means some times I will have to say No, or hear no. And that's okay, at least it's a choice
10) BE LOVE, and trust it will all divinely work itself out. I'm the magician, the high priestess and story teller in my life. My story is a worldly, epic tale, about minstrels, players, healers & LOVE.
