Today was FUN!!!!! I just wish I was still fighting this cold so I could have enjoyed even more, but it was still so nice!
My job today entailed catching up with a dear friend, Being Treated to Brunch/lunch in Laguna Beach, playing with cute puppies, picking up a mercades benz for her and driving her BMW home and stopping for a movie and coldstone icecream to Avoid traffic first. Not a bad days work eh?? haha
We saw SWITCHED, with Jennifer Aniston & Jason Bateman (who I love) which was SO WITTY, and full of heart and awkward, lovely, funny, moments.
Then I had to get ready to gogo tonight, which I had no idea how I was going to make it through! Didnt get enough hours sleep...yet here I am at 3:46am again writing this here blog. But somehow the has soon as the music starts it's like illness doesnt exist!
Here's something Odd, I read that we just went into Retrograde, which basically means messed up communications. Well I spill coffee in my purse and on my phone...luckily phone seems fine, then bottled watcer leaks, phone is now not fine. I cant see the screen. SO talk about shutting people out! Universe is taking this 30 day thing pretty Serious!
Today was another good spirit day:
I'm seeing Angel numbers again
Liscense plates are showing interesting signs again too
There wasnt a cloud in the sky
I got to "secret" a Beemer stirring Wheel
I got a great reminder that we all have a silent biz partner, the divine! Thank you, Savi for the words of wisdom
I recieved
I was grateful
I laughed
I admired
I learned
I connected to my body as whole
I was told I'm a catch!
Career front:
2 cash jobs!
Driving gave me time to use my thoughts to create intentions
I saw great acting
I danced and was showed appreciation
Now this sick girl is needed her bed, and plans to sleep in. oh, and I'm not proof reading, I need to blow my nose and pass out.
Good Night, I'd say have a great weekend but that wouldnt be selfish enough for me!
xo me
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Day 5 of 30 Days of Success
Well, today on a career note sucked. I woke up at 2pm, since not going to bed until 630am. Felt shittier and more conjested and got the news that a casting job wasnt going through.
I went through emails, did submissions....same crap different day. A list DID NOT EXIST TODAY.
I got a nice wake up call from my manager asking why I havent rescheduled my meeting to meet her agent partner. Cause I was side tracked by a job that didnt go through. hmmmm.
So tired and headachey right now, so this will be super quick for me.....I moved furniture around in my room reading some new Feng Shui tips, and since all my best directions are in my roomates room I got some crafting to do.
Then I had four hours of the original Pride & Prejudice. Yes with Colin Firth...REAL ACTING! So f-ing good!
So to bed, for tomorrow I have 2 jobs!
Good Night, Wish me a better Day 6
coughing,
me xo
I went through emails, did submissions....same crap different day. A list DID NOT EXIST TODAY.
I got a nice wake up call from my manager asking why I havent rescheduled my meeting to meet her agent partner. Cause I was side tracked by a job that didnt go through. hmmmm.
So tired and headachey right now, so this will be super quick for me.....I moved furniture around in my room reading some new Feng Shui tips, and since all my best directions are in my roomates room I got some crafting to do.
Then I had four hours of the original Pride & Prejudice. Yes with Colin Firth...REAL ACTING! So f-ing good!
So to bed, for tomorrow I have 2 jobs!
Good Night, Wish me a better Day 6
coughing,
me xo
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Day 4 of 30 Days to Success!
Omg! It's only day 4. I feel like so much has happened today. First of all, let me just say this....you thought I gave up already huh, since it's 4:44am and I'm just blogging, how many of you thought, there she goes again, not finishing???? hahah I almost did too. But I have good reason for being detained. But we will get there in due time.
Today is going to be a tough one to explain, it will take forever if I go into too much detail...I realize I'm pretty long winded already. So my check list didn't go so well today. Out of 23 things I set out to do, knowing full well a handfull wouldn't have a chance in hell getting done, I only managed to get through 12.
Things accomplished...
I got my period! yes, that was on the list...ladies you know the releif that comes with that after a separation! lol
Cross reference list from yesterday
I worked on my plants you reep what you sew
Found a scene that I want to tape for reel
Fight this on coming cold
Athena has been watching Cougartown as writing reference so I guess I can't take credit for that one.
Bank fix
Student Loans fix
Acting submissions
Read something that I needed to revisit
Meditate, 2 times!
Yoga
Facial
I won't even get into what I didn't get to. I want to talk about the power of these meditations! wow! And I wouldn't have even done it if I didnt pull out the High Priestess card last night before I went to bed. I asked what I needed to know to get through this process and accomplish my goals. The High Priestess says Hidden Knowledge needs to see the light of Day, to meditiate and go inside the self. So I did...
Here's the Highlights...I went into my light and sprouted my wings, called my spirit animal, who reminded me of our first lesson on tools I have to manifest, then he said I needed to go deeper and sent me down a stair case. I came to three different rooms with three different versions of myself in each, stuck, grieving and hurt in some way. I was quantum jumping if you will to heal these versions of myself. One I had to discover my own power, I was being tortured during the witch hunts and I was fearful and stuck and shackled. My spirit self gave my then self the strength to show who she really was to these guys and I became furious, and threatening and made them piss themselves and said, "you don't like what you see do you?" they said "no," Then self said "well I'm a reflection of you, this is what you do to people you judge, and threaten and hurt! I could kill you right now but I wont when I leave here you will forget that this happened and you will change your ways, you will always accept others for being different and give them love and when you see me, you will smile." And they did.
I had to literally enter the grieving woman's body and help her escape to a place where she could say goodbye to a loved one, who reincarnated already as a butterfly. And finally my favorite, I was a pet of a friend, who I actually have in this lifetime, I had to jump out of my animal body and into myself as human and dance with her! Which is how I met her in this life, she got me dancing! When I returned my spirit animal said I had to take a break but there was more to do in a half hour.
Wild right? The next meditation started with a bath and some "lift me up" music that got me choreographing in my head, taking me back to a dance project idea, that will happen one day, not too far off. And then I drifted into a job I want to attract, and the man I want to attract, total visual fantasy, creation mode. In the mist of this I got some good advice from my spirit animal. A lesson in how to recieve, since it seems I have been missing certain puzzle pieces.
I'll get incomplete versions of what I'm asking for. Like working on a studio lot...cool...then I get Audience work! errr. Or the perfect spirtually aware man who's creative, and attractive, and not an actor. But he smokes weed, or he's married, or he's an actor/tutor. Or the yes Nikki we want you right now then next day, no just kidding! Thats with jobs and guys. I'm giving at the wrong time or I'm recieving in the wrong form. So instead of seeing someone in need, and just offering myself freely to help, then expect it will come back someway. I should see that person in need and hear them actually ask for help whether directly or indirectly and then offer because then they are more apt to realize they requested assistant and will pay for said assistance, whether money, love or a simple thank you. It's a more equal exchange.
Like a breakdown for a job. I'm looking for this, it pays this. I read it, I know I have the skills I see what I'm getting out of it, and I say I can do that, now it's up to both of us, if I get the part. Sometimes I jump in before I see what I'm getting out of it. And regret it later.
Wow, 5:33...okay gotta wrap this up. Okay so, I did get off track in my selfishness tonight which is why the blog is so late. But I got an immediate karmic exchange lesson after my spiritual journey today that showed me the way of selfishness, balanced with compassion and purpose and a reminder of boundaries. My friend and I have been going back & forth the past few days about the health of her dog. She asked if i could come over. She picked me up and I immediately held Lolli her dog in my arms and felt life & Love. She seemed tired but not as fatal as she was describe by the doctors to my friend. My friend of course has been beside herself. But there was still vital energy in this little being. I just sensed more than anything she had needed Love and peace and protection.
So most of the night she stayed in my arms, eventually my friends nervous, sad, energy started to shift more balanced as well. And as the 2 of us caught up on lost months, it was quickly revealed how much stress, and shifting, and negitive energy had been around her. And this dog was a sponge to all of that. I did a reading on what Lolli needed...it described everything that was surrounding my friend at the moment, and what she had to do for herself.
There's no way to know if the Vet is right in his assumption of Lolli's days left with us. But for the purposes of greater good and healing. This is a lesson in what we hold on to can literally make us sick. what we put out to others can do real damage. What we surround ourselves with has a direct effect on our well-being. If it's broke fix it, or throw it out...this goes for people too! I'm serious!
I left a content doggie and a more peaceful friend at 4am. This was many hours not just focused on my 30 day plan. But I gained a great deal of clarity from this experience for myself too, and it showed me a strength I have to share. It also created a new, loving, healthy support dynamic to our relationship, cause I'm pretty sure it was my turn, to be there for my good friend, in a way she could hear me and learn. And it also gave me practice in doing what I needed for me by getting myself home and not sleeping over so it's easier to start day 5!
This might be the longest one yet, huh? Sorry! But there's so many lessons to share!!!!
Blowing my nose & passing out.
ps...Hummingbird a foot from my face! forgot to mention that!
Good morningnight!
Love
me xo
Today is going to be a tough one to explain, it will take forever if I go into too much detail...I realize I'm pretty long winded already. So my check list didn't go so well today. Out of 23 things I set out to do, knowing full well a handfull wouldn't have a chance in hell getting done, I only managed to get through 12.
Things accomplished...
I got my period! yes, that was on the list...ladies you know the releif that comes with that after a separation! lol
Cross reference list from yesterday
I worked on my plants you reep what you sew
Found a scene that I want to tape for reel
Fight this on coming cold
Athena has been watching Cougartown as writing reference so I guess I can't take credit for that one.
Bank fix
Student Loans fix
Acting submissions
Read something that I needed to revisit
Meditate, 2 times!
Yoga
Facial
I won't even get into what I didn't get to. I want to talk about the power of these meditations! wow! And I wouldn't have even done it if I didnt pull out the High Priestess card last night before I went to bed. I asked what I needed to know to get through this process and accomplish my goals. The High Priestess says Hidden Knowledge needs to see the light of Day, to meditiate and go inside the self. So I did...
Here's the Highlights...I went into my light and sprouted my wings, called my spirit animal, who reminded me of our first lesson on tools I have to manifest, then he said I needed to go deeper and sent me down a stair case. I came to three different rooms with three different versions of myself in each, stuck, grieving and hurt in some way. I was quantum jumping if you will to heal these versions of myself. One I had to discover my own power, I was being tortured during the witch hunts and I was fearful and stuck and shackled. My spirit self gave my then self the strength to show who she really was to these guys and I became furious, and threatening and made them piss themselves and said, "you don't like what you see do you?" they said "no," Then self said "well I'm a reflection of you, this is what you do to people you judge, and threaten and hurt! I could kill you right now but I wont when I leave here you will forget that this happened and you will change your ways, you will always accept others for being different and give them love and when you see me, you will smile." And they did.
I had to literally enter the grieving woman's body and help her escape to a place where she could say goodbye to a loved one, who reincarnated already as a butterfly. And finally my favorite, I was a pet of a friend, who I actually have in this lifetime, I had to jump out of my animal body and into myself as human and dance with her! Which is how I met her in this life, she got me dancing! When I returned my spirit animal said I had to take a break but there was more to do in a half hour.
Wild right? The next meditation started with a bath and some "lift me up" music that got me choreographing in my head, taking me back to a dance project idea, that will happen one day, not too far off. And then I drifted into a job I want to attract, and the man I want to attract, total visual fantasy, creation mode. In the mist of this I got some good advice from my spirit animal. A lesson in how to recieve, since it seems I have been missing certain puzzle pieces.
I'll get incomplete versions of what I'm asking for. Like working on a studio lot...cool...then I get Audience work! errr. Or the perfect spirtually aware man who's creative, and attractive, and not an actor. But he smokes weed, or he's married, or he's an actor/tutor. Or the yes Nikki we want you right now then next day, no just kidding! Thats with jobs and guys. I'm giving at the wrong time or I'm recieving in the wrong form. So instead of seeing someone in need, and just offering myself freely to help, then expect it will come back someway. I should see that person in need and hear them actually ask for help whether directly or indirectly and then offer because then they are more apt to realize they requested assistant and will pay for said assistance, whether money, love or a simple thank you. It's a more equal exchange.
Like a breakdown for a job. I'm looking for this, it pays this. I read it, I know I have the skills I see what I'm getting out of it, and I say I can do that, now it's up to both of us, if I get the part. Sometimes I jump in before I see what I'm getting out of it. And regret it later.
Wow, 5:33...okay gotta wrap this up. Okay so, I did get off track in my selfishness tonight which is why the blog is so late. But I got an immediate karmic exchange lesson after my spiritual journey today that showed me the way of selfishness, balanced with compassion and purpose and a reminder of boundaries. My friend and I have been going back & forth the past few days about the health of her dog. She asked if i could come over. She picked me up and I immediately held Lolli her dog in my arms and felt life & Love. She seemed tired but not as fatal as she was describe by the doctors to my friend. My friend of course has been beside herself. But there was still vital energy in this little being. I just sensed more than anything she had needed Love and peace and protection.
So most of the night she stayed in my arms, eventually my friends nervous, sad, energy started to shift more balanced as well. And as the 2 of us caught up on lost months, it was quickly revealed how much stress, and shifting, and negitive energy had been around her. And this dog was a sponge to all of that. I did a reading on what Lolli needed...it described everything that was surrounding my friend at the moment, and what she had to do for herself.
There's no way to know if the Vet is right in his assumption of Lolli's days left with us. But for the purposes of greater good and healing. This is a lesson in what we hold on to can literally make us sick. what we put out to others can do real damage. What we surround ourselves with has a direct effect on our well-being. If it's broke fix it, or throw it out...this goes for people too! I'm serious!
I left a content doggie and a more peaceful friend at 4am. This was many hours not just focused on my 30 day plan. But I gained a great deal of clarity from this experience for myself too, and it showed me a strength I have to share. It also created a new, loving, healthy support dynamic to our relationship, cause I'm pretty sure it was my turn, to be there for my good friend, in a way she could hear me and learn. And it also gave me practice in doing what I needed for me by getting myself home and not sleeping over so it's easier to start day 5!
This might be the longest one yet, huh? Sorry! But there's so many lessons to share!!!!
Blowing my nose & passing out.
ps...Hummingbird a foot from my face! forgot to mention that!
Good morningnight!
Love
me xo
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Day 3 of 30 Days to Success
Weeeeeeeeee! Mucho productiva hoi...haha I have no idea what I'm talking about. But got some good shit done today! Athena is talking to herself right now...haha which is a little distracting and I must share this: We made up a song a few weeks ago called fries and chocolate the last time we were both PMSing. lol. It's our Go-To delirium song. She's singing it. haha That's the only lyrics by the way. "fries and chocolate, fries and chocolate...da, dadada, da,dadada it's gotta ring right? no?
So okay, I made a list of things to do last night when I finished blogging then I didnt go to bed, like I said I would. I ended up reading other blogs until 4am and finding a really cool horoscope for the week of the 12th, that said this...."There would not be such a thing as counterfeit gold if there were no real gold somewhere," says a Sufi proverb. Why am I bringing this to your attention at this particular moment in your life story? Here's the bad news: You're in possession of some counterfeit gold that you think is authentic. Here's the good news: Within a short time after waking up to the truth about the fake stuff, you will locate the real thing. Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit.
Thank you! It was perfect timing really! And exactly what I needed to hear with what is falling away and what is entering my life and what I HOPE to discover over the next 27 days. Check yours out here: http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/ In fact I'm going to take a minute to read my new week, please hold. ooooh, I like my new one too, I'm about to OVERFLOW! WOOOO!
So the check list started today after recieving a few text messages upon waking at NOON. One, I was expecting about a possible casting job, another from someone I was hoping would be out of my system within four days...much like nicotine...one more day to go, so we'll see. Not that I can't look back and say thank you Nicotine, you gave me good times. But right now, you're just no good for me, even though you're wrapped in sweet, pretty words. So, that gets a simple.."thank you" MOVING ON.
Check the casting email. Get the downlow, can it be done 12 days OUT, 10 by the time a definite decision is made. And they are in another country and a day ahead of us......ummm...Sure! My adreneline has kicked into gear at this point! This is part of the crazy highs you get from this business, the hurry ups and waits, the anticipation, the fast turn arounds, the crazy hours, then challendge to get "errrr done!" So of course I'm onboard!
Check list:
Pay for my LACASTING Subscription
Submitted for a particular RAD Music Video
Thank you Athena for dropping off post cards
Read storyboards and schedule for Commercial casting job
Emailed additional info and answers I needed(I know not acting but the checks help me pay rent so I can act, and I always learn on the otherside)
Emailed bank about a fee I shouldnt have this was very grown up of me
Asked Photographer friend about shooting this or next week, plus help with my reel and photo gallery for casting site. check him out: www.chrissistaphoto.com
Contact body Parts agent for casting
Worked on a Production information sheet/questionaire for casting
Updated facebook acting and love pages
Emailed my healer friend for Mugwort treatment
Touched base with my good friend and her doggie my other good friend - SEND THEM LOVE!
Athena and I discussed options and ideas for our Webisode that we started to brainstorm and few weeks ago.
And she started writing the first Episode!!! It's really cute and funny.
I bought cute girl folders for us last week to inspire us to fill it, and today she pasted Our Adorable LOGO title on them and found someone who can maybe do the animation for our opening credits!
Watched first season of The Super Man - A webisode I stubbled on at a festival. THey are so friggin talented but a saw I few espidodes of season two which arent posted yet, and they are even better! check it out at: thesuperman.tv I totally have a creative crush on Mike Friedman! Plus he can fix things, I miss East Coast guys that can fix things...FOCUS NIKKI!
Things I didn't get to today:
Make a more professional invoice
Type out Questionaire
Weebly.com kept freezing on me so couldn't finish updated Stella Nova Casting website...friggin weebly! (Athena heard me say that about 20 times)
Update acting website
Yoga.....mmmm sad about this one
Organize headshot files...although I knew that wasnt today
Print,sign,mail manager contract
submitted for an extras commercial job...but didnt get called back...bummer
Good Feng Shui News OUR TUB LEAK IS FIXED...scary, I started collecting the water the past few days cause I figured I could use it to water my flowers. I have over three big containers full! Openned my eyes to water conservation! ONE DRIP GOES A LONG WAY PEOPLE! Please get them fixed right away....plus it symbolizes money going down the drain so if you won't do it for earth do it for your wallet.
Oh, and I'm not getting sick! I am perfectly vital and healthy!!! Now my coughing roomie might put in clue...."flames at the side of my face" Madeline Kahn are you kidding me?! YES!!!!!
Peace Love and Chocolate!
me xo
So okay, I made a list of things to do last night when I finished blogging then I didnt go to bed, like I said I would. I ended up reading other blogs until 4am and finding a really cool horoscope for the week of the 12th, that said this...."There would not be such a thing as counterfeit gold if there were no real gold somewhere," says a Sufi proverb. Why am I bringing this to your attention at this particular moment in your life story? Here's the bad news: You're in possession of some counterfeit gold that you think is authentic. Here's the good news: Within a short time after waking up to the truth about the fake stuff, you will locate the real thing. Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit.
Thank you! It was perfect timing really! And exactly what I needed to hear with what is falling away and what is entering my life and what I HOPE to discover over the next 27 days. Check yours out here: http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/ In fact I'm going to take a minute to read my new week, please hold. ooooh, I like my new one too, I'm about to OVERFLOW! WOOOO!
So the check list started today after recieving a few text messages upon waking at NOON. One, I was expecting about a possible casting job, another from someone I was hoping would be out of my system within four days...much like nicotine...one more day to go, so we'll see. Not that I can't look back and say thank you Nicotine, you gave me good times. But right now, you're just no good for me, even though you're wrapped in sweet, pretty words. So, that gets a simple.."thank you" MOVING ON.
Check the casting email. Get the downlow, can it be done 12 days OUT, 10 by the time a definite decision is made. And they are in another country and a day ahead of us......ummm...Sure! My adreneline has kicked into gear at this point! This is part of the crazy highs you get from this business, the hurry ups and waits, the anticipation, the fast turn arounds, the crazy hours, then challendge to get "errrr done!" So of course I'm onboard!
Check list:
Pay for my LACASTING Subscription
Submitted for a particular RAD Music Video
Thank you Athena for dropping off post cards
Read storyboards and schedule for Commercial casting job
Emailed additional info and answers I needed(I know not acting but the checks help me pay rent so I can act, and I always learn on the otherside)
Emailed bank about a fee I shouldnt have this was very grown up of me
Asked Photographer friend about shooting this or next week, plus help with my reel and photo gallery for casting site. check him out: www.chrissistaphoto.com
Contact body Parts agent for casting
Worked on a Production information sheet/questionaire for casting
Updated facebook acting and love pages
Emailed my healer friend for Mugwort treatment
Touched base with my good friend and her doggie my other good friend - SEND THEM LOVE!
Athena and I discussed options and ideas for our Webisode that we started to brainstorm and few weeks ago.
And she started writing the first Episode!!! It's really cute and funny.
I bought cute girl folders for us last week to inspire us to fill it, and today she pasted Our Adorable LOGO title on them and found someone who can maybe do the animation for our opening credits!
Watched first season of The Super Man - A webisode I stubbled on at a festival. THey are so friggin talented but a saw I few espidodes of season two which arent posted yet, and they are even better! check it out at: thesuperman.tv I totally have a creative crush on Mike Friedman! Plus he can fix things, I miss East Coast guys that can fix things...FOCUS NIKKI!
Things I didn't get to today:
Make a more professional invoice
Type out Questionaire
Weebly.com kept freezing on me so couldn't finish updated Stella Nova Casting website...friggin weebly! (Athena heard me say that about 20 times)
Update acting website
Yoga.....mmmm sad about this one
Organize headshot files...although I knew that wasnt today
Print,sign,mail manager contract
submitted for an extras commercial job...but didnt get called back...bummer
Good Feng Shui News OUR TUB LEAK IS FIXED...scary, I started collecting the water the past few days cause I figured I could use it to water my flowers. I have over three big containers full! Openned my eyes to water conservation! ONE DRIP GOES A LONG WAY PEOPLE! Please get them fixed right away....plus it symbolizes money going down the drain so if you won't do it for earth do it for your wallet.
Oh, and I'm not getting sick! I am perfectly vital and healthy!!! Now my coughing roomie might put in clue...."flames at the side of my face" Madeline Kahn are you kidding me?! YES!!!!!
Peace Love and Chocolate!
me xo
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Day 2 Of 30 Days to Success
Well, I'm tired. Wayyy more tired then I was last night at this time and I'm not quite sure I have any reason to be. Not the most productive day. But my evening was awesome and magical symbolism popped up.
I had to take a little detour from the selfishness today for a belated date for a friends bday. But whenever we hang out, which isnt often lately, because she's been living in another country, we spin goodness, and laughs, and Magic happens! She always inspires me...which is the perfect type of person to have around right now. We caught up on life, and love, in my case, lo....get it??? haha And she gave me good confirmation, a clear mirror, supported my fanatic idealism and gave me hope that what I truely deserve, will come. And we are both seeing Hummingbirds again, a good omen love is in the air! BUT THAT IS NOT MY FOCUS NOW ANYWAY!
So things I did manage to bring myself to today...
Submitted for acting work
Planned a day to work with a goddess friend and make some $$
Filled out 9 postcards for casting directors...I know it doesnt sound like much but considering the photo on the cards and the casting office's shows and the fact I only had 9 stamps...it made sense. Actually it was 11 postcards and 2 are getting left out for now.
Bank
Bookstore - Athena wanted a backstage and entertainment magazine to vision board with. I looked for a book a friend recommended...found it, then realized I already had 4 books that I still needed to finish.
Grocery store
Set an appointment for a casting office registration that does BG commercial work...cause its easy cash
Sent an email to a bigger SAG BG commercial work casting office in hopes that I can actually use my SAG card this year!
Sent an email to find out the stipend for my play
Sent an email about a couch from craigslist
Updated settings on this blogsite
Got a call to meet with someone about more possible dance work
Took a short quiz called Flow Test from finerminds to see what way of life & work I am. I'm sometimes "In Flow" & "Happy, but Broke" but mostly "Stressed Out Visionary" - which I thought was interesting!
Then I put together a cute little hippie outfit complete with Boho braids to hang with the birthday girl, who just came from a Mugwort Treatment, which I was just thinking of scheduling today. And we went for a drink....and NO drinks later cause we don't need them and no one asked our order and lots of talking and laughing in our own little bubble, I came home. Oh, but not before we connected a singer friend to a few of my songs, possibly, if it's a voice fit.
I settled in to find the roomie pasteing(how do you spell that?) her images and words after just watching an academy award winning movie UP IN THE AIR, Which for the record surprised me it was academy award something....I made some food-left overs & french fries, and thought of what other steps I could take towards my career before the end of the day.
So I get on facebook, cause that's productive and the first news feed I see, reminds me, I have to reset who's in my news feeds. Then I get a message from a girl who went to my college. She asked me for some career advice, steps in casting and acting in LA. Normally I jump right on those questions and enthusiatically give any guidence I can muster...this time, I did something different, I had to because of this 30 plan! I explained what I was doing for myself and assured her after I was done I'd help her however I could. It felt good. It was freeing. It was the way we are supposed to treat ourselves. Put on your own air mask first...right?!
So then what? I look over my check list, get ready to blog and Athena wants to find her doppelganger. Well this distracted me on and off during me writing this blog actually. Those online tests are pretty funny. I did it 2 years ago and got a bunch of celebrities that were so so -to- not at all matches, including a man....pretty much the same thing happened to her. But it's entertaining.
One thing I didnt do today, that was on the list, was start redesigning new biz cards. And I'm a little nervous about not having any work lined up until fri...errrr. Wow, how is it one in the morning? Bed...maybe bring one of the 4 books I need to finish, oh wait need a lamp...yeah, so bed. And put the lamp on the list!
Good night luvs!
me - xo
I had to take a little detour from the selfishness today for a belated date for a friends bday. But whenever we hang out, which isnt often lately, because she's been living in another country, we spin goodness, and laughs, and Magic happens! She always inspires me...which is the perfect type of person to have around right now. We caught up on life, and love, in my case, lo....get it??? haha And she gave me good confirmation, a clear mirror, supported my fanatic idealism and gave me hope that what I truely deserve, will come. And we are both seeing Hummingbirds again, a good omen love is in the air! BUT THAT IS NOT MY FOCUS NOW ANYWAY!
So things I did manage to bring myself to today...
Submitted for acting work
Planned a day to work with a goddess friend and make some $$
Filled out 9 postcards for casting directors...I know it doesnt sound like much but considering the photo on the cards and the casting office's shows and the fact I only had 9 stamps...it made sense. Actually it was 11 postcards and 2 are getting left out for now.
Bank
Bookstore - Athena wanted a backstage and entertainment magazine to vision board with. I looked for a book a friend recommended...found it, then realized I already had 4 books that I still needed to finish.
Grocery store
Set an appointment for a casting office registration that does BG commercial work...cause its easy cash
Sent an email to a bigger SAG BG commercial work casting office in hopes that I can actually use my SAG card this year!
Sent an email to find out the stipend for my play
Sent an email about a couch from craigslist
Updated settings on this blogsite
Got a call to meet with someone about more possible dance work
Took a short quiz called Flow Test from finerminds to see what way of life & work I am. I'm sometimes "In Flow" & "Happy, but Broke" but mostly "Stressed Out Visionary" - which I thought was interesting!
Then I put together a cute little hippie outfit complete with Boho braids to hang with the birthday girl, who just came from a Mugwort Treatment, which I was just thinking of scheduling today. And we went for a drink....and NO drinks later cause we don't need them and no one asked our order and lots of talking and laughing in our own little bubble, I came home. Oh, but not before we connected a singer friend to a few of my songs, possibly, if it's a voice fit.
I settled in to find the roomie pasteing(how do you spell that?) her images and words after just watching an academy award winning movie UP IN THE AIR, Which for the record surprised me it was academy award something....I made some food-left overs & french fries, and thought of what other steps I could take towards my career before the end of the day.
So I get on facebook, cause that's productive and the first news feed I see, reminds me, I have to reset who's in my news feeds. Then I get a message from a girl who went to my college. She asked me for some career advice, steps in casting and acting in LA. Normally I jump right on those questions and enthusiatically give any guidence I can muster...this time, I did something different, I had to because of this 30 plan! I explained what I was doing for myself and assured her after I was done I'd help her however I could. It felt good. It was freeing. It was the way we are supposed to treat ourselves. Put on your own air mask first...right?!
So then what? I look over my check list, get ready to blog and Athena wants to find her doppelganger. Well this distracted me on and off during me writing this blog actually. Those online tests are pretty funny. I did it 2 years ago and got a bunch of celebrities that were so so -to- not at all matches, including a man....pretty much the same thing happened to her. But it's entertaining.
One thing I didnt do today, that was on the list, was start redesigning new biz cards. And I'm a little nervous about not having any work lined up until fri...errrr. Wow, how is it one in the morning? Bed...maybe bring one of the 4 books I need to finish, oh wait need a lamp...yeah, so bed. And put the lamp on the list!
Good night luvs!
me - xo
Sunday, August 15, 2010
30 Days to success! Day one!
Oh boy....this is really harder than I thought. Last week in analyzing our lives and focus and trying to figure our shit out, my roomate Athena and I came up with a plan. The plan was to give ourselves a 30 day challenge. The 30 day challenge would constist of us solely putting energy and focus into our careers. Not getting distracted with boys, or friends careers, or strangers problems....which we tend to have the personalities that attract all of that....BUT to take steps everyday at Focusing, energizing, and being in line with our goals and passions and making our living doing what we love. We've been playing the roles of the struggling gypsy artists for too long!!! As in our whole lives!
So how do we change it? Not quite sure yet, but have a few ideas. There seems to be a pattern of lack of follow through. I know we have both had problems with finishing things we start for ourselves, and over commit to things outside of our own best interests...well that has manifested itself in the universe to show us in different ways, such as, things dont quite work out the way we intend, like a missing pieces to situations or people, a guy showing interest but then doesnt ask us out or a job offer that seems definate then you never hear about it again. weird shit. but it makes sense. So we are committing ourselves to finishing things in the next 30 days. That one of the big goals.
Also the time and energy we females put into guys and what we think they are thinking, and feeling, doing, and overanalyzing it to death! We are the complicated ones, men are simple. If we put half the energy we do into, chasing, loving, building up, fighting with, wondering about, and trying to teach them.....that we did in our careers and ourselves....WE'D RULE THE WORLD! So this would be the second big thing!
Also our space is a bit unfinished. We still dont have a couch. we are putting vision boards and inspirational things on the walls to help us manifest but there is something to be said about a complete comfortable efficient home. So a couch, much like dudes rug would really tie the room together and make this space feel more complete! That's 3rd.
And 4th...is being productive with our time and finding ways to create more money coming in. Maybe the most important one! which btw is way easier if one and two are under control!
So here we are day one...........I've had a hard time thus far. my head and heart has been a little distracted. But its amazing how the universe clears out things or people when you make this kind of choice and commitment. I woke up out of strange dreams eagerly ready to start the day, with a to do list, coffee, and internet when my roomie asked me about last night. Last night is part of the clearing, I was hoping to not put energy into it today, it was a break up or off of sorts. A little heart and ego bruise, but needed to happen for various reasons. So we flushed that out. I felt good about it. The flushing it out that is. Anyways moving on...
Now to being productive....
I did some submissions for acting jobs. With my money candle lit.
I checked my bank account and wasnt too distressed, but definately needs some attention.
I hung some creative pix and cut out words from newspapers and magazines to give us some more inspiration on the walls.
Athena worked on designing her business cards on vistaprint.
Then I got a facebook....I couldnt help but read and answer a message that I probably shouldnt have, but still felt good and it hit some heart strings.
NOW Back to being productive!
Put some happy music on because I was feeling a little ansty and didnt know what to do next....
Athena was getting ready for a murder mystery birthday party...but we can justify her going since she gets to play a character.
I check my email....fuck, distraction two and three....yeh but booo, shit, things that are nice to read but your not really ready too read them yet, now my focus is not on me again....
Then shared a little skyppe with a british friend for a few minutes. He offered me a much needed giggle!
Okay work out! That's good for me! Cardio barre DVD please kick my ass and get me out of my head and in my body. Try a few new yoga poses, but it aint workin, today is just a wobbly day...
Athena left for her party and left me to my own undoing....played some guitar and realized how long it's been since I gave attention to that side of myself...ick...shower....turned bath...turned insense, candle and witch herbs to try a cure this bluesy mood. Then as part of my release plan....listen to the radio interview, fuck, my distraction that I was supposed to be rid of "live" while I'm trying literally to wash it away. By the end I was dancing it out in the middle of my living room to the perfect song! That was magical, and dancing is part of my 30 day plan, but I'm still sad. And what sucks is I dont really have a legit reason to be. Because its all perfectly divine, I trust that, but maybe I'm mourning something else with this whole 30 day thing?
I just made some food...not sure what else I could realistical focus on tonight with my head and heart space in this current state. I think it just needs to take its course. My college professor called me today I noticed in my phone which is perfect since he was always a champion of telling me to remember that I'M NUMBER ONE (I just looked at his picture yesterday too, ha!) I also declined a comedy show with a friend, cause I can't bare the thought of Hollywood right now. Though I could use some laughing. So I think it's food, pjs, movie or two and bed! Make it an early night for a change.
The good news is a few days ago I got a head start on this, the universe awarded me by giving me a paid role in my friends film, as well as booking a play. And athena booked some commercial work. yeh!!! I have also gotten confirmation I'm heading the right way by certain symbols and signs and syncrocities that show themselves. But for the record I did get caught into still helping other people with a few things....just suggesting artists to artists, offering to be with my friends doggy, sending mom's healing info, and listening to and supporting something I probably shouldnt have yet.....
But hey I'm a beginner. If anyone has any ideas, words of wisdom, or advice on how to be focused, tunnel visioned, narcissistic, and selfish please let me know! It's way harder than I thought. Some people must go to college for this! haha
Just so you know I am commiting to this blog everyday to keep track of this adventure. Feel free to join me along the way. They wont always be this long! I hope I find something in myself that you can use or learn from. And vice versa.
Lots of love and please wish me luck!
me-xo
So how do we change it? Not quite sure yet, but have a few ideas. There seems to be a pattern of lack of follow through. I know we have both had problems with finishing things we start for ourselves, and over commit to things outside of our own best interests...well that has manifested itself in the universe to show us in different ways, such as, things dont quite work out the way we intend, like a missing pieces to situations or people, a guy showing interest but then doesnt ask us out or a job offer that seems definate then you never hear about it again. weird shit. but it makes sense. So we are committing ourselves to finishing things in the next 30 days. That one of the big goals.
Also the time and energy we females put into guys and what we think they are thinking, and feeling, doing, and overanalyzing it to death! We are the complicated ones, men are simple. If we put half the energy we do into, chasing, loving, building up, fighting with, wondering about, and trying to teach them.....that we did in our careers and ourselves....WE'D RULE THE WORLD! So this would be the second big thing!
Also our space is a bit unfinished. We still dont have a couch. we are putting vision boards and inspirational things on the walls to help us manifest but there is something to be said about a complete comfortable efficient home. So a couch, much like dudes rug would really tie the room together and make this space feel more complete! That's 3rd.
And 4th...is being productive with our time and finding ways to create more money coming in. Maybe the most important one! which btw is way easier if one and two are under control!
So here we are day one...........I've had a hard time thus far. my head and heart has been a little distracted. But its amazing how the universe clears out things or people when you make this kind of choice and commitment. I woke up out of strange dreams eagerly ready to start the day, with a to do list, coffee, and internet when my roomie asked me about last night. Last night is part of the clearing, I was hoping to not put energy into it today, it was a break up or off of sorts. A little heart and ego bruise, but needed to happen for various reasons. So we flushed that out. I felt good about it. The flushing it out that is. Anyways moving on...
Now to being productive....
I did some submissions for acting jobs. With my money candle lit.
I checked my bank account and wasnt too distressed, but definately needs some attention.
I hung some creative pix and cut out words from newspapers and magazines to give us some more inspiration on the walls.
Athena worked on designing her business cards on vistaprint.
Then I got a facebook....I couldnt help but read and answer a message that I probably shouldnt have, but still felt good and it hit some heart strings.
NOW Back to being productive!
Put some happy music on because I was feeling a little ansty and didnt know what to do next....
Athena was getting ready for a murder mystery birthday party...but we can justify her going since she gets to play a character.
I check my email....fuck, distraction two and three....yeh but booo, shit, things that are nice to read but your not really ready too read them yet, now my focus is not on me again....
Then shared a little skyppe with a british friend for a few minutes. He offered me a much needed giggle!
Okay work out! That's good for me! Cardio barre DVD please kick my ass and get me out of my head and in my body. Try a few new yoga poses, but it aint workin, today is just a wobbly day...
Athena left for her party and left me to my own undoing....played some guitar and realized how long it's been since I gave attention to that side of myself...ick...shower....turned bath...turned insense, candle and witch herbs to try a cure this bluesy mood. Then as part of my release plan....listen to the radio interview, fuck, my distraction that I was supposed to be rid of "live" while I'm trying literally to wash it away. By the end I was dancing it out in the middle of my living room to the perfect song! That was magical, and dancing is part of my 30 day plan, but I'm still sad. And what sucks is I dont really have a legit reason to be. Because its all perfectly divine, I trust that, but maybe I'm mourning something else with this whole 30 day thing?
I just made some food...not sure what else I could realistical focus on tonight with my head and heart space in this current state. I think it just needs to take its course. My college professor called me today I noticed in my phone which is perfect since he was always a champion of telling me to remember that I'M NUMBER ONE (I just looked at his picture yesterday too, ha!) I also declined a comedy show with a friend, cause I can't bare the thought of Hollywood right now. Though I could use some laughing. So I think it's food, pjs, movie or two and bed! Make it an early night for a change.
The good news is a few days ago I got a head start on this, the universe awarded me by giving me a paid role in my friends film, as well as booking a play. And athena booked some commercial work. yeh!!! I have also gotten confirmation I'm heading the right way by certain symbols and signs and syncrocities that show themselves. But for the record I did get caught into still helping other people with a few things....just suggesting artists to artists, offering to be with my friends doggy, sending mom's healing info, and listening to and supporting something I probably shouldnt have yet.....
But hey I'm a beginner. If anyone has any ideas, words of wisdom, or advice on how to be focused, tunnel visioned, narcissistic, and selfish please let me know! It's way harder than I thought. Some people must go to college for this! haha
Just so you know I am commiting to this blog everyday to keep track of this adventure. Feel free to join me along the way. They wont always be this long! I hope I find something in myself that you can use or learn from. And vice versa.
Lots of love and please wish me luck!
me-xo
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
If your heart is clogged try clearing it...here's my example
NAMES AND SITUATIONS LEFT OUT TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT! haha But I hope this helps any of you who my need to write a similar letter whether you send it or not....this one was sent months back and was very healing. of course after an equally long one bitching him out...but this one actually made me feel better!
I'm going to try something new for me and my heart. Usually I have to get mad and angry (which I realize are the same things) and have to find reasons to use that against someone to let them go. To forget about them. To not want to be with them anymore. And I'm realizing those tactics don't work. Holding on to hate and rage and hurt and fear and lack only add more toxins to the wounds don't they? And yes, maybe this could have been avoided had we chose differently but we are here for a reason. We only know what we know in each moment and can only be expected to do the best we know how to do. We are here to learn and heal and it's a beautiful magical thing, right? And I am going to try really hard to walk away feeling better about myself instead of needing your feelings about me, to validate me, and hope that you walk away stronger in some way too.
Rejection sucks...no way around that. I can only look forward to another door. It's an opportunity to find someone who is going to LOVE ME, FOR ME. All the good bits, silly bits, cooky and crazy bits. Even the not so great bits. Cause that's what it is right? Finding someone you can love when you like them and especially when you don't in certain moments and that love just keeps getting stronger and makes you closer because you fight for it and each other. So I guess it's finding the one who will fight for you even when it feels like they are fighting against you. That's my hope anyway. Someone who hears you with loving ears, and an open heart and speaks with an honest tongue and loving eyes.
This is very strange and foreign to me, but my whole year has been about transformation, so this is me shedding my old reactive ways, stepping into my light and wings and taking on a new solution. So instead of looking at all the wrong things you did how about we focus on the good. So I will thank you for recognizing me as someone you wanted to spend time with when you first met me, thank you for.... (a long list of the great things we did together) Thank you for being so cute I want to rip your face off and thank you for the ridiculous amount of breakthroughs, discoveries, stories and happenings we shared and found with each other in such a short amount of time. And mostly thank you for showing me my capacity and ability to Love. Because I did Love you, There is a tremendous amount of love in my heart for you still, and if I'm honest with myself I was falling in love with you, because I'm ready for that and most of me wanted you to be the guy, at least the parts you let me see, even with making a few little compromises on my end. That's huge! I have never been with anyone I didn't feel the need find something wrong with and fix them, which is so ironic you felt that that's what I was trying to do in moments, and we in fact have done for each other in some small ways anyway. Thank you for helping me find my authentic self and being a part of me finding my courage to follow my heart full force. It's scary out there all open and vulnerable. But at least it allowed me to experience this amazing slice of life with you in this way. You have held space for me to show very part of myself....quite literally...from acting, dancing, casting, loving, hurting, witty, cranky.....fully expressed....I was truly myself with you always, which is also a first. You made me very happy, and I just wished you didn't feel like you had to compromise yourself to do it. All I wanted to do is honor the full expression of you, cause I adored every part I got to see.
But Alas if we didn't split, I wouldn't have felt he need to go to yoga and made those discoveries, sent the awful emails back & forth with you and made those discoveries, or gone to Agape and looked an ex in the eye with a smile and healed heart or hear in a sermon confirmation that I am on the right path and the way I am right now and the things I'm feeling is exactly where I need to be, and that all I have to remember is to breath through the pain, trust through the storms and connect to the source and Love everything else! I briefly lost the real me, the me in MY Present reality without absolute truth & love can't function. Nor well with others who aren't there with me. I'm very grateful to you for giving me all of that. And our last talk of giving and sharing through the resistance and fear I was feeling has powerfully brought me to write this email.....I have never felt this centered and peaceful through a separation of any kind. I think I finally get something I always thought I knew but never really understood, we aren't ever separate or missing are we? We are always whole and one and connected and in harmony. Is it our thinking that messes it up? Our judgments and opinions from our pasts and conditioning? So every time I "felt" you "disconnect" I was maybe actually feeling your "fear, thoughts, confusions, hurt or whatever" but not the disconnect, the fact I felt it just proves we were connected. Geez things that make you go hmm. sorry side tracked. haha
Disclosure: Not preaching, not trying to teach, or even have the last word. Just expressing my Love and gratitude for you, and making more discoveries that I feel safe to share with you along the way, you don't even have to be reading this or even have anything to say about it, if you disagree it doesn't matter if you do agree than great but it still doesn't matter. The only thing that matters right now is that I acknowledge and express all your greatness in connection to my life. And I hope, hahhh, trust that I gave you a bit of the same greatness back.
Of course this is all subject to change as I am a Gemini, and you know how that goes with 36 years of knowledge under your belt. But dare I say the same for you Mr. Moon/Lion child.....hehehe....see some tallish, dark, creative handsome man out there will adore that about me! I can't wait! You'll just be a tough act to follow is all.
Let love lead you my darling!
xoxoxo
Love always, the coolest, most talented, awesome-st, witty, adorably lovable, sexy-quirky warrior indigo goddess you'll ever know!
I'm going to try something new for me and my heart. Usually I have to get mad and angry (which I realize are the same things) and have to find reasons to use that against someone to let them go. To forget about them. To not want to be with them anymore. And I'm realizing those tactics don't work. Holding on to hate and rage and hurt and fear and lack only add more toxins to the wounds don't they? And yes, maybe this could have been avoided had we chose differently but we are here for a reason. We only know what we know in each moment and can only be expected to do the best we know how to do. We are here to learn and heal and it's a beautiful magical thing, right? And I am going to try really hard to walk away feeling better about myself instead of needing your feelings about me, to validate me, and hope that you walk away stronger in some way too.
Rejection sucks...no way around that. I can only look forward to another door. It's an opportunity to find someone who is going to LOVE ME, FOR ME. All the good bits, silly bits, cooky and crazy bits. Even the not so great bits. Cause that's what it is right? Finding someone you can love when you like them and especially when you don't in certain moments and that love just keeps getting stronger and makes you closer because you fight for it and each other. So I guess it's finding the one who will fight for you even when it feels like they are fighting against you. That's my hope anyway. Someone who hears you with loving ears, and an open heart and speaks with an honest tongue and loving eyes.
This is very strange and foreign to me, but my whole year has been about transformation, so this is me shedding my old reactive ways, stepping into my light and wings and taking on a new solution. So instead of looking at all the wrong things you did how about we focus on the good. So I will thank you for recognizing me as someone you wanted to spend time with when you first met me, thank you for.... (a long list of the great things we did together) Thank you for being so cute I want to rip your face off and thank you for the ridiculous amount of breakthroughs, discoveries, stories and happenings we shared and found with each other in such a short amount of time. And mostly thank you for showing me my capacity and ability to Love. Because I did Love you, There is a tremendous amount of love in my heart for you still, and if I'm honest with myself I was falling in love with you, because I'm ready for that and most of me wanted you to be the guy, at least the parts you let me see, even with making a few little compromises on my end. That's huge! I have never been with anyone I didn't feel the need find something wrong with and fix them, which is so ironic you felt that that's what I was trying to do in moments, and we in fact have done for each other in some small ways anyway. Thank you for helping me find my authentic self and being a part of me finding my courage to follow my heart full force. It's scary out there all open and vulnerable. But at least it allowed me to experience this amazing slice of life with you in this way. You have held space for me to show very part of myself....quite literally...from acting, dancing, casting, loving, hurting, witty, cranky.....fully expressed....I was truly myself with you always, which is also a first. You made me very happy, and I just wished you didn't feel like you had to compromise yourself to do it. All I wanted to do is honor the full expression of you, cause I adored every part I got to see.
But Alas if we didn't split, I wouldn't have felt he need to go to yoga and made those discoveries, sent the awful emails back & forth with you and made those discoveries, or gone to Agape and looked an ex in the eye with a smile and healed heart or hear in a sermon confirmation that I am on the right path and the way I am right now and the things I'm feeling is exactly where I need to be, and that all I have to remember is to breath through the pain, trust through the storms and connect to the source and Love everything else! I briefly lost the real me, the me in MY Present reality without absolute truth & love can't function. Nor well with others who aren't there with me. I'm very grateful to you for giving me all of that. And our last talk of giving and sharing through the resistance and fear I was feeling has powerfully brought me to write this email.....I have never felt this centered and peaceful through a separation of any kind. I think I finally get something I always thought I knew but never really understood, we aren't ever separate or missing are we? We are always whole and one and connected and in harmony. Is it our thinking that messes it up? Our judgments and opinions from our pasts and conditioning? So every time I "felt" you "disconnect" I was maybe actually feeling your "fear, thoughts, confusions, hurt or whatever" but not the disconnect, the fact I felt it just proves we were connected. Geez things that make you go hmm. sorry side tracked. haha
Disclosure: Not preaching, not trying to teach, or even have the last word. Just expressing my Love and gratitude for you, and making more discoveries that I feel safe to share with you along the way, you don't even have to be reading this or even have anything to say about it, if you disagree it doesn't matter if you do agree than great but it still doesn't matter. The only thing that matters right now is that I acknowledge and express all your greatness in connection to my life. And I hope, hahhh, trust that I gave you a bit of the same greatness back.
Of course this is all subject to change as I am a Gemini, and you know how that goes with 36 years of knowledge under your belt. But dare I say the same for you Mr. Moon/Lion child.....hehehe....see some tallish, dark, creative handsome man out there will adore that about me! I can't wait! You'll just be a tough act to follow is all.
Let love lead you my darling!
xoxoxo
Love always, the coolest, most talented, awesome-st, witty, adorably lovable, sexy-quirky warrior indigo goddess you'll ever know!
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