DAY 11 & 12
From Peach cobbler to Atlanta Georgia....literally.
Before I went to work sunday I made the Peach cobbler I had been wanting to attempt. It actually gave me a really interesting view of the layers of human emotions but peeling the peaches. Peaches are so delicate and bruise easily and so are we, even if we hae armor that makes it seem like we are tough, everything we hear and see affects us in someway. Sometimes the bruise id just on the surface and some are wayyyy deep and you don't even see it at skin level.
So the next day I wake to text offering me a job for 3 times what i make now at the cafe. AHHH. Awesome, wait by when!? The 2oth??!! But I'm HOUSESITTING UNTIL THE 24th and my Bosses are in Italy until the 18th!!! This is great money but not my ideal job in the entertainment industry, it's pretty stressful, and I love my life at the cafe and the people but I do miss having some more creativity, and the tips are nice but I am just paying my bills, this job would help me buy a car!!! AHHHH. What the hell do I do???
Um, go to work! And sit with it. I mention it to a few peeps, they all say it's a great opportunity, but I'm feeling guilty cause I want to leave everything in good shape, it's already hard to cover shifts with all of us, if I leave it would be even worse, I have animals lives in my hand and seemingly no one else can take over for me, this is the type of work that used to really stress me out and turn me into a bitch, do I really want to go back? But it's a new place, new people, Ive been wanting to travel. Lordy, the crazy brain at work.
I decided when I got home to put it out there first to the friend I am housesitting for, if she has someone who can replace me and I don't have to stress anyone or force it then, it's meant to be and I go, if not then this is crazy making and the wrong thing for me!
Well I get a ton of emails back the next morning....how's this for sycronicity? My friend knows a woman in Atlanta who works in production and knows the shows I'll be working on and the guy I'd be working for happens to walk into this woman's office and tells her the whole story while she is chatting with my friend about it as well!!! what?! She talks him into pushing a few days so I can finish out my housesitting gig which technically ends the 23rd, we all discovered. And That gave me 2 weeks to the day notice to my job at the cafe. And the cherry on top.....that night a new tenant was moving into the studio downstairs where I'm housesitting and guess where she is from??? ATLANTA!!!
The universe has completely conspired into creating something!!! It's a money discussion but it's also blind faith! All those signs HAVE TO MEAN SOMETHING....this feels bigger than me.
Oh, and an extra little side note. When I first started dating my ex that I was in the middle of clearing with....I had another job offer with this guy for atlanta, but it fell through, if it did happen I never would have been in that relationship....in someways that sounds GREAT, but in others I can't imagine not learning on the lessons that came from this one. It made us both peel back some skins and see the bruises, hopefully someday we'll get to the sweet, warm and fulfilling part, like the peach cobbler!
xo-me
Monday, May 9, 2011
Malibu Days 9 & 10
Day 9 & 10 in Bu:
wow, I'm going backwards to catch up on the day to day and things that were only a week ago feel like light years ago! It's a trip how that can happen eh? I'd like to think it's because I am more in the moment these days, as opposed to short term memory less or early dementia! ekkk
LOTS of processing okay, so the show NIGHT! Facing the ex. Let's just say he got a bit more sideswiped than I assumed I'd be. He didn't know I was going to be dancing so it sent him down a little tail-spin. But it prompted an email, that turned into about 8 emails and four days of us going back and forth, creating stories and assumptions about the other, defending ourselves, taking ownerships, making apologies, facing the mirror looking back at us, and finally coming to the conclusion that we both want to the same thing to be understood, appreciated and loved. either in each others lives or at a distance to be determined but at least acknowledging the greatness in each other and not feel the hurt we have both been carrying around. How we were going to get there? Was space and perhaps more communication and stopping THE PISSING CONTEST!
And with that I'm acknowledging the big beautiful Ocean View from the balcony in Malibu! Thank you ocean for our HUGE pot to piss in, drink from, get nourished by, and feed our eyes with beauty and lungs with life!! It reminds me of an expression that I heard growing up. When feeling lack, we say (at least on the east coast) "I don't have a pot to piss in?!" So dig one, find one, make one, animals don't need pots! Why do we? Imagine if we all really walked around with our pissing pots?! Wouldn't that be strange and smelly!
DAY 10
My last "clearing letter" got a response, so made that call too! And wow! It's amazing what separation mentality and negitive assumptions can create in our worlds. This was a situation that if handled with love and trust from the beginning by all parties involved could have saved us all alot of pain, frustration, and misunderstanding. I finally took my power into my own hands, owned my shit, and offered to hold space, and what I came away with was love and acceptance for someone who I have been making wrong for 9 months without even knowing them because I thought they were making me wrong! Both from stories we heard from other people or made up to fill in the gaps. We never got to meet to find out for ourselves. WOW! Talk about eye openning. This person was actually very cool and lovely and I think she was pleasantly surprised that she got the same impression from me!
I remember there was a misty morning and a foggy night in the Malibu canyons a few days ago and I wanted to pay acknowledgment to that image because it made me reflect on the idea of the unknown, like there's something just beyond what we can see, either physically or by our limited perception. I feel like my eyes have been looking through new glasses the past few years and i just got a new prescription the past few months are are even better and I wondered still what was next? I have felt on another level I came full circle with some intentions I put out there and it was a time for new vision but what?! The mist and fog was there to remind me it will be revealed in due time the fog always lifts!
Yehhh, peeing, I mean seeing more clearly!
xo-me
wow, I'm going backwards to catch up on the day to day and things that were only a week ago feel like light years ago! It's a trip how that can happen eh? I'd like to think it's because I am more in the moment these days, as opposed to short term memory less or early dementia! ekkk
LOTS of processing okay, so the show NIGHT! Facing the ex. Let's just say he got a bit more sideswiped than I assumed I'd be. He didn't know I was going to be dancing so it sent him down a little tail-spin. But it prompted an email, that turned into about 8 emails and four days of us going back and forth, creating stories and assumptions about the other, defending ourselves, taking ownerships, making apologies, facing the mirror looking back at us, and finally coming to the conclusion that we both want to the same thing to be understood, appreciated and loved. either in each others lives or at a distance to be determined but at least acknowledging the greatness in each other and not feel the hurt we have both been carrying around. How we were going to get there? Was space and perhaps more communication and stopping THE PISSING CONTEST!
And with that I'm acknowledging the big beautiful Ocean View from the balcony in Malibu! Thank you ocean for our HUGE pot to piss in, drink from, get nourished by, and feed our eyes with beauty and lungs with life!! It reminds me of an expression that I heard growing up. When feeling lack, we say (at least on the east coast) "I don't have a pot to piss in?!" So dig one, find one, make one, animals don't need pots! Why do we? Imagine if we all really walked around with our pissing pots?! Wouldn't that be strange and smelly!
DAY 10
My last "clearing letter" got a response, so made that call too! And wow! It's amazing what separation mentality and negitive assumptions can create in our worlds. This was a situation that if handled with love and trust from the beginning by all parties involved could have saved us all alot of pain, frustration, and misunderstanding. I finally took my power into my own hands, owned my shit, and offered to hold space, and what I came away with was love and acceptance for someone who I have been making wrong for 9 months without even knowing them because I thought they were making me wrong! Both from stories we heard from other people or made up to fill in the gaps. We never got to meet to find out for ourselves. WOW! Talk about eye openning. This person was actually very cool and lovely and I think she was pleasantly surprised that she got the same impression from me!
I remember there was a misty morning and a foggy night in the Malibu canyons a few days ago and I wanted to pay acknowledgment to that image because it made me reflect on the idea of the unknown, like there's something just beyond what we can see, either physically or by our limited perception. I feel like my eyes have been looking through new glasses the past few years and i just got a new prescription the past few months are are even better and I wondered still what was next? I have felt on another level I came full circle with some intentions I put out there and it was a time for new vision but what?! The mist and fog was there to remind me it will be revealed in due time the fog always lifts!
Yehhh, peeing, I mean seeing more clearly!
xo-me
Sunday, May 8, 2011
malibu day 7 & 8
DAY 7 & DAY 8
It's the birthday party show at the exes venue and I'm dancing! I got my outfit yesterday then went to another friends bday and broke my no food week with a kind bar earlier in the day while on errands and finally with I am fortified (veggies & quinao) as well as I am energized (greens juice) at the party. Didnt sit too well, probably could have eased into it more.
But that was yesterday, this day was a big day for me, first time seeing the ex in 2 months. I was nervous, I was nervous about being so vulnerable emotional and physically and dancing for the first time in front of a bunch of people that I work with that are my new friends. and to top it off I have no idea what to expect with myself and how I'm going to feel walking into those doors again.
Oh, and did I mention a MAJOR POOPER SCOOPER EVENT HAPPENED THIS MORNING, A clearing letter WAYYYYY over due in connection to said EX, it felt SOOOO GOOD. Like a huge weight had been lifted and I think that's why when I showed up I felt good, I felt like I had my power back, and my community around me, helped me feel safe and held, and my roomie wished me luck and my cousin came to support. I felt great!
This morning while I was journaling preparing myself for the evening, planning my out fit details, doing some more dancing & yoga, treating myself to a chai tea and a cookie, since I planned to juice the rest of the day given I'd be wearing little shorts, I heard a tractor in the distance it was clearing a path...it was kinda of loud and annoying as it was also driving the dog crazy....but then as I journaled I realized it didn't really stop and for the amount of time it took me to finish a small page I turned around and there was a big clearing, like a good size yard!!! The crows were having a field days diving and bouncing around the clearing, but I was shocked that just like that all those plants and bushes and flowers were gone? How many little creatures lost their homes or hiding place from bigger creatures like hawks and coyotes? We humans have such a capacity to destroy things and take things without any acknowledgement of the ripple effect. We are all one, with people, animals, and plants. we are all part of the same source and energy and all need each other to make this thing we call life work. And I'm so glad I get to dance to the music wizards who message speaks this out loud!
Avasa and Matty Love. Check them out! http://avasamattylove.bandcamp.com/
After we celebrated Matty's bday I got a I AM Luscious To Go with MACA....to get my Mojo going of course, and a little magic on top with the I AM MYSTICAL - a yummy lil coconut macorroon!
I was greeted by a hug and awkwardness, but A second hug as well...more on that later
When in Doubt Dance it out!
xo-me
It's the birthday party show at the exes venue and I'm dancing! I got my outfit yesterday then went to another friends bday and broke my no food week with a kind bar earlier in the day while on errands and finally with I am fortified (veggies & quinao) as well as I am energized (greens juice) at the party. Didnt sit too well, probably could have eased into it more.
But that was yesterday, this day was a big day for me, first time seeing the ex in 2 months. I was nervous, I was nervous about being so vulnerable emotional and physically and dancing for the first time in front of a bunch of people that I work with that are my new friends. and to top it off I have no idea what to expect with myself and how I'm going to feel walking into those doors again.
Oh, and did I mention a MAJOR POOPER SCOOPER EVENT HAPPENED THIS MORNING, A clearing letter WAYYYYY over due in connection to said EX, it felt SOOOO GOOD. Like a huge weight had been lifted and I think that's why when I showed up I felt good, I felt like I had my power back, and my community around me, helped me feel safe and held, and my roomie wished me luck and my cousin came to support. I felt great!
This morning while I was journaling preparing myself for the evening, planning my out fit details, doing some more dancing & yoga, treating myself to a chai tea and a cookie, since I planned to juice the rest of the day given I'd be wearing little shorts, I heard a tractor in the distance it was clearing a path...it was kinda of loud and annoying as it was also driving the dog crazy....but then as I journaled I realized it didn't really stop and for the amount of time it took me to finish a small page I turned around and there was a big clearing, like a good size yard!!! The crows were having a field days diving and bouncing around the clearing, but I was shocked that just like that all those plants and bushes and flowers were gone? How many little creatures lost their homes or hiding place from bigger creatures like hawks and coyotes? We humans have such a capacity to destroy things and take things without any acknowledgement of the ripple effect. We are all one, with people, animals, and plants. we are all part of the same source and energy and all need each other to make this thing we call life work. And I'm so glad I get to dance to the music wizards who message speaks this out loud!
Avasa and Matty Love. Check them out! http://avasamattylove.bandcamp.com/
After we celebrated Matty's bday I got a I AM Luscious To Go with MACA....to get my Mojo going of course, and a little magic on top with the I AM MYSTICAL - a yummy lil coconut macorroon!
I was greeted by a hug and awkwardness, but A second hug as well...more on that later
When in Doubt Dance it out!
xo-me
malibu day 6 thru...
DAY 6 malibu: Day 4 juicing
Today I had an interesting thought which started with the dogs. So here is my nature connect as well. One is a yelper. which he can get a little carried away with sometimes. a bit of a diva, haha ever have one of those people in your life that just never stops talking like silence scares them? Or just really like the sound of their own voice, or gossip, or crazy make situations in their heads until they have to brain drain all over you! yep...me too, and I'm sure if we are willing to look at ourselves we can see where we may have been one or more of these Divas! haha So I came to the realization that this little dog, and all these types of people or situations that cause us aggravation or difficulty is just a lesson in unconditional love, and that is exactly what dogs represent. They could be treated like shit or like gold, you can be late walking them or feeding, you can leave them outside all the time, but they are still gonna love you the same! it's amazing! they are magnificent special creatures, and we should feel truly blessed to have them around to remind us how love worthy we are even when we can be neglectful or selfish at times!
And the other thought I had on dogs, which came from one of those difficult moments of accidents on the floor or the corner of a couch! lol I can laugh now....But walking them and how over stimulated they get with all the smells and sounds and lil creatures to chase and places to piss on territory, that often they forget it's potty time. so they is in their own house. How many of us have shit on ourselves? Figuratively speaking. Or, Have been so consumed with outside, out there, other people's shit to smell that we forget or neglect to take care of our own......oi guilty.
I'm recalling a song that went like this..."put on your shit kickers and kick some shit!" OH AND I MISS FOOD - CRASHING after soups, cheated with half a banana that I split with the parrot, and got a I am Berry sweet at work. That's pretty much a fruit smoothie, is that the same as juicing???
HAPPY POOTER SCOOPERING!
XO-ME
Today I had an interesting thought which started with the dogs. So here is my nature connect as well. One is a yelper. which he can get a little carried away with sometimes. a bit of a diva, haha ever have one of those people in your life that just never stops talking like silence scares them? Or just really like the sound of their own voice, or gossip, or crazy make situations in their heads until they have to brain drain all over you! yep...me too, and I'm sure if we are willing to look at ourselves we can see where we may have been one or more of these Divas! haha So I came to the realization that this little dog, and all these types of people or situations that cause us aggravation or difficulty is just a lesson in unconditional love, and that is exactly what dogs represent. They could be treated like shit or like gold, you can be late walking them or feeding, you can leave them outside all the time, but they are still gonna love you the same! it's amazing! they are magnificent special creatures, and we should feel truly blessed to have them around to remind us how love worthy we are even when we can be neglectful or selfish at times!
And the other thought I had on dogs, which came from one of those difficult moments of accidents on the floor or the corner of a couch! lol I can laugh now....But walking them and how over stimulated they get with all the smells and sounds and lil creatures to chase and places to piss on territory, that often they forget it's potty time. so they is in their own house. How many of us have shit on ourselves? Figuratively speaking. Or, Have been so consumed with outside, out there, other people's shit to smell that we forget or neglect to take care of our own......oi guilty.
I'm recalling a song that went like this..."put on your shit kickers and kick some shit!" OH AND I MISS FOOD - CRASHING after soups, cheated with half a banana that I split with the parrot, and got a I am Berry sweet at work. That's pretty much a fruit smoothie, is that the same as juicing???
HAPPY POOTER SCOOPERING!
XO-ME
malibu days 5 thru.....catch up
oh boy, got some catching up to do!
DAY five BU: Day 3 Juicing
I had to get up super early for an employee meeting WITH NO COFFEE! Wow, I did it thought! Green tea, and those Naked drinks were saving my life. All I could think about during my hour between meeting and start of my shift was getting a coffee and a scone and journaling, that's like my favorite thing to do! Lord I'm so made for France! But in my journal without my coffee I discovered I had some unsolved feelings to clear with some people, interesting how coughing up phlem, juice cleansing and shedding some layers at a workshop can open up the dark side so quickly eh?
No sooner do I write but then in the flesh walks into my view my first clearing. Perfect. And the stories that were created by both of us, were talked about and released and we can move on seeing the greatness in each other without the misunderstandings sweet! it's that easy when both people are up for it!
Taurus NEW MOON: Great powerful energy in creating your wishes. especially around money, relationship, biz, jobs, new behavior, things that you have wanted for a long time are easily manifested during this moon. Thank you friends at work that shared this! Went to pick up my dancing boots for the show.....errrr at my exes venue, thats something else that's coming to be worked through. I wish that wasn't distracting me so much from getting my intentions done. but releasing it is part of new behaviors I suppose, and juicing is taking better care of my body!
Today I connected to the green mountains on my drive in to hollywood from malibu. They are gorgeous and change there radiance throughout the day depending on where the sun is, which made me think of lighting in films for some reason, light and shadow are such a huge part of how we view things, it can make things more beautiful or even scary, then you can go deeper into that on a whole spiritual/emotional level. The lighter the mood the more frivolous and fun, the darker the mood the more heavy, serious, and emotional. But just like the mountains, there's beauty and necessity for all of it!
xo-me
DAY five BU: Day 3 Juicing
I had to get up super early for an employee meeting WITH NO COFFEE! Wow, I did it thought! Green tea, and those Naked drinks were saving my life. All I could think about during my hour between meeting and start of my shift was getting a coffee and a scone and journaling, that's like my favorite thing to do! Lord I'm so made for France! But in my journal without my coffee I discovered I had some unsolved feelings to clear with some people, interesting how coughing up phlem, juice cleansing and shedding some layers at a workshop can open up the dark side so quickly eh?
No sooner do I write but then in the flesh walks into my view my first clearing. Perfect. And the stories that were created by both of us, were talked about and released and we can move on seeing the greatness in each other without the misunderstandings sweet! it's that easy when both people are up for it!
Taurus NEW MOON: Great powerful energy in creating your wishes. especially around money, relationship, biz, jobs, new behavior, things that you have wanted for a long time are easily manifested during this moon. Thank you friends at work that shared this! Went to pick up my dancing boots for the show.....errrr at my exes venue, thats something else that's coming to be worked through. I wish that wasn't distracting me so much from getting my intentions done. but releasing it is part of new behaviors I suppose, and juicing is taking better care of my body!
Today I connected to the green mountains on my drive in to hollywood from malibu. They are gorgeous and change there radiance throughout the day depending on where the sun is, which made me think of lighting in films for some reason, light and shadow are such a huge part of how we view things, it can make things more beautiful or even scary, then you can go deeper into that on a whole spiritual/emotional level. The lighter the mood the more frivolous and fun, the darker the mood the more heavy, serious, and emotional. But just like the mountains, there's beauty and necessity for all of it!
xo-me
Monday, May 2, 2011
Malibu Days 4
Felt a lot better today. More human and connected to me body, my head however was feeling a bit loopy. So day two of juicing which means day two of no coffee. oi, today was a little tougher in that depo, just that morning habit of having something warm in my hand....ahhhh, well I'm not even gonna entertain "that drought" either. haha Anyway, got through most of the day fine with a few exceptions. Like moving a little slower than normal, had a few clearings which I wasnt really expecting, one left me hanging a bit, which I'm gonna sit with for a minute cause I'm too tired try to write an email right now. surprisingly I wasnt really feeling hungry until after my shift when I usually eat my meal so instead I got two juices, I AM ENERGIZED AND I AM WORTHY, and 2 SOUPS - Cause I'm deciding that it's okay if the soups aren't chucky. I made that up!
So i drank the soup when I got back to the Bu. It was such an amazingly gorgeous perfect day out today. And warm tonight too! The Stars in Malibu are radd! I like how if you look at the constellations you can see a white light connecting them if you really look closely. I always think of our freckles and beauty marks as our body constellations like the divines little stamp that we are all part of the same stuff and I'm sure if we look hard enough we can see that same light connecting us all.....although that thought gave me some peace my tummy is feeling a little queezy. could be adding the soup, the talk about the food, the dancing I did tonight, or the fact the I probably should eat something.....before I go downhill further, I think I should hit the hay.
Goodnight, enjoy that stars, and realize you are one!!!
xo-me
So i drank the soup when I got back to the Bu. It was such an amazingly gorgeous perfect day out today. And warm tonight too! The Stars in Malibu are radd! I like how if you look at the constellations you can see a white light connecting them if you really look closely. I always think of our freckles and beauty marks as our body constellations like the divines little stamp that we are all part of the same stuff and I'm sure if we look hard enough we can see that same light connecting us all.....although that thought gave me some peace my tummy is feeling a little queezy. could be adding the soup, the talk about the food, the dancing I did tonight, or the fact the I probably should eat something.....before I go downhill further, I think I should hit the hay.
Goodnight, enjoy that stars, and realize you are one!!!
xo-me
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Malibu Days 3
Quickly cause I'd like to sleep...
I woke up to more crazy wind today - the freedom and breathlessness strong winds can create is pretty rad. It's like the earh is exhaling for you.
Went to day two of the workshop and was thankful feeling better. Still coughing and dealing with the nose but I really felt some of the wakenings shifted things in my body.
Terces invited me to take on juicing for a week with her club. It's amazing ASK AND IT IS GIVEN. Wasnt I just talking about wanting to take on a challenge or focus. This one is a toughy cause it's gonna take away two things I really like and think I need everyday. COFFEE & FOOD!
I battled that inner demon this morning right away, I had to pretend my Green tea was coffee. I hope green tea is excempt!!! yikes. Well this is the way I'm doing it. I happened to get some juices from whole foods at lluch break the day before so I happened to be covered. But watching others eat, makes me want to eat, even if I'm not hungry it will make me think of my options for later. this is going to be interesting.
I danced twice today. My friend was inspired to dance to a piano play in the group on our lunch break, and it inspired me to join after. weeee fun, but woah stamina needs some exercise! yes, I've been under the weather but man... got me nervous for friday. Just danced to out the 6 songs on my friends CD and felt amazing and silly all at once.
Did I mention the coyote yesterday? They symbolize magic/trickery/strategy. pretty cool eh? oh, also I went home to pay my rent check (without any fear of having the money!) and one of my plants was all wilted since I hadn't been watered in days. I brought it back with me to where I'm housesitting to nurse it and I gave it a bunch of water and sat it next to another thriving basil plant and sang to it, "come back". It's came back!!! And I dont even have a disney princeless voice BTW. I AM HEALTHY AND VITAL AND ABUNDANT AND SUPPORTED!!! I guess I could say come back....
Yeah, I danced twice today!
Recounted my blessings, was able to enjoy the view of the ocean on my ride, gave a random stranger a dollar, got through a day without coffee, and even play a little rusty dusty guitar.
Now I rest
Be healthy, be love, be abundance!
xo-me
I woke up to more crazy wind today - the freedom and breathlessness strong winds can create is pretty rad. It's like the earh is exhaling for you.
Went to day two of the workshop and was thankful feeling better. Still coughing and dealing with the nose but I really felt some of the wakenings shifted things in my body.
Terces invited me to take on juicing for a week with her club. It's amazing ASK AND IT IS GIVEN. Wasnt I just talking about wanting to take on a challenge or focus. This one is a toughy cause it's gonna take away two things I really like and think I need everyday. COFFEE & FOOD!
I battled that inner demon this morning right away, I had to pretend my Green tea was coffee. I hope green tea is excempt!!! yikes. Well this is the way I'm doing it. I happened to get some juices from whole foods at lluch break the day before so I happened to be covered. But watching others eat, makes me want to eat, even if I'm not hungry it will make me think of my options for later. this is going to be interesting.
I danced twice today. My friend was inspired to dance to a piano play in the group on our lunch break, and it inspired me to join after. weeee fun, but woah stamina needs some exercise! yes, I've been under the weather but man... got me nervous for friday. Just danced to out the 6 songs on my friends CD and felt amazing and silly all at once.
Did I mention the coyote yesterday? They symbolize magic/trickery/strategy. pretty cool eh? oh, also I went home to pay my rent check (without any fear of having the money!) and one of my plants was all wilted since I hadn't been watered in days. I brought it back with me to where I'm housesitting to nurse it and I gave it a bunch of water and sat it next to another thriving basil plant and sang to it, "come back". It's came back!!! And I dont even have a disney princeless voice BTW. I AM HEALTHY AND VITAL AND ABUNDANT AND SUPPORTED!!! I guess I could say come back....
Yeah, I danced twice today!
Recounted my blessings, was able to enjoy the view of the ocean on my ride, gave a random stranger a dollar, got through a day without coffee, and even play a little rusty dusty guitar.
Now I rest
Be healthy, be love, be abundance!
xo-me
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