Reflections, and they ain't always easy to see....

Well, The past few weeks have been interesting to say the least. I've had lessons in giving and receiving, finding joy & purpose in everything I say yes to even when it starts to suck, and my talent at problem solving....for other people anyway.

On the career front I felt a bit lacking after my 30 day focus I went right into a casting job, and back to my dating patterns. Both those situations have shown me a lack of commitment coming at me. My struggle with the casting was finding the balance of doing it for the money or love, there shouldn't be an or it should be an AND. I had to find my gratitude and higher purpose there again.
Now in my dating life their has been a lack of commitment, a bit of fickleness, and a whole lot of scatteredness. SO where am I doing that in my life elsewhere. The Acting/Casting, the projects I get involved in, my inability to make clear decisions and stick to them, relying too much on others or situations to decide for me. The later certainly helped me come to a place to go with the flow without freaking out but there also has to be STRONG INTENTION.

All and all that seems to be what I was lacking and owning my truth and intention. I found different relationships in my life wasn't allowing me to be my whole self. Because some know me as an actress/dancer, some as just a casting director, some as a songwriter/actress, some as a lightworker who dances. Point being people tend to compartmentalize so they can have a clear idea of people. Its safe that way so you can take them out and dust them off when needed. And here's where it reflects my romantic relationships...you dont just get encouraging cheerleader nikki, you get her as well as deep emotional nikki, and sensual nikki, and playful nikki, and healer nikki, and not everyone is equiped or ready to acknowledge all those parts of themselves nevermind you...or in this case ME.

So cut to the past few weeks of TRUTH & CLEARING. It's starts with me and my fears, what am I afraid to admit or fully become? What are others refusing to see in me because of there fears and blocks. Because if they see me in a new way that means they have to let go of their old ideas of me. Change is scary sometimes, but growth is nessessary. I can't spread my wings if I'm stuck in a cage. So I'm going back to 2009 New years....the symbolism that brought me heartache but transformation, that showed me my path & purpose, that reminded me we have one life, that our potential is limitless, and that we deserve to feel free to become the next version our our higher selves. I had to make a commitment that I want to act and I also like to cast, and they both benefit me in different ways, I was shown where I should commit my heart & energy currently with one man who was choosing to do the same.

So this is me right now claiming that.
I am an actress
I am a dancer
I am a songwriter
I am a casting director
I am a lightworker
I am a teacher
I am a student
I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a cousin, an auntie, and a lover
I am a creative artist growing into a writer, director, and producer
I am light & Love
I am a modern day new age hippy bohemian who believes in astrology & faery energy
I am your mirror of truth and shadow and divine light
I am a multi-demensional gemini earth goddess

I call in people who can acknowledge my full potential
I call in Love who is ready for me and can be my equal
I call in more opportunities to create on my level of higher purpose and inspiration
I call in my open heart to receive all that is rightfully mine and the abundance that's NOW flowing in!

The old self is disappearing, and those people and things attached with it. It's sad to see it go, but that's there path, if they want to grow along with me THE MORE THE MERRIER.

Be in your Hearts, Be creative, Be on your divine path, Be LOVE!

I am grateful for the play in palm springs
I am grateful for the auditions that have popped up even the ones my heart wasnt in so didnt go to
I am grateful for Malibu
I am grateful for animal love
I am grateful for the talented man I have been seeing and the reflections I'm being taught.
I am grateful for Leading Ladies
I am grateful to my Managers
I am grateful to my friends and family for always checking in with support & love
I am grateful for the Alchemist
I am grateful to be grateful
I am grateful for the LOVE work I see happening
I am grateful I faced a fear and went out on a limb
I am grateful for the inspiration a a new cute song
And I am grateful for the check that I have not received yet and have been patiently waiting for. I AM READY TO RECEIVE UNIVERSE.
I am grateful for Halloween and the spirits that walk the night with the humans!
I am grateful that my good friend Caitlyn just walked in the door!

So I leave you with this.....

HEART = SMART

blessings & Love
Me