So I have been in some serious flow of creation and manifesting and the whirlpool effects is starting to settle. I'm not sure if the excitement is fizzling or if it's just my aching gums from a wisdom tooth growing in that is making it all lack a bit a luster.
I think it's time to get back into gratitude attitude and allow myself to celebrate MYSELF!!!
So here goes CONGRATS to me!!! and admitting the shadow....
I have manifested a steady job at cafe gratitude the awesomest restaurant I have EVER encountered. Which took a year and a half to achieve. I was super excited the first month of training and opening, seeing the full circle of the whole creation, meeting celebs, the owners I have come to know as my spiritual gurus and making new amazing friends that follow their hearts and speak their truth. Now, here's the shadow that rears it's testy head....I was told I would be scheduled 2 days and 2 nights...perfect! 4 days a minimum wage job plus tips would cover rent and leave me open to audition etc. Well here we are 2 weeks after opening, now I'm working 4 days, one night, seeing the same faces, going to the same place, and just discovered it's going to be really hard for me to get covered because the other girls that host can't or won't take days. hmmm, not quite part of the perfect plan, and I don't do well in routine. Is this ego? Is this the voice that shows up to make things wrong that are really just in divine order? is this just my toothache putting me in a bad mood? is this all old baggage of not feeling free in commitments and being to available for others that don't seem available to me? IT'S ALL OF IT! This is a spiritual place, with spiritual people and clearings, and living in this vibrations brings up all these mirrors even more, and even faster. So here we go....moving through the discomfort and clearing it all out!
I have Manifested a Lead Role in a feature film called "Night Shift"! Really loved the monologues I read for the audition. It's basically about a girl who is putting her foot down to herself, a bad relationship and the universe and finally allowing herself to be fully expressed. This resonated with me so strongly. It's rare that you get those roles that you KNOW are meant for you! It's totally where I am now, Minus the asshole man who's married. My boyfriend has actually been pretty rad lately! haha And thankfully divorced long before we met....but I digress - There was a chance that I'd be traveling the Germany, but I just got the dates and it shoots in LA in August so again the shadow...is bummed...don't get to travel afterall. merrrrrr. It looks like only 3 days of shooting so not gonna miss much work which is good!
I faced a fear and sang in front of my man and recorded a heart song!
This song is pretty special to me and I had amazing people help me with it. And I just did it as a gift and a way to face a fear. It was quite a process that brought up some baggage for me and my man I think and was challenging to get done. It was more work than we anticipated. But we got through. Although it hasn't been quite received and I'm making up not listened to yet or liked...you know like if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all. haha. But here's that shadow again with ego attachment to outcome and validation. But really who cares....the point is I did it! and I gave a gift!
I had gotten a raise on a casting job! And with that money I was able to catch up on a few things in life, to complete my space and invest in making life more efficient. Such as the computer I'm typing on now....I FINALLY HAVE WORD!! and INTERNET! Thank you to my amazing brother who built it for me and is a computer wiz! Was able to update websites today and order postcards in a jiffy! Shadow side creeps out to ask if I really needed to spend that extra money, and brings up fears of not having enough! I have to remind myself to stay in the flow and trust that we are always provided for and its an investment that will create even more to come in.....
My film LEADING LADIES is still kicking butt at festivals around the world! The wind is out of my sails a little bit here because I don't get to go to all these places "Mona" my character gets to go. And we shot it forever ago and I just want it to be SOLD already! But its pretty cool to think my face is traveling the world. I think I have to re-adjust my travel vision board with the words I get to see this places in person! haha But at the end of the day it's not about me. It's about the movie and the story and the message getting out there to change HEARTS & MINDS, that all we need is love, and there isn't just one way it should look!
SO here is my Gratitude list...
I am grateful for my new amazing job at Cafe Gratitude
I am grateful for my giving and talented boyfriend
I am grateful for my cousin living in LA now and blonding up my hair and cooking good food
I am grateful for my rad roommate and the honest and encouraging mirror we give each other and endless hours of sex and the city and bev hills 90210 when I want to veg
I am grateful for the extra money I had this past month
I am grateful for the healthy yummy food at work
I am grateful for NIGHT SHIFT
I am grateful for my role in the short Crimson
I am Grateful for the bus lines
I am grateful for this rain to slow me down
I am grateful for meeting and being able acknowledge Jason Mraz
I am grateful for all the LOVES that I work with
I am grateful for the acknowledgement I get from my co-workers
I am grateful for this computer and internet
I am grateful for my body knowing how to function healthy and on its own everyday
I am grateful for the sacrifice Japan made to show the world ITS TIME TO TAKE CARE OF EACHOTHER AND OUR EARTH
I am grateful for having today off to get some things done for myself.
I am grateful for pain relievers for my gums
I am grateful for heat and pjs
I am grateful for all that is to come.....and the knowingness of there is nowhere to GET TO and NOWHERE to GET.
BE LOVE
xo- me
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
How to care for Tulips
It's been a while since my last blog....or confession as it were. I havent picked up a new practice or program to share but it doesnt mean the "work" has stopped.
I found myself making a committment to focus on my acting again and imediately attracted another commercial casting job instead. Grateful for the money but still needed a creative release. So I created one!
I went out on a limb and faced a huge fear! HUGE! Singing a song I wrote about a love in my life who is a singer and has never heard me sing. That was a secret creative project I was working on and had friends help me with. I was so nervous and vulnerable putting my ego and heart on the line. But I'm still practicing moving through discomfort and being 100% committment to being fully expressed and this was I block I needed to face. So by the skin of my teeth I got it done. On Vday he recieved the song and I recieved dinner, tulips, lingerie and chocolates. After a big explanation on all the other things he tried to get me that weren't sterotypical vday gifts. haha. But I loved them anyway! It was Lovely. It was a loving exchange. I wish everyday could feel like that! Alowing ourselves to be thoughtful and vulnerable and know that we are safe and appreciated.
I feared I was going to be judged but I wasnt. I made him smile which made me smile. Although, something else got my concerned attention. This was the second tulips appearence that he brought to me, and it struck a strange cord with me. I don't feel like a Tulip. And tulips to me were always a flower to get your grandmother on easter. It felt a bit unromantic. I asked what it was about Tulips that he read off of me. Not the romantic or symbolic answer I was hoping for. I'm paraphrasing but basically an ex liked them, then he found an appreciation for them and saw how cool they were, Roses he felt were Overdone. Here's the thing. I have always loved Roses, they have healing qualities and rose water raises your vibrations, I also like wildflowers and lily's. Tulips are cool, I can dig them, infact I now have a new appreciation for them, but I didnt feel like they "fit" me, and I was hoping he had a reason from his perspective of how they did. But it wasnt about me, unfortunately. It was about him. And that's okay. But they are dead now on my balcony. I thought I killed them with my judgement and slight disappointment. Especially since after seeing them bloom and how rad they actually are, I regret talking badly about them! So I went online today to see if there was anyway to bring them back to life and this is what I found.....
How to Plant Tulips Outside After They Bloom in Pots | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5471225_plant-outside-after-bloom-pots.html#ixzz1Fxul2E3J
"If you've ever received a pot of tulips as a gift, you might have experienced two emotions: excitement at the beauty of the flowers and disappointment that they would eventually die. Although tulips cannot be transplanted in bloom, you can transplant the tulip bulbs after the blooming cycle. The first year after a transplant, the bulbs will produce leaves but may not bloom, but by the second year, the bulbs should produce blooms like they did when in the pot."
IT'S GOING TO TAKE ANOTHER YEAR OR TWO BEFORE THEY BLOOM AGAIN!!!! I have to have alot of patience to recieve the full potential of this flower I never thought I'd want in the first place! OI....there is more symbolism in this than I care to admit, and although in the moment I didnt think he chose the right flowers for me. It was actually the PERFECT flower to represent our LOVE, our Relationship, our friendship, and our individual journies!
I'm happy to also share that another full circle "blooming Tulip Moment" moment which has been complete from a year ago is I have found a new home in the community of Cafe Gratitude LA. My new job, community, friends, peers, co-creators, way of being and reminder of higher purpose! I am so inspired by this place. I have been inspired by the books and the food and the employees and costumers and song lyrics attached to it by others who have been inspired. This looks like a bed of tulips and roses to be and I happy to frolic here right now!
I found myself making a committment to focus on my acting again and imediately attracted another commercial casting job instead. Grateful for the money but still needed a creative release. So I created one!
I went out on a limb and faced a huge fear! HUGE! Singing a song I wrote about a love in my life who is a singer and has never heard me sing. That was a secret creative project I was working on and had friends help me with. I was so nervous and vulnerable putting my ego and heart on the line. But I'm still practicing moving through discomfort and being 100% committment to being fully expressed and this was I block I needed to face. So by the skin of my teeth I got it done. On Vday he recieved the song and I recieved dinner, tulips, lingerie and chocolates. After a big explanation on all the other things he tried to get me that weren't sterotypical vday gifts. haha. But I loved them anyway! It was Lovely. It was a loving exchange. I wish everyday could feel like that! Alowing ourselves to be thoughtful and vulnerable and know that we are safe and appreciated.
I feared I was going to be judged but I wasnt. I made him smile which made me smile. Although, something else got my concerned attention. This was the second tulips appearence that he brought to me, and it struck a strange cord with me. I don't feel like a Tulip. And tulips to me were always a flower to get your grandmother on easter. It felt a bit unromantic. I asked what it was about Tulips that he read off of me. Not the romantic or symbolic answer I was hoping for. I'm paraphrasing but basically an ex liked them, then he found an appreciation for them and saw how cool they were, Roses he felt were Overdone. Here's the thing. I have always loved Roses, they have healing qualities and rose water raises your vibrations, I also like wildflowers and lily's. Tulips are cool, I can dig them, infact I now have a new appreciation for them, but I didnt feel like they "fit" me, and I was hoping he had a reason from his perspective of how they did. But it wasnt about me, unfortunately. It was about him. And that's okay. But they are dead now on my balcony. I thought I killed them with my judgement and slight disappointment. Especially since after seeing them bloom and how rad they actually are, I regret talking badly about them! So I went online today to see if there was anyway to bring them back to life and this is what I found.....
How to Plant Tulips Outside After They Bloom in Pots | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5471225_plant-outside-after-bloom-pots.html#ixzz1Fxul2E3J
"If you've ever received a pot of tulips as a gift, you might have experienced two emotions: excitement at the beauty of the flowers and disappointment that they would eventually die. Although tulips cannot be transplanted in bloom, you can transplant the tulip bulbs after the blooming cycle. The first year after a transplant, the bulbs will produce leaves but may not bloom, but by the second year, the bulbs should produce blooms like they did when in the pot."
IT'S GOING TO TAKE ANOTHER YEAR OR TWO BEFORE THEY BLOOM AGAIN!!!! I have to have alot of patience to recieve the full potential of this flower I never thought I'd want in the first place! OI....there is more symbolism in this than I care to admit, and although in the moment I didnt think he chose the right flowers for me. It was actually the PERFECT flower to represent our LOVE, our Relationship, our friendship, and our individual journies!
I'm happy to also share that another full circle "blooming Tulip Moment" moment which has been complete from a year ago is I have found a new home in the community of Cafe Gratitude LA. My new job, community, friends, peers, co-creators, way of being and reminder of higher purpose! I am so inspired by this place. I have been inspired by the books and the food and the employees and costumers and song lyrics attached to it by others who have been inspired. This looks like a bed of tulips and roses to be and I happy to frolic here right now!
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