Forgetting to celebrate Ourselves!

So I have been in some serious flow of creation and manifesting and the whirlpool effects is starting to settle. I'm not sure if the excitement is fizzling or if it's just my aching gums from a wisdom tooth growing in that is making it all lack a bit a luster.

I think it's time to get back into gratitude attitude and allow myself to celebrate MYSELF!!!

So here goes CONGRATS to me!!! and admitting the shadow....
I have manifested a steady job at cafe gratitude the awesomest restaurant I have EVER encountered. Which took a year and a half to achieve. I was super excited the first month of training and opening, seeing the full circle of the whole creation, meeting celebs, the owners I have come to know as my spiritual gurus and making new amazing friends that follow their hearts and speak their truth. Now, here's the shadow that rears it's testy head....I was told I would be scheduled 2 days and 2 nights...perfect! 4 days a minimum wage job plus tips would cover rent and leave me open to audition etc. Well here we are 2 weeks after opening, now I'm working 4 days, one night, seeing the same faces, going to the same place, and just discovered it's going to be really hard for me to get covered because the other girls that host can't or won't take days. hmmm, not quite part of the perfect plan, and I don't do well in routine. Is this ego? Is this the voice that shows up to make things wrong that are really just in divine order? is this just my toothache putting me in a bad mood? is this all old baggage of not feeling free in commitments and being to available for others that don't seem available to me? IT'S ALL OF IT! This is a spiritual place, with spiritual people and clearings, and living in this vibrations brings up all these mirrors even more, and even faster. So here we go....moving through the discomfort and clearing it all out!

I have Manifested a Lead Role in a feature film called "Night Shift"! Really loved the monologues I read for the audition. It's basically about a girl who is putting her foot down to herself, a bad relationship and the universe and finally allowing herself to be fully expressed. This resonated with me so strongly. It's rare that you get those roles that you KNOW are meant for you! It's totally where I am now, Minus the asshole man who's married. My boyfriend has actually been pretty rad lately! haha And thankfully divorced long before we met....but I digress - There was a chance that I'd be traveling the Germany, but I just got the dates and it shoots in LA in August so again the shadow...is bummed...don't get to travel afterall. merrrrrr. It looks like only 3 days of shooting so not gonna miss much work which is good!

I faced a fear and sang in front of my man and recorded a heart song!
This song is pretty special to me and I had amazing people help me with it. And I just did it as a gift and a way to face a fear. It was quite a process that brought up some baggage for me and my man I think and was challenging to get done. It was more work than we anticipated. But we got through. Although it hasn't been quite received and I'm making up not listened to yet or liked...you know like if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all. haha. But here's that shadow again with ego attachment to outcome and validation. But really who cares....the point is I did it! and I gave a gift!

I had gotten a raise on a casting job! And with that money I was able to catch up on a few things in life, to complete my space and invest in making life more efficient. Such as the computer I'm typing on now....I FINALLY HAVE WORD!! and INTERNET! Thank you to my amazing brother who built it for me and is a computer wiz! Was able to update websites today and order postcards in a jiffy! Shadow side creeps out to ask if I really needed to spend that extra money, and brings up fears of not having enough! I have to remind myself to stay in the flow and trust that we are always provided for and its an investment that will create even more to come in.....

My film LEADING LADIES is still kicking butt at festivals around the world! The wind is out of my sails a little bit here because I don't get to go to all these places "Mona" my character gets to go. And we shot it forever ago and I just want it to be SOLD already! But its pretty cool to think my face is traveling the world. I think I have to re-adjust my travel vision board with the words I get to see this places in person! haha But at the end of the day it's not about me. It's about the movie and the story and the message getting out there to change HEARTS & MINDS, that all we need is love, and there isn't just one way it should look!

SO here is my Gratitude list...
I am grateful for my new amazing job at Cafe Gratitude
I am grateful for my giving and talented boyfriend
I am grateful for my cousin living in LA now and blonding up my hair and cooking good food
I am grateful for my rad roommate and the honest and encouraging mirror we give each other and endless hours of sex and the city and bev hills 90210 when I want to veg
I am grateful for the extra money I had this past month
I am grateful for the healthy yummy food at work
I am grateful for NIGHT SHIFT
I am grateful for my role in the short Crimson
I am Grateful for the bus lines
I am grateful for this rain to slow me down
I am grateful for meeting and being able acknowledge Jason Mraz
I am grateful for all the LOVES that I work with
I am grateful for the acknowledgement I get from my co-workers
I am grateful for this computer and internet
I am grateful for my body knowing how to function healthy and on its own everyday
I am grateful for the sacrifice Japan made to show the world ITS TIME TO TAKE CARE OF EACHOTHER AND OUR EARTH
I am grateful for having today off to get some things done for myself.
I am grateful for pain relievers for my gums
I am grateful for heat and pjs
I am grateful for all that is to come.....and the knowingness of there is nowhere to GET TO and NOWHERE to GET.

BE LOVE
xo- me