It's been a while since my last blog....or confession as it were. I havent picked up a new practice or program to share but it doesnt mean the "work" has stopped.
I found myself making a committment to focus on my acting again and imediately attracted another commercial casting job instead. Grateful for the money but still needed a creative release. So I created one!
I went out on a limb and faced a huge fear! HUGE! Singing a song I wrote about a love in my life who is a singer and has never heard me sing. That was a secret creative project I was working on and had friends help me with. I was so nervous and vulnerable putting my ego and heart on the line. But I'm still practicing moving through discomfort and being 100% committment to being fully expressed and this was I block I needed to face. So by the skin of my teeth I got it done. On Vday he recieved the song and I recieved dinner, tulips, lingerie and chocolates. After a big explanation on all the other things he tried to get me that weren't sterotypical vday gifts. haha. But I loved them anyway! It was Lovely. It was a loving exchange. I wish everyday could feel like that! Alowing ourselves to be thoughtful and vulnerable and know that we are safe and appreciated.
I feared I was going to be judged but I wasnt. I made him smile which made me smile. Although, something else got my concerned attention. This was the second tulips appearence that he brought to me, and it struck a strange cord with me. I don't feel like a Tulip. And tulips to me were always a flower to get your grandmother on easter. It felt a bit unromantic. I asked what it was about Tulips that he read off of me. Not the romantic or symbolic answer I was hoping for. I'm paraphrasing but basically an ex liked them, then he found an appreciation for them and saw how cool they were, Roses he felt were Overdone. Here's the thing. I have always loved Roses, they have healing qualities and rose water raises your vibrations, I also like wildflowers and lily's. Tulips are cool, I can dig them, infact I now have a new appreciation for them, but I didnt feel like they "fit" me, and I was hoping he had a reason from his perspective of how they did. But it wasnt about me, unfortunately. It was about him. And that's okay. But they are dead now on my balcony. I thought I killed them with my judgement and slight disappointment. Especially since after seeing them bloom and how rad they actually are, I regret talking badly about them! So I went online today to see if there was anyway to bring them back to life and this is what I found.....
How to Plant Tulips Outside After They Bloom in Pots | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5471225_plant-outside-after-bloom-pots.html#ixzz1Fxul2E3J
"If you've ever received a pot of tulips as a gift, you might have experienced two emotions: excitement at the beauty of the flowers and disappointment that they would eventually die. Although tulips cannot be transplanted in bloom, you can transplant the tulip bulbs after the blooming cycle. The first year after a transplant, the bulbs will produce leaves but may not bloom, but by the second year, the bulbs should produce blooms like they did when in the pot."
IT'S GOING TO TAKE ANOTHER YEAR OR TWO BEFORE THEY BLOOM AGAIN!!!! I have to have alot of patience to recieve the full potential of this flower I never thought I'd want in the first place! OI....there is more symbolism in this than I care to admit, and although in the moment I didnt think he chose the right flowers for me. It was actually the PERFECT flower to represent our LOVE, our Relationship, our friendship, and our individual journies!
I'm happy to also share that another full circle "blooming Tulip Moment" moment which has been complete from a year ago is I have found a new home in the community of Cafe Gratitude LA. My new job, community, friends, peers, co-creators, way of being and reminder of higher purpose! I am so inspired by this place. I have been inspired by the books and the food and the employees and costumers and song lyrics attached to it by others who have been inspired. This looks like a bed of tulips and roses to be and I happy to frolic here right now!
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