From Leading Lesbian to Junkie

So there comes a time in a girls life when she wears masks to get by in the world and compartmentalizes the different parts of herself on purpose. And there's other times when other's project masks on us, whether we like/agree with them or not. LA especially is a town, I think, that is mostly run by first impressions. Image is everything...literally. BE A NICHE or chance not being noticed at all. Which I gotta admit, being in my 30s now, I don't mind that at all. I've been dubbed a lot of different images by others. The aspiring actress, The casting director, The hostess with the most-est, that guy's girl who got away, that other guys crazy ex he got away from, the supportive friend, the flaky hippy chick, the over stretched producers assistant, the willful daughter, and the estranged California cousin. And in Acting, the working class victim or crazy girl from 2000-2005, the lesbian/bisexual from about 2004-2009, the druggie/stripper from 2010-present. In fact, I happen to be one casting director's go to junkie. I have been brought in straight to call backs after booking my first role with him as a junkie. Hence the first impression. And in the meantime, I am shooting reel to show my lighter comedic side. I'm a bit sugary and salty in real life and want to bring that to my "acting niche". But part of playing the game is making sure I'm letting that shine through when people meet me too.

Now in real life...here's the thing. I am a complex multifaceted person! I am a gemini, I am from the east coast, I grew up on the back of a Harley, I have a soft spot for musicians because my dad was one, I am highly emotionally expressive and need to release it either through art or calling someone out on their bullshit, I am very in tune with my inner child and she gets really excited about bubbles and butterflies and magic, I am a feminine lady with grace who shields a masculine sword. I will not ask you to change a light-bulb for me or even my tire I have AAA. My point is I can be your biggest cheerleader or your dark Angel of karma & lessons. So do not get attached the one version of me that you enjoy. Accept all of me or you will be disappointed. And I am willing to bet I am not the only one with this kind of request in life. Doesn't it suck when you feel misunderstood because of someone else's assumptions or judgments? I will be the first to admit I have judged others the same way. If you show me you are a drunk hot-mess the first time I meet you, you can easily be that forever in my eyes, unless I see other wise. If you lie to me and I catch it, because I always will, now I just assigned you the mask of not to be trusted. And if your awesome upon our first meeting, you will be awesome always, even if you have a bad day unless you turn into a d%*k. Just sayin'. haha.

So maybe we can all work on our judgements and assumptions of others and ourselves for that matter and allow each other the benefit of the doubt. It's a lesson I have been getting all year! Really all my life if I'm completely honest. And I was wayyyy better with acceptance when I was working at my Be Love hippy vegan restaurant. But alas, still a work in progress ya'll.

And this just in, I just got a call that I booked the Junkie girl role, yet again! Woot!

Here's to wearing the mask we choose just in time for Halloween!
xo-me

Reminding me of me!

Hello Long lost friends!

Wow! Has is really been since 2012? Needlessly to say too much has happened to put it ALL in one blog. Since June 2012....hmmm Highlights...

Worked at Cafe Gratitude Venice
Tried waitressing it didn't work out
Got really into kundalini yoga
Got a new Amazing roommate
Started to work for a Line Producer and still kept cafe job
Booked a few movies
Dated a bit
Shot a few pitch videos for characters I wanted to attract
Got a different Manager
Saw Fleetwood Mac live!
Left the assistant job
Got back together with the ex that I probably said in a past blog I would never get back with....love is a funny thing
Started a monthly update for acting, kinda like a blog!
My father passed away and I almost lost my mother the same night, quite a life game changer
Cue, therapy - east coast for almost a year - funeral planning, lots of hospital visits, life flashing before my eyes but also getting to connect with my family and learn more about our history.
Enter fixer, take care of business take charge oldest child get shit done to make things better somehow and get mom set up with care and healing and peace. The assistant jobs came in handy there
Being shown how lucky at the support and community I have on both coasts
Falling more in love and depending on my strong and caring man, while our past, fears and scars being triggered left and right from my emotional trauma. Cue more therapy and being patient with ourselves
Seeing my roommate finding the man of her dreams who is worthy of her love and
getting him as a new roommate
My dad wrote a goodbye song through me from spirit
Back in town, manager wasn't working out - NEED TO AUDITION!! Get a new one!
Starting working at music venue
Went to Maui
Hit Mid 30s! ekkk
Hid in a cave licking my wounds for 2 months after coming back to cali
Met my boyfriends parents....adorable
Dog watching a 15 year earth angel
Working at a theater program for inner city kids, which i love
Got new pictures!
Hit a few CD workshops
Had some full circle moments that help heal past issues with said boyfriend
Faced a fear and sang on stage and in videos with my man
Got to be in change of fun and games at roomies wedding shower
Basically living with boyfriend....but not...yet
Started a heart project to honor my dad's music
My auntie I haven't seen in 30 years came to visit Cali!
Roomies are married, need to move
Now we are talking about moving with each other
Saw Paul McCartney Live!
Still waiting for some damn auditions, and questioning my life decisions
My car got side swiped while parked - hit & run. book
A crackhead almost fought me because I said good morning to her. also booooo
Learning to let & surrender more, and learning it again, and again, and again
The doggy I was watching just past away and i'm a little heart broken
My mom had her new life birthday at 55!
I'm selling things getting ready to move in with my man! Big news, Big step after the on/off journey we have had the last 4 years. We made it a to a year anniversary for the first time this go around! 2 feet in!

so yeah.....that's about it! Now we are caught up! Love ya's! Make everyday count. The last life cycle I had where I experienced a lot of death in my life was right before I met my BE LOVE community. Transformation people! Death before Rebirth. If you don't do it willingly the universe will do it for you. But now what? haha - A wise woman told me to be still and allow things to be shown to me. So that's what I am intending to do. And blog more....and enjoy the rebirthing....but reading my last blog posted about MAKE BELIEVE was a good reminder of who I was, and that magical child that is always inside me, and I can always imagine things to be better!

Peace & stillness, ya'll
xo-me