Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Malibu Days 16
May 14th, my best guy friend in high schools bday. He made me tougher, he gave me my first lessons as a therapist and he challenged me at every turn, nutured my rebellion, and but would protect me to the death. He's someone I can always count on and I don't acknowledge him enough. He loves me even when I piss him off by not calling him back and his relentlessness will eventually meet an opportune moment for me to catch up with him. He's one of those friends that no matter how much time goes by we'll be exactly where we left off, not in life but in our connection. I love those relationships, I have a few of them, and I'm so grateful for them. Because life happens, we grow in and away from each other but if we can always go back and always be unconditional with that fine line of attachment and detachment I think you have something really honoring and special with that person.
Happy birthday to my brutha from another mutha!
Then there's the other significant man in my life who seems to be an attachment from other life times at this point with what we are teaching each other as mirrors. The TALK, The talk was decided to be on the phone. on my way into work...we got a lot covered but still felt incomplete and a bit icky when I got there, so another round! Oi. It sometimes seems never ending, haha and maybe it's not meant to be, but in the past it was a lot easier to just cut someone out of my life for years or if not ever! so a to be continued on the never ending clearing....
And the 3rd significant man these days, my earth angel, show ups for some grub and a hug, just another reminder my life is still in total alignment, I'm not sure why I created him in this role for me, and why the universe offered this magnet energy to bring us to the same place at the same time, but he completely shows up when needed....kinda like Nanny Mcfee, "When you need me but do not want me I must stay, when you want me but no longer need me, I must go!" there's a pill to swallow eh? I have served as nanny a few times myself!
At any rate, i want to acknowledge natures little gifts thats she leaves us as keepsakes...shells, nuts, flowers, feathers....a lot of girls at work wear feathers in their hair and on earring, Lizzy one of the waitresses makes them. I LOVE THEM, SHE IS AMAZING!, even a few guys that come in have particated in honoring the air and our winged friends. I'm an air sign so it's a no brain attraction for me. There's little gems in each one of these men that I can take away with me, along with anyone else I have encountered or connected with. If we take them time to look, we all have gems, and gifts and trinkets inside waiting to be discovered and cherished like a treasure box.
treat yourself to some beauty and magic and cock feathers...i mean rooster.
www.adornyourselfgoddess.com
I have been told I have quite the pirate BOOTY myself! hehehe
xo-me
Happy birthday to my brutha from another mutha!
Then there's the other significant man in my life who seems to be an attachment from other life times at this point with what we are teaching each other as mirrors. The TALK, The talk was decided to be on the phone. on my way into work...we got a lot covered but still felt incomplete and a bit icky when I got there, so another round! Oi. It sometimes seems never ending, haha and maybe it's not meant to be, but in the past it was a lot easier to just cut someone out of my life for years or if not ever! so a to be continued on the never ending clearing....
And the 3rd significant man these days, my earth angel, show ups for some grub and a hug, just another reminder my life is still in total alignment, I'm not sure why I created him in this role for me, and why the universe offered this magnet energy to bring us to the same place at the same time, but he completely shows up when needed....kinda like Nanny Mcfee, "When you need me but do not want me I must stay, when you want me but no longer need me, I must go!" there's a pill to swallow eh? I have served as nanny a few times myself!
At any rate, i want to acknowledge natures little gifts thats she leaves us as keepsakes...shells, nuts, flowers, feathers....a lot of girls at work wear feathers in their hair and on earring, Lizzy one of the waitresses makes them. I LOVE THEM, SHE IS AMAZING!, even a few guys that come in have particated in honoring the air and our winged friends. I'm an air sign so it's a no brain attraction for me. There's little gems in each one of these men that I can take away with me, along with anyone else I have encountered or connected with. If we take them time to look, we all have gems, and gifts and trinkets inside waiting to be discovered and cherished like a treasure box.
treat yourself to some beauty and magic and cock feathers...i mean rooster.
www.adornyourselfgoddess.com
I have been told I have quite the pirate BOOTY myself! hehehe
xo-me
Malibu Days 15
Oooh, Friday the 13th!
Took all day to research DMV stuff I have to figure out how to renew my license before I leave and try to get an appointment but can't get appointment until I can get a day off!!! There's the rub.
Hmmmm. in the story of Lack of Time, That's a story the ex would use a lot, also my own personal favorite (sarcasm) this one has been with me since Pops went to Jail and mom had to file bankruptcy, "there's isn't enough!"
I know better now...but it still keeps in, God good clearings at work lately....felt pretty charged and juicey all evening, past few days prior was feeling like I was already removing myself energetically a little bit from the cafe, ready for the change and the new, but there's is still some fear surrounding it of not knowing fully what I'm getting into, and I feel like my purpose there is bigger than just extras casting.....not sure what but that's the gut talking.
Been hearing ALOT of Bill withers! He is so amazing! I met his daughter who is also extremely gifted. Another ex connect. I've been haunted by a music man about a music man....haha story of my life, cause my daddy was a music man, wonder if I'm gonna marry a music man? lol NOT IF I"M NOT A GLUTTON! But my dancing hips get the better of me at times....speaking of, and we closed at work an impromtu catwalk started by accident when me and another co-worker realized we were taking the same steps in timing to the music and mirroring each other with a head bop crossing paths, we stopped for a moment and caught on and made it intentional....it was awesome, and fun! I'd encourage all of you to find your inner sassy runway model self and strut your stuff and strike a pose surrounded by windows with friends....it's liberating.
At any rate, not something to strut to but sway to....here's a few favorites....sing & groove along and share them with someone. enjoy in depth in simplicity!
http://youtu.be/tIdIqbv7SPo
http://youtu.be/HaVXfHZv50Y
http://youtu.be/g3hBYTkI-sE
singin, hummin, swayin, groovin
xo-me
Took all day to research DMV stuff I have to figure out how to renew my license before I leave and try to get an appointment but can't get appointment until I can get a day off!!! There's the rub.
Hmmmm. in the story of Lack of Time, That's a story the ex would use a lot, also my own personal favorite (sarcasm) this one has been with me since Pops went to Jail and mom had to file bankruptcy, "there's isn't enough!"
I know better now...but it still keeps in, God good clearings at work lately....felt pretty charged and juicey all evening, past few days prior was feeling like I was already removing myself energetically a little bit from the cafe, ready for the change and the new, but there's is still some fear surrounding it of not knowing fully what I'm getting into, and I feel like my purpose there is bigger than just extras casting.....not sure what but that's the gut talking.
Been hearing ALOT of Bill withers! He is so amazing! I met his daughter who is also extremely gifted. Another ex connect. I've been haunted by a music man about a music man....haha story of my life, cause my daddy was a music man, wonder if I'm gonna marry a music man? lol NOT IF I"M NOT A GLUTTON! But my dancing hips get the better of me at times....speaking of, and we closed at work an impromtu catwalk started by accident when me and another co-worker realized we were taking the same steps in timing to the music and mirroring each other with a head bop crossing paths, we stopped for a moment and caught on and made it intentional....it was awesome, and fun! I'd encourage all of you to find your inner sassy runway model self and strut your stuff and strike a pose surrounded by windows with friends....it's liberating.
At any rate, not something to strut to but sway to....here's a few favorites....sing & groove along and share them with someone. enjoy in depth in simplicity!
http://youtu.be/tIdIqbv7SPo
http://youtu.be/HaVXfHZv50Y
http://youtu.be/g3hBYTkI-sE
singin, hummin, swayin, groovin
xo-me
Malibu Days 14
DAY 14
"Think of the one area where you find discomfort, Nicole, and that's where you ripe growth." TUT The Universe.
Well, shit! I know, but shiiiiiit, really more growing!!! haha Can't I just be a lazy flower for a season, just kinda sway around in the breeze and bask in to sun and get all the water I need without asking?!! No...oh.
Speaking of flowers! DAY OFF FINALLY! Sunny beautiful day to take in the Jasmine stars on the porch while I journaled and water the whole yard....got to connect to the roses! I LOVE ROSES! They are so AMAZING and cool. All flowers are cool. But roses actually help you raise your vibrations. STOP A SMELL THE ROSES, is a saying for a reason. What I like about them is how they are beautiful in a bunch and with different colors or just stand alone. They are strong a delicate at the same time. There peddles are soft and scented and can fall easily if they are in full bloom but they also have a strong steady stem, and torns for protection. I LOVE THEIR DUALITY and totally relate to it!
And right at that moment what was giving me discomfort was the person who didnt think of me as a rose girl but a tulip girl.....Tulip only bloom once a year, when they open they are very vibrant and brightly colored but they fall just as quickly as they shine, and don't come out of hiding for another year.....hmmmm it's interested that he picked that flower for me, because during the time he was with me i guess he only did see me shine once at my LA premiere for Leading Ladies. But those traits I would relate heavily to him with love and his heart. I tend to be the opposite in that arena. So yes, discomfort with a request for more talking possibly in person, and making the time, wondering if it's worth it or needed.
And second discomfort...extras casting, for the money, 3rd discomfort. Working through it. Moving through it. Facing it all. Here we go!!!! I guess in a way I'm going back behind the scenes and in a sense becoming that Tulip after all. 11 more days to be the rose!!!
Stop by and take a wiff
xo-me
"Think of the one area where you find discomfort, Nicole, and that's where you ripe growth." TUT The Universe.
Well, shit! I know, but shiiiiiit, really more growing!!! haha Can't I just be a lazy flower for a season, just kinda sway around in the breeze and bask in to sun and get all the water I need without asking?!! No...oh.
Speaking of flowers! DAY OFF FINALLY! Sunny beautiful day to take in the Jasmine stars on the porch while I journaled and water the whole yard....got to connect to the roses! I LOVE ROSES! They are so AMAZING and cool. All flowers are cool. But roses actually help you raise your vibrations. STOP A SMELL THE ROSES, is a saying for a reason. What I like about them is how they are beautiful in a bunch and with different colors or just stand alone. They are strong a delicate at the same time. There peddles are soft and scented and can fall easily if they are in full bloom but they also have a strong steady stem, and torns for protection. I LOVE THEIR DUALITY and totally relate to it!
And right at that moment what was giving me discomfort was the person who didnt think of me as a rose girl but a tulip girl.....Tulip only bloom once a year, when they open they are very vibrant and brightly colored but they fall just as quickly as they shine, and don't come out of hiding for another year.....hmmmm it's interested that he picked that flower for me, because during the time he was with me i guess he only did see me shine once at my LA premiere for Leading Ladies. But those traits I would relate heavily to him with love and his heart. I tend to be the opposite in that arena. So yes, discomfort with a request for more talking possibly in person, and making the time, wondering if it's worth it or needed.
And second discomfort...extras casting, for the money, 3rd discomfort. Working through it. Moving through it. Facing it all. Here we go!!!! I guess in a way I'm going back behind the scenes and in a sense becoming that Tulip after all. 11 more days to be the rose!!!
Stop by and take a wiff
xo-me
Malibu Days 13
Adjustment day according to Lousie Hay and her numbers and colors book. Part of my hippy numerology spiritual awareness fun! Certain colors and numbers carry different vibrations. Kinda makes sense with really considering making this HUGE change of job and location, some adjustments would need to be made.
I could feel the stress creep in, the fact that I have a full plate already and there's some important things to get too before leaving! Like renewing my driver's liscense before I leave since it expires this year on my birthday which is 3 days after I leave for Atlanta. Another birthday out of town too which is weird! Last time was for my movie Leading Ladies, and that was completely magical, have been Letting Love lead me ever since!
Time for list making!!! Gratitude list and To Do list...Definitely grateful for the raise and the adventure! It seems like its really gonna happen and can and should!
A bird pooped on my chest, a tiny little orange poop that smelled like berries....good luck right??!!
Couldn't sleep at all last night after putting in 2 weeks notice so many emotions and thoughts have been taking over, especially regarding a psychic reading I got, that had a lot of changes predicted in my life and a lot of traveling. hmmmm. but she also said someone from my past was going mess with my energy and I have to protect myself from that? The ex? the old boss? was this the right choice? I have never left a job I loved before! ever!!! I met Tim Robbins at work for crying out loud!!! This place is radd! But My paycheck isn't getting me ahead. I don't want money to rule my thoughts or get into lack but my cousin was the one that put it to me best! The universe just offered to hand you $12,000.00, Are you really not gonna take it?!
WOW, I really almost was not gonna take it! Something else my psychic lady told me, Don't give away your opportunity to someone else, you tend to do that! AND I DO!!! I love TALKING UP OTHER PEOPLE, I'm good at it! But I neglect doing it for myself! Or someone will ask for a Actor and I'll pass them a Actor instead of say Yah, I'm a actor!!! Just as one example.
If you want the best reading of your life!!!
CALL HER EMAIL HER NOW! I have gone to her 3 times and she's been spot on about everything thus far!!!
Dr. Carole Carbonne!
http://www.pastlives.net/Contact.html
Do it! She'll rock your world!
xo-me
I could feel the stress creep in, the fact that I have a full plate already and there's some important things to get too before leaving! Like renewing my driver's liscense before I leave since it expires this year on my birthday which is 3 days after I leave for Atlanta. Another birthday out of town too which is weird! Last time was for my movie Leading Ladies, and that was completely magical, have been Letting Love lead me ever since!
Time for list making!!! Gratitude list and To Do list...Definitely grateful for the raise and the adventure! It seems like its really gonna happen and can and should!
A bird pooped on my chest, a tiny little orange poop that smelled like berries....good luck right??!!
Couldn't sleep at all last night after putting in 2 weeks notice so many emotions and thoughts have been taking over, especially regarding a psychic reading I got, that had a lot of changes predicted in my life and a lot of traveling. hmmmm. but she also said someone from my past was going mess with my energy and I have to protect myself from that? The ex? the old boss? was this the right choice? I have never left a job I loved before! ever!!! I met Tim Robbins at work for crying out loud!!! This place is radd! But My paycheck isn't getting me ahead. I don't want money to rule my thoughts or get into lack but my cousin was the one that put it to me best! The universe just offered to hand you $12,000.00, Are you really not gonna take it?!
WOW, I really almost was not gonna take it! Something else my psychic lady told me, Don't give away your opportunity to someone else, you tend to do that! AND I DO!!! I love TALKING UP OTHER PEOPLE, I'm good at it! But I neglect doing it for myself! Or someone will ask for a Actor and I'll pass them a Actor instead of say Yah, I'm a actor!!! Just as one example.
If you want the best reading of your life!!!
CALL HER EMAIL HER NOW! I have gone to her 3 times and she's been spot on about everything thus far!!!
Dr. Carole Carbonne!
http://www.pastlives.net/Contact.html
Do it! She'll rock your world!
xo-me
Monday, May 9, 2011
Malibu Days 11 & 12
DAY 11 & 12
From Peach cobbler to Atlanta Georgia....literally.
Before I went to work sunday I made the Peach cobbler I had been wanting to attempt. It actually gave me a really interesting view of the layers of human emotions but peeling the peaches. Peaches are so delicate and bruise easily and so are we, even if we hae armor that makes it seem like we are tough, everything we hear and see affects us in someway. Sometimes the bruise id just on the surface and some are wayyyy deep and you don't even see it at skin level.
So the next day I wake to text offering me a job for 3 times what i make now at the cafe. AHHH. Awesome, wait by when!? The 2oth??!! But I'm HOUSESITTING UNTIL THE 24th and my Bosses are in Italy until the 18th!!! This is great money but not my ideal job in the entertainment industry, it's pretty stressful, and I love my life at the cafe and the people but I do miss having some more creativity, and the tips are nice but I am just paying my bills, this job would help me buy a car!!! AHHHH. What the hell do I do???
Um, go to work! And sit with it. I mention it to a few peeps, they all say it's a great opportunity, but I'm feeling guilty cause I want to leave everything in good shape, it's already hard to cover shifts with all of us, if I leave it would be even worse, I have animals lives in my hand and seemingly no one else can take over for me, this is the type of work that used to really stress me out and turn me into a bitch, do I really want to go back? But it's a new place, new people, Ive been wanting to travel. Lordy, the crazy brain at work.
I decided when I got home to put it out there first to the friend I am housesitting for, if she has someone who can replace me and I don't have to stress anyone or force it then, it's meant to be and I go, if not then this is crazy making and the wrong thing for me!
Well I get a ton of emails back the next morning....how's this for sycronicity? My friend knows a woman in Atlanta who works in production and knows the shows I'll be working on and the guy I'd be working for happens to walk into this woman's office and tells her the whole story while she is chatting with my friend about it as well!!! what?! She talks him into pushing a few days so I can finish out my housesitting gig which technically ends the 23rd, we all discovered. And That gave me 2 weeks to the day notice to my job at the cafe. And the cherry on top.....that night a new tenant was moving into the studio downstairs where I'm housesitting and guess where she is from??? ATLANTA!!!
The universe has completely conspired into creating something!!! It's a money discussion but it's also blind faith! All those signs HAVE TO MEAN SOMETHING....this feels bigger than me.
Oh, and an extra little side note. When I first started dating my ex that I was in the middle of clearing with....I had another job offer with this guy for atlanta, but it fell through, if it did happen I never would have been in that relationship....in someways that sounds GREAT, but in others I can't imagine not learning on the lessons that came from this one. It made us both peel back some skins and see the bruises, hopefully someday we'll get to the sweet, warm and fulfilling part, like the peach cobbler!
xo-me
From Peach cobbler to Atlanta Georgia....literally.
Before I went to work sunday I made the Peach cobbler I had been wanting to attempt. It actually gave me a really interesting view of the layers of human emotions but peeling the peaches. Peaches are so delicate and bruise easily and so are we, even if we hae armor that makes it seem like we are tough, everything we hear and see affects us in someway. Sometimes the bruise id just on the surface and some are wayyyy deep and you don't even see it at skin level.
So the next day I wake to text offering me a job for 3 times what i make now at the cafe. AHHH. Awesome, wait by when!? The 2oth??!! But I'm HOUSESITTING UNTIL THE 24th and my Bosses are in Italy until the 18th!!! This is great money but not my ideal job in the entertainment industry, it's pretty stressful, and I love my life at the cafe and the people but I do miss having some more creativity, and the tips are nice but I am just paying my bills, this job would help me buy a car!!! AHHHH. What the hell do I do???
Um, go to work! And sit with it. I mention it to a few peeps, they all say it's a great opportunity, but I'm feeling guilty cause I want to leave everything in good shape, it's already hard to cover shifts with all of us, if I leave it would be even worse, I have animals lives in my hand and seemingly no one else can take over for me, this is the type of work that used to really stress me out and turn me into a bitch, do I really want to go back? But it's a new place, new people, Ive been wanting to travel. Lordy, the crazy brain at work.
I decided when I got home to put it out there first to the friend I am housesitting for, if she has someone who can replace me and I don't have to stress anyone or force it then, it's meant to be and I go, if not then this is crazy making and the wrong thing for me!
Well I get a ton of emails back the next morning....how's this for sycronicity? My friend knows a woman in Atlanta who works in production and knows the shows I'll be working on and the guy I'd be working for happens to walk into this woman's office and tells her the whole story while she is chatting with my friend about it as well!!! what?! She talks him into pushing a few days so I can finish out my housesitting gig which technically ends the 23rd, we all discovered. And That gave me 2 weeks to the day notice to my job at the cafe. And the cherry on top.....that night a new tenant was moving into the studio downstairs where I'm housesitting and guess where she is from??? ATLANTA!!!
The universe has completely conspired into creating something!!! It's a money discussion but it's also blind faith! All those signs HAVE TO MEAN SOMETHING....this feels bigger than me.
Oh, and an extra little side note. When I first started dating my ex that I was in the middle of clearing with....I had another job offer with this guy for atlanta, but it fell through, if it did happen I never would have been in that relationship....in someways that sounds GREAT, but in others I can't imagine not learning on the lessons that came from this one. It made us both peel back some skins and see the bruises, hopefully someday we'll get to the sweet, warm and fulfilling part, like the peach cobbler!
xo-me
Malibu Days 9 & 10
Day 9 & 10 in Bu:
wow, I'm going backwards to catch up on the day to day and things that were only a week ago feel like light years ago! It's a trip how that can happen eh? I'd like to think it's because I am more in the moment these days, as opposed to short term memory less or early dementia! ekkk
LOTS of processing okay, so the show NIGHT! Facing the ex. Let's just say he got a bit more sideswiped than I assumed I'd be. He didn't know I was going to be dancing so it sent him down a little tail-spin. But it prompted an email, that turned into about 8 emails and four days of us going back and forth, creating stories and assumptions about the other, defending ourselves, taking ownerships, making apologies, facing the mirror looking back at us, and finally coming to the conclusion that we both want to the same thing to be understood, appreciated and loved. either in each others lives or at a distance to be determined but at least acknowledging the greatness in each other and not feel the hurt we have both been carrying around. How we were going to get there? Was space and perhaps more communication and stopping THE PISSING CONTEST!
And with that I'm acknowledging the big beautiful Ocean View from the balcony in Malibu! Thank you ocean for our HUGE pot to piss in, drink from, get nourished by, and feed our eyes with beauty and lungs with life!! It reminds me of an expression that I heard growing up. When feeling lack, we say (at least on the east coast) "I don't have a pot to piss in?!" So dig one, find one, make one, animals don't need pots! Why do we? Imagine if we all really walked around with our pissing pots?! Wouldn't that be strange and smelly!
DAY 10
My last "clearing letter" got a response, so made that call too! And wow! It's amazing what separation mentality and negitive assumptions can create in our worlds. This was a situation that if handled with love and trust from the beginning by all parties involved could have saved us all alot of pain, frustration, and misunderstanding. I finally took my power into my own hands, owned my shit, and offered to hold space, and what I came away with was love and acceptance for someone who I have been making wrong for 9 months without even knowing them because I thought they were making me wrong! Both from stories we heard from other people or made up to fill in the gaps. We never got to meet to find out for ourselves. WOW! Talk about eye openning. This person was actually very cool and lovely and I think she was pleasantly surprised that she got the same impression from me!
I remember there was a misty morning and a foggy night in the Malibu canyons a few days ago and I wanted to pay acknowledgment to that image because it made me reflect on the idea of the unknown, like there's something just beyond what we can see, either physically or by our limited perception. I feel like my eyes have been looking through new glasses the past few years and i just got a new prescription the past few months are are even better and I wondered still what was next? I have felt on another level I came full circle with some intentions I put out there and it was a time for new vision but what?! The mist and fog was there to remind me it will be revealed in due time the fog always lifts!
Yehhh, peeing, I mean seeing more clearly!
xo-me
wow, I'm going backwards to catch up on the day to day and things that were only a week ago feel like light years ago! It's a trip how that can happen eh? I'd like to think it's because I am more in the moment these days, as opposed to short term memory less or early dementia! ekkk
LOTS of processing okay, so the show NIGHT! Facing the ex. Let's just say he got a bit more sideswiped than I assumed I'd be. He didn't know I was going to be dancing so it sent him down a little tail-spin. But it prompted an email, that turned into about 8 emails and four days of us going back and forth, creating stories and assumptions about the other, defending ourselves, taking ownerships, making apologies, facing the mirror looking back at us, and finally coming to the conclusion that we both want to the same thing to be understood, appreciated and loved. either in each others lives or at a distance to be determined but at least acknowledging the greatness in each other and not feel the hurt we have both been carrying around. How we were going to get there? Was space and perhaps more communication and stopping THE PISSING CONTEST!
And with that I'm acknowledging the big beautiful Ocean View from the balcony in Malibu! Thank you ocean for our HUGE pot to piss in, drink from, get nourished by, and feed our eyes with beauty and lungs with life!! It reminds me of an expression that I heard growing up. When feeling lack, we say (at least on the east coast) "I don't have a pot to piss in?!" So dig one, find one, make one, animals don't need pots! Why do we? Imagine if we all really walked around with our pissing pots?! Wouldn't that be strange and smelly!
DAY 10
My last "clearing letter" got a response, so made that call too! And wow! It's amazing what separation mentality and negitive assumptions can create in our worlds. This was a situation that if handled with love and trust from the beginning by all parties involved could have saved us all alot of pain, frustration, and misunderstanding. I finally took my power into my own hands, owned my shit, and offered to hold space, and what I came away with was love and acceptance for someone who I have been making wrong for 9 months without even knowing them because I thought they were making me wrong! Both from stories we heard from other people or made up to fill in the gaps. We never got to meet to find out for ourselves. WOW! Talk about eye openning. This person was actually very cool and lovely and I think she was pleasantly surprised that she got the same impression from me!
I remember there was a misty morning and a foggy night in the Malibu canyons a few days ago and I wanted to pay acknowledgment to that image because it made me reflect on the idea of the unknown, like there's something just beyond what we can see, either physically or by our limited perception. I feel like my eyes have been looking through new glasses the past few years and i just got a new prescription the past few months are are even better and I wondered still what was next? I have felt on another level I came full circle with some intentions I put out there and it was a time for new vision but what?! The mist and fog was there to remind me it will be revealed in due time the fog always lifts!
Yehhh, peeing, I mean seeing more clearly!
xo-me
Sunday, May 8, 2011
malibu day 7 & 8
DAY 7 & DAY 8
It's the birthday party show at the exes venue and I'm dancing! I got my outfit yesterday then went to another friends bday and broke my no food week with a kind bar earlier in the day while on errands and finally with I am fortified (veggies & quinao) as well as I am energized (greens juice) at the party. Didnt sit too well, probably could have eased into it more.
But that was yesterday, this day was a big day for me, first time seeing the ex in 2 months. I was nervous, I was nervous about being so vulnerable emotional and physically and dancing for the first time in front of a bunch of people that I work with that are my new friends. and to top it off I have no idea what to expect with myself and how I'm going to feel walking into those doors again.
Oh, and did I mention a MAJOR POOPER SCOOPER EVENT HAPPENED THIS MORNING, A clearing letter WAYYYYY over due in connection to said EX, it felt SOOOO GOOD. Like a huge weight had been lifted and I think that's why when I showed up I felt good, I felt like I had my power back, and my community around me, helped me feel safe and held, and my roomie wished me luck and my cousin came to support. I felt great!
This morning while I was journaling preparing myself for the evening, planning my out fit details, doing some more dancing & yoga, treating myself to a chai tea and a cookie, since I planned to juice the rest of the day given I'd be wearing little shorts, I heard a tractor in the distance it was clearing a path...it was kinda of loud and annoying as it was also driving the dog crazy....but then as I journaled I realized it didn't really stop and for the amount of time it took me to finish a small page I turned around and there was a big clearing, like a good size yard!!! The crows were having a field days diving and bouncing around the clearing, but I was shocked that just like that all those plants and bushes and flowers were gone? How many little creatures lost their homes or hiding place from bigger creatures like hawks and coyotes? We humans have such a capacity to destroy things and take things without any acknowledgement of the ripple effect. We are all one, with people, animals, and plants. we are all part of the same source and energy and all need each other to make this thing we call life work. And I'm so glad I get to dance to the music wizards who message speaks this out loud!
Avasa and Matty Love. Check them out! http://avasamattylove.bandcamp.com/
After we celebrated Matty's bday I got a I AM Luscious To Go with MACA....to get my Mojo going of course, and a little magic on top with the I AM MYSTICAL - a yummy lil coconut macorroon!
I was greeted by a hug and awkwardness, but A second hug as well...more on that later
When in Doubt Dance it out!
xo-me
It's the birthday party show at the exes venue and I'm dancing! I got my outfit yesterday then went to another friends bday and broke my no food week with a kind bar earlier in the day while on errands and finally with I am fortified (veggies & quinao) as well as I am energized (greens juice) at the party. Didnt sit too well, probably could have eased into it more.
But that was yesterday, this day was a big day for me, first time seeing the ex in 2 months. I was nervous, I was nervous about being so vulnerable emotional and physically and dancing for the first time in front of a bunch of people that I work with that are my new friends. and to top it off I have no idea what to expect with myself and how I'm going to feel walking into those doors again.
Oh, and did I mention a MAJOR POOPER SCOOPER EVENT HAPPENED THIS MORNING, A clearing letter WAYYYYY over due in connection to said EX, it felt SOOOO GOOD. Like a huge weight had been lifted and I think that's why when I showed up I felt good, I felt like I had my power back, and my community around me, helped me feel safe and held, and my roomie wished me luck and my cousin came to support. I felt great!
This morning while I was journaling preparing myself for the evening, planning my out fit details, doing some more dancing & yoga, treating myself to a chai tea and a cookie, since I planned to juice the rest of the day given I'd be wearing little shorts, I heard a tractor in the distance it was clearing a path...it was kinda of loud and annoying as it was also driving the dog crazy....but then as I journaled I realized it didn't really stop and for the amount of time it took me to finish a small page I turned around and there was a big clearing, like a good size yard!!! The crows were having a field days diving and bouncing around the clearing, but I was shocked that just like that all those plants and bushes and flowers were gone? How many little creatures lost their homes or hiding place from bigger creatures like hawks and coyotes? We humans have such a capacity to destroy things and take things without any acknowledgement of the ripple effect. We are all one, with people, animals, and plants. we are all part of the same source and energy and all need each other to make this thing we call life work. And I'm so glad I get to dance to the music wizards who message speaks this out loud!
Avasa and Matty Love. Check them out! http://avasamattylove.bandcamp.com/
After we celebrated Matty's bday I got a I AM Luscious To Go with MACA....to get my Mojo going of course, and a little magic on top with the I AM MYSTICAL - a yummy lil coconut macorroon!
I was greeted by a hug and awkwardness, but A second hug as well...more on that later
When in Doubt Dance it out!
xo-me
malibu day 6 thru...
DAY 6 malibu: Day 4 juicing
Today I had an interesting thought which started with the dogs. So here is my nature connect as well. One is a yelper. which he can get a little carried away with sometimes. a bit of a diva, haha ever have one of those people in your life that just never stops talking like silence scares them? Or just really like the sound of their own voice, or gossip, or crazy make situations in their heads until they have to brain drain all over you! yep...me too, and I'm sure if we are willing to look at ourselves we can see where we may have been one or more of these Divas! haha So I came to the realization that this little dog, and all these types of people or situations that cause us aggravation or difficulty is just a lesson in unconditional love, and that is exactly what dogs represent. They could be treated like shit or like gold, you can be late walking them or feeding, you can leave them outside all the time, but they are still gonna love you the same! it's amazing! they are magnificent special creatures, and we should feel truly blessed to have them around to remind us how love worthy we are even when we can be neglectful or selfish at times!
And the other thought I had on dogs, which came from one of those difficult moments of accidents on the floor or the corner of a couch! lol I can laugh now....But walking them and how over stimulated they get with all the smells and sounds and lil creatures to chase and places to piss on territory, that often they forget it's potty time. so they is in their own house. How many of us have shit on ourselves? Figuratively speaking. Or, Have been so consumed with outside, out there, other people's shit to smell that we forget or neglect to take care of our own......oi guilty.
I'm recalling a song that went like this..."put on your shit kickers and kick some shit!" OH AND I MISS FOOD - CRASHING after soups, cheated with half a banana that I split with the parrot, and got a I am Berry sweet at work. That's pretty much a fruit smoothie, is that the same as juicing???
HAPPY POOTER SCOOPERING!
XO-ME
Today I had an interesting thought which started with the dogs. So here is my nature connect as well. One is a yelper. which he can get a little carried away with sometimes. a bit of a diva, haha ever have one of those people in your life that just never stops talking like silence scares them? Or just really like the sound of their own voice, or gossip, or crazy make situations in their heads until they have to brain drain all over you! yep...me too, and I'm sure if we are willing to look at ourselves we can see where we may have been one or more of these Divas! haha So I came to the realization that this little dog, and all these types of people or situations that cause us aggravation or difficulty is just a lesson in unconditional love, and that is exactly what dogs represent. They could be treated like shit or like gold, you can be late walking them or feeding, you can leave them outside all the time, but they are still gonna love you the same! it's amazing! they are magnificent special creatures, and we should feel truly blessed to have them around to remind us how love worthy we are even when we can be neglectful or selfish at times!
And the other thought I had on dogs, which came from one of those difficult moments of accidents on the floor or the corner of a couch! lol I can laugh now....But walking them and how over stimulated they get with all the smells and sounds and lil creatures to chase and places to piss on territory, that often they forget it's potty time. so they is in their own house. How many of us have shit on ourselves? Figuratively speaking. Or, Have been so consumed with outside, out there, other people's shit to smell that we forget or neglect to take care of our own......oi guilty.
I'm recalling a song that went like this..."put on your shit kickers and kick some shit!" OH AND I MISS FOOD - CRASHING after soups, cheated with half a banana that I split with the parrot, and got a I am Berry sweet at work. That's pretty much a fruit smoothie, is that the same as juicing???
HAPPY POOTER SCOOPERING!
XO-ME
malibu days 5 thru.....catch up
oh boy, got some catching up to do!
DAY five BU: Day 3 Juicing
I had to get up super early for an employee meeting WITH NO COFFEE! Wow, I did it thought! Green tea, and those Naked drinks were saving my life. All I could think about during my hour between meeting and start of my shift was getting a coffee and a scone and journaling, that's like my favorite thing to do! Lord I'm so made for France! But in my journal without my coffee I discovered I had some unsolved feelings to clear with some people, interesting how coughing up phlem, juice cleansing and shedding some layers at a workshop can open up the dark side so quickly eh?
No sooner do I write but then in the flesh walks into my view my first clearing. Perfect. And the stories that were created by both of us, were talked about and released and we can move on seeing the greatness in each other without the misunderstandings sweet! it's that easy when both people are up for it!
Taurus NEW MOON: Great powerful energy in creating your wishes. especially around money, relationship, biz, jobs, new behavior, things that you have wanted for a long time are easily manifested during this moon. Thank you friends at work that shared this! Went to pick up my dancing boots for the show.....errrr at my exes venue, thats something else that's coming to be worked through. I wish that wasn't distracting me so much from getting my intentions done. but releasing it is part of new behaviors I suppose, and juicing is taking better care of my body!
Today I connected to the green mountains on my drive in to hollywood from malibu. They are gorgeous and change there radiance throughout the day depending on where the sun is, which made me think of lighting in films for some reason, light and shadow are such a huge part of how we view things, it can make things more beautiful or even scary, then you can go deeper into that on a whole spiritual/emotional level. The lighter the mood the more frivolous and fun, the darker the mood the more heavy, serious, and emotional. But just like the mountains, there's beauty and necessity for all of it!
xo-me
DAY five BU: Day 3 Juicing
I had to get up super early for an employee meeting WITH NO COFFEE! Wow, I did it thought! Green tea, and those Naked drinks were saving my life. All I could think about during my hour between meeting and start of my shift was getting a coffee and a scone and journaling, that's like my favorite thing to do! Lord I'm so made for France! But in my journal without my coffee I discovered I had some unsolved feelings to clear with some people, interesting how coughing up phlem, juice cleansing and shedding some layers at a workshop can open up the dark side so quickly eh?
No sooner do I write but then in the flesh walks into my view my first clearing. Perfect. And the stories that were created by both of us, were talked about and released and we can move on seeing the greatness in each other without the misunderstandings sweet! it's that easy when both people are up for it!
Taurus NEW MOON: Great powerful energy in creating your wishes. especially around money, relationship, biz, jobs, new behavior, things that you have wanted for a long time are easily manifested during this moon. Thank you friends at work that shared this! Went to pick up my dancing boots for the show.....errrr at my exes venue, thats something else that's coming to be worked through. I wish that wasn't distracting me so much from getting my intentions done. but releasing it is part of new behaviors I suppose, and juicing is taking better care of my body!
Today I connected to the green mountains on my drive in to hollywood from malibu. They are gorgeous and change there radiance throughout the day depending on where the sun is, which made me think of lighting in films for some reason, light and shadow are such a huge part of how we view things, it can make things more beautiful or even scary, then you can go deeper into that on a whole spiritual/emotional level. The lighter the mood the more frivolous and fun, the darker the mood the more heavy, serious, and emotional. But just like the mountains, there's beauty and necessity for all of it!
xo-me
Monday, May 2, 2011
Malibu Days 4
Felt a lot better today. More human and connected to me body, my head however was feeling a bit loopy. So day two of juicing which means day two of no coffee. oi, today was a little tougher in that depo, just that morning habit of having something warm in my hand....ahhhh, well I'm not even gonna entertain "that drought" either. haha Anyway, got through most of the day fine with a few exceptions. Like moving a little slower than normal, had a few clearings which I wasnt really expecting, one left me hanging a bit, which I'm gonna sit with for a minute cause I'm too tired try to write an email right now. surprisingly I wasnt really feeling hungry until after my shift when I usually eat my meal so instead I got two juices, I AM ENERGIZED AND I AM WORTHY, and 2 SOUPS - Cause I'm deciding that it's okay if the soups aren't chucky. I made that up!
So i drank the soup when I got back to the Bu. It was such an amazingly gorgeous perfect day out today. And warm tonight too! The Stars in Malibu are radd! I like how if you look at the constellations you can see a white light connecting them if you really look closely. I always think of our freckles and beauty marks as our body constellations like the divines little stamp that we are all part of the same stuff and I'm sure if we look hard enough we can see that same light connecting us all.....although that thought gave me some peace my tummy is feeling a little queezy. could be adding the soup, the talk about the food, the dancing I did tonight, or the fact the I probably should eat something.....before I go downhill further, I think I should hit the hay.
Goodnight, enjoy that stars, and realize you are one!!!
xo-me
So i drank the soup when I got back to the Bu. It was such an amazingly gorgeous perfect day out today. And warm tonight too! The Stars in Malibu are radd! I like how if you look at the constellations you can see a white light connecting them if you really look closely. I always think of our freckles and beauty marks as our body constellations like the divines little stamp that we are all part of the same stuff and I'm sure if we look hard enough we can see that same light connecting us all.....although that thought gave me some peace my tummy is feeling a little queezy. could be adding the soup, the talk about the food, the dancing I did tonight, or the fact the I probably should eat something.....before I go downhill further, I think I should hit the hay.
Goodnight, enjoy that stars, and realize you are one!!!
xo-me
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Malibu Days 3
Quickly cause I'd like to sleep...
I woke up to more crazy wind today - the freedom and breathlessness strong winds can create is pretty rad. It's like the earh is exhaling for you.
Went to day two of the workshop and was thankful feeling better. Still coughing and dealing with the nose but I really felt some of the wakenings shifted things in my body.
Terces invited me to take on juicing for a week with her club. It's amazing ASK AND IT IS GIVEN. Wasnt I just talking about wanting to take on a challenge or focus. This one is a toughy cause it's gonna take away two things I really like and think I need everyday. COFFEE & FOOD!
I battled that inner demon this morning right away, I had to pretend my Green tea was coffee. I hope green tea is excempt!!! yikes. Well this is the way I'm doing it. I happened to get some juices from whole foods at lluch break the day before so I happened to be covered. But watching others eat, makes me want to eat, even if I'm not hungry it will make me think of my options for later. this is going to be interesting.
I danced twice today. My friend was inspired to dance to a piano play in the group on our lunch break, and it inspired me to join after. weeee fun, but woah stamina needs some exercise! yes, I've been under the weather but man... got me nervous for friday. Just danced to out the 6 songs on my friends CD and felt amazing and silly all at once.
Did I mention the coyote yesterday? They symbolize magic/trickery/strategy. pretty cool eh? oh, also I went home to pay my rent check (without any fear of having the money!) and one of my plants was all wilted since I hadn't been watered in days. I brought it back with me to where I'm housesitting to nurse it and I gave it a bunch of water and sat it next to another thriving basil plant and sang to it, "come back". It's came back!!! And I dont even have a disney princeless voice BTW. I AM HEALTHY AND VITAL AND ABUNDANT AND SUPPORTED!!! I guess I could say come back....
Yeah, I danced twice today!
Recounted my blessings, was able to enjoy the view of the ocean on my ride, gave a random stranger a dollar, got through a day without coffee, and even play a little rusty dusty guitar.
Now I rest
Be healthy, be love, be abundance!
xo-me
I woke up to more crazy wind today - the freedom and breathlessness strong winds can create is pretty rad. It's like the earh is exhaling for you.
Went to day two of the workshop and was thankful feeling better. Still coughing and dealing with the nose but I really felt some of the wakenings shifted things in my body.
Terces invited me to take on juicing for a week with her club. It's amazing ASK AND IT IS GIVEN. Wasnt I just talking about wanting to take on a challenge or focus. This one is a toughy cause it's gonna take away two things I really like and think I need everyday. COFFEE & FOOD!
I battled that inner demon this morning right away, I had to pretend my Green tea was coffee. I hope green tea is excempt!!! yikes. Well this is the way I'm doing it. I happened to get some juices from whole foods at lluch break the day before so I happened to be covered. But watching others eat, makes me want to eat, even if I'm not hungry it will make me think of my options for later. this is going to be interesting.
I danced twice today. My friend was inspired to dance to a piano play in the group on our lunch break, and it inspired me to join after. weeee fun, but woah stamina needs some exercise! yes, I've been under the weather but man... got me nervous for friday. Just danced to out the 6 songs on my friends CD and felt amazing and silly all at once.
Did I mention the coyote yesterday? They symbolize magic/trickery/strategy. pretty cool eh? oh, also I went home to pay my rent check (without any fear of having the money!) and one of my plants was all wilted since I hadn't been watered in days. I brought it back with me to where I'm housesitting to nurse it and I gave it a bunch of water and sat it next to another thriving basil plant and sang to it, "come back". It's came back!!! And I dont even have a disney princeless voice BTW. I AM HEALTHY AND VITAL AND ABUNDANT AND SUPPORTED!!! I guess I could say come back....
Yeah, I danced twice today!
Recounted my blessings, was able to enjoy the view of the ocean on my ride, gave a random stranger a dollar, got through a day without coffee, and even play a little rusty dusty guitar.
Now I rest
Be healthy, be love, be abundance!
xo-me
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