Abounding River DAY FOUR

Gratitude Current......

Be grateful for 3 forms of supply that I have never acknowledged before...
Heat
Furniture makers
trash workers
I could keep going...internet, electricity..okay maybe i have thanked them before, my lungs, a ticking clock to break the silence in my head...

My Partner work isn't really working too well without a partner but I will repeat this in bed 11 times.
"I am grateful for all of Life. I am being thankful for everything I see and everything I don't see"
"You are the thankfulness of energy"

I realized I lost my wallet today - here's a practice in everything isn't lost. It may have happened a few days ago, the last time I remembered having it was at a coffee shop I frequent new years eve before leaving for downtown. I've been using cash so I haven't noticed, but my cards are gone which means I can't cash my check like I was hoping tomorrow. So this is also a practice in trust and faith. I check my bank account and the money hasn't been touch, so I don't think it's stolen....WHICH GIVES ME SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR! I'm hoping it's somewhere in my room and I miss placed it while I was packing....

I am grateful no one has stolen my wallet and it is in a safe place waiting for me to find it when I get home!

I watched Scrooged tonight and it gave my my laugh for a minute out loud exercise, the Ghost of xmas present fairy is my favorite!!!

Last night bed exercise was tough talking my self up in the mirror...that's a challenge for most I think but stretching the muscles! Tonight give 5 minutes to put attention to all that has been given to you...from drinking water to you creative talent, even beauty marks count! Find Gratitude for it all.

xo-me

Abounding River DAY THREE

I'm pretty much over tired and ready for bed, so this will be quick.

Christmas Day - an exchange for Love & Cheer and suiting to be on THE LOVE & ACCEPTANCE CURRENT.

My request from last night was answered today a few times. A very nice exchange definitely building the muscle of self- worth.

Today was "Love thy Neighbor Love thy self"

What do you say is not the best in your life??? Well I had quite a long list so to highlight....my nose, my skin, my bank account, my choice in men....etc.

Who creates it? ME - (with the help of others I choose to have in my life)

Who would I have to be to create the best....Beautiful Abundant Nicole - who's confident, wise, focused, filled with self love and is being love.

Was generous today by buying my Bro xmas dinner and giving out a few presents. Also gave myself dinner and receive a rad necklace from a girlfriend and went to a movie.

Today spirit words were Mother nature, God, and Spirit
Trusting, Knowing, Surrendering and Being

Now I must go talk to myself in the mirror before bed.

I've been scrimping on the meditations I realized today...I gotta fix that.
xo me

Abounding River - DAY TWO

Almost forgot about my commitment.....on the second day.....with christmas eve and all. Today was the first day I actually felt in the holiday spirit. The movie I have been casting made some decisions on the leads yesterday so I got to shift my energy & Focus! So I woke up with present ideas...better late then never. And I got a bug up my ass to reach out to a few peeps from my past letting them know my gratitude for them!

So Day 2 was on the WORTH CURRENT -

What request would you make to someone in your life that would build the muscle of your self worth? TRICKY ONE RIGHT?! IT GETS BETTER....Commit to making one today.

Well I received a voicemail, from a boy I was dating which was a nice Merry Xmas - thinking of you message - after a facebook a few days ago saying the same thing but also with some Miss you talk. So part of my self worth I let go of when things weren't working with us. And now that I am teeter tottering on responding or not - I MADE A REQUEST! My request basically was to hear or read how he was thinking of me, and what he missed about me. Because I deserve to receive some recognition and acknowledged for the relationship we had, and the person I am. I was very good to him. Whatever his truth is is all I am interested in. No other expectations or needs. But I thought WHAT AN INTERESTING TIME FOR A REQUEST FOR SELF WORTH -

I also giggled for a minute - and then watch The Christmas Story so laughed more

An exercise in being generous and grateful was buying, making, and getting presents - perfect reminder of let go and receive energy.

Today I chose the spirit word LOVE and abundant word FILLED. And since I didn't have Athena as my mirror partner tonight I used a picture of my little girl self, which turned out to be perfect.

.........I am worthy of everything wonderful, all the FILLED LOVE me is.
You are Love expressed as Beautiful Abundant Nicole. You celebrate your Love worth Now.

Merry xmas! The best gift to give someone is Love - The best gift you can give yourself is love - what does that come wrapped in???
xo - me

Abounding River DAY ONE

Okay, a new book. A New journey. A new focus. I have been itching for another 30 day challenge or days to success however you choose to look at it. And this is a book I have been wanting to get myself for close to a year. It's called the Abounding River - Personal Logbook by Matthew and Terces Engelhart. The Days and exercises are laid out for you. Some of the journey requires partner work, so it's good to have a buddy or loved one that wants to grow with you to give one and other mutual support.

Like I did with the 30 days to success, I'm making a commitment to blog each day as a way to share my experience and hopefully inspire anyone else to join in or at the very least keep myself accountable for myself.

It's been an interesting past few months of all kinds of mirrors coming back to me, dredging up past baggage and hang ups as well as growth and inspiration. But I'm ready for change with my energy around ABUNDANCE. I have found gratitude and that has already made such a shift for me, My 30 days helped give me more focus on goals and finding worth in completing them. NOW it's time to recognize the magic of the universal flow, trust the ONE connection and truly OWN my WORTH. Today my worth is OVERFLOWING!

DAY ONE - Creation Current

This is what I discovered.

First, you pick a spirit abundance name - I toyed with a few the past 2 days prepping for today and finally woke up hearing BEAUTIFUL ABUNDANT NICOLE. I'm calling in my self confidence and love again and proclaiming the worth of myself and everything around me as abundance.

I have a few inherit beliefs about money such as there's isnt enough, or as soon as you get it it's gone, I should give more than I recieve, if I get into trouble my mom will bail me out - (that one I really don't like!)- truth hurts but as much as I am grateful to have a loving supportive generous mother my 31 year old ego self tells me I'm a failure to resort to this.

What I would like to believe is, as much as I give I recieve, money is easy to manifest, there's always more than enough, debt had no power over me, and that I deserve and have the power to create more financial abundance in my life RIGHT NOW!

Also finding acknowledgement & gratitude. I have been recieving more appreciation and acknowledgement for the work I do, and others that could only see me in box vision is starting to open up to see more of me, but this is also the ownership I'm creating in myself! Specifically with this book focus, My roomie and I went to the near by coffee shop and just having our awareness shift to the Farmers and every other being and creature who helped bring my one cup of coffee into creation was an amazing exercise, you realize how much there is to be thankful for.

Today I am thankful for my casting job that allowed me to buy me and my roomate these coffees and bagels, grateful to Athena for being my company and partner in this exercise and grateful to Stella who owns the coffeeshop and her employee that made it for us and the farmers, truckers, gasoline and packagers who got it here, the cows that gave the milk, the plants that gave the seeds, the earth that gave the soil and water and everyone in between that did there part to make my simple coffee and bagel possible for me today. THAT IS A FUCKING TRIP RIGHT?!....all those things that are usually taken for granted. It's so empowering to shift your attention to it all in gratitude and trust that we are all in this life together and collectively taking care of eachother.

In our listening and speaking exercise we mirrored eachother, which is so interesting. Things land in all kinds of ways depending on how things are said, tone of voice and ego thoughts. Some times it feels amazing and sometimes it's uncomfortable. But once you do feel it land in a belief way a cord is struck, a light bulb gets turned on, and the CREATION is made.

I, Beautiful Abundant Nicole, am the creator of my life experience. I now choose to be OVERFLOWING!

I have a few more little tasks to cap off today. Some laughing, meditation & writing is left and I think I'll add in some exercise just for kicks.

Thanks for joining me on my latest carpet ride!
xo-me

Gearing up for more transformation!

Holy crapola!

Lots lots lots! Does anyone else feel like 3 days is more like 3 months! So much is transitioning and evolving and happening with everyone. Lots of change. Break ups, job changes, risk taking, emotional releasing, deaths, births I'm mean this is life right but it seems in fast forward like we all have some major clearing and reflecting to do.

My darkside came out to play since I have been casting a feature film Called Coyote Requiem which is all about healing your emotional baggage and taking off your masks! And everyone involved, is being effected. It's powerful stuff. There's also moments where I have to stand up for myself and stand my ground, own my worth, and refuse to settle in other areas of my life. And I am grateful to the ones that have givin me the postive mirror to see this.

I have to remind myself to stay connected to LOVE & Gratitude even when my wounds are triggered, even when my buttons are pushed and ego is bruised and trust that it's all for the highest good. TRUST! CHOICE! COMMITMENT!

Commiting to ourselves so we can truly commit to someone else, and our higher purpose. Our higher purpose should start and end with LOVE. Sometimes love is snuggly, sometimes sexy, sometimes, healing, sometimes uncomfortable truth, sometimes even a reflection of hurt, but if you can bring it back to love - give it love - then you have love!

here's to clearing our baggage
here's to facing our fears
here's to making committed choices
here's to finishing things
here's to giving and recieving love
here's to being authentic
here's to being our highest selves
here's to living in abundance
here's to letting your creativity flow
here's to letting yourself FLY!!!!

I got the best reading in my life a few days ago! it's already coming true....DR. CARBONE in studio city she's got a 2 for one deal right now. google her!

love
me

Shed to funk, make a shift!

I don't know what it is about break-ups, fights, heart ache, and the like, that gets the fire lit under people's asses but here we go again....in a way. How you break or create space from something that wasn't a full commitment to begin with I'm not sure, but I guess I'll just have to think of it as shifting a habit. Why do people need to cause drama for themselves? Why do we choose to make things harder than they need to be? Especially US creatives. Heartache creates the best songs, Abuse-Lies-cheating-fighting-whether comedic or dramatic the best films. This Human condition to suffer, or long for, feel lack, or settle....why do we choose this?

I'm doing my best to follow my heart as best as I can, sometimes the heart leads us through a painful experience and other times the most blissful. Either way I'm living. I'm learning and growing and transforming with every idea of LOVE I can create and manifest in my Life. Cause that's what life should be right? LOVE! It gets all mucked up when we place our conditions & Judgement on it. When we over-analyze what it is supposed to look like. Well, I'm making a commitment. TO MYSELF, and I have been working on this commitment, no more of that SHIT!

If I love you? I love you for you, all your strengths & imperfections.
If I love a creative project? It doesn't matter if I'm casting or acting I believe in it's worth so I will give my energy to that.
If I have truth and feelings to share I will, without the need of a certain response back because that is truly honoring, owning, and LOVING myself.

So what does any of this mean....I'm still sorting it out. But what I'm creating the path to, is total Love & Abundance in my life. This means allowing my self all of my desires NOW. Being grateful for all the good I have NOW and attracting more of the things that make me feel good. I tend to put a lot of energy outside of me, and part of my challenge is to bring in back in. Also raising my standards for myself, owning what I deserve, and somehow with all those I's and Me's not getting caught up in Ego.

This is my oxygen mask on a plane time...again. I've grown a lot in the past 2 years, I've had relationships of all sorts pop in and out of my life. Sometimes these things happen for necessary growing and I'm learning to see it for that and not as loosing some kind of attachment.

So I'm back to ME FOCUS! It has been creeping up on me the past few weeks but now it's a conscious decision. This time for as long as it takes. Things that have led to HERE...
1) Trip home for Northampton Film festival - This showed me again there's a higher Purpose in my ACTING that I want to keep following, so I'm gonna be picky
2) Seeing my FAMILY and having the reflections of how they are changing and where they are staying the same
3) House-sitting - connecting with ANIMALS has been HUGE, everything is so simple in there world, there's food, nature, and love - AND it's giving me a feel of different parts of LA and what it's like to live in someone else's abundance
4) Casting jobs - The difference between for the money and for the higher purpose. The Commercial is for the money and so grateful for that, but the feature is for the Love and Purpose - and this script helped me acknowledge a block and some truth with my producer.
5) Loose ends - some things need to be handled before the new year.
6) My body - since my GOGO job was taking away it hit me financially as well as physically, noticing a difference in my energy and comfort in my body - so MORE EXERCISE
7) Guidance - we can't always figure our shit out on our own, so I'm attending phone seminars every other Sunday for some good spirit talk, to help make sense of personal and universal shifts. I may be calling a psychic I heard great things about too.
8) Gratitude - being aware of all the good that surrounds me already - make list of gifts, not just material to remind myself
9) Stability - I want more consistency in all areas in my life. Especially work but also People. I have been a fickle person and hard to tie down, I get it, but I'm growing out of that and want to surround myself with other committed, solid people. which means some times I will have to say No, or hear no. And that's okay, at least it's a choice
10) BE LOVE, and trust it will all divinely work itself out. I'm the magician, the high priestess and story teller in my life. My story is a worldly, epic tale, about minstrels, players, healers & LOVE.

Reflections, and they ain't always easy to see....

Well, The past few weeks have been interesting to say the least. I've had lessons in giving and receiving, finding joy & purpose in everything I say yes to even when it starts to suck, and my talent at problem solving....for other people anyway.

On the career front I felt a bit lacking after my 30 day focus I went right into a casting job, and back to my dating patterns. Both those situations have shown me a lack of commitment coming at me. My struggle with the casting was finding the balance of doing it for the money or love, there shouldn't be an or it should be an AND. I had to find my gratitude and higher purpose there again.
Now in my dating life their has been a lack of commitment, a bit of fickleness, and a whole lot of scatteredness. SO where am I doing that in my life elsewhere. The Acting/Casting, the projects I get involved in, my inability to make clear decisions and stick to them, relying too much on others or situations to decide for me. The later certainly helped me come to a place to go with the flow without freaking out but there also has to be STRONG INTENTION.

All and all that seems to be what I was lacking and owning my truth and intention. I found different relationships in my life wasn't allowing me to be my whole self. Because some know me as an actress/dancer, some as just a casting director, some as a songwriter/actress, some as a lightworker who dances. Point being people tend to compartmentalize so they can have a clear idea of people. Its safe that way so you can take them out and dust them off when needed. And here's where it reflects my romantic relationships...you dont just get encouraging cheerleader nikki, you get her as well as deep emotional nikki, and sensual nikki, and playful nikki, and healer nikki, and not everyone is equiped or ready to acknowledge all those parts of themselves nevermind you...or in this case ME.

So cut to the past few weeks of TRUTH & CLEARING. It's starts with me and my fears, what am I afraid to admit or fully become? What are others refusing to see in me because of there fears and blocks. Because if they see me in a new way that means they have to let go of their old ideas of me. Change is scary sometimes, but growth is nessessary. I can't spread my wings if I'm stuck in a cage. So I'm going back to 2009 New years....the symbolism that brought me heartache but transformation, that showed me my path & purpose, that reminded me we have one life, that our potential is limitless, and that we deserve to feel free to become the next version our our higher selves. I had to make a commitment that I want to act and I also like to cast, and they both benefit me in different ways, I was shown where I should commit my heart & energy currently with one man who was choosing to do the same.

So this is me right now claiming that.
I am an actress
I am a dancer
I am a songwriter
I am a casting director
I am a lightworker
I am a teacher
I am a student
I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a cousin, an auntie, and a lover
I am a creative artist growing into a writer, director, and producer
I am light & Love
I am a modern day new age hippy bohemian who believes in astrology & faery energy
I am your mirror of truth and shadow and divine light
I am a multi-demensional gemini earth goddess

I call in people who can acknowledge my full potential
I call in Love who is ready for me and can be my equal
I call in more opportunities to create on my level of higher purpose and inspiration
I call in my open heart to receive all that is rightfully mine and the abundance that's NOW flowing in!

The old self is disappearing, and those people and things attached with it. It's sad to see it go, but that's there path, if they want to grow along with me THE MORE THE MERRIER.

Be in your Hearts, Be creative, Be on your divine path, Be LOVE!

I am grateful for the play in palm springs
I am grateful for the auditions that have popped up even the ones my heart wasnt in so didnt go to
I am grateful for Malibu
I am grateful for animal love
I am grateful for the talented man I have been seeing and the reflections I'm being taught.
I am grateful for Leading Ladies
I am grateful to my Managers
I am grateful to my friends and family for always checking in with support & love
I am grateful for the Alchemist
I am grateful to be grateful
I am grateful for the LOVE work I see happening
I am grateful I faced a fear and went out on a limb
I am grateful for the inspiration a a new cute song
And I am grateful for the check that I have not received yet and have been patiently waiting for. I AM READY TO RECEIVE UNIVERSE.
I am grateful for Halloween and the spirits that walk the night with the humans!
I am grateful that my good friend Caitlyn just walked in the door!

So I leave you with this.....

HEART = SMART

blessings & Love
Me