SO FIRST OF ALL!!!! THIS IS PRETTY COOL!!!! DO IT! Leading Ladies has been getting around to festivals quite a bit. But a lot of you friends have been asking "when can I see the film?"....Well....DEMAND IT! Ask and, wait for enough other people to ask from your area, then you shall recieve! haha
So that was the first cool thing. The next was I had a really good Networking night tonight, that my manager held. Met a few new people, mostly caught up with friends and peers, which was lovely. The few faces that inspire me, even just when I look at them. Talents, that I love to work with. Or the kind of peeps you don't see for months or years even and it's so kizmic you melt right into where you left off. It was nice to mingle my friends together from different circles too! I really do have a gift for pimping other people! lol
Oh and this was the HIGHLIGHT of my evening....you ever see someone you know...wave, run up to them, hug them, and their reaction to you is a little odd but you dont think too much of it until you walk away and wonder huh? Was that not the person I thought it was and go and ask someone else who knows the same guy you do if it is in fact him, and they say no, not him, then your embarrassed and feel like a tool and go back up to this person and explain that you thought he was someone else and everyone laughs and then he says "Yeah, I didnt recognise you and I felt bad but then I realized you were the girl who took a bus from malibu and came into the office the other day with the cool hat"....huh? OH, My God...So not only did I mistake this guy for someone else but I completely forgot that I met him a few days prior! What a tool I felt like. But it was hilarious! Thank goodness I can laugh at myself these days...cause that has got to be one of the best comedy of errors I have ever been blessed with.
I'm up wayy to late! DO something stupid today that you can laugh at tomorrow...or even a few minutes from now! You'll be glad you did!
Love & Laughter
xo-me
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Day 15 of 30 days to Success!
Woah! Half way there! I don't feel like I made many strides yet. But certainly some. And I feel wayyyyy better than I did last night. Thank goodness. That was rough.
Today I started with a walk, coffee and an ocean view. Master P, my nickname for the parrot, woke me up, he was very talkative this morning. I saw a bunch of crows and a bluejay...Which I never see bluejays - but both those animals carry great magic. Big symbols of wisdom and creation. And Jay - in latin is Gaia, mother Earth, which I never knew and my friend produced and directed a movie I cast called Gaia...interesting, anyways I have a new script of his to read, and I think I mentioned another animal the other day...well it's name is in the title...but I'm not allowed to say. Just interesting coinidence.
Worked on the website more
Watched the Emmy's
Made some guac & Spagetti
Also Watched some old school Faerytale Theater...The Frog Prince and The Dancing Princesses
Got a ride secure for the Network Night tomorrow.
Geez 4 buses to get to Sherman oaks!
oh and did a little meditating/visioning
Hopefully tomorrow brings coolaid grin experiences
much love
xo-me
Today I started with a walk, coffee and an ocean view. Master P, my nickname for the parrot, woke me up, he was very talkative this morning. I saw a bunch of crows and a bluejay...Which I never see bluejays - but both those animals carry great magic. Big symbols of wisdom and creation. And Jay - in latin is Gaia, mother Earth, which I never knew and my friend produced and directed a movie I cast called Gaia...interesting, anyways I have a new script of his to read, and I think I mentioned another animal the other day...well it's name is in the title...but I'm not allowed to say. Just interesting coinidence.
Worked on the website more
Watched the Emmy's
Made some guac & Spagetti
Also Watched some old school Faerytale Theater...The Frog Prince and The Dancing Princesses
Got a ride secure for the Network Night tomorrow.
Geez 4 buses to get to Sherman oaks!
oh and did a little meditating/visioning
Hopefully tomorrow brings coolaid grin experiences
much love
xo-me
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Day 14 of 30 days to sucess
oooooh, I'm in a sick feeling place tonight after being in such a loving and supportive transformational environment most of the day. Our feeling place is strange and doesnt always make sense but when we really listen to ourselves there's tremendous inner wisdom. Sometime's we need a reflection or reminder to nudge it out of ourselves.
I attended a workshop called the New View of Love with cafe gratitude, and I offered myself as a volunteer. 2 things came up for me there. Why am I volunteering when this month was supposed to be about ME? And if I'm choosing to do something for someone else why am I not putting energy into something that pays? Okay on the surface when I listen to my head that's what it looks like. But when I follow my heart and trust the signs that have been layed out in front of me, the heart said, I needed to be there. I knew I'd learn something just by being present. AND WOAH DID I???!!!
I was put in a very interesting new place, because I was holding space for people as a volunteer but was instructed to hold it in a whole new way. Me, nikki in everyday life, with every relationship can get sucked into personalizing someone else's process and journey. I have this innate "need" to fix, nuture, teach or help heal that other person. Okay, well that just cued more vomit! haha And perfect timing. I recognize that now as my need not theirs. Especially when they don't ask for it! It was a coping mechanism I created as a little girl and when I could see the world I lived in wasn't always safe or authentic and I needed to find ways to passively control to feel safe.
I also saw the beauty in my parents they didn't see or fully realize in themselves and it was a way of trying to pull that out of them, which then turned to me performing for them to show them. Yes, I perform because I love it, but they also made me that, and I used to be fearless, but then I tapped into how the rest of world opperates and functions on fear and judgments and how my dad never fully committed to himself and his art because he was focused on money being a separate thing and mom put all her creative energy into creating a CREATIVE husband & children.
But today I was asked to observe more than share, and my mind wouldn't quit today. With every ""clearing" and every "share" of others I had to be conscious of and release what ideas, judgments, solutions I'd come up with in my mind. Because their only mine. They might not benefit them, and they might but they weren't asking me for it. It wasn't my place. And what A LOAD OFF MY LIFE. To realize it's not ABOUT ME. It's not about SAVING. It's not about shutting off my truth either but really being present to whats going on in my mind and what my place is for another person and any given situation. Sometimes we are just the obverver, sometimes supporter, and sometimes teacher. The teacher was triggered cause I felt what some of these other beings have felt, I had things I could have shared but didnt, couldnt really, I had a few things that I did when there was an inviation the share, But you get me going and I can talk for hours about my journey of transformation and healing...obviously.
What I took on today was that it is really about how we see things. I can choose to see something as missing from a person or I could choose the see all there strengths and gifts, I could choose to feel lack because I dont have a car or I could choose to take it as a gift, because I'm being green, I meet & observe new people in all walks of liFe that I wouldnt normally be exposed to, I'm spending less money...somtimes, it's teaching me to plan better and be more intentional about my day, I am being taught how to recieve when others offer me rides, and giving them a chance to give.
I also walked away with another amazing gift of "clearing". It's basically a question and acknowledgement game. So I get asked a question: like this for example, "what's keeping me from service work right now? 1." my answer would be 2, "I feel like my heart is in the idea of service work but I worry about making money and finding that balance of being in service to myself and others." So they mirror me 3. and say. "Okay, what I'm hearing is that your heart is in service work but what is keeping you from it is your worry's about making money and finding balance of being in service to yourself and others." That the first part. But it's great cause it really gives you a clear mirror when someone repeats your own words back to you. You can literally HEAR yourself.
2nd part is ask 4., "how does that make you feel?" 5. i answer, "I feel guilty and selfish if I'm not being of service and frustrated and obligated to do jobs for money that my heart might not be into." They 6. repeat that to you. you breath it out and let that go. And 7. the next question turns it around. It might be something like "what do you want to be acknowledged for?" my answer 8. is "I want to be acknowledged for my creative gifts and my ability to see and inspire other peoples creativity and recognizing their own lights." And 9. then they acknowledge you for that and add even more of the good they see in you. its powerful stuff!
my Tink light is very dim right now. Which I'm a bit sad about cause it was such a love high today in Topanga, lots of sharing and hummingbirds and butterflies. And my carrot cake got lots of props...which see, I was judging before hand. But..err had to puke again. Lordy, I'll be glad when this passes.
Oh, a big one that came up was resistance. I had a bit of resistance even getting there today, cause I had to get there super early, and take off work last night, and find the right bus, and pay for a cab the rest of the way, and ask myself is this going against my 30 day committment. But my heart felt it was right, even nessessary. But that voice in my head that's always running, sometimes noticeably and other times not, was nagging at me...nah, nonono, obligations, pain in the ass, etc. And what we should all do is look that in the face and run with it. Be a rebel against yourself. I'm really wanting to start facing things I'm scared off, or resistant to at the very least acknowledge it and explore what its about. I'm not gonna jump in a crate with snakes, but at least ask why that fear is there. But if I listened to the nagger, I wouldn't be as aware & clear of half these things I'm sharing today!
But it's probably why my head is hurting so much right now. The nagger is pissed at me for ignoring it. Well thank you nagger for the good you did me when I needed it but I dont need you anymore, I am all grown up and safe and can make my own way listening to my heart now! So take a perminant vacation. You deserve it!
I guess that goes for my nagging to. I apologise to anyone in my life that I may have been that voice to, where I kept you from trusting your own choices and process, where I offered advice or "counsiling" where it wasnt asked for or needed, and if you ever needed to just be heard and I wasnt able to hold the space properly for you. If that is the case. I Screwed up and I will own that and say I will make it a focus to be mindful of that side of myself. Thank you for listening and understanding I'm human. Let's applaud eachother for our mistakes! yippie!
Here's to A Healthy & Vital Tomorrow.
I love you guys, I really really do, and I'm gratful for the connection I have to you in my life. You make me real!
Be Love by Letting love Always LEAD
xo-me
I attended a workshop called the New View of Love with cafe gratitude, and I offered myself as a volunteer. 2 things came up for me there. Why am I volunteering when this month was supposed to be about ME? And if I'm choosing to do something for someone else why am I not putting energy into something that pays? Okay on the surface when I listen to my head that's what it looks like. But when I follow my heart and trust the signs that have been layed out in front of me, the heart said, I needed to be there. I knew I'd learn something just by being present. AND WOAH DID I???!!!
I was put in a very interesting new place, because I was holding space for people as a volunteer but was instructed to hold it in a whole new way. Me, nikki in everyday life, with every relationship can get sucked into personalizing someone else's process and journey. I have this innate "need" to fix, nuture, teach or help heal that other person. Okay, well that just cued more vomit! haha And perfect timing. I recognize that now as my need not theirs. Especially when they don't ask for it! It was a coping mechanism I created as a little girl and when I could see the world I lived in wasn't always safe or authentic and I needed to find ways to passively control to feel safe.
I also saw the beauty in my parents they didn't see or fully realize in themselves and it was a way of trying to pull that out of them, which then turned to me performing for them to show them. Yes, I perform because I love it, but they also made me that, and I used to be fearless, but then I tapped into how the rest of world opperates and functions on fear and judgments and how my dad never fully committed to himself and his art because he was focused on money being a separate thing and mom put all her creative energy into creating a CREATIVE husband & children.
But today I was asked to observe more than share, and my mind wouldn't quit today. With every ""clearing" and every "share" of others I had to be conscious of and release what ideas, judgments, solutions I'd come up with in my mind. Because their only mine. They might not benefit them, and they might but they weren't asking me for it. It wasn't my place. And what A LOAD OFF MY LIFE. To realize it's not ABOUT ME. It's not about SAVING. It's not about shutting off my truth either but really being present to whats going on in my mind and what my place is for another person and any given situation. Sometimes we are just the obverver, sometimes supporter, and sometimes teacher. The teacher was triggered cause I felt what some of these other beings have felt, I had things I could have shared but didnt, couldnt really, I had a few things that I did when there was an inviation the share, But you get me going and I can talk for hours about my journey of transformation and healing...obviously.
What I took on today was that it is really about how we see things. I can choose to see something as missing from a person or I could choose the see all there strengths and gifts, I could choose to feel lack because I dont have a car or I could choose to take it as a gift, because I'm being green, I meet & observe new people in all walks of liFe that I wouldnt normally be exposed to, I'm spending less money...somtimes, it's teaching me to plan better and be more intentional about my day, I am being taught how to recieve when others offer me rides, and giving them a chance to give.
I also walked away with another amazing gift of "clearing". It's basically a question and acknowledgement game. So I get asked a question: like this for example, "what's keeping me from service work right now? 1." my answer would be 2, "I feel like my heart is in the idea of service work but I worry about making money and finding that balance of being in service to myself and others." So they mirror me 3. and say. "Okay, what I'm hearing is that your heart is in service work but what is keeping you from it is your worry's about making money and finding balance of being in service to yourself and others." That the first part. But it's great cause it really gives you a clear mirror when someone repeats your own words back to you. You can literally HEAR yourself.
2nd part is ask 4., "how does that make you feel?" 5. i answer, "I feel guilty and selfish if I'm not being of service and frustrated and obligated to do jobs for money that my heart might not be into." They 6. repeat that to you. you breath it out and let that go. And 7. the next question turns it around. It might be something like "what do you want to be acknowledged for?" my answer 8. is "I want to be acknowledged for my creative gifts and my ability to see and inspire other peoples creativity and recognizing their own lights." And 9. then they acknowledge you for that and add even more of the good they see in you. its powerful stuff!
my Tink light is very dim right now. Which I'm a bit sad about cause it was such a love high today in Topanga, lots of sharing and hummingbirds and butterflies. And my carrot cake got lots of props...which see, I was judging before hand. But..err had to puke again. Lordy, I'll be glad when this passes.
Oh, a big one that came up was resistance. I had a bit of resistance even getting there today, cause I had to get there super early, and take off work last night, and find the right bus, and pay for a cab the rest of the way, and ask myself is this going against my 30 day committment. But my heart felt it was right, even nessessary. But that voice in my head that's always running, sometimes noticeably and other times not, was nagging at me...nah, nonono, obligations, pain in the ass, etc. And what we should all do is look that in the face and run with it. Be a rebel against yourself. I'm really wanting to start facing things I'm scared off, or resistant to at the very least acknowledge it and explore what its about. I'm not gonna jump in a crate with snakes, but at least ask why that fear is there. But if I listened to the nagger, I wouldn't be as aware & clear of half these things I'm sharing today!
But it's probably why my head is hurting so much right now. The nagger is pissed at me for ignoring it. Well thank you nagger for the good you did me when I needed it but I dont need you anymore, I am all grown up and safe and can make my own way listening to my heart now! So take a perminant vacation. You deserve it!
I guess that goes for my nagging to. I apologise to anyone in my life that I may have been that voice to, where I kept you from trusting your own choices and process, where I offered advice or "counsiling" where it wasnt asked for or needed, and if you ever needed to just be heard and I wasnt able to hold the space properly for you. If that is the case. I Screwed up and I will own that and say I will make it a focus to be mindful of that side of myself. Thank you for listening and understanding I'm human. Let's applaud eachother for our mistakes! yippie!
Here's to A Healthy & Vital Tomorrow.
I love you guys, I really really do, and I'm gratful for the connection I have to you in my life. You make me real!
Be Love by Letting love Always LEAD
xo-me
Day 13 of 30 days to Success - buses...lots of buses
Many hours on public transpo today. From Malibu to mar vista from Mar vista to Century City and back again.
I had a mini loungey morning with the animals then had to get ready for a meeting with my manager at 4:30pm. yes I saud get ready in the morning for a 4:30pm appt! I got a little distracted with facebook invites and messages sipping down my coffee and okay carrot cake.
Had to catch the bus a bit before 1pm. Get headshots at apartment quick catch with roomie. Some reading of UDA and Creative Visualation on my travels. finally got to century city, and really dug the new agent working with my manager. She's a gemini too, 2 days after me, she asked me great questions about me and my acting. Like where am I not comfortable, and what's my ideal career. I realized some stuff about myself as the actress.
1. I'm not uncomfortable with much anymore. I know I can pretty much do anything. We excluded porn as a given! lol But implied or partical nudity I'd consider give the script. I used to be wayyyy against it. But you give me a sex scene with Johnney Depp, I'd pay you! haha
2. There's not one career I'd follow but a few I'd like to pull from. Julia Roberts. She's a powerhouse! She plays sexy, tough and vulnerable, she's the romantic lead, and produces her own projects now! She's always true to her niche and people love her for it. She has to laugh and cry in every movie!
Cate Blancett, I have more growing to do to get to her level of expertise, but that is what she is, I love how she morphs into characters, she's a cameleon, and grounded and regal, I'd like to get there one day.
In the mean time Sarah Jessica Parker and Jennifer Aniston got good things going on. They have made a steady career in TV shows and have been able to branch off into film. They are pretty much always their same niche with new situations with a few exceptions but I always enjoy watching them. What I like about SJ is she's not typical beauty yet she's the romantic lead and so likeable and quirky and Jennifer has really interesting non acting moments verbally and physically with her quirks, that make her more human in a highlighted fun way.
Anyways, I gotta go to bed! That pretty much all a accomplished today besides, checking out the couch...eh? and making Mango salsa for the workshop tomorrow. Missed gogo tonight cause I have to get up at asscrack tomorrow. so why am I still typing!
good night
xo-me
I had a mini loungey morning with the animals then had to get ready for a meeting with my manager at 4:30pm. yes I saud get ready in the morning for a 4:30pm appt! I got a little distracted with facebook invites and messages sipping down my coffee and okay carrot cake.
Had to catch the bus a bit before 1pm. Get headshots at apartment quick catch with roomie. Some reading of UDA and Creative Visualation on my travels. finally got to century city, and really dug the new agent working with my manager. She's a gemini too, 2 days after me, she asked me great questions about me and my acting. Like where am I not comfortable, and what's my ideal career. I realized some stuff about myself as the actress.
1. I'm not uncomfortable with much anymore. I know I can pretty much do anything. We excluded porn as a given! lol But implied or partical nudity I'd consider give the script. I used to be wayyyy against it. But you give me a sex scene with Johnney Depp, I'd pay you! haha
2. There's not one career I'd follow but a few I'd like to pull from. Julia Roberts. She's a powerhouse! She plays sexy, tough and vulnerable, she's the romantic lead, and produces her own projects now! She's always true to her niche and people love her for it. She has to laugh and cry in every movie!
Cate Blancett, I have more growing to do to get to her level of expertise, but that is what she is, I love how she morphs into characters, she's a cameleon, and grounded and regal, I'd like to get there one day.
In the mean time Sarah Jessica Parker and Jennifer Aniston got good things going on. They have made a steady career in TV shows and have been able to branch off into film. They are pretty much always their same niche with new situations with a few exceptions but I always enjoy watching them. What I like about SJ is she's not typical beauty yet she's the romantic lead and so likeable and quirky and Jennifer has really interesting non acting moments verbally and physically with her quirks, that make her more human in a highlighted fun way.
Anyways, I gotta go to bed! That pretty much all a accomplished today besides, checking out the couch...eh? and making Mango salsa for the workshop tomorrow. Missed gogo tonight cause I have to get up at asscrack tomorrow. so why am I still typing!
good night
xo-me
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Day 12 of 30 Days to Success - Heart of the matter
How is it already 11pm? Woah! I'm so ready for bed right now but I feel like I want to read more, write more, watch a movie, and work on my website again! haha
But it would be really good to go to bed before midnight. SO let me attempt to make this quick!
Today I...
*Woke up at 8am, to let in the house keeper
*Went back to sleep until 10:30 or 11am.
*Set appointment tomorrow with my manager
*Played with my guitar and saw a coyote, the totem magic is perfect for me right now Wisdom & Folly. um, yep.
*Journaling & Creative Visualization workbook, which brought up some good connectors of whats been keeping me in lack, and also did a gratitude list of sorts but on a whole different level.
*Had a few interesting feelings come up in a clearing I did on a phone training for a workshop I'm volunteering for saturday.
1. I feel guilty if I don't gogo, but wont be able to wake up early enough and it's a bit of a hassle with leaving the dogs that late at night.
2. I'm wondering why I'm volunteering, since that's service work and this is about ME 30 days.
3. I know I wanted to go to learn which I will, but maybe I'm supposed to goas a participant not a volunteer.
4. I really need that gogo money right now, but ultimately I think the workshop will be more of an investment in myself.
Went food shopping, neighbor offered her car to me which was so nice! But the store is really close so next time will probably be fine walk.
Anyways, made a carrot cake, and frosting. Just got done a bit ago, no idea how it tastes yet, it will be my breakfast.
Played a little more guitar, and realized I need to take some lessons. Like with everything else in my life I need to take it more seriously. And for no other reason besides knowing I did!
Roomie posted she finished the first episode of the webisode! yippie! Go Athena!
Here's the affirmation I discovered for myself today.
I, Nicole, now know that, the more I follow my heart, the more I get paid to do so! (sometimes it's way simpler than we make it)
And here's a question I'm passing forward.
What do you Love about yourself?
xo-me
ps...not proof reading....night!
But it would be really good to go to bed before midnight. SO let me attempt to make this quick!
Today I...
*Woke up at 8am, to let in the house keeper
*Went back to sleep until 10:30 or 11am.
*Set appointment tomorrow with my manager
*Played with my guitar and saw a coyote, the totem magic is perfect for me right now Wisdom & Folly. um, yep.
*Journaling & Creative Visualization workbook, which brought up some good connectors of whats been keeping me in lack, and also did a gratitude list of sorts but on a whole different level.
*Had a few interesting feelings come up in a clearing I did on a phone training for a workshop I'm volunteering for saturday.
1. I feel guilty if I don't gogo, but wont be able to wake up early enough and it's a bit of a hassle with leaving the dogs that late at night.
2. I'm wondering why I'm volunteering, since that's service work and this is about ME 30 days.
3. I know I wanted to go to learn which I will, but maybe I'm supposed to goas a participant not a volunteer.
4. I really need that gogo money right now, but ultimately I think the workshop will be more of an investment in myself.
Went food shopping, neighbor offered her car to me which was so nice! But the store is really close so next time will probably be fine walk.
Anyways, made a carrot cake, and frosting. Just got done a bit ago, no idea how it tastes yet, it will be my breakfast.
Played a little more guitar, and realized I need to take some lessons. Like with everything else in my life I need to take it more seriously. And for no other reason besides knowing I did!
Roomie posted she finished the first episode of the webisode! yippie! Go Athena!
Here's the affirmation I discovered for myself today.
I, Nicole, now know that, the more I follow my heart, the more I get paid to do so! (sometimes it's way simpler than we make it)
And here's a question I'm passing forward.
What do you Love about yourself?
xo-me
ps...not proof reading....night!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Day 11 of 30 Days to Success-google can be productive
Hello from the BU!
It's been a long and very short day at the same time. The Family that I'm housesitting for left at 6am so that's when I went to bed and woke up at around 11am.
Had a chill day with the animals. 2 doggies & 2 birdies. Really hot out today and tonight the poor dogs are huffing from this heat. I've been on and off the computer most of the day. Looking up buses for trips into civilization I anticipate having. Not many, since it's not that convenient.
Accomplishments for the day:
*I did some journaling today
*Updated my acting res...had to cut out a lot which feels good so I'd have room!
*Worked on my acting site, which I have a little more to do
*Did some acting submissions
*Got confirmation on stipend for the play today. Not much at all! But it's a free weekend getaway in Palm Springs come OCT.
*Tried to catch up with TRUE BLOOD, But they don't have HBO Afterall! Cue sadface
*Watched ending of 2010, and Somethings gotta give
In my googling adventures for Leading Ladies news I discovered this....which was exciting.
The rest of the industry racket, as my roomie likes to call it, wants me to pay 10-175 dollars for my own RED CARPET PICTURES! lol which eventually I'll check and update imdb.com
From now on I will have my own paparazzi photographer wherever I go! My friend Chris Sista! He gets better shots of me anyways, like my black & white facebook profile pic!
So just to update you on what I did do yesterday before it was so rudely wided out.....
*Read a bunch of chapters in UTA HAGAN by the pool and on the Train. She talked mostly about things I know but it's good to revisit with new perspective, like what she actually means by being truthful in everything you do on stage...kinda like in life. It's all about being authentic!
*Again I was a train Angel for a student of business who wants to sing and dance and she reminded me how important the BUSINESS is in the ACTING BIZ
*Followed up on the couch
*Did manifestation exercise focusing on answering questions for these four categories: My Body, My Home, My Career, My Relationships.
ie: MY CAREER. I want to make more money...Because then I could travel and see my family more, because I'd relieve stressed before bills, Because it feels good to support and take care of myself...etc
*oh and I found a really cool horoscope too: In 1960, Jacques Piccard and Donald Walsh rode in a bathyscaphe all the way down to the Mariana Trench, which is almost seven miles beneath the surface of the Pacific Ocean. Your assignment in the coming weeks, Gemini, is to move in their direction, metaphorically speaking. In my astrological opinion, ascending and soaring shouldn't be on your agenda. It's time to dive into the mysterious depths. -Thank you FREE WILL astrology you're right ON!
Well, I think me and the doggies have a date with the porch & the moon!
Sweet Dreams, are made of this, who am I to disagree, I traveled the world and the seven seas (i wish) Every bodie's looking for something! hehe I dance to that every week.
xo-me
It's been a long and very short day at the same time. The Family that I'm housesitting for left at 6am so that's when I went to bed and woke up at around 11am.
Had a chill day with the animals. 2 doggies & 2 birdies. Really hot out today and tonight the poor dogs are huffing from this heat. I've been on and off the computer most of the day. Looking up buses for trips into civilization I anticipate having. Not many, since it's not that convenient.
Accomplishments for the day:
*I did some journaling today
*Updated my acting res...had to cut out a lot which feels good so I'd have room!
*Worked on my acting site, which I have a little more to do
*Did some acting submissions
*Got confirmation on stipend for the play today. Not much at all! But it's a free weekend getaway in Palm Springs come OCT.
*Tried to catch up with TRUE BLOOD, But they don't have HBO Afterall! Cue sadface
*Watched ending of 2010, and Somethings gotta give
In my googling adventures for Leading Ladies news I discovered this....which was exciting.
The rest of the industry racket, as my roomie likes to call it, wants me to pay 10-175 dollars for my own RED CARPET PICTURES! lol which eventually I'll check and update imdb.com
From now on I will have my own paparazzi photographer wherever I go! My friend Chris Sista! He gets better shots of me anyways, like my black & white facebook profile pic!
So just to update you on what I did do yesterday before it was so rudely wided out.....
*Read a bunch of chapters in UTA HAGAN by the pool and on the Train. She talked mostly about things I know but it's good to revisit with new perspective, like what she actually means by being truthful in everything you do on stage...kinda like in life. It's all about being authentic!
*Again I was a train Angel for a student of business who wants to sing and dance and she reminded me how important the BUSINESS is in the ACTING BIZ
*Followed up on the couch
*Did manifestation exercise focusing on answering questions for these four categories: My Body, My Home, My Career, My Relationships.
ie: MY CAREER. I want to make more money...Because then I could travel and see my family more, because I'd relieve stressed before bills, Because it feels good to support and take care of myself...etc
*oh and I found a really cool horoscope too: In 1960, Jacques Piccard and Donald Walsh rode in a bathyscaphe all the way down to the Mariana Trench, which is almost seven miles beneath the surface of the Pacific Ocean. Your assignment in the coming weeks, Gemini, is to move in their direction, metaphorically speaking. In my astrological opinion, ascending and soaring shouldn't be on your agenda. It's time to dive into the mysterious depths. -Thank you FREE WILL astrology you're right ON!
Well, I think me and the doggies have a date with the porch & the moon!
Sweet Dreams, are made of this, who am I to disagree, I traveled the world and the seven seas (i wish) Every bodie's looking for something! hehe I dance to that every week.
xo-me
Day 10 of 30 days to Success! erased!
oh my god & goddess! haha I was signing out! I made great points and observations, and shared my to do list, and with one little computer glitch, it's lost to the cosmos. which reminds me, we are in retrograde be careful with communication, cars, phones, and computers! I could be all worked up about this, but why?
Maybe this is testing my ego, afterall, how much can my words actually make any kind of difference for you or I. We all have the same truth inside! And by divine timing my rise is here!
Let love lead! And trust it all is perfectly divine!
xo-me
Maybe this is testing my ego, afterall, how much can my words actually make any kind of difference for you or I. We all have the same truth inside! And by divine timing my rise is here!
Let love lead! And trust it all is perfectly divine!
xo-me
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Day 9 of 30 Days to Success - full moon fun
OMG! Dave Matthews is rediculously amazing. I always respected his artistry but this was the first time I was ever fully exposed to him. And he was so goofy & funny & off the cuff and his music is insane! The structure of the songs are all over the place and somehow makes sense. He has wordy verses that the whole audience sings a long with. It was a very cool experience. I also ran into 2 random people that I know.
Anyways, since most of the day was dedicated to rehabilitation, needless to say I didnt get much else accomplished but I did learn a lesson, a few lessons in what TAKING CARE of myself means, and tonight was great for helping me to recieve and be open to new sources of inspiration. I got a free concert, great seats and have new music to tap into for dance, a character soundtrack or to learn from.
More signs popped up today too! Which always tells me I'm on a path to something. Heading to pet sit in Malibu for a week tomorrow! BLISS! Full Moon! RELEASING ENERGY - What do you have to let go of? Who or what in your life isn't serving your greater good? What negitive habit can you let go of? Today my friend said no to cigarettes! I said no to alcohol after they assured me I needed one beer, Hair of the dog-lol
I got a reflection email from a friend
I got a small job offer from someone I ran into tonight
I checked in with manager
I people watched
Realized I dont really miss having a working phone
Will not be proof reading
Anyways....sleep
xo-me
Anyways, since most of the day was dedicated to rehabilitation, needless to say I didnt get much else accomplished but I did learn a lesson, a few lessons in what TAKING CARE of myself means, and tonight was great for helping me to recieve and be open to new sources of inspiration. I got a free concert, great seats and have new music to tap into for dance, a character soundtrack or to learn from.
More signs popped up today too! Which always tells me I'm on a path to something. Heading to pet sit in Malibu for a week tomorrow! BLISS! Full Moon! RELEASING ENERGY - What do you have to let go of? Who or what in your life isn't serving your greater good? What negitive habit can you let go of? Today my friend said no to cigarettes! I said no to alcohol after they assured me I needed one beer, Hair of the dog-lol
I got a reflection email from a friend
I got a small job offer from someone I ran into tonight
I checked in with manager
I people watched
Realized I dont really miss having a working phone
Will not be proof reading
Anyways....sleep
xo-me
Monday, August 23, 2010
Day 8 of 30 Days of Success...late
Oh boy. I screwed up last night. And now I have literally been purging all morning cause I was bad to myself. I think I got sicker because of energy I have been in with the challenge. Major shedding and releasing if you will.
I started off good on my day 8.
Woke up early
Signed up at BG commercial casting
I somehow had the role of being the train Angel. I taught 3 people how to use the machine. And then a unlikely friend was made who I had a spirit talk with.
Took train up to Newhall to see a play SIDEMAN. But only caught the second half.
My actor friend was in it and it was at a Theater that I have done tons of shows at. The Repretory East Playhouse. Art again paralelling life. The closing monologue made me cry. He spoke of his father and how brillant of a trumpet player he was and how connected he was when he was playing, but how disconnected he seemed when he wasnt. The mother went downhill in the story, she suffered manic depression and alcoholism from years broken promises and emotional neglect.
Well, then I went downhill. Not all at once. About 3 extremely strong magaritas later. What started out as a bite to eat with director and actor friends, turned into fun talks about acting, and I did what I do....I cant help myself! started my lightwork of encouraging people to follow there hearts! haha I CANT HELP IT!
I was planning to crash at my friends anyways since we are going to a concert tonight. What I wasnt planning was throwing up all night and morning. I literally felt like I drank 8 margaritas, and ewwww I even had a cigarette. I'm so mad at myself today. That was like 5 steps backwards. But hey, I remember how much I dont like or need cigarettes and I think I ready to never drink again!
I wont say never, but if 3 drinks does that to me now??? My body is obviously telling me something. I need to be clear. I need to be healthy. I need to change my language. I am NOW clear. I am NOW healthy and vital.
btw...the good thing about trains is you can catch up your reading. I revisited a book called ASK AND IT IS GIVEN. There's some proserity games in there I plan to play!
Okay I have to figure out how to feel human again.
Yeah, Dave Matthews...inspire me!
Clap your hands and say you do believe in fairies! I need help with my light.
Thank you!
xo-me
I started off good on my day 8.
Woke up early
Signed up at BG commercial casting
I somehow had the role of being the train Angel. I taught 3 people how to use the machine. And then a unlikely friend was made who I had a spirit talk with.
Took train up to Newhall to see a play SIDEMAN. But only caught the second half.
My actor friend was in it and it was at a Theater that I have done tons of shows at. The Repretory East Playhouse. Art again paralelling life. The closing monologue made me cry. He spoke of his father and how brillant of a trumpet player he was and how connected he was when he was playing, but how disconnected he seemed when he wasnt. The mother went downhill in the story, she suffered manic depression and alcoholism from years broken promises and emotional neglect.
Well, then I went downhill. Not all at once. About 3 extremely strong magaritas later. What started out as a bite to eat with director and actor friends, turned into fun talks about acting, and I did what I do....I cant help myself! started my lightwork of encouraging people to follow there hearts! haha I CANT HELP IT!
I was planning to crash at my friends anyways since we are going to a concert tonight. What I wasnt planning was throwing up all night and morning. I literally felt like I drank 8 margaritas, and ewwww I even had a cigarette. I'm so mad at myself today. That was like 5 steps backwards. But hey, I remember how much I dont like or need cigarettes and I think I ready to never drink again!
I wont say never, but if 3 drinks does that to me now??? My body is obviously telling me something. I need to be clear. I need to be healthy. I need to change my language. I am NOW clear. I am NOW healthy and vital.
btw...the good thing about trains is you can catch up your reading. I revisited a book called ASK AND IT IS GIVEN. There's some proserity games in there I plan to play!
Okay I have to figure out how to feel human again.
Yeah, Dave Matthews...inspire me!
Clap your hands and say you do believe in fairies! I need help with my light.
Thank you!
xo-me
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Day 7 of 30 Days to Success
Today wasn't all too productive. Again I slept through Half the day since I didnt get to bed til 4am. One of my friends on facebook suggested I start getting to bed earlier as part of my challenge and I really like that idea. Although impossible on fridays since I dance until 2am.
Openned some old mail that went to my old apartment. IRS and DMV, and not good news.So have some grown up bullshit to take care of, which I'm not sure how to start. Argh.
Still coughing. Louise Hays says Coughing means: you are barking at the world, "see me, listen to me." Muscus is: layered desposits of old confused thoughts. Wallowing in the past. My affirmations are basically I am Loved and I live in the Now! which makes a lot of sense considering it's stuff that would need to be released to move forward in this process.
I got myself caught in a bit of a distraction today just offering a piece of info to someone, and what was supposed to be 2 secs, turned into a good 10-20 minute process, of things we still needed to say, nothing bad, just more feelings and clarity to be shared, which is good, truth is always good. But another situation where I brought it on myself to lose focus! AH HA!
My phone is officially broke. I can't read anything on my screen, so went to T-Mobile to see what my options are and basically I can pay a $130 deductable for a new phone or upgrade for $230. Thats what I get for being a loyal costumer for 8 years! ha! I don't really miss my phone yet...but need it for JUST IN CASES.
The roomie made some badass enchiladas, and we put some more thought into the webseries opening credits. Then I worked more on my room and completing apartment spaces.
In some of our converstion today I was reminded of talks I had yesterday, where a woman said she felt like she could help guide people in their careers when she didnt even have her's together yet. It's another situation where it's easier to see other people's strengths and weakness, than your own. I know I have those same kind of eyes. Well, I can usually see mine, I just havent figured out how to change certain things yet. I can tell you a singer/songwriter girl should dye he hair brown, some guys singing voice and writing doesn't match his demeanor, this actor should promote themselves as a comedian inside of dramatic actor. They should take pictures with this photographer. This guy should take a dance class and get comfortable in his body. Whatever the case. BUT why haven't I done that for me? This advice giving to this other woman was, "pretend your, your client, change those things you'd advise her to change" It's tricky but it makes sense, and I'm trying it. MY manager has a great method of helping people find their Niche's, so this is already a helpful start to my discovery. My niche's are quirky, flirty, and vulnerable. Now what to do with those!?
The To do list today:
Yoga
Tmobile
Check in with a few people
Finish room (not entirely organized yet)
Submissions
Ripped out some photos of style I want to create for myself
Follow up on couch
Things I didnt get to:
Work on website
Meditate
Read some UTA Hagen
or blog by 11 (hour off)
Well, I must head to bed and get some beauty & health rest! Tomorrow, register with commercial casting, go see a play, Plans....are not totally confirmed yet. Traveling without phone will be challenging!
goodnight
xo-me
Openned some old mail that went to my old apartment. IRS and DMV, and not good news.So have some grown up bullshit to take care of, which I'm not sure how to start. Argh.
Still coughing. Louise Hays says Coughing means: you are barking at the world, "see me, listen to me." Muscus is: layered desposits of old confused thoughts. Wallowing in the past. My affirmations are basically I am Loved and I live in the Now! which makes a lot of sense considering it's stuff that would need to be released to move forward in this process.
I got myself caught in a bit of a distraction today just offering a piece of info to someone, and what was supposed to be 2 secs, turned into a good 10-20 minute process, of things we still needed to say, nothing bad, just more feelings and clarity to be shared, which is good, truth is always good. But another situation where I brought it on myself to lose focus! AH HA!
My phone is officially broke. I can't read anything on my screen, so went to T-Mobile to see what my options are and basically I can pay a $130 deductable for a new phone or upgrade for $230. Thats what I get for being a loyal costumer for 8 years! ha! I don't really miss my phone yet...but need it for JUST IN CASES.
The roomie made some badass enchiladas, and we put some more thought into the webseries opening credits. Then I worked more on my room and completing apartment spaces.
In some of our converstion today I was reminded of talks I had yesterday, where a woman said she felt like she could help guide people in their careers when she didnt even have her's together yet. It's another situation where it's easier to see other people's strengths and weakness, than your own. I know I have those same kind of eyes. Well, I can usually see mine, I just havent figured out how to change certain things yet. I can tell you a singer/songwriter girl should dye he hair brown, some guys singing voice and writing doesn't match his demeanor, this actor should promote themselves as a comedian inside of dramatic actor. They should take pictures with this photographer. This guy should take a dance class and get comfortable in his body. Whatever the case. BUT why haven't I done that for me? This advice giving to this other woman was, "pretend your, your client, change those things you'd advise her to change" It's tricky but it makes sense, and I'm trying it. MY manager has a great method of helping people find their Niche's, so this is already a helpful start to my discovery. My niche's are quirky, flirty, and vulnerable. Now what to do with those!?
The To do list today:
Yoga
Tmobile
Check in with a few people
Finish room (not entirely organized yet)
Submissions
Ripped out some photos of style I want to create for myself
Follow up on couch
Things I didnt get to:
Work on website
Meditate
Read some UTA Hagen
or blog by 11 (hour off)
Well, I must head to bed and get some beauty & health rest! Tomorrow, register with commercial casting, go see a play, Plans....are not totally confirmed yet. Traveling without phone will be challenging!
goodnight
xo-me
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Day 6 Of 30 Days to Success!
Today was FUN!!!!! I just wish I was still fighting this cold so I could have enjoyed even more, but it was still so nice!
My job today entailed catching up with a dear friend, Being Treated to Brunch/lunch in Laguna Beach, playing with cute puppies, picking up a mercades benz for her and driving her BMW home and stopping for a movie and coldstone icecream to Avoid traffic first. Not a bad days work eh?? haha
We saw SWITCHED, with Jennifer Aniston & Jason Bateman (who I love) which was SO WITTY, and full of heart and awkward, lovely, funny, moments.
Then I had to get ready to gogo tonight, which I had no idea how I was going to make it through! Didnt get enough hours sleep...yet here I am at 3:46am again writing this here blog. But somehow the has soon as the music starts it's like illness doesnt exist!
Here's something Odd, I read that we just went into Retrograde, which basically means messed up communications. Well I spill coffee in my purse and on my phone...luckily phone seems fine, then bottled watcer leaks, phone is now not fine. I cant see the screen. SO talk about shutting people out! Universe is taking this 30 day thing pretty Serious!
Today was another good spirit day:
I'm seeing Angel numbers again
Liscense plates are showing interesting signs again too
There wasnt a cloud in the sky
I got to "secret" a Beemer stirring Wheel
I got a great reminder that we all have a silent biz partner, the divine! Thank you, Savi for the words of wisdom
I recieved
I was grateful
I laughed
I admired
I learned
I connected to my body as whole
I was told I'm a catch!
Career front:
2 cash jobs!
Driving gave me time to use my thoughts to create intentions
I saw great acting
I danced and was showed appreciation
Now this sick girl is needed her bed, and plans to sleep in. oh, and I'm not proof reading, I need to blow my nose and pass out.
Good Night, I'd say have a great weekend but that wouldnt be selfish enough for me!
xo me
My job today entailed catching up with a dear friend, Being Treated to Brunch/lunch in Laguna Beach, playing with cute puppies, picking up a mercades benz for her and driving her BMW home and stopping for a movie and coldstone icecream to Avoid traffic first. Not a bad days work eh?? haha
We saw SWITCHED, with Jennifer Aniston & Jason Bateman (who I love) which was SO WITTY, and full of heart and awkward, lovely, funny, moments.
Then I had to get ready to gogo tonight, which I had no idea how I was going to make it through! Didnt get enough hours sleep...yet here I am at 3:46am again writing this here blog. But somehow the has soon as the music starts it's like illness doesnt exist!
Here's something Odd, I read that we just went into Retrograde, which basically means messed up communications. Well I spill coffee in my purse and on my phone...luckily phone seems fine, then bottled watcer leaks, phone is now not fine. I cant see the screen. SO talk about shutting people out! Universe is taking this 30 day thing pretty Serious!
Today was another good spirit day:
I'm seeing Angel numbers again
Liscense plates are showing interesting signs again too
There wasnt a cloud in the sky
I got to "secret" a Beemer stirring Wheel
I got a great reminder that we all have a silent biz partner, the divine! Thank you, Savi for the words of wisdom
I recieved
I was grateful
I laughed
I admired
I learned
I connected to my body as whole
I was told I'm a catch!
Career front:
2 cash jobs!
Driving gave me time to use my thoughts to create intentions
I saw great acting
I danced and was showed appreciation
Now this sick girl is needed her bed, and plans to sleep in. oh, and I'm not proof reading, I need to blow my nose and pass out.
Good Night, I'd say have a great weekend but that wouldnt be selfish enough for me!
xo me
Friday, August 20, 2010
Day 5 of 30 Days of Success
Well, today on a career note sucked. I woke up at 2pm, since not going to bed until 630am. Felt shittier and more conjested and got the news that a casting job wasnt going through.
I went through emails, did submissions....same crap different day. A list DID NOT EXIST TODAY.
I got a nice wake up call from my manager asking why I havent rescheduled my meeting to meet her agent partner. Cause I was side tracked by a job that didnt go through. hmmmm.
So tired and headachey right now, so this will be super quick for me.....I moved furniture around in my room reading some new Feng Shui tips, and since all my best directions are in my roomates room I got some crafting to do.
Then I had four hours of the original Pride & Prejudice. Yes with Colin Firth...REAL ACTING! So f-ing good!
So to bed, for tomorrow I have 2 jobs!
Good Night, Wish me a better Day 6
coughing,
me xo
I went through emails, did submissions....same crap different day. A list DID NOT EXIST TODAY.
I got a nice wake up call from my manager asking why I havent rescheduled my meeting to meet her agent partner. Cause I was side tracked by a job that didnt go through. hmmmm.
So tired and headachey right now, so this will be super quick for me.....I moved furniture around in my room reading some new Feng Shui tips, and since all my best directions are in my roomates room I got some crafting to do.
Then I had four hours of the original Pride & Prejudice. Yes with Colin Firth...REAL ACTING! So f-ing good!
So to bed, for tomorrow I have 2 jobs!
Good Night, Wish me a better Day 6
coughing,
me xo
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Day 4 of 30 Days to Success!
Omg! It's only day 4. I feel like so much has happened today. First of all, let me just say this....you thought I gave up already huh, since it's 4:44am and I'm just blogging, how many of you thought, there she goes again, not finishing???? hahah I almost did too. But I have good reason for being detained. But we will get there in due time.
Today is going to be a tough one to explain, it will take forever if I go into too much detail...I realize I'm pretty long winded already. So my check list didn't go so well today. Out of 23 things I set out to do, knowing full well a handfull wouldn't have a chance in hell getting done, I only managed to get through 12.
Things accomplished...
I got my period! yes, that was on the list...ladies you know the releif that comes with that after a separation! lol
Cross reference list from yesterday
I worked on my plants you reep what you sew
Found a scene that I want to tape for reel
Fight this on coming cold
Athena has been watching Cougartown as writing reference so I guess I can't take credit for that one.
Bank fix
Student Loans fix
Acting submissions
Read something that I needed to revisit
Meditate, 2 times!
Yoga
Facial
I won't even get into what I didn't get to. I want to talk about the power of these meditations! wow! And I wouldn't have even done it if I didnt pull out the High Priestess card last night before I went to bed. I asked what I needed to know to get through this process and accomplish my goals. The High Priestess says Hidden Knowledge needs to see the light of Day, to meditiate and go inside the self. So I did...
Here's the Highlights...I went into my light and sprouted my wings, called my spirit animal, who reminded me of our first lesson on tools I have to manifest, then he said I needed to go deeper and sent me down a stair case. I came to three different rooms with three different versions of myself in each, stuck, grieving and hurt in some way. I was quantum jumping if you will to heal these versions of myself. One I had to discover my own power, I was being tortured during the witch hunts and I was fearful and stuck and shackled. My spirit self gave my then self the strength to show who she really was to these guys and I became furious, and threatening and made them piss themselves and said, "you don't like what you see do you?" they said "no," Then self said "well I'm a reflection of you, this is what you do to people you judge, and threaten and hurt! I could kill you right now but I wont when I leave here you will forget that this happened and you will change your ways, you will always accept others for being different and give them love and when you see me, you will smile." And they did.
I had to literally enter the grieving woman's body and help her escape to a place where she could say goodbye to a loved one, who reincarnated already as a butterfly. And finally my favorite, I was a pet of a friend, who I actually have in this lifetime, I had to jump out of my animal body and into myself as human and dance with her! Which is how I met her in this life, she got me dancing! When I returned my spirit animal said I had to take a break but there was more to do in a half hour.
Wild right? The next meditation started with a bath and some "lift me up" music that got me choreographing in my head, taking me back to a dance project idea, that will happen one day, not too far off. And then I drifted into a job I want to attract, and the man I want to attract, total visual fantasy, creation mode. In the mist of this I got some good advice from my spirit animal. A lesson in how to recieve, since it seems I have been missing certain puzzle pieces.
I'll get incomplete versions of what I'm asking for. Like working on a studio lot...cool...then I get Audience work! errr. Or the perfect spirtually aware man who's creative, and attractive, and not an actor. But he smokes weed, or he's married, or he's an actor/tutor. Or the yes Nikki we want you right now then next day, no just kidding! Thats with jobs and guys. I'm giving at the wrong time or I'm recieving in the wrong form. So instead of seeing someone in need, and just offering myself freely to help, then expect it will come back someway. I should see that person in need and hear them actually ask for help whether directly or indirectly and then offer because then they are more apt to realize they requested assistant and will pay for said assistance, whether money, love or a simple thank you. It's a more equal exchange.
Like a breakdown for a job. I'm looking for this, it pays this. I read it, I know I have the skills I see what I'm getting out of it, and I say I can do that, now it's up to both of us, if I get the part. Sometimes I jump in before I see what I'm getting out of it. And regret it later.
Wow, 5:33...okay gotta wrap this up. Okay so, I did get off track in my selfishness tonight which is why the blog is so late. But I got an immediate karmic exchange lesson after my spiritual journey today that showed me the way of selfishness, balanced with compassion and purpose and a reminder of boundaries. My friend and I have been going back & forth the past few days about the health of her dog. She asked if i could come over. She picked me up and I immediately held Lolli her dog in my arms and felt life & Love. She seemed tired but not as fatal as she was describe by the doctors to my friend. My friend of course has been beside herself. But there was still vital energy in this little being. I just sensed more than anything she had needed Love and peace and protection.
So most of the night she stayed in my arms, eventually my friends nervous, sad, energy started to shift more balanced as well. And as the 2 of us caught up on lost months, it was quickly revealed how much stress, and shifting, and negitive energy had been around her. And this dog was a sponge to all of that. I did a reading on what Lolli needed...it described everything that was surrounding my friend at the moment, and what she had to do for herself.
There's no way to know if the Vet is right in his assumption of Lolli's days left with us. But for the purposes of greater good and healing. This is a lesson in what we hold on to can literally make us sick. what we put out to others can do real damage. What we surround ourselves with has a direct effect on our well-being. If it's broke fix it, or throw it out...this goes for people too! I'm serious!
I left a content doggie and a more peaceful friend at 4am. This was many hours not just focused on my 30 day plan. But I gained a great deal of clarity from this experience for myself too, and it showed me a strength I have to share. It also created a new, loving, healthy support dynamic to our relationship, cause I'm pretty sure it was my turn, to be there for my good friend, in a way she could hear me and learn. And it also gave me practice in doing what I needed for me by getting myself home and not sleeping over so it's easier to start day 5!
This might be the longest one yet, huh? Sorry! But there's so many lessons to share!!!!
Blowing my nose & passing out.
ps...Hummingbird a foot from my face! forgot to mention that!
Good morningnight!
Love
me xo
Today is going to be a tough one to explain, it will take forever if I go into too much detail...I realize I'm pretty long winded already. So my check list didn't go so well today. Out of 23 things I set out to do, knowing full well a handfull wouldn't have a chance in hell getting done, I only managed to get through 12.
Things accomplished...
I got my period! yes, that was on the list...ladies you know the releif that comes with that after a separation! lol
Cross reference list from yesterday
I worked on my plants you reep what you sew
Found a scene that I want to tape for reel
Fight this on coming cold
Athena has been watching Cougartown as writing reference so I guess I can't take credit for that one.
Bank fix
Student Loans fix
Acting submissions
Read something that I needed to revisit
Meditate, 2 times!
Yoga
Facial
I won't even get into what I didn't get to. I want to talk about the power of these meditations! wow! And I wouldn't have even done it if I didnt pull out the High Priestess card last night before I went to bed. I asked what I needed to know to get through this process and accomplish my goals. The High Priestess says Hidden Knowledge needs to see the light of Day, to meditiate and go inside the self. So I did...
Here's the Highlights...I went into my light and sprouted my wings, called my spirit animal, who reminded me of our first lesson on tools I have to manifest, then he said I needed to go deeper and sent me down a stair case. I came to three different rooms with three different versions of myself in each, stuck, grieving and hurt in some way. I was quantum jumping if you will to heal these versions of myself. One I had to discover my own power, I was being tortured during the witch hunts and I was fearful and stuck and shackled. My spirit self gave my then self the strength to show who she really was to these guys and I became furious, and threatening and made them piss themselves and said, "you don't like what you see do you?" they said "no," Then self said "well I'm a reflection of you, this is what you do to people you judge, and threaten and hurt! I could kill you right now but I wont when I leave here you will forget that this happened and you will change your ways, you will always accept others for being different and give them love and when you see me, you will smile." And they did.
I had to literally enter the grieving woman's body and help her escape to a place where she could say goodbye to a loved one, who reincarnated already as a butterfly. And finally my favorite, I was a pet of a friend, who I actually have in this lifetime, I had to jump out of my animal body and into myself as human and dance with her! Which is how I met her in this life, she got me dancing! When I returned my spirit animal said I had to take a break but there was more to do in a half hour.
Wild right? The next meditation started with a bath and some "lift me up" music that got me choreographing in my head, taking me back to a dance project idea, that will happen one day, not too far off. And then I drifted into a job I want to attract, and the man I want to attract, total visual fantasy, creation mode. In the mist of this I got some good advice from my spirit animal. A lesson in how to recieve, since it seems I have been missing certain puzzle pieces.
I'll get incomplete versions of what I'm asking for. Like working on a studio lot...cool...then I get Audience work! errr. Or the perfect spirtually aware man who's creative, and attractive, and not an actor. But he smokes weed, or he's married, or he's an actor/tutor. Or the yes Nikki we want you right now then next day, no just kidding! Thats with jobs and guys. I'm giving at the wrong time or I'm recieving in the wrong form. So instead of seeing someone in need, and just offering myself freely to help, then expect it will come back someway. I should see that person in need and hear them actually ask for help whether directly or indirectly and then offer because then they are more apt to realize they requested assistant and will pay for said assistance, whether money, love or a simple thank you. It's a more equal exchange.
Like a breakdown for a job. I'm looking for this, it pays this. I read it, I know I have the skills I see what I'm getting out of it, and I say I can do that, now it's up to both of us, if I get the part. Sometimes I jump in before I see what I'm getting out of it. And regret it later.
Wow, 5:33...okay gotta wrap this up. Okay so, I did get off track in my selfishness tonight which is why the blog is so late. But I got an immediate karmic exchange lesson after my spiritual journey today that showed me the way of selfishness, balanced with compassion and purpose and a reminder of boundaries. My friend and I have been going back & forth the past few days about the health of her dog. She asked if i could come over. She picked me up and I immediately held Lolli her dog in my arms and felt life & Love. She seemed tired but not as fatal as she was describe by the doctors to my friend. My friend of course has been beside herself. But there was still vital energy in this little being. I just sensed more than anything she had needed Love and peace and protection.
So most of the night she stayed in my arms, eventually my friends nervous, sad, energy started to shift more balanced as well. And as the 2 of us caught up on lost months, it was quickly revealed how much stress, and shifting, and negitive energy had been around her. And this dog was a sponge to all of that. I did a reading on what Lolli needed...it described everything that was surrounding my friend at the moment, and what she had to do for herself.
There's no way to know if the Vet is right in his assumption of Lolli's days left with us. But for the purposes of greater good and healing. This is a lesson in what we hold on to can literally make us sick. what we put out to others can do real damage. What we surround ourselves with has a direct effect on our well-being. If it's broke fix it, or throw it out...this goes for people too! I'm serious!
I left a content doggie and a more peaceful friend at 4am. This was many hours not just focused on my 30 day plan. But I gained a great deal of clarity from this experience for myself too, and it showed me a strength I have to share. It also created a new, loving, healthy support dynamic to our relationship, cause I'm pretty sure it was my turn, to be there for my good friend, in a way she could hear me and learn. And it also gave me practice in doing what I needed for me by getting myself home and not sleeping over so it's easier to start day 5!
This might be the longest one yet, huh? Sorry! But there's so many lessons to share!!!!
Blowing my nose & passing out.
ps...Hummingbird a foot from my face! forgot to mention that!
Good morningnight!
Love
me xo
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Day 3 of 30 Days to Success
Weeeeeeeeee! Mucho productiva hoi...haha I have no idea what I'm talking about. But got some good shit done today! Athena is talking to herself right now...haha which is a little distracting and I must share this: We made up a song a few weeks ago called fries and chocolate the last time we were both PMSing. lol. It's our Go-To delirium song. She's singing it. haha That's the only lyrics by the way. "fries and chocolate, fries and chocolate...da, dadada, da,dadada it's gotta ring right? no?
So okay, I made a list of things to do last night when I finished blogging then I didnt go to bed, like I said I would. I ended up reading other blogs until 4am and finding a really cool horoscope for the week of the 12th, that said this...."There would not be such a thing as counterfeit gold if there were no real gold somewhere," says a Sufi proverb. Why am I bringing this to your attention at this particular moment in your life story? Here's the bad news: You're in possession of some counterfeit gold that you think is authentic. Here's the good news: Within a short time after waking up to the truth about the fake stuff, you will locate the real thing. Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit.
Thank you! It was perfect timing really! And exactly what I needed to hear with what is falling away and what is entering my life and what I HOPE to discover over the next 27 days. Check yours out here: http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/ In fact I'm going to take a minute to read my new week, please hold. ooooh, I like my new one too, I'm about to OVERFLOW! WOOOO!
So the check list started today after recieving a few text messages upon waking at NOON. One, I was expecting about a possible casting job, another from someone I was hoping would be out of my system within four days...much like nicotine...one more day to go, so we'll see. Not that I can't look back and say thank you Nicotine, you gave me good times. But right now, you're just no good for me, even though you're wrapped in sweet, pretty words. So, that gets a simple.."thank you" MOVING ON.
Check the casting email. Get the downlow, can it be done 12 days OUT, 10 by the time a definite decision is made. And they are in another country and a day ahead of us......ummm...Sure! My adreneline has kicked into gear at this point! This is part of the crazy highs you get from this business, the hurry ups and waits, the anticipation, the fast turn arounds, the crazy hours, then challendge to get "errrr done!" So of course I'm onboard!
Check list:
Pay for my LACASTING Subscription
Submitted for a particular RAD Music Video
Thank you Athena for dropping off post cards
Read storyboards and schedule for Commercial casting job
Emailed additional info and answers I needed(I know not acting but the checks help me pay rent so I can act, and I always learn on the otherside)
Emailed bank about a fee I shouldnt have this was very grown up of me
Asked Photographer friend about shooting this or next week, plus help with my reel and photo gallery for casting site. check him out: www.chrissistaphoto.com
Contact body Parts agent for casting
Worked on a Production information sheet/questionaire for casting
Updated facebook acting and love pages
Emailed my healer friend for Mugwort treatment
Touched base with my good friend and her doggie my other good friend - SEND THEM LOVE!
Athena and I discussed options and ideas for our Webisode that we started to brainstorm and few weeks ago.
And she started writing the first Episode!!! It's really cute and funny.
I bought cute girl folders for us last week to inspire us to fill it, and today she pasted Our Adorable LOGO title on them and found someone who can maybe do the animation for our opening credits!
Watched first season of The Super Man - A webisode I stubbled on at a festival. THey are so friggin talented but a saw I few espidodes of season two which arent posted yet, and they are even better! check it out at: thesuperman.tv I totally have a creative crush on Mike Friedman! Plus he can fix things, I miss East Coast guys that can fix things...FOCUS NIKKI!
Things I didn't get to today:
Make a more professional invoice
Type out Questionaire
Weebly.com kept freezing on me so couldn't finish updated Stella Nova Casting website...friggin weebly! (Athena heard me say that about 20 times)
Update acting website
Yoga.....mmmm sad about this one
Organize headshot files...although I knew that wasnt today
Print,sign,mail manager contract
submitted for an extras commercial job...but didnt get called back...bummer
Good Feng Shui News OUR TUB LEAK IS FIXED...scary, I started collecting the water the past few days cause I figured I could use it to water my flowers. I have over three big containers full! Openned my eyes to water conservation! ONE DRIP GOES A LONG WAY PEOPLE! Please get them fixed right away....plus it symbolizes money going down the drain so if you won't do it for earth do it for your wallet.
Oh, and I'm not getting sick! I am perfectly vital and healthy!!! Now my coughing roomie might put in clue...."flames at the side of my face" Madeline Kahn are you kidding me?! YES!!!!!
Peace Love and Chocolate!
me xo
So okay, I made a list of things to do last night when I finished blogging then I didnt go to bed, like I said I would. I ended up reading other blogs until 4am and finding a really cool horoscope for the week of the 12th, that said this...."There would not be such a thing as counterfeit gold if there were no real gold somewhere," says a Sufi proverb. Why am I bringing this to your attention at this particular moment in your life story? Here's the bad news: You're in possession of some counterfeit gold that you think is authentic. Here's the good news: Within a short time after waking up to the truth about the fake stuff, you will locate the real thing. Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit.
Thank you! It was perfect timing really! And exactly what I needed to hear with what is falling away and what is entering my life and what I HOPE to discover over the next 27 days. Check yours out here: http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/ In fact I'm going to take a minute to read my new week, please hold. ooooh, I like my new one too, I'm about to OVERFLOW! WOOOO!
So the check list started today after recieving a few text messages upon waking at NOON. One, I was expecting about a possible casting job, another from someone I was hoping would be out of my system within four days...much like nicotine...one more day to go, so we'll see. Not that I can't look back and say thank you Nicotine, you gave me good times. But right now, you're just no good for me, even though you're wrapped in sweet, pretty words. So, that gets a simple.."thank you" MOVING ON.
Check the casting email. Get the downlow, can it be done 12 days OUT, 10 by the time a definite decision is made. And they are in another country and a day ahead of us......ummm...Sure! My adreneline has kicked into gear at this point! This is part of the crazy highs you get from this business, the hurry ups and waits, the anticipation, the fast turn arounds, the crazy hours, then challendge to get "errrr done!" So of course I'm onboard!
Check list:
Pay for my LACASTING Subscription
Submitted for a particular RAD Music Video
Thank you Athena for dropping off post cards
Read storyboards and schedule for Commercial casting job
Emailed additional info and answers I needed(I know not acting but the checks help me pay rent so I can act, and I always learn on the otherside)
Emailed bank about a fee I shouldnt have this was very grown up of me
Asked Photographer friend about shooting this or next week, plus help with my reel and photo gallery for casting site. check him out: www.chrissistaphoto.com
Contact body Parts agent for casting
Worked on a Production information sheet/questionaire for casting
Updated facebook acting and love pages
Emailed my healer friend for Mugwort treatment
Touched base with my good friend and her doggie my other good friend - SEND THEM LOVE!
Athena and I discussed options and ideas for our Webisode that we started to brainstorm and few weeks ago.
And she started writing the first Episode!!! It's really cute and funny.
I bought cute girl folders for us last week to inspire us to fill it, and today she pasted Our Adorable LOGO title on them and found someone who can maybe do the animation for our opening credits!
Watched first season of The Super Man - A webisode I stubbled on at a festival. THey are so friggin talented but a saw I few espidodes of season two which arent posted yet, and they are even better! check it out at: thesuperman.tv I totally have a creative crush on Mike Friedman! Plus he can fix things, I miss East Coast guys that can fix things...FOCUS NIKKI!
Things I didn't get to today:
Make a more professional invoice
Type out Questionaire
Weebly.com kept freezing on me so couldn't finish updated Stella Nova Casting website...friggin weebly! (Athena heard me say that about 20 times)
Update acting website
Yoga.....mmmm sad about this one
Organize headshot files...although I knew that wasnt today
Print,sign,mail manager contract
submitted for an extras commercial job...but didnt get called back...bummer
Good Feng Shui News OUR TUB LEAK IS FIXED...scary, I started collecting the water the past few days cause I figured I could use it to water my flowers. I have over three big containers full! Openned my eyes to water conservation! ONE DRIP GOES A LONG WAY PEOPLE! Please get them fixed right away....plus it symbolizes money going down the drain so if you won't do it for earth do it for your wallet.
Oh, and I'm not getting sick! I am perfectly vital and healthy!!! Now my coughing roomie might put in clue...."flames at the side of my face" Madeline Kahn are you kidding me?! YES!!!!!
Peace Love and Chocolate!
me xo
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Day 2 Of 30 Days to Success
Well, I'm tired. Wayyy more tired then I was last night at this time and I'm not quite sure I have any reason to be. Not the most productive day. But my evening was awesome and magical symbolism popped up.
I had to take a little detour from the selfishness today for a belated date for a friends bday. But whenever we hang out, which isnt often lately, because she's been living in another country, we spin goodness, and laughs, and Magic happens! She always inspires me...which is the perfect type of person to have around right now. We caught up on life, and love, in my case, lo....get it??? haha And she gave me good confirmation, a clear mirror, supported my fanatic idealism and gave me hope that what I truely deserve, will come. And we are both seeing Hummingbirds again, a good omen love is in the air! BUT THAT IS NOT MY FOCUS NOW ANYWAY!
So things I did manage to bring myself to today...
Submitted for acting work
Planned a day to work with a goddess friend and make some $$
Filled out 9 postcards for casting directors...I know it doesnt sound like much but considering the photo on the cards and the casting office's shows and the fact I only had 9 stamps...it made sense. Actually it was 11 postcards and 2 are getting left out for now.
Bank
Bookstore - Athena wanted a backstage and entertainment magazine to vision board with. I looked for a book a friend recommended...found it, then realized I already had 4 books that I still needed to finish.
Grocery store
Set an appointment for a casting office registration that does BG commercial work...cause its easy cash
Sent an email to a bigger SAG BG commercial work casting office in hopes that I can actually use my SAG card this year!
Sent an email to find out the stipend for my play
Sent an email about a couch from craigslist
Updated settings on this blogsite
Got a call to meet with someone about more possible dance work
Took a short quiz called Flow Test from finerminds to see what way of life & work I am. I'm sometimes "In Flow" & "Happy, but Broke" but mostly "Stressed Out Visionary" - which I thought was interesting!
Then I put together a cute little hippie outfit complete with Boho braids to hang with the birthday girl, who just came from a Mugwort Treatment, which I was just thinking of scheduling today. And we went for a drink....and NO drinks later cause we don't need them and no one asked our order and lots of talking and laughing in our own little bubble, I came home. Oh, but not before we connected a singer friend to a few of my songs, possibly, if it's a voice fit.
I settled in to find the roomie pasteing(how do you spell that?) her images and words after just watching an academy award winning movie UP IN THE AIR, Which for the record surprised me it was academy award something....I made some food-left overs & french fries, and thought of what other steps I could take towards my career before the end of the day.
So I get on facebook, cause that's productive and the first news feed I see, reminds me, I have to reset who's in my news feeds. Then I get a message from a girl who went to my college. She asked me for some career advice, steps in casting and acting in LA. Normally I jump right on those questions and enthusiatically give any guidence I can muster...this time, I did something different, I had to because of this 30 plan! I explained what I was doing for myself and assured her after I was done I'd help her however I could. It felt good. It was freeing. It was the way we are supposed to treat ourselves. Put on your own air mask first...right?!
So then what? I look over my check list, get ready to blog and Athena wants to find her doppelganger. Well this distracted me on and off during me writing this blog actually. Those online tests are pretty funny. I did it 2 years ago and got a bunch of celebrities that were so so -to- not at all matches, including a man....pretty much the same thing happened to her. But it's entertaining.
One thing I didnt do today, that was on the list, was start redesigning new biz cards. And I'm a little nervous about not having any work lined up until fri...errrr. Wow, how is it one in the morning? Bed...maybe bring one of the 4 books I need to finish, oh wait need a lamp...yeah, so bed. And put the lamp on the list!
Good night luvs!
me - xo
I had to take a little detour from the selfishness today for a belated date for a friends bday. But whenever we hang out, which isnt often lately, because she's been living in another country, we spin goodness, and laughs, and Magic happens! She always inspires me...which is the perfect type of person to have around right now. We caught up on life, and love, in my case, lo....get it??? haha And she gave me good confirmation, a clear mirror, supported my fanatic idealism and gave me hope that what I truely deserve, will come. And we are both seeing Hummingbirds again, a good omen love is in the air! BUT THAT IS NOT MY FOCUS NOW ANYWAY!
So things I did manage to bring myself to today...
Submitted for acting work
Planned a day to work with a goddess friend and make some $$
Filled out 9 postcards for casting directors...I know it doesnt sound like much but considering the photo on the cards and the casting office's shows and the fact I only had 9 stamps...it made sense. Actually it was 11 postcards and 2 are getting left out for now.
Bank
Bookstore - Athena wanted a backstage and entertainment magazine to vision board with. I looked for a book a friend recommended...found it, then realized I already had 4 books that I still needed to finish.
Grocery store
Set an appointment for a casting office registration that does BG commercial work...cause its easy cash
Sent an email to a bigger SAG BG commercial work casting office in hopes that I can actually use my SAG card this year!
Sent an email to find out the stipend for my play
Sent an email about a couch from craigslist
Updated settings on this blogsite
Got a call to meet with someone about more possible dance work
Took a short quiz called Flow Test from finerminds to see what way of life & work I am. I'm sometimes "In Flow" & "Happy, but Broke" but mostly "Stressed Out Visionary" - which I thought was interesting!
Then I put together a cute little hippie outfit complete with Boho braids to hang with the birthday girl, who just came from a Mugwort Treatment, which I was just thinking of scheduling today. And we went for a drink....and NO drinks later cause we don't need them and no one asked our order and lots of talking and laughing in our own little bubble, I came home. Oh, but not before we connected a singer friend to a few of my songs, possibly, if it's a voice fit.
I settled in to find the roomie pasteing(how do you spell that?) her images and words after just watching an academy award winning movie UP IN THE AIR, Which for the record surprised me it was academy award something....I made some food-left overs & french fries, and thought of what other steps I could take towards my career before the end of the day.
So I get on facebook, cause that's productive and the first news feed I see, reminds me, I have to reset who's in my news feeds. Then I get a message from a girl who went to my college. She asked me for some career advice, steps in casting and acting in LA. Normally I jump right on those questions and enthusiatically give any guidence I can muster...this time, I did something different, I had to because of this 30 plan! I explained what I was doing for myself and assured her after I was done I'd help her however I could. It felt good. It was freeing. It was the way we are supposed to treat ourselves. Put on your own air mask first...right?!
So then what? I look over my check list, get ready to blog and Athena wants to find her doppelganger. Well this distracted me on and off during me writing this blog actually. Those online tests are pretty funny. I did it 2 years ago and got a bunch of celebrities that were so so -to- not at all matches, including a man....pretty much the same thing happened to her. But it's entertaining.
One thing I didnt do today, that was on the list, was start redesigning new biz cards. And I'm a little nervous about not having any work lined up until fri...errrr. Wow, how is it one in the morning? Bed...maybe bring one of the 4 books I need to finish, oh wait need a lamp...yeah, so bed. And put the lamp on the list!
Good night luvs!
me - xo
Sunday, August 15, 2010
30 Days to success! Day one!
Oh boy....this is really harder than I thought. Last week in analyzing our lives and focus and trying to figure our shit out, my roomate Athena and I came up with a plan. The plan was to give ourselves a 30 day challenge. The 30 day challenge would constist of us solely putting energy and focus into our careers. Not getting distracted with boys, or friends careers, or strangers problems....which we tend to have the personalities that attract all of that....BUT to take steps everyday at Focusing, energizing, and being in line with our goals and passions and making our living doing what we love. We've been playing the roles of the struggling gypsy artists for too long!!! As in our whole lives!
So how do we change it? Not quite sure yet, but have a few ideas. There seems to be a pattern of lack of follow through. I know we have both had problems with finishing things we start for ourselves, and over commit to things outside of our own best interests...well that has manifested itself in the universe to show us in different ways, such as, things dont quite work out the way we intend, like a missing pieces to situations or people, a guy showing interest but then doesnt ask us out or a job offer that seems definate then you never hear about it again. weird shit. but it makes sense. So we are committing ourselves to finishing things in the next 30 days. That one of the big goals.
Also the time and energy we females put into guys and what we think they are thinking, and feeling, doing, and overanalyzing it to death! We are the complicated ones, men are simple. If we put half the energy we do into, chasing, loving, building up, fighting with, wondering about, and trying to teach them.....that we did in our careers and ourselves....WE'D RULE THE WORLD! So this would be the second big thing!
Also our space is a bit unfinished. We still dont have a couch. we are putting vision boards and inspirational things on the walls to help us manifest but there is something to be said about a complete comfortable efficient home. So a couch, much like dudes rug would really tie the room together and make this space feel more complete! That's 3rd.
And 4th...is being productive with our time and finding ways to create more money coming in. Maybe the most important one! which btw is way easier if one and two are under control!
So here we are day one...........I've had a hard time thus far. my head and heart has been a little distracted. But its amazing how the universe clears out things or people when you make this kind of choice and commitment. I woke up out of strange dreams eagerly ready to start the day, with a to do list, coffee, and internet when my roomie asked me about last night. Last night is part of the clearing, I was hoping to not put energy into it today, it was a break up or off of sorts. A little heart and ego bruise, but needed to happen for various reasons. So we flushed that out. I felt good about it. The flushing it out that is. Anyways moving on...
Now to being productive....
I did some submissions for acting jobs. With my money candle lit.
I checked my bank account and wasnt too distressed, but definately needs some attention.
I hung some creative pix and cut out words from newspapers and magazines to give us some more inspiration on the walls.
Athena worked on designing her business cards on vistaprint.
Then I got a facebook....I couldnt help but read and answer a message that I probably shouldnt have, but still felt good and it hit some heart strings.
NOW Back to being productive!
Put some happy music on because I was feeling a little ansty and didnt know what to do next....
Athena was getting ready for a murder mystery birthday party...but we can justify her going since she gets to play a character.
I check my email....fuck, distraction two and three....yeh but booo, shit, things that are nice to read but your not really ready too read them yet, now my focus is not on me again....
Then shared a little skyppe with a british friend for a few minutes. He offered me a much needed giggle!
Okay work out! That's good for me! Cardio barre DVD please kick my ass and get me out of my head and in my body. Try a few new yoga poses, but it aint workin, today is just a wobbly day...
Athena left for her party and left me to my own undoing....played some guitar and realized how long it's been since I gave attention to that side of myself...ick...shower....turned bath...turned insense, candle and witch herbs to try a cure this bluesy mood. Then as part of my release plan....listen to the radio interview, fuck, my distraction that I was supposed to be rid of "live" while I'm trying literally to wash it away. By the end I was dancing it out in the middle of my living room to the perfect song! That was magical, and dancing is part of my 30 day plan, but I'm still sad. And what sucks is I dont really have a legit reason to be. Because its all perfectly divine, I trust that, but maybe I'm mourning something else with this whole 30 day thing?
I just made some food...not sure what else I could realistical focus on tonight with my head and heart space in this current state. I think it just needs to take its course. My college professor called me today I noticed in my phone which is perfect since he was always a champion of telling me to remember that I'M NUMBER ONE (I just looked at his picture yesterday too, ha!) I also declined a comedy show with a friend, cause I can't bare the thought of Hollywood right now. Though I could use some laughing. So I think it's food, pjs, movie or two and bed! Make it an early night for a change.
The good news is a few days ago I got a head start on this, the universe awarded me by giving me a paid role in my friends film, as well as booking a play. And athena booked some commercial work. yeh!!! I have also gotten confirmation I'm heading the right way by certain symbols and signs and syncrocities that show themselves. But for the record I did get caught into still helping other people with a few things....just suggesting artists to artists, offering to be with my friends doggy, sending mom's healing info, and listening to and supporting something I probably shouldnt have yet.....
But hey I'm a beginner. If anyone has any ideas, words of wisdom, or advice on how to be focused, tunnel visioned, narcissistic, and selfish please let me know! It's way harder than I thought. Some people must go to college for this! haha
Just so you know I am commiting to this blog everyday to keep track of this adventure. Feel free to join me along the way. They wont always be this long! I hope I find something in myself that you can use or learn from. And vice versa.
Lots of love and please wish me luck!
me-xo
So how do we change it? Not quite sure yet, but have a few ideas. There seems to be a pattern of lack of follow through. I know we have both had problems with finishing things we start for ourselves, and over commit to things outside of our own best interests...well that has manifested itself in the universe to show us in different ways, such as, things dont quite work out the way we intend, like a missing pieces to situations or people, a guy showing interest but then doesnt ask us out or a job offer that seems definate then you never hear about it again. weird shit. but it makes sense. So we are committing ourselves to finishing things in the next 30 days. That one of the big goals.
Also the time and energy we females put into guys and what we think they are thinking, and feeling, doing, and overanalyzing it to death! We are the complicated ones, men are simple. If we put half the energy we do into, chasing, loving, building up, fighting with, wondering about, and trying to teach them.....that we did in our careers and ourselves....WE'D RULE THE WORLD! So this would be the second big thing!
Also our space is a bit unfinished. We still dont have a couch. we are putting vision boards and inspirational things on the walls to help us manifest but there is something to be said about a complete comfortable efficient home. So a couch, much like dudes rug would really tie the room together and make this space feel more complete! That's 3rd.
And 4th...is being productive with our time and finding ways to create more money coming in. Maybe the most important one! which btw is way easier if one and two are under control!
So here we are day one...........I've had a hard time thus far. my head and heart has been a little distracted. But its amazing how the universe clears out things or people when you make this kind of choice and commitment. I woke up out of strange dreams eagerly ready to start the day, with a to do list, coffee, and internet when my roomie asked me about last night. Last night is part of the clearing, I was hoping to not put energy into it today, it was a break up or off of sorts. A little heart and ego bruise, but needed to happen for various reasons. So we flushed that out. I felt good about it. The flushing it out that is. Anyways moving on...
Now to being productive....
I did some submissions for acting jobs. With my money candle lit.
I checked my bank account and wasnt too distressed, but definately needs some attention.
I hung some creative pix and cut out words from newspapers and magazines to give us some more inspiration on the walls.
Athena worked on designing her business cards on vistaprint.
Then I got a facebook....I couldnt help but read and answer a message that I probably shouldnt have, but still felt good and it hit some heart strings.
NOW Back to being productive!
Put some happy music on because I was feeling a little ansty and didnt know what to do next....
Athena was getting ready for a murder mystery birthday party...but we can justify her going since she gets to play a character.
I check my email....fuck, distraction two and three....yeh but booo, shit, things that are nice to read but your not really ready too read them yet, now my focus is not on me again....
Then shared a little skyppe with a british friend for a few minutes. He offered me a much needed giggle!
Okay work out! That's good for me! Cardio barre DVD please kick my ass and get me out of my head and in my body. Try a few new yoga poses, but it aint workin, today is just a wobbly day...
Athena left for her party and left me to my own undoing....played some guitar and realized how long it's been since I gave attention to that side of myself...ick...shower....turned bath...turned insense, candle and witch herbs to try a cure this bluesy mood. Then as part of my release plan....listen to the radio interview, fuck, my distraction that I was supposed to be rid of "live" while I'm trying literally to wash it away. By the end I was dancing it out in the middle of my living room to the perfect song! That was magical, and dancing is part of my 30 day plan, but I'm still sad. And what sucks is I dont really have a legit reason to be. Because its all perfectly divine, I trust that, but maybe I'm mourning something else with this whole 30 day thing?
I just made some food...not sure what else I could realistical focus on tonight with my head and heart space in this current state. I think it just needs to take its course. My college professor called me today I noticed in my phone which is perfect since he was always a champion of telling me to remember that I'M NUMBER ONE (I just looked at his picture yesterday too, ha!) I also declined a comedy show with a friend, cause I can't bare the thought of Hollywood right now. Though I could use some laughing. So I think it's food, pjs, movie or two and bed! Make it an early night for a change.
The good news is a few days ago I got a head start on this, the universe awarded me by giving me a paid role in my friends film, as well as booking a play. And athena booked some commercial work. yeh!!! I have also gotten confirmation I'm heading the right way by certain symbols and signs and syncrocities that show themselves. But for the record I did get caught into still helping other people with a few things....just suggesting artists to artists, offering to be with my friends doggy, sending mom's healing info, and listening to and supporting something I probably shouldnt have yet.....
But hey I'm a beginner. If anyone has any ideas, words of wisdom, or advice on how to be focused, tunnel visioned, narcissistic, and selfish please let me know! It's way harder than I thought. Some people must go to college for this! haha
Just so you know I am commiting to this blog everyday to keep track of this adventure. Feel free to join me along the way. They wont always be this long! I hope I find something in myself that you can use or learn from. And vice versa.
Lots of love and please wish me luck!
me-xo
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