Oh boy....this is really harder than I thought. Last week in analyzing our lives and focus and trying to figure our shit out, my roomate Athena and I came up with a plan. The plan was to give ourselves a 30 day challenge. The 30 day challenge would constist of us solely putting energy and focus into our careers. Not getting distracted with boys, or friends careers, or strangers problems....which we tend to have the personalities that attract all of that....BUT to take steps everyday at Focusing, energizing, and being in line with our goals and passions and making our living doing what we love. We've been playing the roles of the struggling gypsy artists for too long!!! As in our whole lives!
So how do we change it? Not quite sure yet, but have a few ideas. There seems to be a pattern of lack of follow through. I know we have both had problems with finishing things we start for ourselves, and over commit to things outside of our own best interests...well that has manifested itself in the universe to show us in different ways, such as, things dont quite work out the way we intend, like a missing pieces to situations or people, a guy showing interest but then doesnt ask us out or a job offer that seems definate then you never hear about it again. weird shit. but it makes sense. So we are committing ourselves to finishing things in the next 30 days. That one of the big goals.
Also the time and energy we females put into guys and what we think they are thinking, and feeling, doing, and overanalyzing it to death! We are the complicated ones, men are simple. If we put half the energy we do into, chasing, loving, building up, fighting with, wondering about, and trying to teach them.....that we did in our careers and ourselves....WE'D RULE THE WORLD! So this would be the second big thing!
Also our space is a bit unfinished. We still dont have a couch. we are putting vision boards and inspirational things on the walls to help us manifest but there is something to be said about a complete comfortable efficient home. So a couch, much like dudes rug would really tie the room together and make this space feel more complete! That's 3rd.
And 4th...is being productive with our time and finding ways to create more money coming in. Maybe the most important one! which btw is way easier if one and two are under control!
So here we are day one...........I've had a hard time thus far. my head and heart has been a little distracted. But its amazing how the universe clears out things or people when you make this kind of choice and commitment. I woke up out of strange dreams eagerly ready to start the day, with a to do list, coffee, and internet when my roomie asked me about last night. Last night is part of the clearing, I was hoping to not put energy into it today, it was a break up or off of sorts. A little heart and ego bruise, but needed to happen for various reasons. So we flushed that out. I felt good about it. The flushing it out that is. Anyways moving on...
Now to being productive....
I did some submissions for acting jobs. With my money candle lit.
I checked my bank account and wasnt too distressed, but definately needs some attention.
I hung some creative pix and cut out words from newspapers and magazines to give us some more inspiration on the walls.
Athena worked on designing her business cards on vistaprint.
Then I got a facebook....I couldnt help but read and answer a message that I probably shouldnt have, but still felt good and it hit some heart strings.
NOW Back to being productive!
Put some happy music on because I was feeling a little ansty and didnt know what to do next....
Athena was getting ready for a murder mystery birthday party...but we can justify her going since she gets to play a character.
I check my email....fuck, distraction two and three....yeh but booo, shit, things that are nice to read but your not really ready too read them yet, now my focus is not on me again....
Then shared a little skyppe with a british friend for a few minutes. He offered me a much needed giggle!
Okay work out! That's good for me! Cardio barre DVD please kick my ass and get me out of my head and in my body. Try a few new yoga poses, but it aint workin, today is just a wobbly day...
Athena left for her party and left me to my own undoing....played some guitar and realized how long it's been since I gave attention to that side of myself...ick...shower....turned bath...turned insense, candle and witch herbs to try a cure this bluesy mood. Then as part of my release plan....listen to the radio interview, fuck, my distraction that I was supposed to be rid of "live" while I'm trying literally to wash it away. By the end I was dancing it out in the middle of my living room to the perfect song! That was magical, and dancing is part of my 30 day plan, but I'm still sad. And what sucks is I dont really have a legit reason to be. Because its all perfectly divine, I trust that, but maybe I'm mourning something else with this whole 30 day thing?
I just made some food...not sure what else I could realistical focus on tonight with my head and heart space in this current state. I think it just needs to take its course. My college professor called me today I noticed in my phone which is perfect since he was always a champion of telling me to remember that I'M NUMBER ONE (I just looked at his picture yesterday too, ha!) I also declined a comedy show with a friend, cause I can't bare the thought of Hollywood right now. Though I could use some laughing. So I think it's food, pjs, movie or two and bed! Make it an early night for a change.
The good news is a few days ago I got a head start on this, the universe awarded me by giving me a paid role in my friends film, as well as booking a play. And athena booked some commercial work. yeh!!! I have also gotten confirmation I'm heading the right way by certain symbols and signs and syncrocities that show themselves. But for the record I did get caught into still helping other people with a few things....just suggesting artists to artists, offering to be with my friends doggy, sending mom's healing info, and listening to and supporting something I probably shouldnt have yet.....
But hey I'm a beginner. If anyone has any ideas, words of wisdom, or advice on how to be focused, tunnel visioned, narcissistic, and selfish please let me know! It's way harder than I thought. Some people must go to college for this! haha
Just so you know I am commiting to this blog everyday to keep track of this adventure. Feel free to join me along the way. They wont always be this long! I hope I find something in myself that you can use or learn from. And vice versa.
Lots of love and please wish me luck!
me-xo
No comments:
Post a Comment