Omg! It's only day 4. I feel like so much has happened today. First of all, let me just say this....you thought I gave up already huh, since it's 4:44am and I'm just blogging, how many of you thought, there she goes again, not finishing???? hahah I almost did too. But I have good reason for being detained. But we will get there in due time.
Today is going to be a tough one to explain, it will take forever if I go into too much detail...I realize I'm pretty long winded already. So my check list didn't go so well today. Out of 23 things I set out to do, knowing full well a handfull wouldn't have a chance in hell getting done, I only managed to get through 12.
Things accomplished...
I got my period! yes, that was on the list...ladies you know the releif that comes with that after a separation! lol
Cross reference list from yesterday
I worked on my plants you reep what you sew
Found a scene that I want to tape for reel
Fight this on coming cold
Athena has been watching Cougartown as writing reference so I guess I can't take credit for that one.
Bank fix
Student Loans fix
Acting submissions
Read something that I needed to revisit
Meditate, 2 times!
Yoga
Facial
I won't even get into what I didn't get to. I want to talk about the power of these meditations! wow! And I wouldn't have even done it if I didnt pull out the High Priestess card last night before I went to bed. I asked what I needed to know to get through this process and accomplish my goals. The High Priestess says Hidden Knowledge needs to see the light of Day, to meditiate and go inside the self. So I did...
Here's the Highlights...I went into my light and sprouted my wings, called my spirit animal, who reminded me of our first lesson on tools I have to manifest, then he said I needed to go deeper and sent me down a stair case. I came to three different rooms with three different versions of myself in each, stuck, grieving and hurt in some way. I was quantum jumping if you will to heal these versions of myself. One I had to discover my own power, I was being tortured during the witch hunts and I was fearful and stuck and shackled. My spirit self gave my then self the strength to show who she really was to these guys and I became furious, and threatening and made them piss themselves and said, "you don't like what you see do you?" they said "no," Then self said "well I'm a reflection of you, this is what you do to people you judge, and threaten and hurt! I could kill you right now but I wont when I leave here you will forget that this happened and you will change your ways, you will always accept others for being different and give them love and when you see me, you will smile." And they did.
I had to literally enter the grieving woman's body and help her escape to a place where she could say goodbye to a loved one, who reincarnated already as a butterfly. And finally my favorite, I was a pet of a friend, who I actually have in this lifetime, I had to jump out of my animal body and into myself as human and dance with her! Which is how I met her in this life, she got me dancing! When I returned my spirit animal said I had to take a break but there was more to do in a half hour.
Wild right? The next meditation started with a bath and some "lift me up" music that got me choreographing in my head, taking me back to a dance project idea, that will happen one day, not too far off. And then I drifted into a job I want to attract, and the man I want to attract, total visual fantasy, creation mode. In the mist of this I got some good advice from my spirit animal. A lesson in how to recieve, since it seems I have been missing certain puzzle pieces.
I'll get incomplete versions of what I'm asking for. Like working on a studio lot...cool...then I get Audience work! errr. Or the perfect spirtually aware man who's creative, and attractive, and not an actor. But he smokes weed, or he's married, or he's an actor/tutor. Or the yes Nikki we want you right now then next day, no just kidding! Thats with jobs and guys. I'm giving at the wrong time or I'm recieving in the wrong form. So instead of seeing someone in need, and just offering myself freely to help, then expect it will come back someway. I should see that person in need and hear them actually ask for help whether directly or indirectly and then offer because then they are more apt to realize they requested assistant and will pay for said assistance, whether money, love or a simple thank you. It's a more equal exchange.
Like a breakdown for a job. I'm looking for this, it pays this. I read it, I know I have the skills I see what I'm getting out of it, and I say I can do that, now it's up to both of us, if I get the part. Sometimes I jump in before I see what I'm getting out of it. And regret it later.
Wow, 5:33...okay gotta wrap this up. Okay so, I did get off track in my selfishness tonight which is why the blog is so late. But I got an immediate karmic exchange lesson after my spiritual journey today that showed me the way of selfishness, balanced with compassion and purpose and a reminder of boundaries. My friend and I have been going back & forth the past few days about the health of her dog. She asked if i could come over. She picked me up and I immediately held Lolli her dog in my arms and felt life & Love. She seemed tired but not as fatal as she was describe by the doctors to my friend. My friend of course has been beside herself. But there was still vital energy in this little being. I just sensed more than anything she had needed Love and peace and protection.
So most of the night she stayed in my arms, eventually my friends nervous, sad, energy started to shift more balanced as well. And as the 2 of us caught up on lost months, it was quickly revealed how much stress, and shifting, and negitive energy had been around her. And this dog was a sponge to all of that. I did a reading on what Lolli needed...it described everything that was surrounding my friend at the moment, and what she had to do for herself.
There's no way to know if the Vet is right in his assumption of Lolli's days left with us. But for the purposes of greater good and healing. This is a lesson in what we hold on to can literally make us sick. what we put out to others can do real damage. What we surround ourselves with has a direct effect on our well-being. If it's broke fix it, or throw it out...this goes for people too! I'm serious!
I left a content doggie and a more peaceful friend at 4am. This was many hours not just focused on my 30 day plan. But I gained a great deal of clarity from this experience for myself too, and it showed me a strength I have to share. It also created a new, loving, healthy support dynamic to our relationship, cause I'm pretty sure it was my turn, to be there for my good friend, in a way she could hear me and learn. And it also gave me practice in doing what I needed for me by getting myself home and not sleeping over so it's easier to start day 5!
This might be the longest one yet, huh? Sorry! But there's so many lessons to share!!!!
Blowing my nose & passing out.
ps...Hummingbird a foot from my face! forgot to mention that!
Good morningnight!
Love
me xo
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