Oh boy, here I am again. The past 2 weeks, overextending my energy. Classes online, not as easy as expected. How does one get only 7 out of 10 right on an open book quiz??? hmm? Well take one 30 girl seeking, mix it with a half a month of lack of proper sleep and mix it with 8 years of not being in school with a dash of not entirely retaining the 6 chapters of black & white, facts and figures text book reading and voila'! Just finished a partial writing assignment and what I'm finding with some of this school work, because of life experience I'm ahead of the game at times, even knowing shit before reading about it....or I'm psychic. But other times I feel like I have early Alzheimer's. I can't remember anything! So thank god I can cheat! I thought for a moment, in reflection earlier, that my quiz status may have been the cause of some unconscious guilt to using my text book and Google when answering questions, but my guidance counselor was the one that actually gave me the idea/suggestion in the first place! haha So...no...
What else? Dancing up a storm, like a lot - a lot, got the company, the go go gig and was offered a choreographer assistance position. Notice I didn't use the word job? Well that's because at first I wasn't being offered pay, it's so much time I'm putting into the company already, but I'm grateful, I look at it like free dance class, today I had to make a point about my schedule, I'm going into rehearsals for my play this weekend too, I'm tapped out! And I still don't have a job! Not for lack of trying mind you 2 interviews and a gizillions resumes emailed later and nada! Lordy Bee! Not quite sure how rent and the car are gonna be covered. But He did say he would pay me to help so yeh!!! Now I gotta find the time! Ahhhh
I've been wanting to develop my own Dance project. And still working out the resources, but have talent in place. TIME & MONEY. The 2 biggest illusions that we create, according to every spiritual book I pick up yet the 2 biggest struggles humans deal with beside the search for love. Ooooh, speaking of, met a cute boy at a screening for a movie I cast. And I met his dad. Who is equally adorable. But then I find out he's an actor, which I made a point I didn't want in my list, and the penis detox is in effect.... err. Well, if he treats me better than the non-actors I have been dating and can respect the detox for a bit and not judge my living circumstances, then he may be a winner....oh who am I kidding, he could do way better than me and the state right now. haha shit! I'd say no to me!
Has anyone out there ever left a stove on in a friends apartment that your staying in for over 3 hours emanating the interesting aroma of burnt sweet potato fries for her to come home to a discover, officially stamping yourself as the more scattered and irresponsible roommate, even though she thinks she's ADD? No? yehhh....that would suck.
When does transitory stop being transitory? I feel like I have been dancing this dance for too long now....OH my fries! Gotta go before I burn the apartment down.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The whirlwind of positive and negitive Experience
AHHHHHH. A bit overwhelmed. haha to think a few weeks ago I was bored. Well be careful what you wish for, and how you wish for it I might add.
I know I have a lot to catch you up on but here's the abridged version. My class started psych online course and I forgot how to be attentive to detail since not being in school the past 10 years. I love our discussions but hate reading text book writing Seriously do they purposely write to sooo friggin boring. Rehearsing with Dance group, inspiring my own ideas for my own group, but of course the money struggle is still going strong. one very PT job ended, had 2 interviews and a commercial audition to no avail, got a random one night dance gig that involved me and a pole with my clothes ON, wasn't expecting the pole mind you and getting whiplash from headbanging to an AC/DC cover band, then the kicker after I got loads of compliments on my amateur pole dancing skills the next band sets up a who cover band, and I go on stage to do what I'm being paid for and the guitarist KICKED me off stage the little 5.7 old fucker came up behind me like a bull scared the shit out of me, and said NO, ah what?! apparently he didn't get the memo there was going to be a dancer and thought I was an audience slut, no I was a paid slut and thanks for the further Embarrassment Mr. Who wanna be musician! Oh and to top it off I was fighting a cold the past week. And watching my roomie's dog! That little handful of love was probably the best part!
Did I already tell you guys about the Mugwort treatment...yes I think so. Can you tell I'm overwhelmed and scattered? What else oh so today I had the bright idea to get started on week 2 of classes which entails 2 discussions 4 debates, 4 chapters of excruciatingly boring reading, a quiz and a paper. Well got very distracted at the coffee shop that was supposed to be my place of center and concentration. There were puddles, rainbows, puppies and children, I asked for beauty today and got it, I was in a great mood but got 3 pages of reading done none of which I retained, I'm sure. Then got a lovely email saying I got an over drafted notice which was an unauthorized purchase, which also forced to the realization of my enormously sad state of financial status. With this as the start of my week. Plus rehearsal. Plus job hunting. plus my roommate came back home which means I'm back on the couch and will probably want to distract myself with girlie wine, chocolate, and movie nights.....argggg...... Don't expect me to be very social, not that I have been lately. Eeww I irk myself. Apologies all around! Just realizing my abridged is still pretty long!
I know I have a lot to catch you up on but here's the abridged version. My class started psych online course and I forgot how to be attentive to detail since not being in school the past 10 years. I love our discussions but hate reading text book writing Seriously do they purposely write to sooo friggin boring. Rehearsing with Dance group, inspiring my own ideas for my own group, but of course the money struggle is still going strong. one very PT job ended, had 2 interviews and a commercial audition to no avail, got a random one night dance gig that involved me and a pole with my clothes ON, wasn't expecting the pole mind you and getting whiplash from headbanging to an AC/DC cover band, then the kicker after I got loads of compliments on my amateur pole dancing skills the next band sets up a who cover band, and I go on stage to do what I'm being paid for and the guitarist KICKED me off stage the little 5.7 old fucker came up behind me like a bull scared the shit out of me, and said NO, ah what?! apparently he didn't get the memo there was going to be a dancer and thought I was an audience slut, no I was a paid slut and thanks for the further Embarrassment Mr. Who wanna be musician! Oh and to top it off I was fighting a cold the past week. And watching my roomie's dog! That little handful of love was probably the best part!
Did I already tell you guys about the Mugwort treatment...yes I think so. Can you tell I'm overwhelmed and scattered? What else oh so today I had the bright idea to get started on week 2 of classes which entails 2 discussions 4 debates, 4 chapters of excruciatingly boring reading, a quiz and a paper. Well got very distracted at the coffee shop that was supposed to be my place of center and concentration. There were puddles, rainbows, puppies and children, I asked for beauty today and got it, I was in a great mood but got 3 pages of reading done none of which I retained, I'm sure. Then got a lovely email saying I got an over drafted notice which was an unauthorized purchase, which also forced to the realization of my enormously sad state of financial status. With this as the start of my week. Plus rehearsal. Plus job hunting. plus my roommate came back home which means I'm back on the couch and will probably want to distract myself with girlie wine, chocolate, and movie nights.....argggg...... Don't expect me to be very social, not that I have been lately. Eeww I irk myself. Apologies all around! Just realizing my abridged is still pretty long!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Fighting a cold...healing with Plant Spirits
So I got a little lax again. But I swear I have been fighting a cold all weekend. Like not full force but the drained feeling and the sore throat. Of course I get that right before a musical Audition which is tomorrow. We'll see how I feel tomorrow.
Just got home from dance rehearsal and my brain is a little mushed so pardon me. But excited cause I have space available to me to start my dance project if I can get everything else together. I feel like I have been in fast forward and pulled in a few different directions and now I need a week vacation. Which I sure sounds rediculous to most people since I don't have a regular job. But I sware all the shit I do you and energy I put out in every moment I feel like I'm working over over time! Not complaining! I love that I'm getting to do what I enjoy but I wondering how I could manage it all a little better and conserve some energy. Its tricky.
I'm getting better at focusing on important or beneficial things as opposed to drama. I'm not as easily engaged in it now a days. Although I did have a mini episode last week....I said better not cured! But now I'm not attracting as much and when people do try to engage me in it I either get turned off by them and avoid them or nip it in the bud. I've been the open window for too long. Its like Ive been walking around with a sign on my head that reads please dump bullshit here. NO MORE! I don't mind being there for someone if they need an ear here and there but you can tell the difference talking to someone who has a therapist, trying to get help...(usually cause they say well my therapist says)...or there's the one's that elect you to listen, because you are free. Wouldn't it be great to get a machine somehow connected to your phone that would keep track of the minutes wasted listening to someone bitch and complain about something they put themselves in and refused to get themselves out of? Then a play back would be great too, so after tallying the bill you can say, hey, here listen to that incredible narcissism? Is that fun to you? No right? .30 cents a minute please!
These of course are the same people who will cut you off while you try to confide in them, or give you the guilt trip texts when you don't respond. "well you must be happy" really? Sound a bit passive aggressive? I am good, because I'm not swimming in your shit with you, sorry! One of my therapist/spiritual counselors once told me to 1) monitor my calls, to check in with myself before being at the beck and call of everyone else, there is voice-mail for a reason. and 2)saying NO is a spiritual YES....ahhhh those are two great things to adopt in life. Anyways! This was so not where I was going with this blog when I started! haha
Plant Spirits! Yeh! I payed a visit to a very magical, nurturing, talented woman today who I have gone to for Mugwort treatments before. I haven't been in a few weeks actually maybe 2 months. Oh boy did I need it. I felt so good afterward! And I journeyed man! woahhh, I saw my right arm glowing like a wand, An old man working on my right injured leg-who kept telling me to step..I have to step into my own projects and ideas and goals, A cobra snake and I was dancing like a snake charmer and a voice told my I could allure anything I wanted once I owned this power then a flashed through a lot of personal goals, and a dance production Ive seen before but more elaborate The Tree of Life Dance I call it, went to my peaceful place and played with my doggies in green pastures, then I had huge wings and was kind of a human hawk lady, then I saw me in a wedding dress and it had symbols of all the elements, such a cool frigging dress, layers, Lacey, & feathery, we were getting married on the beach, earth beneath our feet, wind in our hair, water by our side and fire burning in front of us, it was beautiful but I'm NOT sure who I was marrying! lol
Then I met my spirit animal and he took me to cool places and had me repeat these words. "I have ALL that I need right now. I am Powerful and I am Mighty. I heal because I am Healed, I trust because I am trustworthy, I love because I am loved. I bring in All that I want to receive to ME, this holds true, 3 x 3 x 3, Blessed Be"
Just got home from dance rehearsal and my brain is a little mushed so pardon me. But excited cause I have space available to me to start my dance project if I can get everything else together. I feel like I have been in fast forward and pulled in a few different directions and now I need a week vacation. Which I sure sounds rediculous to most people since I don't have a regular job. But I sware all the shit I do you and energy I put out in every moment I feel like I'm working over over time! Not complaining! I love that I'm getting to do what I enjoy but I wondering how I could manage it all a little better and conserve some energy. Its tricky.
I'm getting better at focusing on important or beneficial things as opposed to drama. I'm not as easily engaged in it now a days. Although I did have a mini episode last week....I said better not cured! But now I'm not attracting as much and when people do try to engage me in it I either get turned off by them and avoid them or nip it in the bud. I've been the open window for too long. Its like Ive been walking around with a sign on my head that reads please dump bullshit here. NO MORE! I don't mind being there for someone if they need an ear here and there but you can tell the difference talking to someone who has a therapist, trying to get help...(usually cause they say well my therapist says)...or there's the one's that elect you to listen, because you are free. Wouldn't it be great to get a machine somehow connected to your phone that would keep track of the minutes wasted listening to someone bitch and complain about something they put themselves in and refused to get themselves out of? Then a play back would be great too, so after tallying the bill you can say, hey, here listen to that incredible narcissism? Is that fun to you? No right? .30 cents a minute please!
These of course are the same people who will cut you off while you try to confide in them, or give you the guilt trip texts when you don't respond. "well you must be happy" really? Sound a bit passive aggressive? I am good, because I'm not swimming in your shit with you, sorry! One of my therapist/spiritual counselors once told me to 1) monitor my calls, to check in with myself before being at the beck and call of everyone else, there is voice-mail for a reason. and 2)saying NO is a spiritual YES....ahhhh those are two great things to adopt in life. Anyways! This was so not where I was going with this blog when I started! haha
Plant Spirits! Yeh! I payed a visit to a very magical, nurturing, talented woman today who I have gone to for Mugwort treatments before. I haven't been in a few weeks actually maybe 2 months. Oh boy did I need it. I felt so good afterward! And I journeyed man! woahhh, I saw my right arm glowing like a wand, An old man working on my right injured leg-who kept telling me to step..I have to step into my own projects and ideas and goals, A cobra snake and I was dancing like a snake charmer and a voice told my I could allure anything I wanted once I owned this power then a flashed through a lot of personal goals, and a dance production Ive seen before but more elaborate The Tree of Life Dance I call it, went to my peaceful place and played with my doggies in green pastures, then I had huge wings and was kind of a human hawk lady, then I saw me in a wedding dress and it had symbols of all the elements, such a cool frigging dress, layers, Lacey, & feathery, we were getting married on the beach, earth beneath our feet, wind in our hair, water by our side and fire burning in front of us, it was beautiful but I'm NOT sure who I was marrying! lol
Then I met my spirit animal and he took me to cool places and had me repeat these words. "I have ALL that I need right now. I am Powerful and I am Mighty. I heal because I am Healed, I trust because I am trustworthy, I love because I am loved. I bring in All that I want to receive to ME, this holds true, 3 x 3 x 3, Blessed Be"
Saturday, January 9, 2010
A Stranger Encounter
So yesterday felt one of the longest most random-est days of my life. (either randomest isn't a word or spell check is fucking with me with the -est) I had already been exhausted from the week and had a total TGIF moment. I can't remember the last time I had that kind of moment cause most of my life feels like Fridays. I haven't had a normal persons schedule for a good three years.
Well yesterday consisted of getting up with not enough sleep from a night of rehearsal prior which also involved a conclusion of the gypsy lover. We'll get back to that. So up at 9:30am, running a casting call back for big booties by 11am which of course I run late for being stuck behind a bunch of lookieloos on the 405 due to an accident (it amazes me how people can't look outside of there ipod blaring/cell phone texting/steering wheel fantasy-land when changing lanes yet tragedy on the side of the road and they'll break their necks to get a good look.) So cast all day, then have my own audition for a commercial where I get to play a ME! Which was nice. Well a tired version of me. haha Then went to see my new friends play some live music, followed by not so great live music. But since I already paid 10 bucks to park then another 10 to get in I was gonna socialize and make it somewhat worth it. This lead me to dancing by myself at about 30-40% of my usual let looseness, and that of course attracted the drunkest man there to come over and tell me how beautiful my eyes were (in a dark bar) and that he would leave his girlfriend for me....ahhhh no no don't do that, please...eh
Unbeknown-st to me there was a 3rd party witnessing this from the sidelines and apparently would need a few more drinks before he got the nerve to talk to me. So very close to the point that I was ready to leave I feel a finger poking me in the back. I turn around to hear, Hey I really like your dancing you have great energy. awhhh thanks I say, and the hours went on from there. He talked me into going to the next bar over for another drink which I was glad to do, so I could dodge the drunken girlfriend guy, this particular Friday I think was the shortest I ever felt. I didn't wear heels which was good for Mr. back poker who was only about 5.8 but I was hurting my neck talking to the rest of the guys & girls around....it was a weird land of the tall twilight episode or something. After being greeted at the next bar by a 6.9 Hollywood boulevard scene minor celebrity our one drink turned into 2 drinks and a lot of talking about art & business and laughing and wiggling to Elvis tunes.
He somehow talked me into another place with a pit stop at his place first. You would think at 30 I'd know by now once a guy says lets stop at my place first, it means let's stop at my place so I can distract you until you forget we were going to go somewhere else. and then we can make-up somewgere comfortable and i will hopefully get you naked. ha ha. But it was cool. We played with his guitars I actually sang in front of a stranger...after 3 drinks and a shot of his special occasion tequila but I did it! Then a ridiculous movie and other grown up ridiculousness and it all resulted in a flat tire. Really?! oh yes, I saw the sun come up waiting for AAA.
What's the symbolism here? Meet a nice guy who's actually not one of the struggling musicians, but appreciates and supports art. who said he loved my dancing, who said I was beautiful, who loved my songs, who said he couldn't believe the girl dancing in front of him was now with him, who didn't want me to leave, who wanted to see me the next day......who's also moving to Brazil in a month....are you laughing yet?.....who walks me to my car to see a FLAT TIRE. ok, now you have to be laughing. Thank god HE had AAA. So what the hell? Was it all so I didn't get stuck on the high way somewhere by myself, did it save me from an accident, Was it to boost me back up after the night of TOO much truth with the gypsy.
By the way, back to the night before with barely any sleep, I had to literally ask the gypsy him not to shtoop anyone in our same circle, which luckily is just one circle, but I literally have to ask him if he cares about me at all to have enough respect for me not to throw it in my face. To which he says well I'm not going to stop being me, I don't want any drama. And I assured him that's why I'm saying this cause if you do, there probably will be drama...so sorry that's when my other twin comes out with claws. Disrespect me, and the hot tempered Portuguese comes out quick! There's a frigging chip missing in some people. Really? There's 4 million girls in this town and you might not be able control your hormones enough. Pathetic
And ladies, your just as bad pretending to be okay with. I'm mad at myself more than anything. Cause I said yes, I went in knowing how he is, the same reason i left the first time I'm leaving again. I'm sure there's some woman out there that function in there male energy more and don't get feelings involved just like some men that do. But it's fewer and farther between. So if you go along and pretend it's okay and keep throwing yourself around you'll eventually hit a wall of being unfulfilled and unsatisfied. Woman have the power truly. Yet, we aren't using it for a greater good. DON"T FAKE ORGASMS, it gives false instructions. DON"T COMPROMISE YOURSELF, you'll regret it and be bitter later, DON"T HIDE YOUR FEELINGS, if you don't talk about it your making assumptions and expectations and usually end up disappointed when they are not met, so you might as well know what you are getting into if your both not on the same page. And if you know what you are getting into before you get into it and any of it is inauthentic to you...IT WON"T WORK! why torture yourself trying to change for the sake of company or try to change someone else...which will never happen! You can give to yourself what, anyone else can, and its usually better anyways, and quicker most times....guys know this well! haha
Girls and boys just operate differently. And as much as I love it and hate it I'm a girl. I have girlie feelings. I like affection, I like compliments, I like to have dinner paid for, I like know I'm appreciated, I like to feel supported, I like to be made love to, I'd like a guy who can fix things then sing me a song with his guitar. I'm sorry, I'm a girl! And I'm not going to separate or compartmentalize my feelings anymore, because men can separate sex and feelings, that's fine and sad for them, I'm not playing anymore, you can keep playing with the 21 year old girls, that don't know how to be in there bodies yet, that make you feel like a porn star cause their too naive and don't know any better.
Today I woke up with only 3-4 hours of sleep, have been feeling sick most of the day. My throat and tummy hurt. Not sure why I'm still awake. But That's my stranger story. good night. zzzzzzzzzz
Well yesterday consisted of getting up with not enough sleep from a night of rehearsal prior which also involved a conclusion of the gypsy lover. We'll get back to that. So up at 9:30am, running a casting call back for big booties by 11am which of course I run late for being stuck behind a bunch of lookieloos on the 405 due to an accident (it amazes me how people can't look outside of there ipod blaring/cell phone texting/steering wheel fantasy-land when changing lanes yet tragedy on the side of the road and they'll break their necks to get a good look.) So cast all day, then have my own audition for a commercial where I get to play a ME! Which was nice. Well a tired version of me. haha Then went to see my new friends play some live music, followed by not so great live music. But since I already paid 10 bucks to park then another 10 to get in I was gonna socialize and make it somewhat worth it. This lead me to dancing by myself at about 30-40% of my usual let looseness, and that of course attracted the drunkest man there to come over and tell me how beautiful my eyes were (in a dark bar) and that he would leave his girlfriend for me....ahhhh no no don't do that, please...eh
Unbeknown-st to me there was a 3rd party witnessing this from the sidelines and apparently would need a few more drinks before he got the nerve to talk to me. So very close to the point that I was ready to leave I feel a finger poking me in the back. I turn around to hear, Hey I really like your dancing you have great energy. awhhh thanks I say, and the hours went on from there. He talked me into going to the next bar over for another drink which I was glad to do, so I could dodge the drunken girlfriend guy, this particular Friday I think was the shortest I ever felt. I didn't wear heels which was good for Mr. back poker who was only about 5.8 but I was hurting my neck talking to the rest of the guys & girls around....it was a weird land of the tall twilight episode or something. After being greeted at the next bar by a 6.9 Hollywood boulevard scene minor celebrity our one drink turned into 2 drinks and a lot of talking about art & business and laughing and wiggling to Elvis tunes.
He somehow talked me into another place with a pit stop at his place first. You would think at 30 I'd know by now once a guy says lets stop at my place first, it means let's stop at my place so I can distract you until you forget we were going to go somewhere else. and then we can make-up somewgere comfortable and i will hopefully get you naked. ha ha. But it was cool. We played with his guitars I actually sang in front of a stranger...after 3 drinks and a shot of his special occasion tequila but I did it! Then a ridiculous movie and other grown up ridiculousness and it all resulted in a flat tire. Really?! oh yes, I saw the sun come up waiting for AAA.
What's the symbolism here? Meet a nice guy who's actually not one of the struggling musicians, but appreciates and supports art. who said he loved my dancing, who said I was beautiful, who loved my songs, who said he couldn't believe the girl dancing in front of him was now with him, who didn't want me to leave, who wanted to see me the next day......who's also moving to Brazil in a month....are you laughing yet?.....who walks me to my car to see a FLAT TIRE. ok, now you have to be laughing. Thank god HE had AAA. So what the hell? Was it all so I didn't get stuck on the high way somewhere by myself, did it save me from an accident, Was it to boost me back up after the night of TOO much truth with the gypsy.
By the way, back to the night before with barely any sleep, I had to literally ask the gypsy him not to shtoop anyone in our same circle, which luckily is just one circle, but I literally have to ask him if he cares about me at all to have enough respect for me not to throw it in my face. To which he says well I'm not going to stop being me, I don't want any drama. And I assured him that's why I'm saying this cause if you do, there probably will be drama...so sorry that's when my other twin comes out with claws. Disrespect me, and the hot tempered Portuguese comes out quick! There's a frigging chip missing in some people. Really? There's 4 million girls in this town and you might not be able control your hormones enough. Pathetic
And ladies, your just as bad pretending to be okay with. I'm mad at myself more than anything. Cause I said yes, I went in knowing how he is, the same reason i left the first time I'm leaving again. I'm sure there's some woman out there that function in there male energy more and don't get feelings involved just like some men that do. But it's fewer and farther between. So if you go along and pretend it's okay and keep throwing yourself around you'll eventually hit a wall of being unfulfilled and unsatisfied. Woman have the power truly. Yet, we aren't using it for a greater good. DON"T FAKE ORGASMS, it gives false instructions. DON"T COMPROMISE YOURSELF, you'll regret it and be bitter later, DON"T HIDE YOUR FEELINGS, if you don't talk about it your making assumptions and expectations and usually end up disappointed when they are not met, so you might as well know what you are getting into if your both not on the same page. And if you know what you are getting into before you get into it and any of it is inauthentic to you...IT WON"T WORK! why torture yourself trying to change for the sake of company or try to change someone else...which will never happen! You can give to yourself what, anyone else can, and its usually better anyways, and quicker most times....guys know this well! haha
Girls and boys just operate differently. And as much as I love it and hate it I'm a girl. I have girlie feelings. I like affection, I like compliments, I like to have dinner paid for, I like know I'm appreciated, I like to feel supported, I like to be made love to, I'd like a guy who can fix things then sing me a song with his guitar. I'm sorry, I'm a girl! And I'm not going to separate or compartmentalize my feelings anymore, because men can separate sex and feelings, that's fine and sad for them, I'm not playing anymore, you can keep playing with the 21 year old girls, that don't know how to be in there bodies yet, that make you feel like a porn star cause their too naive and don't know any better.
Today I woke up with only 3-4 hours of sleep, have been feeling sick most of the day. My throat and tummy hurt. Not sure why I'm still awake. But That's my stranger story. good night. zzzzzzzzzz
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Ask and you do get but do you Receive?!
This is when "be careful what you wish for" comes in handy. BE SPECIFIC! haha Things come in all kinds of forms. There is no good or bad right? But sometimes they can feel that way. Did you think I crapped out on the blog? Just another thing I wouldn't finish? Well......plllsibslle (that's me sticking my childlike tongue out at you!) I just really crazy busy past few days.
Remember me bitching about being bored and unfulfilled? Or was I just thinking that? Bang! I had Dance rehearsals, 2 call-backs, and Casting work, eating up all of my hours, oh and of course a final straw for THE BOY DETOX. It's been a whirlwind of not enough sleep mixed with fun, creativity, study, and connection. Connection to my body, words on a page, emotion, other people, and my self most of all. I'm seeing more signs pointing me in the right direction. And away from what or who aren't for my greater good at the moment.
I was given compliments, and appreciated for all of my efforts. It's nice when that happens. And what I realize is it comes with the territory of being true to yourself. It naturally happens. People struggle and try to force others to give us this gratification all the time. I've done it time and time again. I was doing it last week! We all feel owed something. Well guess what, we got to give it to ourselves first! And if we fill ourselves up with our own joy and abundance and love then we aren't needy on other people to give it to us. The extra is icing!
Although I still need to learn how to receive. I said no to money. Huh? yeah, right! For casting I set out a certain amount of days and rates, well we did an extra day. I didn't keep up or realize it so when my client asked how much more does she owe I said oh no we're fine...in retrospect, she did owe me one more day.....SHIT!!! My fault though. I've been scattered. That's that grown up, responsible, feeling worthy, thing I'm still trying to get a handle on! haha Frick!
I found myself feeling little sparks of jealousy too. Not a nice place to be. A place I haven't had to be in a long time. Mostly because I haven't been in a relationship for a long time. Weird how something so wonderful looking can bring out the worst in people. Well, it was really a conversation that was just confirmation for what I was already feeling, and my intuition was telling me. But maybe there is a fine line of too much truth. The truth will set you free right? Ok, that's true now that I know what I know I'm freeing myself from a potential disaster with the gypsy boy. I thought it was done already but we had one more go around and I was quickly reminded why I left the first time. He uses his dick to escape reality, and sometimes it's with 3 women at a time and sometimes it's just in his head with a girl he sees at a Diner. Either way, I am in no mood to be put in a box and taken out when it's convenient to play with me. I am a little angry. Which makes me also acknowledge my actually feelings. I love and adore this man. We are friends. We are free spirits who appreciate and respect that of each other but "being" together makes those qualities a little more complicated. So before I can no longer Love and Adore him. I have to fly away again. Because my heart is too fragile.
I Felt on top of the world in my last post, and my energy quickly deflated after a too many details convo, less than great sex, and lack of sleep. WHY???? Again, where in my soul did this feel like a good idea? Is the orgasm really worth it? Well it doesn't matter actually cause once the sexual connection starts flat lining, I know our expiration date has come. It usually takes 2 week increments before he ventures off. I think I got a little extra this time, a few bonus rounds. Oh well NOBODY is souring my milk anymore. Oh and after what I'm assuming was our first & last LOVERS breakfast here's something interesting, I saw Bill Compton at said Diner eating by himself....For those who don't get the reference, only a character in one of my favorite TV shows running besides the Flight of the Concords....he's THE Vampire from TRUE BLOOD.
Confirmation to stay focused on my path. And then the kicker, I decide to hit the beach to clear my muddled brain and emotions to the sea and sand. I also planned to read over my call-back script in an attempt to make up for the lost hours from the night and morning of, too much TRUTH. Well who do I walk into but the 48 year old computer chair guy, my new coffee shop therapy client from a few nights ago. He went surfing this particular morning and I somehow found myself roaming on his same path. OH BOY! haha I mean truly at this point all I could do was laugh, if there were bushes close by I would have dove into them, but there were not. So I found laughter to be the next best thing. But it was nice to see my counsel not going to waste. He heeded my advice and got back on his board after a year to connect back with mother earth and himself. And you know that is actually a beautiful mirror image about what I was going to do for myself. So really, it was perfect. huh. I'm just realizing that.
Am I finally trusting my own intuition? Sweet!
Oh, man I still haven't called back the sweet engineer....geez nice guys do always finish last! Okay....I will text him now to apologize...and preface THIS IS NOT A BOOTY CALL at 12:37am
I affirm:
I am creative!
I am whole!
I am abundant!
I am loved and loving!
I am grateful!
How about you???
Remember me bitching about being bored and unfulfilled? Or was I just thinking that? Bang! I had Dance rehearsals, 2 call-backs, and Casting work, eating up all of my hours, oh and of course a final straw for THE BOY DETOX. It's been a whirlwind of not enough sleep mixed with fun, creativity, study, and connection. Connection to my body, words on a page, emotion, other people, and my self most of all. I'm seeing more signs pointing me in the right direction. And away from what or who aren't for my greater good at the moment.
I was given compliments, and appreciated for all of my efforts. It's nice when that happens. And what I realize is it comes with the territory of being true to yourself. It naturally happens. People struggle and try to force others to give us this gratification all the time. I've done it time and time again. I was doing it last week! We all feel owed something. Well guess what, we got to give it to ourselves first! And if we fill ourselves up with our own joy and abundance and love then we aren't needy on other people to give it to us. The extra is icing!
Although I still need to learn how to receive. I said no to money. Huh? yeah, right! For casting I set out a certain amount of days and rates, well we did an extra day. I didn't keep up or realize it so when my client asked how much more does she owe I said oh no we're fine...in retrospect, she did owe me one more day.....SHIT!!! My fault though. I've been scattered. That's that grown up, responsible, feeling worthy, thing I'm still trying to get a handle on! haha Frick!
I found myself feeling little sparks of jealousy too. Not a nice place to be. A place I haven't had to be in a long time. Mostly because I haven't been in a relationship for a long time. Weird how something so wonderful looking can bring out the worst in people. Well, it was really a conversation that was just confirmation for what I was already feeling, and my intuition was telling me. But maybe there is a fine line of too much truth. The truth will set you free right? Ok, that's true now that I know what I know I'm freeing myself from a potential disaster with the gypsy boy. I thought it was done already but we had one more go around and I was quickly reminded why I left the first time. He uses his dick to escape reality, and sometimes it's with 3 women at a time and sometimes it's just in his head with a girl he sees at a Diner. Either way, I am in no mood to be put in a box and taken out when it's convenient to play with me. I am a little angry. Which makes me also acknowledge my actually feelings. I love and adore this man. We are friends. We are free spirits who appreciate and respect that of each other but "being" together makes those qualities a little more complicated. So before I can no longer Love and Adore him. I have to fly away again. Because my heart is too fragile.
I Felt on top of the world in my last post, and my energy quickly deflated after a too many details convo, less than great sex, and lack of sleep. WHY???? Again, where in my soul did this feel like a good idea? Is the orgasm really worth it? Well it doesn't matter actually cause once the sexual connection starts flat lining, I know our expiration date has come. It usually takes 2 week increments before he ventures off. I think I got a little extra this time, a few bonus rounds. Oh well NOBODY is souring my milk anymore. Oh and after what I'm assuming was our first & last LOVERS breakfast here's something interesting, I saw Bill Compton at said Diner eating by himself....For those who don't get the reference, only a character in one of my favorite TV shows running besides the Flight of the Concords....he's THE Vampire from TRUE BLOOD.
Confirmation to stay focused on my path. And then the kicker, I decide to hit the beach to clear my muddled brain and emotions to the sea and sand. I also planned to read over my call-back script in an attempt to make up for the lost hours from the night and morning of, too much TRUTH. Well who do I walk into but the 48 year old computer chair guy, my new coffee shop therapy client from a few nights ago. He went surfing this particular morning and I somehow found myself roaming on his same path. OH BOY! haha I mean truly at this point all I could do was laugh, if there were bushes close by I would have dove into them, but there were not. So I found laughter to be the next best thing. But it was nice to see my counsel not going to waste. He heeded my advice and got back on his board after a year to connect back with mother earth and himself. And you know that is actually a beautiful mirror image about what I was going to do for myself. So really, it was perfect. huh. I'm just realizing that.
Am I finally trusting my own intuition? Sweet!
Oh, man I still haven't called back the sweet engineer....geez nice guys do always finish last! Okay....I will text him now to apologize...and preface THIS IS NOT A BOOTY CALL at 12:37am
I affirm:
I am creative!
I am whole!
I am abundant!
I am loved and loving!
I am grateful!
How about you???
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Feeling more like me with the help of Noodle
Thank Goddess. Today was a beautiful Sunny day in California! I played some go to feel good LOVE music while I was waking up to my morning coffee and reading over a monologue that my amazingly talented director friend wrote. Nervous though because of the last minute cram, and the fact that I haven't had an audition in Months, Thanks to my other friend (who we'll call BB) for referring me. At any rate, I got caught in a series of Retrograde snags, that could have deterred me into that familiar screw it, self sabotage frame of mind. But luckily the feel good music and words I spoke in the monologue were encouragement enough to get me through.
So instead of getting pissed off for running late because your car is out of gas and your wallet fell out of your purse somewhere at home and you have to turn around and pray the the orange screaming light that's yelling at you through the dash board is just giving you fair warning enough to make it home and to a gas station before stalling out, because seeing as you have just gotten a car again after almost a year you let your AAA lapse.
NOTE TO SELF
Listen to your intuition the night before you have to be somewhere important and get the damn gas!
And now that you have a car, especially an 89, get AAA.
So I text my contact, admitting my embarrassment of the situation asking for a later time, and it all worked out. And probably even better, because I had more good tunes to pump my up in between talking to myself in the words of "Martha" behind my stirring wheel. And I was given the signs and reminders that I was on the right track again driving through the old neighborhood of NOHO where I used to walk my doggies, with a chance heart sharing convo with a friend who's Lab had also just transitioned, saw a license plate that reminded me of the Love I'm ready for, auditioned at the theater that I have cast other actors in so many times, and the ultimate sign that I was exactly where I needed to be was that it FELT SOOOOOO GOOD!!!!
No matter what happens, or what the outcome. I was in joy, I became a magnet of good, and I'm sure I don't even know what that good is yet, but I'm excited for it. Today felt like Spring again, and with the new year just behind us, the seeds we've planted in 2009 are starting to poke through the earth. Keep faith, don't sweat the small stuff, and flow with whatever comes your way.
In the words of Miss Pizza, through the mouth of a great Character Martha, from the play "The Button", by the zany imagination of Brad Sergi, haha
"Remember Noodle, whenever you are afraid of anything, just jump. Don't think that you are going to fall. Know that you are going to fly."
May we all Spread our wings today, and many more days to come!
So instead of getting pissed off for running late because your car is out of gas and your wallet fell out of your purse somewhere at home and you have to turn around and pray the the orange screaming light that's yelling at you through the dash board is just giving you fair warning enough to make it home and to a gas station before stalling out, because seeing as you have just gotten a car again after almost a year you let your AAA lapse.
NOTE TO SELF
Listen to your intuition the night before you have to be somewhere important and get the damn gas!
And now that you have a car, especially an 89, get AAA.
So I text my contact, admitting my embarrassment of the situation asking for a later time, and it all worked out. And probably even better, because I had more good tunes to pump my up in between talking to myself in the words of "Martha" behind my stirring wheel. And I was given the signs and reminders that I was on the right track again driving through the old neighborhood of NOHO where I used to walk my doggies, with a chance heart sharing convo with a friend who's Lab had also just transitioned, saw a license plate that reminded me of the Love I'm ready for, auditioned at the theater that I have cast other actors in so many times, and the ultimate sign that I was exactly where I needed to be was that it FELT SOOOOOO GOOD!!!!
No matter what happens, or what the outcome. I was in joy, I became a magnet of good, and I'm sure I don't even know what that good is yet, but I'm excited for it. Today felt like Spring again, and with the new year just behind us, the seeds we've planted in 2009 are starting to poke through the earth. Keep faith, don't sweat the small stuff, and flow with whatever comes your way.
In the words of Miss Pizza, through the mouth of a great Character Martha, from the play "The Button", by the zany imagination of Brad Sergi, haha
"Remember Noodle, whenever you are afraid of anything, just jump. Don't think that you are going to fall. Know that you are going to fly."
May we all Spread our wings today, and many more days to come!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Wow, what? My mirror has every reflection but mine!
Okay, this is a trip. My friend who does body work, gave my half a treatment last night, and boy did I need it! I could feel things releasing instantly like never before. i/e if she was working around my heart I could feel something let go in my ovaries, magical. knots became visions of a few people or situations in my life that I have held on too. A major block I took on from my dad who never truely followed his dream to be a singer/songwriter. Here I am at 30 too afraid to sing the songs I write in front of my friends. It's not my trauma, it's his. I may not even need to sing for me, my passion in life was always dancing, then acting this has been an interesting release for my expression and gave our relationship a connection but I'm wondering if I'm processing through my DAD's stuff...for him. Cause he doesn't know how. I know this is very metaphysical.
a
It's trippy. We take shit on from the womb. I have attracted people and situations, even acting roles I have gotten based on emotional processing I needed to work though with out realizing it at first. The past few years I caught on, but don't know how to stop it. I guess that's the point, we don't. It comes up and out when your are ready for it. So no matter how confused you are in the moment, how hurt you are right now, how perplexed you are by Someone Else's actions....take a breath, rise above yourself from a higher perspective and trust that you are right where you need to be, you are dealing with the lessons you need. And tomorrow you'll be a little more clear.
I can tell you how many mirrors and Karmic situations I have gotten myself into but it's a novel! Here's one recent one. This involves my friend who was a booty call or at least acted like one almost a year ago. I judged him, assumed the worst from him, and didn't take him seriously, I felt used and needed to prove I was better than the way he treated me and blew him and his dirty jokes off. (pun no longer intended-haha) Well we've been shifting our relationship and actually listen to each other more, have respect for each other's opinions and he called me out! Of all people in my life! Talk about Karma. I gave him shit cause he was such a player, and here I am with the last two guys I had interest in and I was physical with them both in same time period. I was being a player, playing the guy game, without realizing it.
I told him I was about to PENIS DETOX again. He said why? I said cause the 2 guys I was interested in aren't working out, and he said well that's probably your problem. I didn't get it at first. He asks Do they know about each other? I said well I haven't been hiding anything but it also never came up. Which I'm realizing is really the same thing, and I know better, and I hate when it's happened to me and here I am doing it.....why? I never gave either one of then a fair shot. I was half-assing it. So much so that I let a few "other" kisses in between but alas those were very short lived, like hours if that. Why the 2? Because One was close and one was far, one was familiar and the other new, one was more a physical connection the other mental. But then I compared them and tried to find the missing links, and they started to shift, emotions seeped in where they weren't before, physical gels better with him now, but now our schedules don't match....this dating thing is tricky stuff. So of course I was frustrated! I did it to myself! And I'm sure they felt it in my tone or a criticism or in their intuition at some point. I don't know if they were boinking anyone else at the time but that's not the point. I wasn't being completely authentic especially with myself. There's the problem!
I do that in my career too. Juggle options, interests. I feel like I'm interested in so many things that I haven't put 100% effort into just one never mind any of them. So of course I'll only get so far at it. Jack of all trades MASTER of none. REALLY good at a few, okay at others, but I wonder why I'm living paycheck to paycheck. As soon as I get the ball rolling I get distracted and dart in another direction. Is it fear, or boredom, or just my Gemini nature. I'm not sure. Is it an addiction to debt or fear of success? So I've been told by a few spiritual advisers. Is it because I was shown how not to follow my dream in childhood but encouraged to keep chasing it in some way? Could be....but when I was younger, like teens, I was fearless! I could manifest anything I wanted. Until boys!
Boys distracted me, and I hate saying it because I feel like I'm confirming it in some way. But there it is. I'd attract the guys who needed me to better them in some way which would distract me from my self. Like mom with Dad. I'm shifting that. Doing my best to avoid those co-dependent relationships and it has seem to tip the scales in a way that now I look like the mess. I don't like that! But it is revealing what I need to take care of. Which has needed to happen for years. It's amazing what the universe shows you when you pay attention. Like a car is a symbol about how you lead your life. Before my accident and literally crashing in to wall I'd get tickets to a point that I got a boot, had to go to court for a few, fought one and the cop actually showed up! Out of the 8 people my cop shows up! haha Now that I have a car again. An old ticket resurfaced, there's a threat to my license and I took off the mirror to my friend car. Residual shit from the past haunting me so I can take care of it and be done with it! There is so much symbolism and parallels in my past with facing these situations.
Last night after my treatment I went to a coffee shop. I giggled at a guy who got really excited over a comfy chair. It sparked a conversation, which is not unlike me with strangers, especially when the strangers do most of the talking and I listen with an open heart. I seem to put people at ease with divulging their problems. I also hear them, relate to them on some level, and naturally give counsel or at least encouragement. It truly never fails, wherever I go!
Well this particular man spoke of a lot of my interests and we seem to be in similar financial boats and career cross roads. He was also handsome in an older guy form, witty, and flirtatious two more qualities I appreciate and can step up to bat for. And when he said he played the guitar....well shit, here I go again, okay the past few months actually year or so I'm attracting musicians into my life. I'm writing music I do nothing with....musicians...dad...okay, you following me? So he asks if I want to go to a movie, I say sure....I just recently watched YES MAN so why not.
Well we never went to the movie, he played me a few songs, while I pet his BLACK LAB (me and my exes dogs) and he layed on his bed while I sat in a chair like his therapist. Weird. Then of course he's a man so he wanted to spoon or kiss me or more and I had to fend off his advances after I did the math on his age. He's about my mom's age with my dad's creativity and abundance issues, and I WAS MAKING HIM FEEL GREAT JUST TALKING TO HIM....his words. what?! hahaha My life can not be more of a comedy of errors lately.
Okay in a way it's a gift but it's also a curse because I have no idea how to curb it or put off the vibe that my office hours are closed. I know this is in some way part of my light work. But I'm not entirely ready yet. I guess I am because it already naturally happens and sometimes I say things and I know they must be channeled because my life in many ways does not reflect my brilliant advice, but I guess what I would like is for it not get convoluted into my romantic relationships anymore, or distract me from my own personal goals. I need a balance. I want my own reflection in my mirror, so whoever I attract now I want to show me what I need to see as much as I show them what they need to see, and I'm getting glimmers of that. My San Diego boy, who has since gone back to his cave showed me the importance of goal setting. So here goes.
I'm going to take some classes in PR/Marketing starting next week, so I understand more of the business part of the BIZ,
Finish my BA so something IS finished in my life,
After my BA, Masters in Expressive Arts Therapy, to use all my talents to work with kids, artists and others who need to find their expression,
Record my songs with a friend who offered just to do it,
Keep dancing and create my own projects, Dance Evoke Videos,
Write a chapter a week of my book,
Get new photos,
Build a Acting website,
Cut new demo reel,
Become more financially free,
Say no when I need to,
Help those who are in need and appreciate it,
Stay with flow and trust it,
Stop working for free unless it's for myself, or charity I believe in,
ACT in projects I believe in!,
Get my own apartment,
Pay off car within 6 months,
Write a Gratitude List every morning with my morning pages,
Keep my heart open and intuition strong to attract and recognize whoever is meant to be my perfect reflection of LOVE!
ahhhhhhh, that feels good!
a
It's trippy. We take shit on from the womb. I have attracted people and situations, even acting roles I have gotten based on emotional processing I needed to work though with out realizing it at first. The past few years I caught on, but don't know how to stop it. I guess that's the point, we don't. It comes up and out when your are ready for it. So no matter how confused you are in the moment, how hurt you are right now, how perplexed you are by Someone Else's actions....take a breath, rise above yourself from a higher perspective and trust that you are right where you need to be, you are dealing with the lessons you need. And tomorrow you'll be a little more clear.
I can tell you how many mirrors and Karmic situations I have gotten myself into but it's a novel! Here's one recent one. This involves my friend who was a booty call or at least acted like one almost a year ago. I judged him, assumed the worst from him, and didn't take him seriously, I felt used and needed to prove I was better than the way he treated me and blew him and his dirty jokes off. (pun no longer intended-haha) Well we've been shifting our relationship and actually listen to each other more, have respect for each other's opinions and he called me out! Of all people in my life! Talk about Karma. I gave him shit cause he was such a player, and here I am with the last two guys I had interest in and I was physical with them both in same time period. I was being a player, playing the guy game, without realizing it.
I told him I was about to PENIS DETOX again. He said why? I said cause the 2 guys I was interested in aren't working out, and he said well that's probably your problem. I didn't get it at first. He asks Do they know about each other? I said well I haven't been hiding anything but it also never came up. Which I'm realizing is really the same thing, and I know better, and I hate when it's happened to me and here I am doing it.....why? I never gave either one of then a fair shot. I was half-assing it. So much so that I let a few "other" kisses in between but alas those were very short lived, like hours if that. Why the 2? Because One was close and one was far, one was familiar and the other new, one was more a physical connection the other mental. But then I compared them and tried to find the missing links, and they started to shift, emotions seeped in where they weren't before, physical gels better with him now, but now our schedules don't match....this dating thing is tricky stuff. So of course I was frustrated! I did it to myself! And I'm sure they felt it in my tone or a criticism or in their intuition at some point. I don't know if they were boinking anyone else at the time but that's not the point. I wasn't being completely authentic especially with myself. There's the problem!
I do that in my career too. Juggle options, interests. I feel like I'm interested in so many things that I haven't put 100% effort into just one never mind any of them. So of course I'll only get so far at it. Jack of all trades MASTER of none. REALLY good at a few, okay at others, but I wonder why I'm living paycheck to paycheck. As soon as I get the ball rolling I get distracted and dart in another direction. Is it fear, or boredom, or just my Gemini nature. I'm not sure. Is it an addiction to debt or fear of success? So I've been told by a few spiritual advisers. Is it because I was shown how not to follow my dream in childhood but encouraged to keep chasing it in some way? Could be....but when I was younger, like teens, I was fearless! I could manifest anything I wanted. Until boys!
Boys distracted me, and I hate saying it because I feel like I'm confirming it in some way. But there it is. I'd attract the guys who needed me to better them in some way which would distract me from my self. Like mom with Dad. I'm shifting that. Doing my best to avoid those co-dependent relationships and it has seem to tip the scales in a way that now I look like the mess. I don't like that! But it is revealing what I need to take care of. Which has needed to happen for years. It's amazing what the universe shows you when you pay attention. Like a car is a symbol about how you lead your life. Before my accident and literally crashing in to wall I'd get tickets to a point that I got a boot, had to go to court for a few, fought one and the cop actually showed up! Out of the 8 people my cop shows up! haha Now that I have a car again. An old ticket resurfaced, there's a threat to my license and I took off the mirror to my friend car. Residual shit from the past haunting me so I can take care of it and be done with it! There is so much symbolism and parallels in my past with facing these situations.
Last night after my treatment I went to a coffee shop. I giggled at a guy who got really excited over a comfy chair. It sparked a conversation, which is not unlike me with strangers, especially when the strangers do most of the talking and I listen with an open heart. I seem to put people at ease with divulging their problems. I also hear them, relate to them on some level, and naturally give counsel or at least encouragement. It truly never fails, wherever I go!
Well this particular man spoke of a lot of my interests and we seem to be in similar financial boats and career cross roads. He was also handsome in an older guy form, witty, and flirtatious two more qualities I appreciate and can step up to bat for. And when he said he played the guitar....well shit, here I go again, okay the past few months actually year or so I'm attracting musicians into my life. I'm writing music I do nothing with....musicians...dad...okay, you following me? So he asks if I want to go to a movie, I say sure....I just recently watched YES MAN so why not.
Well we never went to the movie, he played me a few songs, while I pet his BLACK LAB (me and my exes dogs) and he layed on his bed while I sat in a chair like his therapist. Weird. Then of course he's a man so he wanted to spoon or kiss me or more and I had to fend off his advances after I did the math on his age. He's about my mom's age with my dad's creativity and abundance issues, and I WAS MAKING HIM FEEL GREAT JUST TALKING TO HIM....his words. what?! hahaha My life can not be more of a comedy of errors lately.
Okay in a way it's a gift but it's also a curse because I have no idea how to curb it or put off the vibe that my office hours are closed. I know this is in some way part of my light work. But I'm not entirely ready yet. I guess I am because it already naturally happens and sometimes I say things and I know they must be channeled because my life in many ways does not reflect my brilliant advice, but I guess what I would like is for it not get convoluted into my romantic relationships anymore, or distract me from my own personal goals. I need a balance. I want my own reflection in my mirror, so whoever I attract now I want to show me what I need to see as much as I show them what they need to see, and I'm getting glimmers of that. My San Diego boy, who has since gone back to his cave showed me the importance of goal setting. So here goes.
I'm going to take some classes in PR/Marketing starting next week, so I understand more of the business part of the BIZ,
Finish my BA so something IS finished in my life,
After my BA, Masters in Expressive Arts Therapy, to use all my talents to work with kids, artists and others who need to find their expression,
Record my songs with a friend who offered just to do it,
Keep dancing and create my own projects, Dance Evoke Videos,
Write a chapter a week of my book,
Get new photos,
Build a Acting website,
Cut new demo reel,
Become more financially free,
Say no when I need to,
Help those who are in need and appreciate it,
Stay with flow and trust it,
Stop working for free unless it's for myself, or charity I believe in,
ACT in projects I believe in!,
Get my own apartment,
Pay off car within 6 months,
Write a Gratitude List every morning with my morning pages,
Keep my heart open and intuition strong to attract and recognize whoever is meant to be my perfect reflection of LOVE!
ahhhhhhh, that feels good!
Friday, January 1, 2010
A New Year of 2010.....ok now what?
Oh boy another year! New beginnings, resolutions, letting go of the past, moving forward....but to what? Is that what a lot of us are asking? Or just me? It's almost harder to navigate through life when there are endless possibilities. We are so lucky to live in the time and generation that we do, because we can literally choose to do anything we want. We have freedoms that our grandparents, and even parents didn't have. Everyone's life purpose was mapped out for them like it or not. And here we are generation NO NAME with the capabilities to follow our hearts and create our own purpose. But with this conscious shift we hold a greater responsibility, and who has taught us how to live up to that? There's the rub. It's up to us to figure it out. it's not our parents fault for not knowing....how could they? They had their own process of change.
I feel like a lot of us see glimmers of our dreams coming true, or have been brave enough to make steps towards our dreams and goals that seem to some unconventional but blocks keep popping up because of fear...fear of the unknown. We are the first generation without a user manual. We are the first generation as a whole who function mostly outside the convention and the confines of society. There are less young people married, less home owners, and less 9-5 er's then ever.
Our Parents were the for runners of change. The protesters, the hippies, the educated & independent women. There was a fight for equality for many diversities. So now what do we fight for. This world has been so used to fighting, if we aren't doing it on a grand scale, we do it on a small scale with our relationships. America has been addicted to drama! Look at reality TV! And then when there is no drama we are bored.
So what can we do with this? What do you wanna do? How can we live in love? How can we create? How can we connect to each other? How can we feel fulfilled? How can we live in Joy, and not think it's boring? Step outside of your box. Say yes to something that you wouldn't normally. Be open to the truth inside of you. Express your honest feelings despite what the other person might do or say. Do something you loved to do as a child, because that's when we were our true selves, it might show you what path you are supposed to be on.
Pay attention to the world around you. There are signs and syncronicity everywhere, there is beautiful and love everywhere if you focus on it, or at least allow yourself to see it. This has become a very narcissistic society. Yes, some ounce of selfishness is a good thing but we have to realize and live as if the world does not revolve around us alone. Every choice we make every ripple we put in the water has a direct effect on someone or something else whether we see it or not. Like endangered species, global warming, illness, car accidents, broken hearts, etc. So please make your ripples for the good of all.
A friend of mine just said he makes his resolutions as he goes....I really like that philosophy. it's takes the pressure off, it puts you in the moment, and instead of thinking about what might be good for you 6 months from now, your allowing yourself to honor what's good for you right now. That's a brilliant way to stay in the moment and true to your heart.
In 2010 be the rock star, doctor, preacher, model, inventor, surfer, teacher, lover, activist, millionaire that you always knew you were meant to be! Just jump in and trust you can swim, even if it only starts as a doggie paddle, the worse that could happen is you tried and could only float. But instead of try.....DO, DO and DO again! Much Love & Greatest to you in the New Year!
I feel like a lot of us see glimmers of our dreams coming true, or have been brave enough to make steps towards our dreams and goals that seem to some unconventional but blocks keep popping up because of fear...fear of the unknown. We are the first generation without a user manual. We are the first generation as a whole who function mostly outside the convention and the confines of society. There are less young people married, less home owners, and less 9-5 er's then ever.
Our Parents were the for runners of change. The protesters, the hippies, the educated & independent women. There was a fight for equality for many diversities. So now what do we fight for. This world has been so used to fighting, if we aren't doing it on a grand scale, we do it on a small scale with our relationships. America has been addicted to drama! Look at reality TV! And then when there is no drama we are bored.
So what can we do with this? What do you wanna do? How can we live in love? How can we create? How can we connect to each other? How can we feel fulfilled? How can we live in Joy, and not think it's boring? Step outside of your box. Say yes to something that you wouldn't normally. Be open to the truth inside of you. Express your honest feelings despite what the other person might do or say. Do something you loved to do as a child, because that's when we were our true selves, it might show you what path you are supposed to be on.
Pay attention to the world around you. There are signs and syncronicity everywhere, there is beautiful and love everywhere if you focus on it, or at least allow yourself to see it. This has become a very narcissistic society. Yes, some ounce of selfishness is a good thing but we have to realize and live as if the world does not revolve around us alone. Every choice we make every ripple we put in the water has a direct effect on someone or something else whether we see it or not. Like endangered species, global warming, illness, car accidents, broken hearts, etc. So please make your ripples for the good of all.
A friend of mine just said he makes his resolutions as he goes....I really like that philosophy. it's takes the pressure off, it puts you in the moment, and instead of thinking about what might be good for you 6 months from now, your allowing yourself to honor what's good for you right now. That's a brilliant way to stay in the moment and true to your heart.
In 2010 be the rock star, doctor, preacher, model, inventor, surfer, teacher, lover, activist, millionaire that you always knew you were meant to be! Just jump in and trust you can swim, even if it only starts as a doggie paddle, the worse that could happen is you tried and could only float. But instead of try.....DO, DO and DO again! Much Love & Greatest to you in the New Year!
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