So yesterday felt one of the longest most random-est days of my life. (either randomest isn't a word or spell check is fucking with me with the -est) I had already been exhausted from the week and had a total TGIF moment. I can't remember the last time I had that kind of moment cause most of my life feels like Fridays. I haven't had a normal persons schedule for a good three years.
Well yesterday consisted of getting up with not enough sleep from a night of rehearsal prior which also involved a conclusion of the gypsy lover. We'll get back to that. So up at 9:30am, running a casting call back for big booties by 11am which of course I run late for being stuck behind a bunch of lookieloos on the 405 due to an accident (it amazes me how people can't look outside of there ipod blaring/cell phone texting/steering wheel fantasy-land when changing lanes yet tragedy on the side of the road and they'll break their necks to get a good look.) So cast all day, then have my own audition for a commercial where I get to play a ME! Which was nice. Well a tired version of me. haha Then went to see my new friends play some live music, followed by not so great live music. But since I already paid 10 bucks to park then another 10 to get in I was gonna socialize and make it somewhat worth it. This lead me to dancing by myself at about 30-40% of my usual let looseness, and that of course attracted the drunkest man there to come over and tell me how beautiful my eyes were (in a dark bar) and that he would leave his girlfriend for me....ahhhh no no don't do that, please...eh
Unbeknown-st to me there was a 3rd party witnessing this from the sidelines and apparently would need a few more drinks before he got the nerve to talk to me. So very close to the point that I was ready to leave I feel a finger poking me in the back. I turn around to hear, Hey I really like your dancing you have great energy. awhhh thanks I say, and the hours went on from there. He talked me into going to the next bar over for another drink which I was glad to do, so I could dodge the drunken girlfriend guy, this particular Friday I think was the shortest I ever felt. I didn't wear heels which was good for Mr. back poker who was only about 5.8 but I was hurting my neck talking to the rest of the guys & girls around....it was a weird land of the tall twilight episode or something. After being greeted at the next bar by a 6.9 Hollywood boulevard scene minor celebrity our one drink turned into 2 drinks and a lot of talking about art & business and laughing and wiggling to Elvis tunes.
He somehow talked me into another place with a pit stop at his place first. You would think at 30 I'd know by now once a guy says lets stop at my place first, it means let's stop at my place so I can distract you until you forget we were going to go somewhere else. and then we can make-up somewgere comfortable and i will hopefully get you naked. ha ha. But it was cool. We played with his guitars I actually sang in front of a stranger...after 3 drinks and a shot of his special occasion tequila but I did it! Then a ridiculous movie and other grown up ridiculousness and it all resulted in a flat tire. Really?! oh yes, I saw the sun come up waiting for AAA.
What's the symbolism here? Meet a nice guy who's actually not one of the struggling musicians, but appreciates and supports art. who said he loved my dancing, who said I was beautiful, who loved my songs, who said he couldn't believe the girl dancing in front of him was now with him, who didn't want me to leave, who wanted to see me the next day......who's also moving to Brazil in a month....are you laughing yet?.....who walks me to my car to see a FLAT TIRE. ok, now you have to be laughing. Thank god HE had AAA. So what the hell? Was it all so I didn't get stuck on the high way somewhere by myself, did it save me from an accident, Was it to boost me back up after the night of TOO much truth with the gypsy.
By the way, back to the night before with barely any sleep, I had to literally ask the gypsy him not to shtoop anyone in our same circle, which luckily is just one circle, but I literally have to ask him if he cares about me at all to have enough respect for me not to throw it in my face. To which he says well I'm not going to stop being me, I don't want any drama. And I assured him that's why I'm saying this cause if you do, there probably will be drama...so sorry that's when my other twin comes out with claws. Disrespect me, and the hot tempered Portuguese comes out quick! There's a frigging chip missing in some people. Really? There's 4 million girls in this town and you might not be able control your hormones enough. Pathetic
And ladies, your just as bad pretending to be okay with. I'm mad at myself more than anything. Cause I said yes, I went in knowing how he is, the same reason i left the first time I'm leaving again. I'm sure there's some woman out there that function in there male energy more and don't get feelings involved just like some men that do. But it's fewer and farther between. So if you go along and pretend it's okay and keep throwing yourself around you'll eventually hit a wall of being unfulfilled and unsatisfied. Woman have the power truly. Yet, we aren't using it for a greater good. DON"T FAKE ORGASMS, it gives false instructions. DON"T COMPROMISE YOURSELF, you'll regret it and be bitter later, DON"T HIDE YOUR FEELINGS, if you don't talk about it your making assumptions and expectations and usually end up disappointed when they are not met, so you might as well know what you are getting into if your both not on the same page. And if you know what you are getting into before you get into it and any of it is inauthentic to you...IT WON"T WORK! why torture yourself trying to change for the sake of company or try to change someone else...which will never happen! You can give to yourself what, anyone else can, and its usually better anyways, and quicker most times....guys know this well! haha
Girls and boys just operate differently. And as much as I love it and hate it I'm a girl. I have girlie feelings. I like affection, I like compliments, I like to have dinner paid for, I like know I'm appreciated, I like to feel supported, I like to be made love to, I'd like a guy who can fix things then sing me a song with his guitar. I'm sorry, I'm a girl! And I'm not going to separate or compartmentalize my feelings anymore, because men can separate sex and feelings, that's fine and sad for them, I'm not playing anymore, you can keep playing with the 21 year old girls, that don't know how to be in there bodies yet, that make you feel like a porn star cause their too naive and don't know any better.
Today I woke up with only 3-4 hours of sleep, have been feeling sick most of the day. My throat and tummy hurt. Not sure why I'm still awake. But That's my stranger story. good night. zzzzzzzzzz
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