arggggggggh! Thats right! I'm miss negitive pants today...again. The past few days, really. I'm getting discouraged! What do you want? I can't be happy cheerleader all the time I guess. I'm using the analogy that I have a carrot being dangled in front of me with every life situation currently, and it all seems barely out of my reach.
I'm on hold for a casting job...the past 2 or 3 potential jobs end up passing on the company I cast for. They keep pushing the answer another day, then again and again.
Being tease with SAG work...then i just don't get booked after I say I'm available.
Boys - then I just think about the past few monther's I had that were all about me and literally overnight freak out!
I mean really?! I'm getting things done! I have been focusing, I got off track a few times but not with anything major. And really this was supposed to be, make money time. I literally have 3.00 in my pocket until fri. This is fucking rediculous, I feel like crap, and I'm at the point where I'm thinking what the fuck am I doing?
I talked to my folks yesterday, and a high school friend today, and I get mad that I can't go home to visit cause I can never afford it. I've downgraded my life a lot the past two years...to what end? Great, I know how to live on next to nothing, great, I'm done now! How about I learn how to live on everything I have ever wanted and imagined???!!! How about that please?! I feel like the universe is dicking me around. AND I PISSED!
All the vision boarding and self help crap helps to a certain point. I feel released or inspired in moments but then when things are right at my finger tips and then taken away...what the hell is that?! I got some weird fucking karma or something?
okay, like today I didn't go to Anthropologie, I was getting ready really slow dragging ass and missed my bus window but this was also after realizing my last 3.00 was going to get me there and back...was I supposed to trust that?! I felt like I should save it for an actually money job, not just the possiblilty of one. But then I got an email saying SAG work tomorrow, yeah relieved to have that 3 dollars to get me to that guarenteed money job, and I thought great! My intuition was right!...nope dont get booked. ahhhhh!
Well enough of my bitching...
Here's what I did do
Updated imdb with some VO work...which took forever to figure out, and we'll see if they accept them...Thank you friend for reminding me!
Mailed postcards
Discussed the casting brief - hopefully for a good reason, like getting the job
updated/completed my linkedin page
Read more of Me 2.0
Read the play I'm doing in October
I guess seeing all that, it wasn't a pointless day. Geez, I do feel way better with the sun shining though! This september gloom is no fun. Today was the new moon, time to plant seeds. I felt more like burying myself in the ground in the seeds place. Maybe that's what I'm symbolically supposed to do...someone throw some water on me and see if anything sprouts!
Dream of exciting things, hope you had better spirits than I today
xo-me
love you Nikki, Mercury goes direct on Monday and it will get better. I have been in the dumps too.
ReplyDeletexo Carolyn