8 is great! Its the number for abundance!
The current today was WORTH.
Had a really cool and surprisingly tough question today. What are 5 things you love about yourself?
It took me longer than I thought but I came to these....
1. My expressive nature and talents
2. My ability to encourage others
3. My butt
4. That I'm versitile and able to adapt to new things pretty easily
5. That I nurture my inner child
Exercise
I am perfect wholeness expressing as beautiful abundant nicole. I am worthy of everything wonderful. I love and adore myself as a divine creation.
Today I had 12 things on a to do list....I got 3 done. This workbook, throw away the ex stuff, and taxes....that literally took from noon to 1am, with a few breaks, but not much. And there last years but my mission before new years, it made me sort through more stuff too, I actually found a neat article from my first play in college as hero in much ado and the review said my crying scene was mesmerizing and dramatic! That was nice to find! More of that please. I also finally got to see my NOH8 campaign picture! Its cool!
More good news the sink is getting fixed tomorrow morning and I got a fun night out with my girls tomorrow in weho, so excited to be with strong inspiring women, wearing funky tights my roomie got me for xmas, and dancing into the new year!
I have to set my intentions, they are becoming more clear, getting back into acting mode, auditions lined up in jan, leading ladies showing in palm springs forward motion! And I made my acting site official! Www.nicoledionneacting.com.
Flowing! What are you calling in this year and what are you leaving behind that no longer serves you?
The river guide (I'm paraphrasing)
Why not love yourself as perfect creation?
(You can replace perfect with what ever feels good, it was originally god)
Love and happiness
Xo me
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
abounding river day six
Bare with me...this is being typed with my thumbs, and I don't have the patience to make letters capts. So, there's that...and I didn't break my fingers, I just have to do this from my phone.
Today I got to work with my roomie again, which was helpful. Love there two quotes
When you realize nothing is lacking, the whole world belongs to you
You are the one who creates whether you are fulfilled or not
We had to list 3 things we wants the most. Then close your eyes and be fulfilled in those three things.
1. Love - the perfect divinely matched man for me right now
2. Career - the perfect, great paying ACTing role
3. Hybrid car - I had to walk a lot today....with grocery bags
Its interesting to me that no matter how many times I say I need or want to focus on my career love is always the first thing that comes into my mind, and no matter how many casting jobs I do I always come back to wanting to act....the car would be the icing, especially since tomorrow I have to gets up 2 hours earlier than most to travel to noho for 2 hours.
There's something else I found HAVE TO...there is no have to, I want to, I wanted to until I thought about how early I had to get up, and then if I'm honest I went through a whole pros and cons list with myself, about obligations and owning worth and I'm not getting paid and what am I neede for, and but I could do this and that and make it worth it, but maybe I should be there anyway.....CRAZY HEAD TALK....what I came out with.....be impeccable with your word...thank you for agreements...so go because I said I would, but now I know, to specify days hours job duties more clearly next time, with peers but mostly with myself. I invest so much of myself in everything but then get burt out and tend to rid it away, in some form or another, gotta stop that can't always just cut and run......closure and ending a cycle is also part of the journey, otherwise you aren't really finishing anything, and maybe that's why I keep getting the same lessons in different packaging.....huh? My thumbs are wiser than I thought.
Today I am aware of magical me as abundance. I am all that magic is now.
I am grateful for being able to sleep in today, for the sun shining, for my phone, for rumor mill, for movies, for this casting job, for the food in my fridge, for the man I felt like giving 2 dollars to, for compliments, for signs from the universe, from farmers and markets, for my photographer friends that helped me build my acting site with great pictures, for the money I have and was able to invest in my actor self today, my new skin products, my roomies support and mirror, and my amazingly talented parents! And anyone I have ever shared a loving exchange with.
Oooh almost forgot, from day five something that you are unwilling to release? Sooooo, I'm throwing away the few articles of the 5 year ex I have. Its time I ve carried it to omg, 6 apartments now! Woah, yeah always thinking I ll mail it back, I ll find the address, he ask for it! No fuck that darkside for a minute, screw it, I don't owe him carrying it around anymore and its another reflection of I cared for his stuff more than him, so who's really more free in this situation? Geez. Thank you for the final mirror my old friend wherever you are in VA, be well and say goodbye to your things!!!! Yeh!!!
I am fulfilled in this now moment, I am present to being abundance now!
Do it! It feels good
Xo me
Today I got to work with my roomie again, which was helpful. Love there two quotes
When you realize nothing is lacking, the whole world belongs to you
You are the one who creates whether you are fulfilled or not
We had to list 3 things we wants the most. Then close your eyes and be fulfilled in those three things.
1. Love - the perfect divinely matched man for me right now
2. Career - the perfect, great paying ACTing role
3. Hybrid car - I had to walk a lot today....with grocery bags
Its interesting to me that no matter how many times I say I need or want to focus on my career love is always the first thing that comes into my mind, and no matter how many casting jobs I do I always come back to wanting to act....the car would be the icing, especially since tomorrow I have to gets up 2 hours earlier than most to travel to noho for 2 hours.
There's something else I found HAVE TO...there is no have to, I want to, I wanted to until I thought about how early I had to get up, and then if I'm honest I went through a whole pros and cons list with myself, about obligations and owning worth and I'm not getting paid and what am I neede for, and but I could do this and that and make it worth it, but maybe I should be there anyway.....CRAZY HEAD TALK....what I came out with.....be impeccable with your word...thank you for agreements...so go because I said I would, but now I know, to specify days hours job duties more clearly next time, with peers but mostly with myself. I invest so much of myself in everything but then get burt out and tend to rid it away, in some form or another, gotta stop that can't always just cut and run......closure and ending a cycle is also part of the journey, otherwise you aren't really finishing anything, and maybe that's why I keep getting the same lessons in different packaging.....huh? My thumbs are wiser than I thought.
Today I am aware of magical me as abundance. I am all that magic is now.
I am grateful for being able to sleep in today, for the sun shining, for my phone, for rumor mill, for movies, for this casting job, for the food in my fridge, for the man I felt like giving 2 dollars to, for compliments, for signs from the universe, from farmers and markets, for my photographer friends that helped me build my acting site with great pictures, for the money I have and was able to invest in my actor self today, my new skin products, my roomies support and mirror, and my amazingly talented parents! And anyone I have ever shared a loving exchange with.
Oooh almost forgot, from day five something that you are unwilling to release? Sooooo, I'm throwing away the few articles of the 5 year ex I have. Its time I ve carried it to omg, 6 apartments now! Woah, yeah always thinking I ll mail it back, I ll find the address, he ask for it! No fuck that darkside for a minute, screw it, I don't owe him carrying it around anymore and its another reflection of I cared for his stuff more than him, so who's really more free in this situation? Geez. Thank you for the final mirror my old friend wherever you are in VA, be well and say goodbye to your things!!!! Yeh!!!
I am fulfilled in this now moment, I am present to being abundance now!
Do it! It feels good
Xo me
Monday, December 27, 2010
Abounding River - DAY FIVE
Generosity Current
"All you are unable to give possesses you" - Andre Gide
What is something you are unwilling to release? - my clothes - most not all - although if someone gave me 1000.00 and said here go Shopping I'd get rid over everything in a heart beat! Other thing is probbaly photos - memories.....
But this says - consider whatever stops you also inhibits you from experiencing flow.
I've seen that manifested a few different ways - letting go of outcome in dating all of a sudden you become a guy magnet, even if you walk around town in your PJs....ironically usually then. Also as soon as my director deciding on the 3 leads for ths film I'm casting, audition notices came in for me to ACT. Or freaking out about loosing my wallet, let it go, remembered ast place i remember having it emailed them, they emailed me today saying they had it!
Be Generous - today I saw the utilities bills for the apartment got my new check books and wrote out full amount for both! which reminds me I need a mail dropbox
Todays speaking and listening....
As I serve others, I serve myself. As I serve myself, allare served. I am completely fulfilled giving to the entire body of CREATOR me.
You relish contributing to everyone as the whole of yourself!
My tummy is a little upset from mixing a tuna sandwich & chai tea latte I think...But I'm grateful the rumor mill fed me, stored my cards safely, and all the plants, animals, people and energy that made my abundance today possible.
I have a reminder of that everyday I look in the mirror now, my dear friend got me a neclace that says abundnace on it! I may have told you that already....
xo - me
"All you are unable to give possesses you" - Andre Gide
What is something you are unwilling to release? - my clothes - most not all - although if someone gave me 1000.00 and said here go Shopping I'd get rid over everything in a heart beat! Other thing is probbaly photos - memories.....
But this says - consider whatever stops you also inhibits you from experiencing flow.
I've seen that manifested a few different ways - letting go of outcome in dating all of a sudden you become a guy magnet, even if you walk around town in your PJs....ironically usually then. Also as soon as my director deciding on the 3 leads for ths film I'm casting, audition notices came in for me to ACT. Or freaking out about loosing my wallet, let it go, remembered ast place i remember having it emailed them, they emailed me today saying they had it!
Be Generous - today I saw the utilities bills for the apartment got my new check books and wrote out full amount for both! which reminds me I need a mail dropbox
Todays speaking and listening....
As I serve others, I serve myself. As I serve myself, allare served. I am completely fulfilled giving to the entire body of CREATOR me.
You relish contributing to everyone as the whole of yourself!
My tummy is a little upset from mixing a tuna sandwich & chai tea latte I think...But I'm grateful the rumor mill fed me, stored my cards safely, and all the plants, animals, people and energy that made my abundance today possible.
I have a reminder of that everyday I look in the mirror now, my dear friend got me a neclace that says abundnace on it! I may have told you that already....
xo - me
Abounding River DAY FOUR
Gratitude Current......
Be grateful for 3 forms of supply that I have never acknowledged before...
Heat
Furniture makers
trash workers
I could keep going...internet, electricity..okay maybe i have thanked them before, my lungs, a ticking clock to break the silence in my head...
My Partner work isn't really working too well without a partner but I will repeat this in bed 11 times.
"I am grateful for all of Life. I am being thankful for everything I see and everything I don't see"
"You are the thankfulness of energy"
I realized I lost my wallet today - here's a practice in everything isn't lost. It may have happened a few days ago, the last time I remembered having it was at a coffee shop I frequent new years eve before leaving for downtown. I've been using cash so I haven't noticed, but my cards are gone which means I can't cash my check like I was hoping tomorrow. So this is also a practice in trust and faith. I check my bank account and the money hasn't been touch, so I don't think it's stolen....WHICH GIVES ME SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR! I'm hoping it's somewhere in my room and I miss placed it while I was packing....
I am grateful no one has stolen my wallet and it is in a safe place waiting for me to find it when I get home!
I watched Scrooged tonight and it gave my my laugh for a minute out loud exercise, the Ghost of xmas present fairy is my favorite!!!
Last night bed exercise was tough talking my self up in the mirror...that's a challenge for most I think but stretching the muscles! Tonight give 5 minutes to put attention to all that has been given to you...from drinking water to you creative talent, even beauty marks count! Find Gratitude for it all.
xo-me
Be grateful for 3 forms of supply that I have never acknowledged before...
Heat
Furniture makers
trash workers
I could keep going...internet, electricity..okay maybe i have thanked them before, my lungs, a ticking clock to break the silence in my head...
My Partner work isn't really working too well without a partner but I will repeat this in bed 11 times.
"I am grateful for all of Life. I am being thankful for everything I see and everything I don't see"
"You are the thankfulness of energy"
I realized I lost my wallet today - here's a practice in everything isn't lost. It may have happened a few days ago, the last time I remembered having it was at a coffee shop I frequent new years eve before leaving for downtown. I've been using cash so I haven't noticed, but my cards are gone which means I can't cash my check like I was hoping tomorrow. So this is also a practice in trust and faith. I check my bank account and the money hasn't been touch, so I don't think it's stolen....WHICH GIVES ME SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR! I'm hoping it's somewhere in my room and I miss placed it while I was packing....
I am grateful no one has stolen my wallet and it is in a safe place waiting for me to find it when I get home!
I watched Scrooged tonight and it gave my my laugh for a minute out loud exercise, the Ghost of xmas present fairy is my favorite!!!
Last night bed exercise was tough talking my self up in the mirror...that's a challenge for most I think but stretching the muscles! Tonight give 5 minutes to put attention to all that has been given to you...from drinking water to you creative talent, even beauty marks count! Find Gratitude for it all.
xo-me
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Abounding River DAY THREE
I'm pretty much over tired and ready for bed, so this will be quick.
Christmas Day - an exchange for Love & Cheer and suiting to be on THE LOVE & ACCEPTANCE CURRENT.
My request from last night was answered today a few times. A very nice exchange definitely building the muscle of self- worth.
Today was "Love thy Neighbor Love thy self"
What do you say is not the best in your life??? Well I had quite a long list so to highlight....my nose, my skin, my bank account, my choice in men....etc.
Who creates it? ME - (with the help of others I choose to have in my life)
Who would I have to be to create the best....Beautiful Abundant Nicole - who's confident, wise, focused, filled with self love and is being love.
Was generous today by buying my Bro xmas dinner and giving out a few presents. Also gave myself dinner and receive a rad necklace from a girlfriend and went to a movie.
Today spirit words were Mother nature, God, and Spirit
Trusting, Knowing, Surrendering and Being
Now I must go talk to myself in the mirror before bed.
I've been scrimping on the meditations I realized today...I gotta fix that.
xo me
Christmas Day - an exchange for Love & Cheer and suiting to be on THE LOVE & ACCEPTANCE CURRENT.
My request from last night was answered today a few times. A very nice exchange definitely building the muscle of self- worth.
Today was "Love thy Neighbor Love thy self"
What do you say is not the best in your life??? Well I had quite a long list so to highlight....my nose, my skin, my bank account, my choice in men....etc.
Who creates it? ME - (with the help of others I choose to have in my life)
Who would I have to be to create the best....Beautiful Abundant Nicole - who's confident, wise, focused, filled with self love and is being love.
Was generous today by buying my Bro xmas dinner and giving out a few presents. Also gave myself dinner and receive a rad necklace from a girlfriend and went to a movie.
Today spirit words were Mother nature, God, and Spirit
Trusting, Knowing, Surrendering and Being
Now I must go talk to myself in the mirror before bed.
I've been scrimping on the meditations I realized today...I gotta fix that.
xo me
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Abounding River - DAY TWO
Almost forgot about my commitment.....on the second day.....with christmas eve and all. Today was the first day I actually felt in the holiday spirit. The movie I have been casting made some decisions on the leads yesterday so I got to shift my energy & Focus! So I woke up with present ideas...better late then never. And I got a bug up my ass to reach out to a few peeps from my past letting them know my gratitude for them!
So Day 2 was on the WORTH CURRENT -
What request would you make to someone in your life that would build the muscle of your self worth? TRICKY ONE RIGHT?! IT GETS BETTER....Commit to making one today.
Well I received a voicemail, from a boy I was dating which was a nice Merry Xmas - thinking of you message - after a facebook a few days ago saying the same thing but also with some Miss you talk. So part of my self worth I let go of when things weren't working with us. And now that I am teeter tottering on responding or not - I MADE A REQUEST! My request basically was to hear or read how he was thinking of me, and what he missed about me. Because I deserve to receive some recognition and acknowledged for the relationship we had, and the person I am. I was very good to him. Whatever his truth is is all I am interested in. No other expectations or needs. But I thought WHAT AN INTERESTING TIME FOR A REQUEST FOR SELF WORTH -
I also giggled for a minute - and then watch The Christmas Story so laughed more
An exercise in being generous and grateful was buying, making, and getting presents - perfect reminder of let go and receive energy.
Today I chose the spirit word LOVE and abundant word FILLED. And since I didn't have Athena as my mirror partner tonight I used a picture of my little girl self, which turned out to be perfect.
.........I am worthy of everything wonderful, all the FILLED LOVE me is.
You are Love expressed as Beautiful Abundant Nicole. You celebrate your Love worth Now.
Merry xmas! The best gift to give someone is Love - The best gift you can give yourself is love - what does that come wrapped in???
xo - me
So Day 2 was on the WORTH CURRENT -
What request would you make to someone in your life that would build the muscle of your self worth? TRICKY ONE RIGHT?! IT GETS BETTER....Commit to making one today.
Well I received a voicemail, from a boy I was dating which was a nice Merry Xmas - thinking of you message - after a facebook a few days ago saying the same thing but also with some Miss you talk. So part of my self worth I let go of when things weren't working with us. And now that I am teeter tottering on responding or not - I MADE A REQUEST! My request basically was to hear or read how he was thinking of me, and what he missed about me. Because I deserve to receive some recognition and acknowledged for the relationship we had, and the person I am. I was very good to him. Whatever his truth is is all I am interested in. No other expectations or needs. But I thought WHAT AN INTERESTING TIME FOR A REQUEST FOR SELF WORTH -
I also giggled for a minute - and then watch The Christmas Story so laughed more
An exercise in being generous and grateful was buying, making, and getting presents - perfect reminder of let go and receive energy.
Today I chose the spirit word LOVE and abundant word FILLED. And since I didn't have Athena as my mirror partner tonight I used a picture of my little girl self, which turned out to be perfect.
.........I am worthy of everything wonderful, all the FILLED LOVE me is.
You are Love expressed as Beautiful Abundant Nicole. You celebrate your Love worth Now.
Merry xmas! The best gift to give someone is Love - The best gift you can give yourself is love - what does that come wrapped in???
xo - me
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Abounding River DAY ONE
Okay, a new book. A New journey. A new focus. I have been itching for another 30 day challenge or days to success however you choose to look at it. And this is a book I have been wanting to get myself for close to a year. It's called the Abounding River - Personal Logbook by Matthew and Terces Engelhart. The Days and exercises are laid out for you. Some of the journey requires partner work, so it's good to have a buddy or loved one that wants to grow with you to give one and other mutual support.
Like I did with the 30 days to success, I'm making a commitment to blog each day as a way to share my experience and hopefully inspire anyone else to join in or at the very least keep myself accountable for myself.
It's been an interesting past few months of all kinds of mirrors coming back to me, dredging up past baggage and hang ups as well as growth and inspiration. But I'm ready for change with my energy around ABUNDANCE. I have found gratitude and that has already made such a shift for me, My 30 days helped give me more focus on goals and finding worth in completing them. NOW it's time to recognize the magic of the universal flow, trust the ONE connection and truly OWN my WORTH. Today my worth is OVERFLOWING!
DAY ONE - Creation Current
This is what I discovered.
First, you pick a spirit abundance name - I toyed with a few the past 2 days prepping for today and finally woke up hearing BEAUTIFUL ABUNDANT NICOLE. I'm calling in my self confidence and love again and proclaiming the worth of myself and everything around me as abundance.
I have a few inherit beliefs about money such as there's isnt enough, or as soon as you get it it's gone, I should give more than I recieve, if I get into trouble my mom will bail me out - (that one I really don't like!)- truth hurts but as much as I am grateful to have a loving supportive generous mother my 31 year old ego self tells me I'm a failure to resort to this.
What I would like to believe is, as much as I give I recieve, money is easy to manifest, there's always more than enough, debt had no power over me, and that I deserve and have the power to create more financial abundance in my life RIGHT NOW!
Also finding acknowledgement & gratitude. I have been recieving more appreciation and acknowledgement for the work I do, and others that could only see me in box vision is starting to open up to see more of me, but this is also the ownership I'm creating in myself! Specifically with this book focus, My roomie and I went to the near by coffee shop and just having our awareness shift to the Farmers and every other being and creature who helped bring my one cup of coffee into creation was an amazing exercise, you realize how much there is to be thankful for.
Today I am thankful for my casting job that allowed me to buy me and my roomate these coffees and bagels, grateful to Athena for being my company and partner in this exercise and grateful to Stella who owns the coffeeshop and her employee that made it for us and the farmers, truckers, gasoline and packagers who got it here, the cows that gave the milk, the plants that gave the seeds, the earth that gave the soil and water and everyone in between that did there part to make my simple coffee and bagel possible for me today. THAT IS A FUCKING TRIP RIGHT?!....all those things that are usually taken for granted. It's so empowering to shift your attention to it all in gratitude and trust that we are all in this life together and collectively taking care of eachother.
In our listening and speaking exercise we mirrored eachother, which is so interesting. Things land in all kinds of ways depending on how things are said, tone of voice and ego thoughts. Some times it feels amazing and sometimes it's uncomfortable. But once you do feel it land in a belief way a cord is struck, a light bulb gets turned on, and the CREATION is made.
I, Beautiful Abundant Nicole, am the creator of my life experience. I now choose to be OVERFLOWING!
I have a few more little tasks to cap off today. Some laughing, meditation & writing is left and I think I'll add in some exercise just for kicks.
Thanks for joining me on my latest carpet ride!
xo-me
Like I did with the 30 days to success, I'm making a commitment to blog each day as a way to share my experience and hopefully inspire anyone else to join in or at the very least keep myself accountable for myself.
It's been an interesting past few months of all kinds of mirrors coming back to me, dredging up past baggage and hang ups as well as growth and inspiration. But I'm ready for change with my energy around ABUNDANCE. I have found gratitude and that has already made such a shift for me, My 30 days helped give me more focus on goals and finding worth in completing them. NOW it's time to recognize the magic of the universal flow, trust the ONE connection and truly OWN my WORTH. Today my worth is OVERFLOWING!
DAY ONE - Creation Current
This is what I discovered.
First, you pick a spirit abundance name - I toyed with a few the past 2 days prepping for today and finally woke up hearing BEAUTIFUL ABUNDANT NICOLE. I'm calling in my self confidence and love again and proclaiming the worth of myself and everything around me as abundance.
I have a few inherit beliefs about money such as there's isnt enough, or as soon as you get it it's gone, I should give more than I recieve, if I get into trouble my mom will bail me out - (that one I really don't like!)- truth hurts but as much as I am grateful to have a loving supportive generous mother my 31 year old ego self tells me I'm a failure to resort to this.
What I would like to believe is, as much as I give I recieve, money is easy to manifest, there's always more than enough, debt had no power over me, and that I deserve and have the power to create more financial abundance in my life RIGHT NOW!
Also finding acknowledgement & gratitude. I have been recieving more appreciation and acknowledgement for the work I do, and others that could only see me in box vision is starting to open up to see more of me, but this is also the ownership I'm creating in myself! Specifically with this book focus, My roomie and I went to the near by coffee shop and just having our awareness shift to the Farmers and every other being and creature who helped bring my one cup of coffee into creation was an amazing exercise, you realize how much there is to be thankful for.
Today I am thankful for my casting job that allowed me to buy me and my roomate these coffees and bagels, grateful to Athena for being my company and partner in this exercise and grateful to Stella who owns the coffeeshop and her employee that made it for us and the farmers, truckers, gasoline and packagers who got it here, the cows that gave the milk, the plants that gave the seeds, the earth that gave the soil and water and everyone in between that did there part to make my simple coffee and bagel possible for me today. THAT IS A FUCKING TRIP RIGHT?!....all those things that are usually taken for granted. It's so empowering to shift your attention to it all in gratitude and trust that we are all in this life together and collectively taking care of eachother.
In our listening and speaking exercise we mirrored eachother, which is so interesting. Things land in all kinds of ways depending on how things are said, tone of voice and ego thoughts. Some times it feels amazing and sometimes it's uncomfortable. But once you do feel it land in a belief way a cord is struck, a light bulb gets turned on, and the CREATION is made.
I, Beautiful Abundant Nicole, am the creator of my life experience. I now choose to be OVERFLOWING!
I have a few more little tasks to cap off today. Some laughing, meditation & writing is left and I think I'll add in some exercise just for kicks.
Thanks for joining me on my latest carpet ride!
xo-me
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Gearing up for more transformation!
Holy crapola!
Lots lots lots! Does anyone else feel like 3 days is more like 3 months! So much is transitioning and evolving and happening with everyone. Lots of change. Break ups, job changes, risk taking, emotional releasing, deaths, births I'm mean this is life right but it seems in fast forward like we all have some major clearing and reflecting to do.
My darkside came out to play since I have been casting a feature film Called Coyote Requiem which is all about healing your emotional baggage and taking off your masks! And everyone involved, is being effected. It's powerful stuff. There's also moments where I have to stand up for myself and stand my ground, own my worth, and refuse to settle in other areas of my life. And I am grateful to the ones that have givin me the postive mirror to see this.
I have to remind myself to stay connected to LOVE & Gratitude even when my wounds are triggered, even when my buttons are pushed and ego is bruised and trust that it's all for the highest good. TRUST! CHOICE! COMMITMENT!
Commiting to ourselves so we can truly commit to someone else, and our higher purpose. Our higher purpose should start and end with LOVE. Sometimes love is snuggly, sometimes sexy, sometimes, healing, sometimes uncomfortable truth, sometimes even a reflection of hurt, but if you can bring it back to love - give it love - then you have love!
here's to clearing our baggage
here's to facing our fears
here's to making committed choices
here's to finishing things
here's to giving and recieving love
here's to being authentic
here's to being our highest selves
here's to living in abundance
here's to letting your creativity flow
here's to letting yourself FLY!!!!
I got the best reading in my life a few days ago! it's already coming true....DR. CARBONE in studio city she's got a 2 for one deal right now. google her!
love
me
Lots lots lots! Does anyone else feel like 3 days is more like 3 months! So much is transitioning and evolving and happening with everyone. Lots of change. Break ups, job changes, risk taking, emotional releasing, deaths, births I'm mean this is life right but it seems in fast forward like we all have some major clearing and reflecting to do.
My darkside came out to play since I have been casting a feature film Called Coyote Requiem which is all about healing your emotional baggage and taking off your masks! And everyone involved, is being effected. It's powerful stuff. There's also moments where I have to stand up for myself and stand my ground, own my worth, and refuse to settle in other areas of my life. And I am grateful to the ones that have givin me the postive mirror to see this.
I have to remind myself to stay connected to LOVE & Gratitude even when my wounds are triggered, even when my buttons are pushed and ego is bruised and trust that it's all for the highest good. TRUST! CHOICE! COMMITMENT!
Commiting to ourselves so we can truly commit to someone else, and our higher purpose. Our higher purpose should start and end with LOVE. Sometimes love is snuggly, sometimes sexy, sometimes, healing, sometimes uncomfortable truth, sometimes even a reflection of hurt, but if you can bring it back to love - give it love - then you have love!
here's to clearing our baggage
here's to facing our fears
here's to making committed choices
here's to finishing things
here's to giving and recieving love
here's to being authentic
here's to being our highest selves
here's to living in abundance
here's to letting your creativity flow
here's to letting yourself FLY!!!!
I got the best reading in my life a few days ago! it's already coming true....DR. CARBONE in studio city she's got a 2 for one deal right now. google her!
love
me
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Shed to funk, make a shift!
I don't know what it is about break-ups, fights, heart ache, and the like, that gets the fire lit under people's asses but here we go again....in a way. How you break or create space from something that wasn't a full commitment to begin with I'm not sure, but I guess I'll just have to think of it as shifting a habit. Why do people need to cause drama for themselves? Why do we choose to make things harder than they need to be? Especially US creatives. Heartache creates the best songs, Abuse-Lies-cheating-fighting-whether comedic or dramatic the best films. This Human condition to suffer, or long for, feel lack, or settle....why do we choose this?
I'm doing my best to follow my heart as best as I can, sometimes the heart leads us through a painful experience and other times the most blissful. Either way I'm living. I'm learning and growing and transforming with every idea of LOVE I can create and manifest in my Life. Cause that's what life should be right? LOVE! It gets all mucked up when we place our conditions & Judgement on it. When we over-analyze what it is supposed to look like. Well, I'm making a commitment. TO MYSELF, and I have been working on this commitment, no more of that SHIT!
If I love you? I love you for you, all your strengths & imperfections.
If I love a creative project? It doesn't matter if I'm casting or acting I believe in it's worth so I will give my energy to that.
If I have truth and feelings to share I will, without the need of a certain response back because that is truly honoring, owning, and LOVING myself.
So what does any of this mean....I'm still sorting it out. But what I'm creating the path to, is total Love & Abundance in my life. This means allowing my self all of my desires NOW. Being grateful for all the good I have NOW and attracting more of the things that make me feel good. I tend to put a lot of energy outside of me, and part of my challenge is to bring in back in. Also raising my standards for myself, owning what I deserve, and somehow with all those I's and Me's not getting caught up in Ego.
This is my oxygen mask on a plane time...again. I've grown a lot in the past 2 years, I've had relationships of all sorts pop in and out of my life. Sometimes these things happen for necessary growing and I'm learning to see it for that and not as loosing some kind of attachment.
So I'm back to ME FOCUS! It has been creeping up on me the past few weeks but now it's a conscious decision. This time for as long as it takes. Things that have led to HERE...
1) Trip home for Northampton Film festival - This showed me again there's a higher Purpose in my ACTING that I want to keep following, so I'm gonna be picky
2) Seeing my FAMILY and having the reflections of how they are changing and where they are staying the same
3) House-sitting - connecting with ANIMALS has been HUGE, everything is so simple in there world, there's food, nature, and love - AND it's giving me a feel of different parts of LA and what it's like to live in someone else's abundance
4) Casting jobs - The difference between for the money and for the higher purpose. The Commercial is for the money and so grateful for that, but the feature is for the Love and Purpose - and this script helped me acknowledge a block and some truth with my producer.
5) Loose ends - some things need to be handled before the new year.
6) My body - since my GOGO job was taking away it hit me financially as well as physically, noticing a difference in my energy and comfort in my body - so MORE EXERCISE
7) Guidance - we can't always figure our shit out on our own, so I'm attending phone seminars every other Sunday for some good spirit talk, to help make sense of personal and universal shifts. I may be calling a psychic I heard great things about too.
8) Gratitude - being aware of all the good that surrounds me already - make list of gifts, not just material to remind myself
9) Stability - I want more consistency in all areas in my life. Especially work but also People. I have been a fickle person and hard to tie down, I get it, but I'm growing out of that and want to surround myself with other committed, solid people. which means some times I will have to say No, or hear no. And that's okay, at least it's a choice
10) BE LOVE, and trust it will all divinely work itself out. I'm the magician, the high priestess and story teller in my life. My story is a worldly, epic tale, about minstrels, players, healers & LOVE.
I'm doing my best to follow my heart as best as I can, sometimes the heart leads us through a painful experience and other times the most blissful. Either way I'm living. I'm learning and growing and transforming with every idea of LOVE I can create and manifest in my Life. Cause that's what life should be right? LOVE! It gets all mucked up when we place our conditions & Judgement on it. When we over-analyze what it is supposed to look like. Well, I'm making a commitment. TO MYSELF, and I have been working on this commitment, no more of that SHIT!
If I love you? I love you for you, all your strengths & imperfections.
If I love a creative project? It doesn't matter if I'm casting or acting I believe in it's worth so I will give my energy to that.
If I have truth and feelings to share I will, without the need of a certain response back because that is truly honoring, owning, and LOVING myself.
So what does any of this mean....I'm still sorting it out. But what I'm creating the path to, is total Love & Abundance in my life. This means allowing my self all of my desires NOW. Being grateful for all the good I have NOW and attracting more of the things that make me feel good. I tend to put a lot of energy outside of me, and part of my challenge is to bring in back in. Also raising my standards for myself, owning what I deserve, and somehow with all those I's and Me's not getting caught up in Ego.
This is my oxygen mask on a plane time...again. I've grown a lot in the past 2 years, I've had relationships of all sorts pop in and out of my life. Sometimes these things happen for necessary growing and I'm learning to see it for that and not as loosing some kind of attachment.
So I'm back to ME FOCUS! It has been creeping up on me the past few weeks but now it's a conscious decision. This time for as long as it takes. Things that have led to HERE...
1) Trip home for Northampton Film festival - This showed me again there's a higher Purpose in my ACTING that I want to keep following, so I'm gonna be picky
2) Seeing my FAMILY and having the reflections of how they are changing and where they are staying the same
3) House-sitting - connecting with ANIMALS has been HUGE, everything is so simple in there world, there's food, nature, and love - AND it's giving me a feel of different parts of LA and what it's like to live in someone else's abundance
4) Casting jobs - The difference between for the money and for the higher purpose. The Commercial is for the money and so grateful for that, but the feature is for the Love and Purpose - and this script helped me acknowledge a block and some truth with my producer.
5) Loose ends - some things need to be handled before the new year.
6) My body - since my GOGO job was taking away it hit me financially as well as physically, noticing a difference in my energy and comfort in my body - so MORE EXERCISE
7) Guidance - we can't always figure our shit out on our own, so I'm attending phone seminars every other Sunday for some good spirit talk, to help make sense of personal and universal shifts. I may be calling a psychic I heard great things about too.
8) Gratitude - being aware of all the good that surrounds me already - make list of gifts, not just material to remind myself
9) Stability - I want more consistency in all areas in my life. Especially work but also People. I have been a fickle person and hard to tie down, I get it, but I'm growing out of that and want to surround myself with other committed, solid people. which means some times I will have to say No, or hear no. And that's okay, at least it's a choice
10) BE LOVE, and trust it will all divinely work itself out. I'm the magician, the high priestess and story teller in my life. My story is a worldly, epic tale, about minstrels, players, healers & LOVE.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Reflections, and they ain't always easy to see....
Well, The past few weeks have been interesting to say the least. I've had lessons in giving and receiving, finding joy & purpose in everything I say yes to even when it starts to suck, and my talent at problem solving....for other people anyway.
On the career front I felt a bit lacking after my 30 day focus I went right into a casting job, and back to my dating patterns. Both those situations have shown me a lack of commitment coming at me. My struggle with the casting was finding the balance of doing it for the money or love, there shouldn't be an or it should be an AND. I had to find my gratitude and higher purpose there again.
Now in my dating life their has been a lack of commitment, a bit of fickleness, and a whole lot of scatteredness. SO where am I doing that in my life elsewhere. The Acting/Casting, the projects I get involved in, my inability to make clear decisions and stick to them, relying too much on others or situations to decide for me. The later certainly helped me come to a place to go with the flow without freaking out but there also has to be STRONG INTENTION.
All and all that seems to be what I was lacking and owning my truth and intention. I found different relationships in my life wasn't allowing me to be my whole self. Because some know me as an actress/dancer, some as just a casting director, some as a songwriter/actress, some as a lightworker who dances. Point being people tend to compartmentalize so they can have a clear idea of people. Its safe that way so you can take them out and dust them off when needed. And here's where it reflects my romantic relationships...you dont just get encouraging cheerleader nikki, you get her as well as deep emotional nikki, and sensual nikki, and playful nikki, and healer nikki, and not everyone is equiped or ready to acknowledge all those parts of themselves nevermind you...or in this case ME.
So cut to the past few weeks of TRUTH & CLEARING. It's starts with me and my fears, what am I afraid to admit or fully become? What are others refusing to see in me because of there fears and blocks. Because if they see me in a new way that means they have to let go of their old ideas of me. Change is scary sometimes, but growth is nessessary. I can't spread my wings if I'm stuck in a cage. So I'm going back to 2009 New years....the symbolism that brought me heartache but transformation, that showed me my path & purpose, that reminded me we have one life, that our potential is limitless, and that we deserve to feel free to become the next version our our higher selves. I had to make a commitment that I want to act and I also like to cast, and they both benefit me in different ways, I was shown where I should commit my heart & energy currently with one man who was choosing to do the same.
So this is me right now claiming that.
I am an actress
I am a dancer
I am a songwriter
I am a casting director
I am a lightworker
I am a teacher
I am a student
I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a cousin, an auntie, and a lover
I am a creative artist growing into a writer, director, and producer
I am light & Love
I am a modern day new age hippy bohemian who believes in astrology & faery energy
I am your mirror of truth and shadow and divine light
I am a multi-demensional gemini earth goddess
I call in people who can acknowledge my full potential
I call in Love who is ready for me and can be my equal
I call in more opportunities to create on my level of higher purpose and inspiration
I call in my open heart to receive all that is rightfully mine and the abundance that's NOW flowing in!
The old self is disappearing, and those people and things attached with it. It's sad to see it go, but that's there path, if they want to grow along with me THE MORE THE MERRIER.
Be in your Hearts, Be creative, Be on your divine path, Be LOVE!
I am grateful for the play in palm springs
I am grateful for the auditions that have popped up even the ones my heart wasnt in so didnt go to
I am grateful for Malibu
I am grateful for animal love
I am grateful for the talented man I have been seeing and the reflections I'm being taught.
I am grateful for Leading Ladies
I am grateful to my Managers
I am grateful to my friends and family for always checking in with support & love
I am grateful for the Alchemist
I am grateful to be grateful
I am grateful for the LOVE work I see happening
I am grateful I faced a fear and went out on a limb
I am grateful for the inspiration a a new cute song
And I am grateful for the check that I have not received yet and have been patiently waiting for. I AM READY TO RECEIVE UNIVERSE.
I am grateful for Halloween and the spirits that walk the night with the humans!
I am grateful that my good friend Caitlyn just walked in the door!
So I leave you with this.....
HEART = SMART
blessings & Love
Me
On the career front I felt a bit lacking after my 30 day focus I went right into a casting job, and back to my dating patterns. Both those situations have shown me a lack of commitment coming at me. My struggle with the casting was finding the balance of doing it for the money or love, there shouldn't be an or it should be an AND. I had to find my gratitude and higher purpose there again.
Now in my dating life their has been a lack of commitment, a bit of fickleness, and a whole lot of scatteredness. SO where am I doing that in my life elsewhere. The Acting/Casting, the projects I get involved in, my inability to make clear decisions and stick to them, relying too much on others or situations to decide for me. The later certainly helped me come to a place to go with the flow without freaking out but there also has to be STRONG INTENTION.
All and all that seems to be what I was lacking and owning my truth and intention. I found different relationships in my life wasn't allowing me to be my whole self. Because some know me as an actress/dancer, some as just a casting director, some as a songwriter/actress, some as a lightworker who dances. Point being people tend to compartmentalize so they can have a clear idea of people. Its safe that way so you can take them out and dust them off when needed. And here's where it reflects my romantic relationships...you dont just get encouraging cheerleader nikki, you get her as well as deep emotional nikki, and sensual nikki, and playful nikki, and healer nikki, and not everyone is equiped or ready to acknowledge all those parts of themselves nevermind you...or in this case ME.
So cut to the past few weeks of TRUTH & CLEARING. It's starts with me and my fears, what am I afraid to admit or fully become? What are others refusing to see in me because of there fears and blocks. Because if they see me in a new way that means they have to let go of their old ideas of me. Change is scary sometimes, but growth is nessessary. I can't spread my wings if I'm stuck in a cage. So I'm going back to 2009 New years....the symbolism that brought me heartache but transformation, that showed me my path & purpose, that reminded me we have one life, that our potential is limitless, and that we deserve to feel free to become the next version our our higher selves. I had to make a commitment that I want to act and I also like to cast, and they both benefit me in different ways, I was shown where I should commit my heart & energy currently with one man who was choosing to do the same.
So this is me right now claiming that.
I am an actress
I am a dancer
I am a songwriter
I am a casting director
I am a lightworker
I am a teacher
I am a student
I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a cousin, an auntie, and a lover
I am a creative artist growing into a writer, director, and producer
I am light & Love
I am a modern day new age hippy bohemian who believes in astrology & faery energy
I am your mirror of truth and shadow and divine light
I am a multi-demensional gemini earth goddess
I call in people who can acknowledge my full potential
I call in Love who is ready for me and can be my equal
I call in more opportunities to create on my level of higher purpose and inspiration
I call in my open heart to receive all that is rightfully mine and the abundance that's NOW flowing in!
The old self is disappearing, and those people and things attached with it. It's sad to see it go, but that's there path, if they want to grow along with me THE MORE THE MERRIER.
Be in your Hearts, Be creative, Be on your divine path, Be LOVE!
I am grateful for the play in palm springs
I am grateful for the auditions that have popped up even the ones my heart wasnt in so didnt go to
I am grateful for Malibu
I am grateful for animal love
I am grateful for the talented man I have been seeing and the reflections I'm being taught.
I am grateful for Leading Ladies
I am grateful to my Managers
I am grateful to my friends and family for always checking in with support & love
I am grateful for the Alchemist
I am grateful to be grateful
I am grateful for the LOVE work I see happening
I am grateful I faced a fear and went out on a limb
I am grateful for the inspiration a a new cute song
And I am grateful for the check that I have not received yet and have been patiently waiting for. I AM READY TO RECEIVE UNIVERSE.
I am grateful for Halloween and the spirits that walk the night with the humans!
I am grateful that my good friend Caitlyn just walked in the door!
So I leave you with this.....
HEART = SMART
blessings & Love
Me
Friday, September 17, 2010
Post 30 Days to Success Challenge
So it's been a few good days since ending my 30 days. Mercury is back direct. And it shows! A casting job I was on hold for the past month literally went through officially the day mercury went direct and the day after my 30 days was done. Talk about clearing. I also had first read through of my new play.
So I sat down to revisit what exactly I was able to come away with after this new habit of focus and ME time. And the following is what I came away with. Not in any particular order.
Finished Acting Website
New post card designed
Network party
Finished creative visualization book
Organized all casting, acting, and life files
Updated casting website
Found my first manifestation journal from 2007
Roommate wrote the first episode for 30 girl Seeking
Brainstormed more characters for 30 girl Seeking
Stuck to the blog everyday, like I promised myself
Had some lessons and clearing to do, physically & emotionally
Created a project info sheet for my casting jobs
Differed my student loans
Booked a play (just before actually)
Made rent
Revisited a few books that give me inspiration
Sent out old postcards
Met my new manager
Saw a play
Got a free concert to Dave Matthews
House sat in Malibu
Looked at a couch - but not right
(Getting one from roomies mom in OCT)
Re-wrote resumes
Played guitar more
Danced and worked out a little more
Watched emmy's an realized I don't watch much TV, which is good for my soul but probably not too helpful for career
Created choreography for a music video
Saw the movie SWITCHED
Re-watched all 3 Pirates of the Carribeans
Re-watch Chocolat, Bruce Almighty, Pride and Prejudice, A few Faerytale Theaters, and I think I'm missing something
Had a visitor at my show making up for the time he missed
Volunteered for a Cafe Gratitude workshop
Updated my social networks
Read more of Life Launch book, Branding book, and Uta Hagen
Read a script for a feature film I might be casting
Got some cash work & extra work
Work/play with my goddess friend, who I always learn from
Talked to my Dad, and had a pretty clear talk.
Leading Ladies got into 3 more festivals!
I came up with 3 New really cool ideas on how I can create and serve
And was shown how intuitive I am sometimes, knowing I would see or hear from someone and then I did, or being pulled to call someone who was think of me, that kind of thing
And what has opened up for me since then....
Booked this commercial casting job!
Found 5 dollars 3 days in a row....10 cash and 5 in starbucks card
getting more recognition at my dance job, from boss and crowd...(thank you Mikey)
Just today was givin a certificate for a free starbucks coffee cause I helped a disabled man out of the store and an employee acknowledged that.
Realize I have a package to mail soon with some forgiveness attached as a final LETTING GO.
So as much as it seemed like not much was going on to further my Career...that's a WHOLE LOT to be going on. Perspective eh???
Thank you for going on the journey with me. Thank you for being LOVES in my life. And as I continue to discover my Authenticity in every moment and Strive to live up to my Highest Potential. I invite you to do the same. And let me start you off by telling you....I ACKNOWLEDGE YOU FOR YOUR GREATNESS & CREATIVITY & LOVE IN YOUR HEART, and I BELIEVE IN YOU!
Be love, Be Joy, Be the Light in the World!
xo-me
So I sat down to revisit what exactly I was able to come away with after this new habit of focus and ME time. And the following is what I came away with. Not in any particular order.
Finished Acting Website
New post card designed
Network party
Finished creative visualization book
Organized all casting, acting, and life files
Updated casting website
Found my first manifestation journal from 2007
Roommate wrote the first episode for 30 girl Seeking
Brainstormed more characters for 30 girl Seeking
Stuck to the blog everyday, like I promised myself
Had some lessons and clearing to do, physically & emotionally
Created a project info sheet for my casting jobs
Differed my student loans
Booked a play (just before actually)
Made rent
Revisited a few books that give me inspiration
Sent out old postcards
Met my new manager
Saw a play
Got a free concert to Dave Matthews
House sat in Malibu
Looked at a couch - but not right
(Getting one from roomies mom in OCT)
Re-wrote resumes
Played guitar more
Danced and worked out a little more
Watched emmy's an realized I don't watch much TV, which is good for my soul but probably not too helpful for career
Created choreography for a music video
Saw the movie SWITCHED
Re-watched all 3 Pirates of the Carribeans
Re-watch Chocolat, Bruce Almighty, Pride and Prejudice, A few Faerytale Theaters, and I think I'm missing something
Had a visitor at my show making up for the time he missed
Volunteered for a Cafe Gratitude workshop
Updated my social networks
Read more of Life Launch book, Branding book, and Uta Hagen
Read a script for a feature film I might be casting
Got some cash work & extra work
Work/play with my goddess friend, who I always learn from
Talked to my Dad, and had a pretty clear talk.
Leading Ladies got into 3 more festivals!
I came up with 3 New really cool ideas on how I can create and serve
And was shown how intuitive I am sometimes, knowing I would see or hear from someone and then I did, or being pulled to call someone who was think of me, that kind of thing
And what has opened up for me since then....
Booked this commercial casting job!
Found 5 dollars 3 days in a row....10 cash and 5 in starbucks card
getting more recognition at my dance job, from boss and crowd...(thank you Mikey)
Just today was givin a certificate for a free starbucks coffee cause I helped a disabled man out of the store and an employee acknowledged that.
Realize I have a package to mail soon with some forgiveness attached as a final LETTING GO.
So as much as it seemed like not much was going on to further my Career...that's a WHOLE LOT to be going on. Perspective eh???
Thank you for going on the journey with me. Thank you for being LOVES in my life. And as I continue to discover my Authenticity in every moment and Strive to live up to my Highest Potential. I invite you to do the same. And let me start you off by telling you....I ACKNOWLEDGE YOU FOR YOUR GREATNESS & CREATIVITY & LOVE IN YOUR HEART, and I BELIEVE IN YOU!
Be love, Be Joy, Be the Light in the World!
xo-me
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Day 30 of 30 Days to Success - The End & Beginning!
Wow! I did it! We did it! Not sure exactly what I did yet....I might need to re-read all my blogs to see. haha Oh, man this not getting sleepy until 4am isn't very helpful, although I do seem to make the most progress on things in the evening. But not too conducive to functioning with the majority of the world.
So not much of a list again although have been at it all day & night with the 30 day deadline looming over me. I finished the organizing!!! YEH! one area of my apartment anyhow....the work area. I finally have all my acting materials together and casting materials together. I got life stuff separated as well as a folder called TO DO: filled with scripts to read, projects, tax and dba questions....I found out today I can't find my 2008 tax info...ekkk. Need that! So I must attack the few random boxes in my bedroom closet, hoping to discover it in there. But like last night, came across some interesting journals and photos.
What else??? Oh I decided to put away my old vision boards, with the exception of my spirit and love ones, because I need to replace them. My roomie and I created a vision board wall in the living room since that is where we spend most of our time, so I made a few for that wall but more geared towards creativity and career. So started pulling out some pictures from mags early today, and got out of the house to run errands. I hit T-Mobile to pay bill, the 99cent store, pavillions and CVS. Walking around my neighborhood took 4 hours!!! 4 HOURS!!!! I really need a bike with a basket, life would be a bit easier. BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE A CAR PEOPLE! One good thing about walking is you can put attention to good use. I thought of a few good ideas, involving my craft and possible ways to make money & create community. That's all I'm saying for now. I've learnt to SHUT UP, and PUT UP!
So for my last day of my 30 days and retrograde accomplishments:
Cut out new vision board pics
Errands (4 hours!)
Stopped in store that was hiring
Finished organizing & finding a place for work & life stuff
Made a regular cardboard box, faux decorative! (yes, I made that term up)
Stapled Headshots & Resumes for manager
Oh, and have a free red round couch lined up! (thanks to the roomies mom)
I wish I had something more profoud to say or share on my last day...but I'm just feeling really ready for bed. Excited tomorrow to wake up out of RETROGRADE, with the Knowledge I FINISHED a Bunch of Stuff, and I have the first script reading for my new play. Tomorrow I should sit down and write out what I was able to accomplish in these 30 days in tangible terms anyway. It would be good for me to see that.
All right, I little more reading and to bed! Thank you for hanging in there with me, and encouraging and inspiring me along the way!
LOTS of LOVE and Blessings of ABUNDANCE your WAY!!!
Live Love Laugh
Dream Believe Create Receive
haha and perfect timing, cue music....
lalala la lala - lalala la lala - lalala lalala lalala
xo-me
So not much of a list again although have been at it all day & night with the 30 day deadline looming over me. I finished the organizing!!! YEH! one area of my apartment anyhow....the work area. I finally have all my acting materials together and casting materials together. I got life stuff separated as well as a folder called TO DO: filled with scripts to read, projects, tax and dba questions....I found out today I can't find my 2008 tax info...ekkk. Need that! So I must attack the few random boxes in my bedroom closet, hoping to discover it in there. But like last night, came across some interesting journals and photos.
What else??? Oh I decided to put away my old vision boards, with the exception of my spirit and love ones, because I need to replace them. My roomie and I created a vision board wall in the living room since that is where we spend most of our time, so I made a few for that wall but more geared towards creativity and career. So started pulling out some pictures from mags early today, and got out of the house to run errands. I hit T-Mobile to pay bill, the 99cent store, pavillions and CVS. Walking around my neighborhood took 4 hours!!! 4 HOURS!!!! I really need a bike with a basket, life would be a bit easier. BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE A CAR PEOPLE! One good thing about walking is you can put attention to good use. I thought of a few good ideas, involving my craft and possible ways to make money & create community. That's all I'm saying for now. I've learnt to SHUT UP, and PUT UP!
So for my last day of my 30 days and retrograde accomplishments:
Cut out new vision board pics
Errands (4 hours!)
Stopped in store that was hiring
Finished organizing & finding a place for work & life stuff
Made a regular cardboard box, faux decorative! (yes, I made that term up)
Stapled Headshots & Resumes for manager
Oh, and have a free red round couch lined up! (thanks to the roomies mom)
I wish I had something more profoud to say or share on my last day...but I'm just feeling really ready for bed. Excited tomorrow to wake up out of RETROGRADE, with the Knowledge I FINISHED a Bunch of Stuff, and I have the first script reading for my new play. Tomorrow I should sit down and write out what I was able to accomplish in these 30 days in tangible terms anyway. It would be good for me to see that.
All right, I little more reading and to bed! Thank you for hanging in there with me, and encouraging and inspiring me along the way!
LOTS of LOVE and Blessings of ABUNDANCE your WAY!!!
Live Love Laugh
Dream Believe Create Receive
haha and perfect timing, cue music....
lalala la lala - lalala la lala - lalala lalala lalala
xo-me
Monday, September 13, 2010
Day 29 of 30 Days to Success! Only one more day!!!!
Ahhhhh, okay I might need another month! haha Actually, this has been pretty perfect, even though it didn't quite have the effect I was hoping and anticipating....yet. However, I know & trust EVERYTHING that has come in & out, is for a reason, and getting me in more alignment with my Purpose! (and cue a big of relief)
But it ain't over yet. I still got a good 24 hours.
I don't really have a list of things to share today. I pretty much spent the whole day organizing THE RANDOM SHIT. It was the first task I took on today cause I have been procrastinating on it, and it took all day, with some breaks. It's still not entirely done, but great progress made.
I got up around 11pm...coffee, emails, chatting with roomie, and then I hit the boxes. A friend came by to pick up a book he lent me. So we went for a walk close by to grab coffee & catch up for an hour or so. I was swimming in a sea of chaos in my living room, with papers, scripts, photos, and old mail spread about the floor. I welcomed the reason to escape it briefly.
Good talk. He's a very good actor & writer. When I shared the webisode idea with him, he turned into a flowing faucet of great ideas. Pouring all kinds of characters out, we could use. I laughed out loud, literally, a few times. So even when I tried to escape being productive, I ended out being productive! I LIKE THAT!
I came back to my boxes again, finding a few old things to reminisce over. Like, playbills, old headshots, and project ideas that were just seeds.
Later, my friend that I worked for yesterday came by to pay me, and we chatted a bit and got talking about Michael Jackson, he was like one of my first idols growing up. First make believe boyfriend for sure when I was five. haha So anyway, I bought up the part in THIS IS IT when he gets messed up over what looks like his ear bud, cause he couldn't hear right. And it looked like he had a little freak out, I thought that his insecurities were coming out. And she said (now I'm paraphrasing) "no he wasn't insecure, he was talking about his "inner ear". He was taught to sing & hear from that, and was surrounded by siblings that did the same, and if you listen to the singers they weren't singing from that place, that's why he wasn't hearing it, and as soon as he said something, that got deeper in their bodies and then they did - even though most of them didnt really know what he meant" - That is brilliant. I love that! The idea no truth of his attunement and awareness. It's beautiful, from her perspective. And here I was been fault finding and judgey. Gosh, thank goodess for mirrors eh?
This has been quite the journey of reflection, let me tell you! Well, I guess I have been. haha I really thought I wasn't a judgemental person. I know I have made HUGE strides, but their are still little seeds of that lingering. And this friend has been good about showing me that, The Cafe Gratitude Workshop showed me a lot when I became conscious of my inner dialoge while "listening", and seeing it when coming across other's who are much more actively judgey then I, and feeling how yucky it is the hear it. It's a relief to find the GOOD, to KNOW that no one is ever lacking. To know that I'm not lacking.
Because this 30 days took a different spin on me, and I didn't attract the things I wanted to attract, I could easily assume there is something wrong with me. But there's isn't. My eyes were open to what this shift was for. And the fact we subconsciously chose retrograde to do it, solidifies it for me. Cause after tomorrow, Mercury comes back direct and in alignment and I have myself in better alignment with myself. So it's pretty perfect!
OH! I almost fogot! Me and the roomie got all dressed up in crazy, fun, risky garmets to submit for a Rocky Horror scene somewhere, for something!
Now why can't I get to sleep before 4am again?
Until tomorrow,
xo-me
But it ain't over yet. I still got a good 24 hours.
I don't really have a list of things to share today. I pretty much spent the whole day organizing THE RANDOM SHIT. It was the first task I took on today cause I have been procrastinating on it, and it took all day, with some breaks. It's still not entirely done, but great progress made.
I got up around 11pm...coffee, emails, chatting with roomie, and then I hit the boxes. A friend came by to pick up a book he lent me. So we went for a walk close by to grab coffee & catch up for an hour or so. I was swimming in a sea of chaos in my living room, with papers, scripts, photos, and old mail spread about the floor. I welcomed the reason to escape it briefly.
Good talk. He's a very good actor & writer. When I shared the webisode idea with him, he turned into a flowing faucet of great ideas. Pouring all kinds of characters out, we could use. I laughed out loud, literally, a few times. So even when I tried to escape being productive, I ended out being productive! I LIKE THAT!
I came back to my boxes again, finding a few old things to reminisce over. Like, playbills, old headshots, and project ideas that were just seeds.
Later, my friend that I worked for yesterday came by to pay me, and we chatted a bit and got talking about Michael Jackson, he was like one of my first idols growing up. First make believe boyfriend for sure when I was five. haha So anyway, I bought up the part in THIS IS IT when he gets messed up over what looks like his ear bud, cause he couldn't hear right. And it looked like he had a little freak out, I thought that his insecurities were coming out. And she said (now I'm paraphrasing) "no he wasn't insecure, he was talking about his "inner ear". He was taught to sing & hear from that, and was surrounded by siblings that did the same, and if you listen to the singers they weren't singing from that place, that's why he wasn't hearing it, and as soon as he said something, that got deeper in their bodies and then they did - even though most of them didnt really know what he meant" - That is brilliant. I love that! The idea no truth of his attunement and awareness. It's beautiful, from her perspective. And here I was been fault finding and judgey. Gosh, thank goodess for mirrors eh?
This has been quite the journey of reflection, let me tell you! Well, I guess I have been. haha I really thought I wasn't a judgemental person. I know I have made HUGE strides, but their are still little seeds of that lingering. And this friend has been good about showing me that, The Cafe Gratitude Workshop showed me a lot when I became conscious of my inner dialoge while "listening", and seeing it when coming across other's who are much more actively judgey then I, and feeling how yucky it is the hear it. It's a relief to find the GOOD, to KNOW that no one is ever lacking. To know that I'm not lacking.
Because this 30 days took a different spin on me, and I didn't attract the things I wanted to attract, I could easily assume there is something wrong with me. But there's isn't. My eyes were open to what this shift was for. And the fact we subconsciously chose retrograde to do it, solidifies it for me. Cause after tomorrow, Mercury comes back direct and in alignment and I have myself in better alignment with myself. So it's pretty perfect!
OH! I almost fogot! Me and the roomie got all dressed up in crazy, fun, risky garmets to submit for a Rocky Horror scene somewhere, for something!
Now why can't I get to sleep before 4am again?
Until tomorrow,
xo-me
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Day 28 of 30 Days to Success! - 9-11 gloom, retrograde kinks, & laughter
2 days left! It's strange when I started this, my "not so logical" logic told me I'd be on this journey from August 15th to Sept 15th. 30 days. When in actuality 30 days ends on the 13th. Maybe my subconscious knows something I don't see yet. But this pesky retrograde has certainly put a few kinks into the mix along the way....All for a greater good I'm sure. But I'm glad it's done on the 13th. And I'm sure there is no coinidence. This was not the ideal time for ACTION, PROJECTS, And COMMUNICATION. Which are all essential to Making Money being an ACTRESS! It is however a perfect time for going within for introspection....And it's clear if you have been reading this, that is what has been happening with me more than anything else.
I woke up today, with a cloudy head under a cloudy sky and realized today was 9-11, and we all know what that means. I know people are mourning, or in rememberance, and there are some heavy hearts in the world today. We truly are all affected by each other's energy. Think of Holiday celebrations and what that does to the masses. We are always connected but during those are times, its more obvious.
So today, I had a bit of work planned with a friend, basically driving. I left my house after reading the bus schedule thinking I had time to spare. After walking a bit, I realized I left my phone at home but didn't really have time to go back to get it. Well, I also READ THE WRONG SCHEDULE, I read weekdays instead of weekends, so I actually ended out running late, AND couldn't call. Luckily, at my bus stop there was a working pay-phone close by. I left a message to my friend who was apparently leaving me a message saying how Her car guy was running late and we had to push 2 hours. When I got to her finally, we had time to kill, so we got brunch. I ordered a custom omelette with a choice of potatos, fruit, or cottage cheese. I Went potatos, thinking I should probably get fruit....so what comes out on my plate, fruit! lol
We toasted our coffees and cheered to BEING HERE, I felt so much Thankfullness in my heart for that...today of all days. The day continued to be wacky and what was supposed to be a 1 1/2 - 2 hour time slot turned into an 8 hour adventure! haha.
I was grateful for the brunch girlie goddess talk, and the lessons in patience and flow along the way, cause really with all the forgetfullness, miscommunication, and back & forth we had to do, if we didn't have each other to look at and Laugh it off with, it could have been maddening. But really when in doubt LAUGH, Life obstacles are silly, and temporary. A comedy of errors! So this shit has obviously been going on since Shakespeare, so we might as well learn to react a new & improved way! The energy week I'm experiencing in the Kabalah tree is Splendor and it talks about finding the signs and lessons in mishaps & communications and miscommunications.
I did have plans to try and get more reading done today. But sometimes listening is just as good, if not better. I'm always walking away a little more enlightened and inspired after a day with this friend. She's one of the few people in my life, I can look up to as a strong, independent, self-suffient, self made PERSON, never mind WOMAN!
I got home and caught up with the roomie a bit. Who is getting a little distracted herself with something in particular, so it seems I'm not the only one falling on and off the wagon the past few days, but she does have a little more bounce in her step so if nothing else it's good for that! So with crunch time...we both agreed to do some more working out tomorrow....even though I'm still sore! I'm gonna also do some more work on finishing my LIFE LAUNCH & Marketing book. And hopefully get to organize and go through some boxes of random shit. I also need to find my 2008 taxes and deal with that MONDAY.
TODAY:
Got through retrograde
Made some money
Life Launch exercise...putting life in chapters (I only got up to age 21 and I already have 6 major life change chapters)
Laughed A lot
Read through a few emails that were Loving, Acknowledging, Honest and Inspiring.
Manager gave me two more Goals to help her help me
And now I'm about to watch a Andy Garcia movie called City Island
Thank you for BEING HERE!
xo-me
I woke up today, with a cloudy head under a cloudy sky and realized today was 9-11, and we all know what that means. I know people are mourning, or in rememberance, and there are some heavy hearts in the world today. We truly are all affected by each other's energy. Think of Holiday celebrations and what that does to the masses. We are always connected but during those are times, its more obvious.
So today, I had a bit of work planned with a friend, basically driving. I left my house after reading the bus schedule thinking I had time to spare. After walking a bit, I realized I left my phone at home but didn't really have time to go back to get it. Well, I also READ THE WRONG SCHEDULE, I read weekdays instead of weekends, so I actually ended out running late, AND couldn't call. Luckily, at my bus stop there was a working pay-phone close by. I left a message to my friend who was apparently leaving me a message saying how Her car guy was running late and we had to push 2 hours. When I got to her finally, we had time to kill, so we got brunch. I ordered a custom omelette with a choice of potatos, fruit, or cottage cheese. I Went potatos, thinking I should probably get fruit....so what comes out on my plate, fruit! lol
We toasted our coffees and cheered to BEING HERE, I felt so much Thankfullness in my heart for that...today of all days. The day continued to be wacky and what was supposed to be a 1 1/2 - 2 hour time slot turned into an 8 hour adventure! haha.
I was grateful for the brunch girlie goddess talk, and the lessons in patience and flow along the way, cause really with all the forgetfullness, miscommunication, and back & forth we had to do, if we didn't have each other to look at and Laugh it off with, it could have been maddening. But really when in doubt LAUGH, Life obstacles are silly, and temporary. A comedy of errors! So this shit has obviously been going on since Shakespeare, so we might as well learn to react a new & improved way! The energy week I'm experiencing in the Kabalah tree is Splendor and it talks about finding the signs and lessons in mishaps & communications and miscommunications.
I did have plans to try and get more reading done today. But sometimes listening is just as good, if not better. I'm always walking away a little more enlightened and inspired after a day with this friend. She's one of the few people in my life, I can look up to as a strong, independent, self-suffient, self made PERSON, never mind WOMAN!
I got home and caught up with the roomie a bit. Who is getting a little distracted herself with something in particular, so it seems I'm not the only one falling on and off the wagon the past few days, but she does have a little more bounce in her step so if nothing else it's good for that! So with crunch time...we both agreed to do some more working out tomorrow....even though I'm still sore! I'm gonna also do some more work on finishing my LIFE LAUNCH & Marketing book. And hopefully get to organize and go through some boxes of random shit. I also need to find my 2008 taxes and deal with that MONDAY.
TODAY:
Got through retrograde
Made some money
Life Launch exercise...putting life in chapters (I only got up to age 21 and I already have 6 major life change chapters)
Laughed A lot
Read through a few emails that were Loving, Acknowledging, Honest and Inspiring.
Manager gave me two more Goals to help her help me
And now I'm about to watch a Andy Garcia movie called City Island
Thank you for BEING HERE!
xo-me
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Day 27 of 30 Days to Success! ----ahhhhh, I want more days!
Wow, I'm down to 3 days. This went wayyyy faster than I anticipated. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what else I can do. Probably the grown up stuff I dont want to do, like deal with this tax letter, and start a DBA, and DMV crapola.
My brain is a little moosh tonight as I have had the longest day in creation and got struck with a little whirlwind tonight. So I apologise ahead of time for any MADD talk or DELIRIUM.
Let's go from the beginning Shall we:
Got up at the ass-crack. 5:30am actually my roomie woke me since I didnt set my alarm correctly in my broken phone.
3 buses later in Van Nuys to do audience work on the new Jerry Springer show baggage...we were booked for only 4 hours to recieve 32 bucks, pathetic right? Until we cleverly figured out another service was booking the same show second half of day so that way we could make 64$ made it a little more worth it. Well my favorite warm up guy was there so I was able to find a bright side of my day. And Jerry is actually really cute and funny. We got through relatively fine. Hunger hit with no time to waste before we had to sneak back to the second call-time.
I ate the worst food, nasty, Nasty Del Taco..not many options, Gross! stay away from the breakfast burrito. We got back and some icky (as in attitudey taddle tale) lady recognized Athena...the legs were like five miles long today..hard to miss and we couldn't get on! arghhh! Then! But On the 3 buses, and 3.5 hours traveling later, falling asleep to some dude who was playing 5 different songs on his guitar that all same chords and rhythms, I FOUND MYSELF GRATEFUL TO BE CLOSER TO HOME & BED!
I did get a little gig lined up for tomorrow with a friend to drive and get paid, which works out the same. So yeh! And called a casting friend looking for Rocky Horror peeps for a big show next week, so I send Photos...yeh!
HOME: Laundry, Submissions, emails, craiglist, drowsy eyes.....Knap! Wake up after about an hour or so, shower, Head to gogo gig.
My friend, bailed coming to see me which was a bummer since, I havent seen him in years and he was one of the people I cheated and helped during these 30 days. But I got another surprise...3 actually. Enter guy who inspired me to start this maddness. Sneaky little punk to see me dance. haha. But it was interesting, while I was stretching, I literally had a moment of HE'S COMING TONIGHT....noooo! Well, Yeah. We caught up a bit on the break, and I'm sure it's a blessing his friends came and needed to leave cause I'M NOT DONE WITH MY 30 DAYS YET...and we can easily talk for 4 hours straight about everything we've both been experiencing.
But besides that, we had a new singer so had to flow with the NEW flow on the set, still danced my ass off, but not as tight as normal, missed some gags, our MAIN guy usually does. But it was all good. It really openned my awareness, feeling a little more vulnerable and nervous, to the crowds energy. I have a lot more connections with people watching, and acknowledgment of each other, and had the realization that my energy directly effects there's. It's obviously not all up to me, but I have become part of the show at Waterfront, it's trippy, I'm starting to get regular fans! haha I just found a little more gratitude and a sense of responsibilty.
PRODUCTIVITY TODAY:
Made some cash
Emailed website and Angel photo to new manager
Submitted for more acting jobs
Had a cool thriller script idea in the shower
Didn't take my friend bailing personally
Made amends
Danced it out
Encouraged other's to Dance and have fun!
Have kept up with my blog for 27 days!
I'm still JUST FUCKING DOING IT!!!!
hope you all are having lovely dreams....that come true. I'm catching up!
xo-me
My brain is a little moosh tonight as I have had the longest day in creation and got struck with a little whirlwind tonight. So I apologise ahead of time for any MADD talk or DELIRIUM.
Let's go from the beginning Shall we:
Got up at the ass-crack. 5:30am actually my roomie woke me since I didnt set my alarm correctly in my broken phone.
3 buses later in Van Nuys to do audience work on the new Jerry Springer show baggage...we were booked for only 4 hours to recieve 32 bucks, pathetic right? Until we cleverly figured out another service was booking the same show second half of day so that way we could make 64$ made it a little more worth it. Well my favorite warm up guy was there so I was able to find a bright side of my day. And Jerry is actually really cute and funny. We got through relatively fine. Hunger hit with no time to waste before we had to sneak back to the second call-time.
I ate the worst food, nasty, Nasty Del Taco..not many options, Gross! stay away from the breakfast burrito. We got back and some icky (as in attitudey taddle tale) lady recognized Athena...the legs were like five miles long today..hard to miss and we couldn't get on! arghhh! Then! But On the 3 buses, and 3.5 hours traveling later, falling asleep to some dude who was playing 5 different songs on his guitar that all same chords and rhythms, I FOUND MYSELF GRATEFUL TO BE CLOSER TO HOME & BED!
I did get a little gig lined up for tomorrow with a friend to drive and get paid, which works out the same. So yeh! And called a casting friend looking for Rocky Horror peeps for a big show next week, so I send Photos...yeh!
HOME: Laundry, Submissions, emails, craiglist, drowsy eyes.....Knap! Wake up after about an hour or so, shower, Head to gogo gig.
My friend, bailed coming to see me which was a bummer since, I havent seen him in years and he was one of the people I cheated and helped during these 30 days. But I got another surprise...3 actually. Enter guy who inspired me to start this maddness. Sneaky little punk to see me dance. haha. But it was interesting, while I was stretching, I literally had a moment of HE'S COMING TONIGHT....noooo! Well, Yeah. We caught up a bit on the break, and I'm sure it's a blessing his friends came and needed to leave cause I'M NOT DONE WITH MY 30 DAYS YET...and we can easily talk for 4 hours straight about everything we've both been experiencing.
But besides that, we had a new singer so had to flow with the NEW flow on the set, still danced my ass off, but not as tight as normal, missed some gags, our MAIN guy usually does. But it was all good. It really openned my awareness, feeling a little more vulnerable and nervous, to the crowds energy. I have a lot more connections with people watching, and acknowledgment of each other, and had the realization that my energy directly effects there's. It's obviously not all up to me, but I have become part of the show at Waterfront, it's trippy, I'm starting to get regular fans! haha I just found a little more gratitude and a sense of responsibilty.
PRODUCTIVITY TODAY:
Made some cash
Emailed website and Angel photo to new manager
Submitted for more acting jobs
Had a cool thriller script idea in the shower
Didn't take my friend bailing personally
Made amends
Danced it out
Encouraged other's to Dance and have fun!
Have kept up with my blog for 27 days!
I'm still JUST FUCKING DOING IT!!!!
hope you all are having lovely dreams....that come true. I'm catching up!
xo-me
Friday, September 10, 2010
Day 26 of 30 Days to Success! - Earth Angels helping to change attitudes
Wow, so last night at this time....I was a miserable bitch. We can all admit that. Tonight, I'm pleasant, hopeful, and more at peace. Still swimming in darker waters but more accepting of them.
I was just logging on to start my blog when I came across another blog in my feed that shows the TITLE - YOU FUCKING DID IT!...Obviously it caught my eye and attention. As swear words are one of my favorite things, followed by positive encouragement. So I read it, and just as divine intervention would have it, it was words of loving reminders, and hopefully forseeing that I needed to hear. And then I was even more inspired to see all the other people who had commented and who were touched by these words in someway. If you have the time take a gander: http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com/2010/09/you-fking-did-it.html
If not a bit of my favorite points:
"In the future, everyone is an artist because it is in THESE DAYS that we realize that each of us is a Creator – each of us are Gods and Goddesses making breaking doing learning living loving."
"Money is made up. Let it go. Love is the only thing that is real.
The future is here for us to be amped, to be motivated, to remind each other that each is doing amazing things. Create this world as so and it will transform itself into a place of wonder right before our eyes."
Ahhhhh! Just reading those words give more life force and confirmation that I'm here for a purpose!
To backtrack a bit, this is where I've been the rest of the day. Today was sunny, which helped my mood tremedously. Although another day of not leaving the house which is getting a little scary. And tomorrow I do the complete opposite, I'm getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to work a double duty of clapping like a seal for fish. aka money. Cash, cause it's needed right now. Then I come home have an hour or two before heading off to The Waterfront to dance it out with The Spazmatics. It will be a long one.
What got done today:
I did some prep casting work in hopeful anticipation of getting the job
Booked the jobs for tomorrow
Me and the roomie attempted a few of the workouts on the Px whatever
Played a Game of Yatzee, I know not related but I haven't played since high school with my Cousin so worth mentioning it for me.
Read through Steel Magnolias with the roomie, Splitting the characters in half which got a little muddled along he way. haha but fun.
Oh man, I got to attack the M'Lynn monologue when she's talking about Shelby's death. God, my heart was wrenched out of my chest seeing Sally Field's doing that the first time in the movie. That was one of the first time's I knew I wanted to act. I had such a viseral reaction to reading it out loud tonight, not like I was performing but was so tuned into the emotion and this is just laying down on my couch, holding it back so my roomate doesn't think I'm losing grip on realty. It was trip.
Just picking up the book actually brought a lot back for me, before we even started reading. My doggie's that I had with "the ex" chewed up a corner of it, and I can remember then being so frustrated because I was missing some of the words, and today I was so grateful because it gives me a little piece of them forever that I can hold in my hands, since they are no longer here. Oh, tears. Memories. Good. bad. It's all relative. What new perspective and wisdom can show us about our past eh?
Thank you to my earth and spirt angels for reaching out to me today. I felt loved and supported today when a few friends checked in to make sure I was okay from my last post. It's so good to receive that. Thank you. And my spirit babies Torch & Blue, who I will love forever, and taught me so much, I'm grateful for them poking their heads and wet noses out of this playbook. The world can be so magical when our eyes are open to see what is "really there".
All this rat race of running, and striving, and hustling for "money" cause that what abundance is??? When all I really have to do is look around me and in my past and realize how many breaths I've been lucky enough to have, How many times I have been in love, how many people and animals in my life have loved me unconditionally, how much I have been able to experience and accomplish, how I have had the opportunity to express myself to touch other people, How I have gifts that help other's and I recognize other's who have gifts that help me. And how lucky I am, that I get to do it all again in a NEW way tomorrow. That's Abundance!
That's life right, I fucking did it, and I'm still doing it!!! YOU FUCKING DID IT TOO, but in your own beautiful, magical way, and I high five you!
Love, cause that all there is...
xo-me
I was just logging on to start my blog when I came across another blog in my feed that shows the TITLE - YOU FUCKING DID IT!...Obviously it caught my eye and attention. As swear words are one of my favorite things, followed by positive encouragement. So I read it, and just as divine intervention would have it, it was words of loving reminders, and hopefully forseeing that I needed to hear. And then I was even more inspired to see all the other people who had commented and who were touched by these words in someway. If you have the time take a gander: http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com/2010/09/you-fking-did-it.html
If not a bit of my favorite points:
"In the future, everyone is an artist because it is in THESE DAYS that we realize that each of us is a Creator – each of us are Gods and Goddesses making breaking doing learning living loving."
"Money is made up. Let it go. Love is the only thing that is real.
The future is here for us to be amped, to be motivated, to remind each other that each is doing amazing things. Create this world as so and it will transform itself into a place of wonder right before our eyes."
Ahhhhh! Just reading those words give more life force and confirmation that I'm here for a purpose!
To backtrack a bit, this is where I've been the rest of the day. Today was sunny, which helped my mood tremedously. Although another day of not leaving the house which is getting a little scary. And tomorrow I do the complete opposite, I'm getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to work a double duty of clapping like a seal for fish. aka money. Cash, cause it's needed right now. Then I come home have an hour or two before heading off to The Waterfront to dance it out with The Spazmatics. It will be a long one.
What got done today:
I did some prep casting work in hopeful anticipation of getting the job
Booked the jobs for tomorrow
Me and the roomie attempted a few of the workouts on the Px whatever
Played a Game of Yatzee, I know not related but I haven't played since high school with my Cousin so worth mentioning it for me.
Read through Steel Magnolias with the roomie, Splitting the characters in half which got a little muddled along he way. haha but fun.
Oh man, I got to attack the M'Lynn monologue when she's talking about Shelby's death. God, my heart was wrenched out of my chest seeing Sally Field's doing that the first time in the movie. That was one of the first time's I knew I wanted to act. I had such a viseral reaction to reading it out loud tonight, not like I was performing but was so tuned into the emotion and this is just laying down on my couch, holding it back so my roomate doesn't think I'm losing grip on realty. It was trip.
Just picking up the book actually brought a lot back for me, before we even started reading. My doggie's that I had with "the ex" chewed up a corner of it, and I can remember then being so frustrated because I was missing some of the words, and today I was so grateful because it gives me a little piece of them forever that I can hold in my hands, since they are no longer here. Oh, tears. Memories. Good. bad. It's all relative. What new perspective and wisdom can show us about our past eh?
Thank you to my earth and spirt angels for reaching out to me today. I felt loved and supported today when a few friends checked in to make sure I was okay from my last post. It's so good to receive that. Thank you. And my spirit babies Torch & Blue, who I will love forever, and taught me so much, I'm grateful for them poking their heads and wet noses out of this playbook. The world can be so magical when our eyes are open to see what is "really there".
All this rat race of running, and striving, and hustling for "money" cause that what abundance is??? When all I really have to do is look around me and in my past and realize how many breaths I've been lucky enough to have, How many times I have been in love, how many people and animals in my life have loved me unconditionally, how much I have been able to experience and accomplish, how I have had the opportunity to express myself to touch other people, How I have gifts that help other's and I recognize other's who have gifts that help me. And how lucky I am, that I get to do it all again in a NEW way tomorrow. That's Abundance!
That's life right, I fucking did it, and I'm still doing it!!! YOU FUCKING DID IT TOO, but in your own beautiful, magical way, and I high five you!
Love, cause that all there is...
xo-me
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Day 25 of 30 Days to Success - this feels like its back firing
arggggggggh! Thats right! I'm miss negitive pants today...again. The past few days, really. I'm getting discouraged! What do you want? I can't be happy cheerleader all the time I guess. I'm using the analogy that I have a carrot being dangled in front of me with every life situation currently, and it all seems barely out of my reach.
I'm on hold for a casting job...the past 2 or 3 potential jobs end up passing on the company I cast for. They keep pushing the answer another day, then again and again.
Being tease with SAG work...then i just don't get booked after I say I'm available.
Boys - then I just think about the past few monther's I had that were all about me and literally overnight freak out!
I mean really?! I'm getting things done! I have been focusing, I got off track a few times but not with anything major. And really this was supposed to be, make money time. I literally have 3.00 in my pocket until fri. This is fucking rediculous, I feel like crap, and I'm at the point where I'm thinking what the fuck am I doing?
I talked to my folks yesterday, and a high school friend today, and I get mad that I can't go home to visit cause I can never afford it. I've downgraded my life a lot the past two years...to what end? Great, I know how to live on next to nothing, great, I'm done now! How about I learn how to live on everything I have ever wanted and imagined???!!! How about that please?! I feel like the universe is dicking me around. AND I PISSED!
All the vision boarding and self help crap helps to a certain point. I feel released or inspired in moments but then when things are right at my finger tips and then taken away...what the hell is that?! I got some weird fucking karma or something?
okay, like today I didn't go to Anthropologie, I was getting ready really slow dragging ass and missed my bus window but this was also after realizing my last 3.00 was going to get me there and back...was I supposed to trust that?! I felt like I should save it for an actually money job, not just the possiblilty of one. But then I got an email saying SAG work tomorrow, yeah relieved to have that 3 dollars to get me to that guarenteed money job, and I thought great! My intuition was right!...nope dont get booked. ahhhhh!
Well enough of my bitching...
Here's what I did do
Updated imdb with some VO work...which took forever to figure out, and we'll see if they accept them...Thank you friend for reminding me!
Mailed postcards
Discussed the casting brief - hopefully for a good reason, like getting the job
updated/completed my linkedin page
Read more of Me 2.0
Read the play I'm doing in October
I guess seeing all that, it wasn't a pointless day. Geez, I do feel way better with the sun shining though! This september gloom is no fun. Today was the new moon, time to plant seeds. I felt more like burying myself in the ground in the seeds place. Maybe that's what I'm symbolically supposed to do...someone throw some water on me and see if anything sprouts!
Dream of exciting things, hope you had better spirits than I today
xo-me
I'm on hold for a casting job...the past 2 or 3 potential jobs end up passing on the company I cast for. They keep pushing the answer another day, then again and again.
Being tease with SAG work...then i just don't get booked after I say I'm available.
Boys - then I just think about the past few monther's I had that were all about me and literally overnight freak out!
I mean really?! I'm getting things done! I have been focusing, I got off track a few times but not with anything major. And really this was supposed to be, make money time. I literally have 3.00 in my pocket until fri. This is fucking rediculous, I feel like crap, and I'm at the point where I'm thinking what the fuck am I doing?
I talked to my folks yesterday, and a high school friend today, and I get mad that I can't go home to visit cause I can never afford it. I've downgraded my life a lot the past two years...to what end? Great, I know how to live on next to nothing, great, I'm done now! How about I learn how to live on everything I have ever wanted and imagined???!!! How about that please?! I feel like the universe is dicking me around. AND I PISSED!
All the vision boarding and self help crap helps to a certain point. I feel released or inspired in moments but then when things are right at my finger tips and then taken away...what the hell is that?! I got some weird fucking karma or something?
okay, like today I didn't go to Anthropologie, I was getting ready really slow dragging ass and missed my bus window but this was also after realizing my last 3.00 was going to get me there and back...was I supposed to trust that?! I felt like I should save it for an actually money job, not just the possiblilty of one. But then I got an email saying SAG work tomorrow, yeah relieved to have that 3 dollars to get me to that guarenteed money job, and I thought great! My intuition was right!...nope dont get booked. ahhhhh!
Well enough of my bitching...
Here's what I did do
Updated imdb with some VO work...which took forever to figure out, and we'll see if they accept them...Thank you friend for reminding me!
Mailed postcards
Discussed the casting brief - hopefully for a good reason, like getting the job
updated/completed my linkedin page
Read more of Me 2.0
Read the play I'm doing in October
I guess seeing all that, it wasn't a pointless day. Geez, I do feel way better with the sun shining though! This september gloom is no fun. Today was the new moon, time to plant seeds. I felt more like burying myself in the ground in the seeds place. Maybe that's what I'm symbolically supposed to do...someone throw some water on me and see if anything sprouts!
Dream of exciting things, hope you had better spirits than I today
xo-me
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Day 24 of 30 Days to Success - "nothing" can be draining
Yeh! Today I got some work. Grateful for a check, but that little ego self is in the back of my brain hating myself for having to do background work, not only background but non-union. I HAVE A SAG CARD. It's been collecting dust thus far this year. But sometimes ya gotta Hustle! Anyway we did nothing really, we were used for a whole 20 minutes. I didnt sleep much last night so I was dragging ass towards the end of the day. Days feel longer when you do nothing.
*I read my "Splendor" Chapter in WISH...did the exercises again 2 years later. I should find my old journel and compare notes.
*Called MY DAD! We had a good talk. He was pretty clear during most of it. which was good. I was really feeling pulled to call today. I asked him if he remembered what he wanted to grow up to be...he giggled and said a baseball player as he was watching the game, and then fly planes...which he did. Then he started playing guitar and he went on tangents from there.
I got an exciting email today that reminded me my film LEADING LADIES is showing in Champaign IL our birth place and they are now, trying to get sponsors to fly the cast out to be there for it. I'd love to be there end month, to have the whole experience come full circle!
Read more of my marketing/branding book today on the bus
Got home and vegged with food and facebook...did I mention we didnt get fed today? p&j for me all day...
Roomie got home after treating herself to a movie and she brought up the Px60 workout...am I saying that right? She's been talking about getting more in shape the past few weeks, it's been on the back of my mind too. Specially getting my college dancer legs back.
And last night, our friend had a psychic/life coach experience she shared with us, that suggested she play the game if she wanted to make it in this industry, workout, lose a few pounds, get facials, cut the hair, wear false eyelashes to auditions...etc. And it got me thinking about how well, or lax I have been about my physical appearance. We are in Hollywood afterall, and the little hippy in me wants to rebel against it, but then I have the little only daughter princess in me too, that loves playing dress up, so I'm right at home with screenings and premieres, but EVERYDAY! Argh. Not to mention the financial investment it requires. Oh, to have that casting Salary again, without the hours...how I would do it differently! Would not be spending it on RESIDUALS every weekend or traffic/parking tickets.
There is a balance and confidence I have when I'm feeling fit. So I think we are gonna give this thing a go. Probably not to the letter, but as a strong guideline. We did the weight/height ratio, I was glad to know I actually weighed less than I thought. 119. 17.6 body fat. I'm pretty much where I should be a little less actually but by Hollywood standards I could probably lose 5 -10 pounds. Rediculous, but true. My concern though is leg tone. And define arms a bit more. So maybe just the 5.
Anyways, another challenge/days to success ahead of me. The eating plan is going to be difficult...ONE carb a day, 5 proteins...hahaha yeah right, how does a veggy do that? Gotta research.
Tomorrow:
Going to interview at a clothes store.
Drop postcards in mail
Read/possibly finish marketing book
workout
more...not sure yet
Two smacks on the wrist for helping two people today! haha OH, coolest thing I've had happen in a while. A saw a man digging through the trash for cans, and he got out and was falling asleep sitting on the sidewalk...I looked at him, sent love and asked Angels to surround him, help him, and mentally cheered for him to find his light again. I tend to do this alot since public transpo. Anyways, I read on, and in this chapter says look out for symbols one of which the color orange. I see a woman who has her kid working bring an empty can over to the man's cart while he slept, adding to his collection, and she was wearing orange sandles. AHHHH. Tune in to your thoughts and feelings and keep your eyes open, I love this shit!!!
sleepytime,
xo-me
*I read my "Splendor" Chapter in WISH...did the exercises again 2 years later. I should find my old journel and compare notes.
*Called MY DAD! We had a good talk. He was pretty clear during most of it. which was good. I was really feeling pulled to call today. I asked him if he remembered what he wanted to grow up to be...he giggled and said a baseball player as he was watching the game, and then fly planes...which he did. Then he started playing guitar and he went on tangents from there.
I got an exciting email today that reminded me my film LEADING LADIES is showing in Champaign IL our birth place and they are now, trying to get sponsors to fly the cast out to be there for it. I'd love to be there end month, to have the whole experience come full circle!
Read more of my marketing/branding book today on the bus
Got home and vegged with food and facebook...did I mention we didnt get fed today? p&j for me all day...
Roomie got home after treating herself to a movie and she brought up the Px60 workout...am I saying that right? She's been talking about getting more in shape the past few weeks, it's been on the back of my mind too. Specially getting my college dancer legs back.
And last night, our friend had a psychic/life coach experience she shared with us, that suggested she play the game if she wanted to make it in this industry, workout, lose a few pounds, get facials, cut the hair, wear false eyelashes to auditions...etc. And it got me thinking about how well, or lax I have been about my physical appearance. We are in Hollywood afterall, and the little hippy in me wants to rebel against it, but then I have the little only daughter princess in me too, that loves playing dress up, so I'm right at home with screenings and premieres, but EVERYDAY! Argh. Not to mention the financial investment it requires. Oh, to have that casting Salary again, without the hours...how I would do it differently! Would not be spending it on RESIDUALS every weekend or traffic/parking tickets.
There is a balance and confidence I have when I'm feeling fit. So I think we are gonna give this thing a go. Probably not to the letter, but as a strong guideline. We did the weight/height ratio, I was glad to know I actually weighed less than I thought. 119. 17.6 body fat. I'm pretty much where I should be a little less actually but by Hollywood standards I could probably lose 5 -10 pounds. Rediculous, but true. My concern though is leg tone. And define arms a bit more. So maybe just the 5.
Anyways, another challenge/days to success ahead of me. The eating plan is going to be difficult...ONE carb a day, 5 proteins...hahaha yeah right, how does a veggy do that? Gotta research.
Tomorrow:
Going to interview at a clothes store.
Drop postcards in mail
Read/possibly finish marketing book
workout
more...not sure yet
Two smacks on the wrist for helping two people today! haha OH, coolest thing I've had happen in a while. A saw a man digging through the trash for cans, and he got out and was falling asleep sitting on the sidewalk...I looked at him, sent love and asked Angels to surround him, help him, and mentally cheered for him to find his light again. I tend to do this alot since public transpo. Anyways, I read on, and in this chapter says look out for symbols one of which the color orange. I see a woman who has her kid working bring an empty can over to the man's cart while he slept, adding to his collection, and she was wearing orange sandles. AHHHH. Tune in to your thoughts and feelings and keep your eyes open, I love this shit!!!
sleepytime,
xo-me
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Day 23 of 30 Days to Success! - A quicky!
This has to be a quicky cause I'm already past the point of SHOULD BE SLEEPING. I have an early call-time tomorrow. This usually happens, I get on a night owl schedule, I get a random early call time and be screwed on trying to get to sleep. Camomile isnt kicking in yet. Just spent a half hour trying to figure out the bus schedule to avoid a 25 minute walk. errr not sure the logic there, but I'm sure I'll appreciate in the morning. Hoping I can scrounge enough change for the buses. It's a pain to always need exact change for that. ewww I'm sounding a bit negitive. let's jump out of that.
I am grateful for the work tomorrow. Once I get there it sounds like an easy day.
Today:
*I wrote out my seven postcards
*Had some back and forth about a possible casting project
*Got my schedule discussed for my upcoming play
*Filled out my Anthropolgy App
*Applied to 2 casting jobs, heard back from one
*Reading "Splender" chapter in A WISH CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE
*May have a friend interested in helping/prducing the webseries
*Read thru again with Robin & Athena
*Did a round of Tarot Cards (apparently I have some more past things to deal with/let go and need to get married and lay down roots before I become successful, which seems backwards) hmmmm. Strange.
*oh, and I also painted my nails!
I had a strange realization, wonderful actually, how easy it can be to let things go when you shift your focus, how something or someone can affect you so strongly when you are involved in the drama of it, and how quickly you can choose to be out of it...I was asked about a story that was occuring when I first started the 30 days and it was so heavy of my mind and in my awareness I knew then, and even replayed every little detail daily, and today I had a hard time remembering most of the story, my roommate had to fill in the blanks for me. Crazy right?! Liberating really! Shifting....weeeee.
That's it for now. I plan on getting some reading done tomorrow on set! Now, if I could just get some sleep.....
oohhh, ps, broke a few rules today...
emailed my manager for an actor friend
talked and boys
put energy into another project that isnt entirely one of my jobs yet...
Much Love,
xo-me
I am grateful for the work tomorrow. Once I get there it sounds like an easy day.
Today:
*I wrote out my seven postcards
*Had some back and forth about a possible casting project
*Got my schedule discussed for my upcoming play
*Filled out my Anthropolgy App
*Applied to 2 casting jobs, heard back from one
*Reading "Splender" chapter in A WISH CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE
*May have a friend interested in helping/prducing the webseries
*Read thru again with Robin & Athena
*Did a round of Tarot Cards (apparently I have some more past things to deal with/let go and need to get married and lay down roots before I become successful, which seems backwards) hmmmm. Strange.
*oh, and I also painted my nails!
I had a strange realization, wonderful actually, how easy it can be to let things go when you shift your focus, how something or someone can affect you so strongly when you are involved in the drama of it, and how quickly you can choose to be out of it...I was asked about a story that was occuring when I first started the 30 days and it was so heavy of my mind and in my awareness I knew then, and even replayed every little detail daily, and today I had a hard time remembering most of the story, my roommate had to fill in the blanks for me. Crazy right?! Liberating really! Shifting....weeeee.
That's it for now. I plan on getting some reading done tomorrow on set! Now, if I could just get some sleep.....
oohhh, ps, broke a few rules today...
emailed my manager for an actor friend
talked and boys
put energy into another project that isnt entirely one of my jobs yet...
Much Love,
xo-me
Monday, September 6, 2010
Day 22 of 30 days to Success!
So a lot of time was spent on the big blue bus today. Me and Athena got all motivated to get out of the apartment today, since it was beautiful, even took showers and looked human to go to the stores and we ended out losing sun and fighting a chill all day.
Hit up 3rd street prom, she was making the commitment to change her San Diego number to LA, but they ran out of iphones at the mac store. We went to Anthropologie, cause for some reason I think it's a good idea to get a job somewhere I'd be tempted to spend my whole check! haha
She treated me to a hot chocolate on the ride home which was nice! The caffiene & sugar made us giddy the rest of the evening. We have been fools, singing while we talk, randomly spitting out lyrics of 80s songs, youtube searching old music videos, dancing dorky around the living room, facebooking each other 4 feet apart from one another, and verbally KONKING each other on the head if we mention "distractions" we'll call them. Past few days, that line has been slightly crossed from our intentions. Damn hearts and hormones!......and boredom.
As for my list:
*I got a job app
*I read the script I'll be casting
*read the first complete episode of our webisode, thanks to Athena
*did some job searching on craigslist
*googled to psychic lady, I want a reading from
*I got the 7 casting directors and addresses for the postcards
(in that search i learned a few other things about actors and director I dig like Johnny has 13 films in developement)
*added a film, I forgot about to the resume
I didn't get to:
calling pops
emailing my website
and tons of other stuff I dont want to think about or havent come up with yet.
Shit what now?...besides organizing pictures and boxes. I feel like most of the other things require money! errrr. So I'm there again.
Anyway,
xo-me
Hit up 3rd street prom, she was making the commitment to change her San Diego number to LA, but they ran out of iphones at the mac store. We went to Anthropologie, cause for some reason I think it's a good idea to get a job somewhere I'd be tempted to spend my whole check! haha
She treated me to a hot chocolate on the ride home which was nice! The caffiene & sugar made us giddy the rest of the evening. We have been fools, singing while we talk, randomly spitting out lyrics of 80s songs, youtube searching old music videos, dancing dorky around the living room, facebooking each other 4 feet apart from one another, and verbally KONKING each other on the head if we mention "distractions" we'll call them. Past few days, that line has been slightly crossed from our intentions. Damn hearts and hormones!......and boredom.
As for my list:
*I got a job app
*I read the script I'll be casting
*read the first complete episode of our webisode, thanks to Athena
*did some job searching on craigslist
*googled to psychic lady, I want a reading from
*I got the 7 casting directors and addresses for the postcards
(in that search i learned a few other things about actors and director I dig like Johnny has 13 films in developement)
*added a film, I forgot about to the resume
I didn't get to:
calling pops
emailing my website
and tons of other stuff I dont want to think about or havent come up with yet.
Shit what now?...besides organizing pictures and boxes. I feel like most of the other things require money! errrr. So I'm there again.
Anyway,
xo-me
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Day 21 of 30 days to Success!
geez, I feel like I'm fizzling a bit. On one hand we all need breaks on the other, I feel like I'm always on a break and these 30 days was supposed to be the opposite of that. It's a blessing and a curse to not have a set schedule laid out for you with bosses and expectations that you have to meet for other people, cause it sometimes feels harder to meet them for yourself.
today the roomie and I decided with nothing planned, no offers, and nothing pressing, we'd do nothing. Work wise anyway. Apparently me and my broken phone missed a few other options. But we walked around a lot. I hit the bank to get my gogo money in there to ensure the rent check wouldnt bounce, and then we went to get groceries cause she wanted to make turkey burgers and fries for "OUR LABOR DAY" treat. A little cheat from the vegetarian diet and we talked about boys and past relationships and what we have learnt, and hope for, etc. This was against the Career focus, but it's good to flush things out, especially with only 9 days left before being open for business again! lol Talked to my momma too which was nice. She's been on my mind a lot, both my folks actually. I should call pops tomorrow.
Then we hit red box and got movies, Sherlock Holmes AWESOME! unimpressed with miss rachel mcadams though and I usually love her, and then a little indie called Greenberg - With Ben Stiller, Good acting, weird story kinda long, but fucked up awkward characters, a slice of life. Nothing too eventful happens but it gets reactions out of you, I guess that's what you want film to do. SO I guess we did do some research in a sense.
Now I just saw in my email a new draft of a script from my writer/director friend that I need to get on reading, as I'll be casting it sooner than I thought. Here's the rub, once your a casting director for someone they dont really see you as anything else. LIKE AN AWESOME ACTRESS! I hope I dont fall in love with this character, he writes really well for woman!
Okay I have had 2 slacker days! Gotta pick up the pace a bit.
Things to do:
*email my website to contacts
*pick the 7 casting directors I gonna postcard harrass
*finish what I dont of the script
*come up with more shit to do
*oh, call pops - It's kinda work! lol
good night, happy long weekend!
xo-me
today the roomie and I decided with nothing planned, no offers, and nothing pressing, we'd do nothing. Work wise anyway. Apparently me and my broken phone missed a few other options. But we walked around a lot. I hit the bank to get my gogo money in there to ensure the rent check wouldnt bounce, and then we went to get groceries cause she wanted to make turkey burgers and fries for "OUR LABOR DAY" treat. A little cheat from the vegetarian diet and we talked about boys and past relationships and what we have learnt, and hope for, etc. This was against the Career focus, but it's good to flush things out, especially with only 9 days left before being open for business again! lol Talked to my momma too which was nice. She's been on my mind a lot, both my folks actually. I should call pops tomorrow.
Then we hit red box and got movies, Sherlock Holmes AWESOME! unimpressed with miss rachel mcadams though and I usually love her, and then a little indie called Greenberg - With Ben Stiller, Good acting, weird story kinda long, but fucked up awkward characters, a slice of life. Nothing too eventful happens but it gets reactions out of you, I guess that's what you want film to do. SO I guess we did do some research in a sense.
Now I just saw in my email a new draft of a script from my writer/director friend that I need to get on reading, as I'll be casting it sooner than I thought. Here's the rub, once your a casting director for someone they dont really see you as anything else. LIKE AN AWESOME ACTRESS! I hope I dont fall in love with this character, he writes really well for woman!
Okay I have had 2 slacker days! Gotta pick up the pace a bit.
Things to do:
*email my website to contacts
*pick the 7 casting directors I gonna postcard harrass
*finish what I dont of the script
*come up with more shit to do
*oh, call pops - It's kinda work! lol
good night, happy long weekend!
xo-me
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Day 20 of 30 Days to Success! Screening list included!
So today wasnt all that advantages to career wise, but it was in acknowledgement which is sometimes even better. I woke up pretty late, had my coffee, did a little facebooking, and recieved a message from a blast from the past in which we had a lovely exchange. It was also a great reflection for me to see how much has actually happened and changed since that time.
Then I picked up a book called "A WISH CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE" based on Kabbalah teachings. It's a weekly practice basically discovering each branch/energy along the way. Well I picked it up and opened randomly with the intention it would show me where I was energetically and It was spot on. ETERNITY - the color green - the number 7, all about repetition to complete a goal, sending a message to an idol, be in nature, living in your pleasure - basically an eat, drink, be merry time, even explore your sensual pleasures. And since that goes against my 30 days, I will refrain, for now. lol however I am gonna pick 7 target casting directors to send postcards to for 7 days! see what happens
But it was right on, been attracting green things, lil gifts, chocolat, babysitting animals in Malibu canynon and theres beautiful nature, repeated working on website until it was finished, playing songs, hung with friends at network night, gogo danced tonight, etc Anyways, yeah gogo tonight was fun, even with slightly tweeked back. I missed last week, and the boys missed me, which was nice to hear, they were full of compliments, which was also nice to feel acknowledged, sometimes distant makes the heart grow fonder... haha
oh did the usual submissions, nothing too excited out there right now. errr. Athena had an audition today that went really well, yippie. She's flowing more with the work. apparently my emails are getting lost in the shuffle, cause the woman booking the commercial asked her where I was. But i was never booked...not sure what thats about. odd though.
Well here's the important stuff! LEADING LADIES!!!! more festivals! Thank you to Laurel Vail, the leading lady herself for posting this and making it easier for me! TELL EVERYONE!
Denver Film Festival
November 3-14, 2010
St. Louis International Film Festival
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Hong Kong Lesbian & Gay Film Festival
November, 2010
Seattle Lesbian & Gay Film Festival
Seattle, WA, Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tampa International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival
Tampa, FL, Saturday, October 16th, 2010
Image Out
Rochester, NY, October 8-17
Your Normal LGBT Film Festival
Normal, IL, Friday, October 8, 2010, 7pm
Atlanta Gay and Lesbian Film Festival
Atlanta, GA, Saturday, October 2, 2010, 6pm, Landmark Cinemas
that's it for now! I got my play rehearsals coming up...i gotta read that email. WOuldnt it be nice to get a part on Footloose shooting in Atlanta then I can go out and rep the film too! Come one universe BRING IT!
be love
xo - me
Then I picked up a book called "A WISH CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE" based on Kabbalah teachings. It's a weekly practice basically discovering each branch/energy along the way. Well I picked it up and opened randomly with the intention it would show me where I was energetically and It was spot on. ETERNITY - the color green - the number 7, all about repetition to complete a goal, sending a message to an idol, be in nature, living in your pleasure - basically an eat, drink, be merry time, even explore your sensual pleasures. And since that goes against my 30 days, I will refrain, for now. lol however I am gonna pick 7 target casting directors to send postcards to for 7 days! see what happens
But it was right on, been attracting green things, lil gifts, chocolat, babysitting animals in Malibu canynon and theres beautiful nature, repeated working on website until it was finished, playing songs, hung with friends at network night, gogo danced tonight, etc Anyways, yeah gogo tonight was fun, even with slightly tweeked back. I missed last week, and the boys missed me, which was nice to hear, they were full of compliments, which was also nice to feel acknowledged, sometimes distant makes the heart grow fonder... haha
oh did the usual submissions, nothing too excited out there right now. errr. Athena had an audition today that went really well, yippie. She's flowing more with the work. apparently my emails are getting lost in the shuffle, cause the woman booking the commercial asked her where I was. But i was never booked...not sure what thats about. odd though.
Well here's the important stuff! LEADING LADIES!!!! more festivals! Thank you to Laurel Vail, the leading lady herself for posting this and making it easier for me! TELL EVERYONE!
Denver Film Festival
November 3-14, 2010
St. Louis International Film Festival
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Hong Kong Lesbian & Gay Film Festival
November, 2010
Seattle Lesbian & Gay Film Festival
Seattle, WA, Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tampa International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival
Tampa, FL, Saturday, October 16th, 2010
Image Out
Rochester, NY, October 8-17
Your Normal LGBT Film Festival
Normal, IL, Friday, October 8, 2010, 7pm
Atlanta Gay and Lesbian Film Festival
Atlanta, GA, Saturday, October 2, 2010, 6pm, Landmark Cinemas
that's it for now! I got my play rehearsals coming up...i gotta read that email. WOuldnt it be nice to get a part on Footloose shooting in Atlanta then I can go out and rep the film too! Come one universe BRING IT!
be love
xo - me
Friday, September 3, 2010
Day 19 of 30 days of success
this is is going to be short for 2 reasons, 1 I am ready for bed, and 2 i dont really have anything exciting to share. I didnt get to sleep today until 7am. slept until about 12. played guitar a bit. hit the bank and then got a ride home. I have been watching movies ever since. needed to just be in my space and chill. roomies shooting a commercial all day still there. So its been me and johnny today. Pirates 2 & 3 and just got done watching chocalat. Cant go wrong with johnney Depp. and lots of other good acting to watch.
So thats it for me. besides back still hurting
bed
xo- me
So thats it for me. besides back still hurting
bed
xo- me
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Day 18 of 30 Days to Success!
Concluding my stay in the BU! My friend came home early ahead of her family and her new love came to pick her up from the airport to bring her home. They are darling together and so joyful and giddy and open to each other. It's inspiring. Anyways, I was fully ready to get a ride back home tonight to give them some alone time. But a few glasses of wine were had and alas, I have one more evening in the lovely canyon, that's got a really cool misty fog happening right now.
I have been trying to cleverly devise ways to get out of there way so they can feel free to make out. Like saying "I have to go blog now...You guys should go in the hot tub!" haha Plan worked! Actually there was a few more things I wanted to work on that needed the computer anyhow. So it's perfect I got more time here, to utilize the flow I was in throughout the day.
I knew it was crunch time so I made a 'to do' list last night that was pretty long...some things not urgent but then after a phone call with my producer friend there was more of a need to get some casting stuff done too. So added to said 'to do' list.
I started the day with Lucas staring me down...that's one of the doggies! haha Got my coffee, and my journal and went to town on that a while, working more on my Creative Visualization book, and FINISHED the exercises. yeh! Had a little skype with my UK buddy, who always shows up when I think of him or vice versa...isn't cool how in tune we can be with another being on the other end of the earth! Then My friend told me about a psychic she went to recently who sounds AMAZING! I gotta go! My back was still tweeked from last night, so did some yoga stretching which seemed to help.
Took a walk down to the bank and store. Had some cool happenings on the way. I was just realizing how I hadn't seen any wild parrots up here since staying and then low and behold they show up on my foot journey. 10 of them. I hit the store, get some more fruit for the domesticated parrot, walk out and asked by an adorable guy named Daniel if I have time for Gay Right's...ahhh of course! I felt good about giving a donation, even though my bank account doesn't really reflect that at the moment, but what's 10$? Then he cleverly ups me to 18$ cause of PROP "8" He's doesn't even know my affinity to numbers. Lucky for him though...I'm like " Yeah, 8, the number of abundance!" He's thinks I'm weird and being cheep cause here I am in Malibu! haha But I took this opportunity to tell him about my film LEADING LADIES, hello spread the word, it's a feel good dance movie for gay kids! He loved that! So the 18$ serves an even greater purpose! Guess what, parrots fly by me again this time 18 of them. lol
I head in the bank, but not before noticing and laughing at a sign that said "Warning Paparazzi" really? anyway after I came out I saw Gary Busey in his old black Mercedes! haha and then walked a little further down the street and there went those parrots again back down to 10 of them. I realize I'm in the same spot as when they first showed up. a few steps later the coolest feather I have ever seen was at my feet. I think it's a hawk feather. The Magic of the BU!
I got back and went right to the computer to get things done. Tweeking out my back all over again from sitting so long. Took breaks to do laundry, pack, pet the dogs, talk gibberish to the bird and eat. Glad to say Stella Nova Casting website is updated, Three formatted worksheets are done, and new post cards designed.
So to tally it all up...
I have finished my acting website
I have updated my casting website
I have new Postcards designed and ready to order
I finished my creative visualization book
I got choreography done for a Music Video
AHHH - Pandora is playing the dance song from my short "String of Pearls" and my dancer/actress friend who was in it is who's house I have been watching...SEE MAGIC! lol
Went to a Network Night
Casting paperwork done!
I feel like there's more but I don't know...
While I'm still here and awake, I think I'm gonna design new business cards and type out a few of my songs that haven't been yet. Then maybe sleep? Oh, cool. her man is playing the piano downstairs. I'm always in awh, when someone can walk up to an instrument a create a world. And I just for shits & giggles typed his band into Pandora they are totally in it! How cool?! Yeah, people moving forward and being wonderful!
Wow! this is extra long, I knew I should have done part one earlier!
Hind sight,
good night...sorta
xo-me
I have been trying to cleverly devise ways to get out of there way so they can feel free to make out. Like saying "I have to go blog now...You guys should go in the hot tub!" haha Plan worked! Actually there was a few more things I wanted to work on that needed the computer anyhow. So it's perfect I got more time here, to utilize the flow I was in throughout the day.
I knew it was crunch time so I made a 'to do' list last night that was pretty long...some things not urgent but then after a phone call with my producer friend there was more of a need to get some casting stuff done too. So added to said 'to do' list.
I started the day with Lucas staring me down...that's one of the doggies! haha Got my coffee, and my journal and went to town on that a while, working more on my Creative Visualization book, and FINISHED the exercises. yeh! Had a little skype with my UK buddy, who always shows up when I think of him or vice versa...isn't cool how in tune we can be with another being on the other end of the earth! Then My friend told me about a psychic she went to recently who sounds AMAZING! I gotta go! My back was still tweeked from last night, so did some yoga stretching which seemed to help.
Took a walk down to the bank and store. Had some cool happenings on the way. I was just realizing how I hadn't seen any wild parrots up here since staying and then low and behold they show up on my foot journey. 10 of them. I hit the store, get some more fruit for the domesticated parrot, walk out and asked by an adorable guy named Daniel if I have time for Gay Right's...ahhh of course! I felt good about giving a donation, even though my bank account doesn't really reflect that at the moment, but what's 10$? Then he cleverly ups me to 18$ cause of PROP "8" He's doesn't even know my affinity to numbers. Lucky for him though...I'm like " Yeah, 8, the number of abundance!" He's thinks I'm weird and being cheep cause here I am in Malibu! haha But I took this opportunity to tell him about my film LEADING LADIES, hello spread the word, it's a feel good dance movie for gay kids! He loved that! So the 18$ serves an even greater purpose! Guess what, parrots fly by me again this time 18 of them. lol
I head in the bank, but not before noticing and laughing at a sign that said "Warning Paparazzi" really? anyway after I came out I saw Gary Busey in his old black Mercedes! haha and then walked a little further down the street and there went those parrots again back down to 10 of them. I realize I'm in the same spot as when they first showed up. a few steps later the coolest feather I have ever seen was at my feet. I think it's a hawk feather. The Magic of the BU!
I got back and went right to the computer to get things done. Tweeking out my back all over again from sitting so long. Took breaks to do laundry, pack, pet the dogs, talk gibberish to the bird and eat. Glad to say Stella Nova Casting website is updated, Three formatted worksheets are done, and new post cards designed.
So to tally it all up...
I have finished my acting website
I have updated my casting website
I have new Postcards designed and ready to order
I finished my creative visualization book
I got choreography done for a Music Video
AHHH - Pandora is playing the dance song from my short "String of Pearls" and my dancer/actress friend who was in it is who's house I have been watching...SEE MAGIC! lol
Went to a Network Night
Casting paperwork done!
I feel like there's more but I don't know...
While I'm still here and awake, I think I'm gonna design new business cards and type out a few of my songs that haven't been yet. Then maybe sleep? Oh, cool. her man is playing the piano downstairs. I'm always in awh, when someone can walk up to an instrument a create a world. And I just for shits & giggles typed his band into Pandora they are totally in it! How cool?! Yeah, people moving forward and being wonderful!
Wow! this is extra long, I knew I should have done part one earlier!
Hind sight,
good night...sorta
xo-me
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Day 17 out of 30 Days to Success
Okay! Getting a bit confused on the days I'm trying to keep track of cause I have days of this Challenge and days of Malibu. But sadly Malibu is getting cut short. My vacation from apartment...we're I realize I'm not working...is coming to an end. My friend is coming back early so tomorrow is my last day.
I'm a little upset at myself that it took me until today to use the dance studio that has been at my disposal since I got here, but on the flip side I have been kicking ass on my site!
So today was pretty fulfilling!
I played my guitar, a little better. And realized I have 13 songs. 2 my dad wrote that I like to play but the rest mine, but one needs to be finished.
My Kristy reminder song came on the radio, so I had a moment of remembrance for her, I still miss her!
I DANCED! Thanks for the facebook cheers btw! - I played around not making much sense of some Will Hoge and then did some go to get inspired Bushwalla, and then I brought out a hip hop song I was asked to help find dancers for and possibly choreograph...well, I laid down some kick-ass sexy zombie hip-hop moves. Btw I tweeked my back in the process! lol
I finished my acting site!!! I just have to buy the domain and keep adding things to it as things come in & new pictures are taken...http://nicoledionneacting.yolasite.com/
I did my actor submissions, and can I just say I really over all those roles going to MODEL TYPES! I'm getting annoyed with That...what about the Meryl's and the Glenn's and Hepburns, etc. Come one Hollywood, get with it!
Revisited 2 Spot Gobi video idea I want to direct, got inspired cause I think I found my actress/dancer for it.
hmmmm...what else?
Oh, took a bath and meditated, attempted to you, but did some visioning.
Watched an episode of Glee
AND...Designed new postcards! They're Radd!
I can't believe it's 3am and I'm not really tired... oh boy...insomnia
I got to see how I should be after a Network Party when I got three messages from people today who I had met, and I realized I hadn't sent anyone anything except thank you's to my friends for coming! haha Shit! Slacker!
Was talking to my roommate about the "clearing exercise" and we tried it and also how weird it is that we were both doing this 30 days to focus on getting work and things done for our career and how, we haven't gotten any jobs or auditions....weird right?! But then I realized, well I do have a job, but it doesn't feel like one! This house sitting is paying me and giving me complete freedom and abilities to get things like my website done! How rad is that?! And since they are coming back early I'll get paid before rent and I'll be able to GOGO this friday and make a little extra yeh!!! And Athena just found out today she booked some BG for a commercial! Yeh for her! And I'd also like to Congrats to my friend's SHANNON for getting an agent, and Rhonda for starting her challenge!!! Proud of my sistas
But back to me! haha
I'm gonna go do some homework, from one of the books I brought with me.
What are you grateful for? If you can't think of three, then you might be taking everything around you for granted....(like a job that doesn't feel like one, like a broken parking meter, like trees that give you clean air, like a smile from a stranger, could be anything)
Love & Sweet dreams,
xo - me
I'm a little upset at myself that it took me until today to use the dance studio that has been at my disposal since I got here, but on the flip side I have been kicking ass on my site!
So today was pretty fulfilling!
I played my guitar, a little better. And realized I have 13 songs. 2 my dad wrote that I like to play but the rest mine, but one needs to be finished.
My Kristy reminder song came on the radio, so I had a moment of remembrance for her, I still miss her!
I DANCED! Thanks for the facebook cheers btw! - I played around not making much sense of some Will Hoge and then did some go to get inspired Bushwalla, and then I brought out a hip hop song I was asked to help find dancers for and possibly choreograph...well, I laid down some kick-ass sexy zombie hip-hop moves. Btw I tweeked my back in the process! lol
I finished my acting site!!! I just have to buy the domain and keep adding things to it as things come in & new pictures are taken...http://nicoledionneacting.yolasite.com/
I did my actor submissions, and can I just say I really over all those roles going to MODEL TYPES! I'm getting annoyed with That...what about the Meryl's and the Glenn's and Hepburns, etc. Come one Hollywood, get with it!
Revisited 2 Spot Gobi video idea I want to direct, got inspired cause I think I found my actress/dancer for it.
hmmmm...what else?
Oh, took a bath and meditated, attempted to you, but did some visioning.
Watched an episode of Glee
AND...Designed new postcards! They're Radd!
I can't believe it's 3am and I'm not really tired... oh boy...insomnia
I got to see how I should be after a Network Party when I got three messages from people today who I had met, and I realized I hadn't sent anyone anything except thank you's to my friends for coming! haha Shit! Slacker!
Was talking to my roommate about the "clearing exercise" and we tried it and also how weird it is that we were both doing this 30 days to focus on getting work and things done for our career and how, we haven't gotten any jobs or auditions....weird right?! But then I realized, well I do have a job, but it doesn't feel like one! This house sitting is paying me and giving me complete freedom and abilities to get things like my website done! How rad is that?! And since they are coming back early I'll get paid before rent and I'll be able to GOGO this friday and make a little extra yeh!!! And Athena just found out today she booked some BG for a commercial! Yeh for her! And I'd also like to Congrats to my friend's SHANNON for getting an agent, and Rhonda for starting her challenge!!! Proud of my sistas
But back to me! haha
I'm gonna go do some homework, from one of the books I brought with me.
What are you grateful for? If you can't think of three, then you might be taking everything around you for granted....(like a job that doesn't feel like one, like a broken parking meter, like trees that give you clean air, like a smile from a stranger, could be anything)
Love & Sweet dreams,
xo - me
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Day 16 of 30 Days to Success - I almost forgot the title
SO FIRST OF ALL!!!! THIS IS PRETTY COOL!!!! DO IT! Leading Ladies has been getting around to festivals quite a bit. But a lot of you friends have been asking "when can I see the film?"....Well....DEMAND IT! Ask and, wait for enough other people to ask from your area, then you shall recieve! haha
So that was the first cool thing. The next was I had a really good Networking night tonight, that my manager held. Met a few new people, mostly caught up with friends and peers, which was lovely. The few faces that inspire me, even just when I look at them. Talents, that I love to work with. Or the kind of peeps you don't see for months or years even and it's so kizmic you melt right into where you left off. It was nice to mingle my friends together from different circles too! I really do have a gift for pimping other people! lol
Oh and this was the HIGHLIGHT of my evening....you ever see someone you know...wave, run up to them, hug them, and their reaction to you is a little odd but you dont think too much of it until you walk away and wonder huh? Was that not the person I thought it was and go and ask someone else who knows the same guy you do if it is in fact him, and they say no, not him, then your embarrassed and feel like a tool and go back up to this person and explain that you thought he was someone else and everyone laughs and then he says "Yeah, I didnt recognise you and I felt bad but then I realized you were the girl who took a bus from malibu and came into the office the other day with the cool hat"....huh? OH, My God...So not only did I mistake this guy for someone else but I completely forgot that I met him a few days prior! What a tool I felt like. But it was hilarious! Thank goodness I can laugh at myself these days...cause that has got to be one of the best comedy of errors I have ever been blessed with.
I'm up wayy to late! DO something stupid today that you can laugh at tomorrow...or even a few minutes from now! You'll be glad you did!
Love & Laughter
xo-me
So that was the first cool thing. The next was I had a really good Networking night tonight, that my manager held. Met a few new people, mostly caught up with friends and peers, which was lovely. The few faces that inspire me, even just when I look at them. Talents, that I love to work with. Or the kind of peeps you don't see for months or years even and it's so kizmic you melt right into where you left off. It was nice to mingle my friends together from different circles too! I really do have a gift for pimping other people! lol
Oh and this was the HIGHLIGHT of my evening....you ever see someone you know...wave, run up to them, hug them, and their reaction to you is a little odd but you dont think too much of it until you walk away and wonder huh? Was that not the person I thought it was and go and ask someone else who knows the same guy you do if it is in fact him, and they say no, not him, then your embarrassed and feel like a tool and go back up to this person and explain that you thought he was someone else and everyone laughs and then he says "Yeah, I didnt recognise you and I felt bad but then I realized you were the girl who took a bus from malibu and came into the office the other day with the cool hat"....huh? OH, My God...So not only did I mistake this guy for someone else but I completely forgot that I met him a few days prior! What a tool I felt like. But it was hilarious! Thank goodness I can laugh at myself these days...cause that has got to be one of the best comedy of errors I have ever been blessed with.
I'm up wayy to late! DO something stupid today that you can laugh at tomorrow...or even a few minutes from now! You'll be glad you did!
Love & Laughter
xo-me
Monday, August 30, 2010
Day 15 of 30 days to Success!
Woah! Half way there! I don't feel like I made many strides yet. But certainly some. And I feel wayyyyy better than I did last night. Thank goodness. That was rough.
Today I started with a walk, coffee and an ocean view. Master P, my nickname for the parrot, woke me up, he was very talkative this morning. I saw a bunch of crows and a bluejay...Which I never see bluejays - but both those animals carry great magic. Big symbols of wisdom and creation. And Jay - in latin is Gaia, mother Earth, which I never knew and my friend produced and directed a movie I cast called Gaia...interesting, anyways I have a new script of his to read, and I think I mentioned another animal the other day...well it's name is in the title...but I'm not allowed to say. Just interesting coinidence.
Worked on the website more
Watched the Emmy's
Made some guac & Spagetti
Also Watched some old school Faerytale Theater...The Frog Prince and The Dancing Princesses
Got a ride secure for the Network Night tomorrow.
Geez 4 buses to get to Sherman oaks!
oh and did a little meditating/visioning
Hopefully tomorrow brings coolaid grin experiences
much love
xo-me
Today I started with a walk, coffee and an ocean view. Master P, my nickname for the parrot, woke me up, he was very talkative this morning. I saw a bunch of crows and a bluejay...Which I never see bluejays - but both those animals carry great magic. Big symbols of wisdom and creation. And Jay - in latin is Gaia, mother Earth, which I never knew and my friend produced and directed a movie I cast called Gaia...interesting, anyways I have a new script of his to read, and I think I mentioned another animal the other day...well it's name is in the title...but I'm not allowed to say. Just interesting coinidence.
Worked on the website more
Watched the Emmy's
Made some guac & Spagetti
Also Watched some old school Faerytale Theater...The Frog Prince and The Dancing Princesses
Got a ride secure for the Network Night tomorrow.
Geez 4 buses to get to Sherman oaks!
oh and did a little meditating/visioning
Hopefully tomorrow brings coolaid grin experiences
much love
xo-me
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Day 14 of 30 days to sucess
oooooh, I'm in a sick feeling place tonight after being in such a loving and supportive transformational environment most of the day. Our feeling place is strange and doesnt always make sense but when we really listen to ourselves there's tremendous inner wisdom. Sometime's we need a reflection or reminder to nudge it out of ourselves.
I attended a workshop called the New View of Love with cafe gratitude, and I offered myself as a volunteer. 2 things came up for me there. Why am I volunteering when this month was supposed to be about ME? And if I'm choosing to do something for someone else why am I not putting energy into something that pays? Okay on the surface when I listen to my head that's what it looks like. But when I follow my heart and trust the signs that have been layed out in front of me, the heart said, I needed to be there. I knew I'd learn something just by being present. AND WOAH DID I???!!!
I was put in a very interesting new place, because I was holding space for people as a volunteer but was instructed to hold it in a whole new way. Me, nikki in everyday life, with every relationship can get sucked into personalizing someone else's process and journey. I have this innate "need" to fix, nuture, teach or help heal that other person. Okay, well that just cued more vomit! haha And perfect timing. I recognize that now as my need not theirs. Especially when they don't ask for it! It was a coping mechanism I created as a little girl and when I could see the world I lived in wasn't always safe or authentic and I needed to find ways to passively control to feel safe.
I also saw the beauty in my parents they didn't see or fully realize in themselves and it was a way of trying to pull that out of them, which then turned to me performing for them to show them. Yes, I perform because I love it, but they also made me that, and I used to be fearless, but then I tapped into how the rest of world opperates and functions on fear and judgments and how my dad never fully committed to himself and his art because he was focused on money being a separate thing and mom put all her creative energy into creating a CREATIVE husband & children.
But today I was asked to observe more than share, and my mind wouldn't quit today. With every ""clearing" and every "share" of others I had to be conscious of and release what ideas, judgments, solutions I'd come up with in my mind. Because their only mine. They might not benefit them, and they might but they weren't asking me for it. It wasn't my place. And what A LOAD OFF MY LIFE. To realize it's not ABOUT ME. It's not about SAVING. It's not about shutting off my truth either but really being present to whats going on in my mind and what my place is for another person and any given situation. Sometimes we are just the obverver, sometimes supporter, and sometimes teacher. The teacher was triggered cause I felt what some of these other beings have felt, I had things I could have shared but didnt, couldnt really, I had a few things that I did when there was an inviation the share, But you get me going and I can talk for hours about my journey of transformation and healing...obviously.
What I took on today was that it is really about how we see things. I can choose to see something as missing from a person or I could choose the see all there strengths and gifts, I could choose to feel lack because I dont have a car or I could choose to take it as a gift, because I'm being green, I meet & observe new people in all walks of liFe that I wouldnt normally be exposed to, I'm spending less money...somtimes, it's teaching me to plan better and be more intentional about my day, I am being taught how to recieve when others offer me rides, and giving them a chance to give.
I also walked away with another amazing gift of "clearing". It's basically a question and acknowledgement game. So I get asked a question: like this for example, "what's keeping me from service work right now? 1." my answer would be 2, "I feel like my heart is in the idea of service work but I worry about making money and finding that balance of being in service to myself and others." So they mirror me 3. and say. "Okay, what I'm hearing is that your heart is in service work but what is keeping you from it is your worry's about making money and finding balance of being in service to yourself and others." That the first part. But it's great cause it really gives you a clear mirror when someone repeats your own words back to you. You can literally HEAR yourself.
2nd part is ask 4., "how does that make you feel?" 5. i answer, "I feel guilty and selfish if I'm not being of service and frustrated and obligated to do jobs for money that my heart might not be into." They 6. repeat that to you. you breath it out and let that go. And 7. the next question turns it around. It might be something like "what do you want to be acknowledged for?" my answer 8. is "I want to be acknowledged for my creative gifts and my ability to see and inspire other peoples creativity and recognizing their own lights." And 9. then they acknowledge you for that and add even more of the good they see in you. its powerful stuff!
my Tink light is very dim right now. Which I'm a bit sad about cause it was such a love high today in Topanga, lots of sharing and hummingbirds and butterflies. And my carrot cake got lots of props...which see, I was judging before hand. But..err had to puke again. Lordy, I'll be glad when this passes.
Oh, a big one that came up was resistance. I had a bit of resistance even getting there today, cause I had to get there super early, and take off work last night, and find the right bus, and pay for a cab the rest of the way, and ask myself is this going against my 30 day committment. But my heart felt it was right, even nessessary. But that voice in my head that's always running, sometimes noticeably and other times not, was nagging at me...nah, nonono, obligations, pain in the ass, etc. And what we should all do is look that in the face and run with it. Be a rebel against yourself. I'm really wanting to start facing things I'm scared off, or resistant to at the very least acknowledge it and explore what its about. I'm not gonna jump in a crate with snakes, but at least ask why that fear is there. But if I listened to the nagger, I wouldn't be as aware & clear of half these things I'm sharing today!
But it's probably why my head is hurting so much right now. The nagger is pissed at me for ignoring it. Well thank you nagger for the good you did me when I needed it but I dont need you anymore, I am all grown up and safe and can make my own way listening to my heart now! So take a perminant vacation. You deserve it!
I guess that goes for my nagging to. I apologise to anyone in my life that I may have been that voice to, where I kept you from trusting your own choices and process, where I offered advice or "counsiling" where it wasnt asked for or needed, and if you ever needed to just be heard and I wasnt able to hold the space properly for you. If that is the case. I Screwed up and I will own that and say I will make it a focus to be mindful of that side of myself. Thank you for listening and understanding I'm human. Let's applaud eachother for our mistakes! yippie!
Here's to A Healthy & Vital Tomorrow.
I love you guys, I really really do, and I'm gratful for the connection I have to you in my life. You make me real!
Be Love by Letting love Always LEAD
xo-me
I attended a workshop called the New View of Love with cafe gratitude, and I offered myself as a volunteer. 2 things came up for me there. Why am I volunteering when this month was supposed to be about ME? And if I'm choosing to do something for someone else why am I not putting energy into something that pays? Okay on the surface when I listen to my head that's what it looks like. But when I follow my heart and trust the signs that have been layed out in front of me, the heart said, I needed to be there. I knew I'd learn something just by being present. AND WOAH DID I???!!!
I was put in a very interesting new place, because I was holding space for people as a volunteer but was instructed to hold it in a whole new way. Me, nikki in everyday life, with every relationship can get sucked into personalizing someone else's process and journey. I have this innate "need" to fix, nuture, teach or help heal that other person. Okay, well that just cued more vomit! haha And perfect timing. I recognize that now as my need not theirs. Especially when they don't ask for it! It was a coping mechanism I created as a little girl and when I could see the world I lived in wasn't always safe or authentic and I needed to find ways to passively control to feel safe.
I also saw the beauty in my parents they didn't see or fully realize in themselves and it was a way of trying to pull that out of them, which then turned to me performing for them to show them. Yes, I perform because I love it, but they also made me that, and I used to be fearless, but then I tapped into how the rest of world opperates and functions on fear and judgments and how my dad never fully committed to himself and his art because he was focused on money being a separate thing and mom put all her creative energy into creating a CREATIVE husband & children.
But today I was asked to observe more than share, and my mind wouldn't quit today. With every ""clearing" and every "share" of others I had to be conscious of and release what ideas, judgments, solutions I'd come up with in my mind. Because their only mine. They might not benefit them, and they might but they weren't asking me for it. It wasn't my place. And what A LOAD OFF MY LIFE. To realize it's not ABOUT ME. It's not about SAVING. It's not about shutting off my truth either but really being present to whats going on in my mind and what my place is for another person and any given situation. Sometimes we are just the obverver, sometimes supporter, and sometimes teacher. The teacher was triggered cause I felt what some of these other beings have felt, I had things I could have shared but didnt, couldnt really, I had a few things that I did when there was an inviation the share, But you get me going and I can talk for hours about my journey of transformation and healing...obviously.
What I took on today was that it is really about how we see things. I can choose to see something as missing from a person or I could choose the see all there strengths and gifts, I could choose to feel lack because I dont have a car or I could choose to take it as a gift, because I'm being green, I meet & observe new people in all walks of liFe that I wouldnt normally be exposed to, I'm spending less money...somtimes, it's teaching me to plan better and be more intentional about my day, I am being taught how to recieve when others offer me rides, and giving them a chance to give.
I also walked away with another amazing gift of "clearing". It's basically a question and acknowledgement game. So I get asked a question: like this for example, "what's keeping me from service work right now? 1." my answer would be 2, "I feel like my heart is in the idea of service work but I worry about making money and finding that balance of being in service to myself and others." So they mirror me 3. and say. "Okay, what I'm hearing is that your heart is in service work but what is keeping you from it is your worry's about making money and finding balance of being in service to yourself and others." That the first part. But it's great cause it really gives you a clear mirror when someone repeats your own words back to you. You can literally HEAR yourself.
2nd part is ask 4., "how does that make you feel?" 5. i answer, "I feel guilty and selfish if I'm not being of service and frustrated and obligated to do jobs for money that my heart might not be into." They 6. repeat that to you. you breath it out and let that go. And 7. the next question turns it around. It might be something like "what do you want to be acknowledged for?" my answer 8. is "I want to be acknowledged for my creative gifts and my ability to see and inspire other peoples creativity and recognizing their own lights." And 9. then they acknowledge you for that and add even more of the good they see in you. its powerful stuff!
my Tink light is very dim right now. Which I'm a bit sad about cause it was such a love high today in Topanga, lots of sharing and hummingbirds and butterflies. And my carrot cake got lots of props...which see, I was judging before hand. But..err had to puke again. Lordy, I'll be glad when this passes.
Oh, a big one that came up was resistance. I had a bit of resistance even getting there today, cause I had to get there super early, and take off work last night, and find the right bus, and pay for a cab the rest of the way, and ask myself is this going against my 30 day committment. But my heart felt it was right, even nessessary. But that voice in my head that's always running, sometimes noticeably and other times not, was nagging at me...nah, nonono, obligations, pain in the ass, etc. And what we should all do is look that in the face and run with it. Be a rebel against yourself. I'm really wanting to start facing things I'm scared off, or resistant to at the very least acknowledge it and explore what its about. I'm not gonna jump in a crate with snakes, but at least ask why that fear is there. But if I listened to the nagger, I wouldn't be as aware & clear of half these things I'm sharing today!
But it's probably why my head is hurting so much right now. The nagger is pissed at me for ignoring it. Well thank you nagger for the good you did me when I needed it but I dont need you anymore, I am all grown up and safe and can make my own way listening to my heart now! So take a perminant vacation. You deserve it!
I guess that goes for my nagging to. I apologise to anyone in my life that I may have been that voice to, where I kept you from trusting your own choices and process, where I offered advice or "counsiling" where it wasnt asked for or needed, and if you ever needed to just be heard and I wasnt able to hold the space properly for you. If that is the case. I Screwed up and I will own that and say I will make it a focus to be mindful of that side of myself. Thank you for listening and understanding I'm human. Let's applaud eachother for our mistakes! yippie!
Here's to A Healthy & Vital Tomorrow.
I love you guys, I really really do, and I'm gratful for the connection I have to you in my life. You make me real!
Be Love by Letting love Always LEAD
xo-me
Day 13 of 30 days to Success - buses...lots of buses
Many hours on public transpo today. From Malibu to mar vista from Mar vista to Century City and back again.
I had a mini loungey morning with the animals then had to get ready for a meeting with my manager at 4:30pm. yes I saud get ready in the morning for a 4:30pm appt! I got a little distracted with facebook invites and messages sipping down my coffee and okay carrot cake.
Had to catch the bus a bit before 1pm. Get headshots at apartment quick catch with roomie. Some reading of UDA and Creative Visualation on my travels. finally got to century city, and really dug the new agent working with my manager. She's a gemini too, 2 days after me, she asked me great questions about me and my acting. Like where am I not comfortable, and what's my ideal career. I realized some stuff about myself as the actress.
1. I'm not uncomfortable with much anymore. I know I can pretty much do anything. We excluded porn as a given! lol But implied or partical nudity I'd consider give the script. I used to be wayyyy against it. But you give me a sex scene with Johnney Depp, I'd pay you! haha
2. There's not one career I'd follow but a few I'd like to pull from. Julia Roberts. She's a powerhouse! She plays sexy, tough and vulnerable, she's the romantic lead, and produces her own projects now! She's always true to her niche and people love her for it. She has to laugh and cry in every movie!
Cate Blancett, I have more growing to do to get to her level of expertise, but that is what she is, I love how she morphs into characters, she's a cameleon, and grounded and regal, I'd like to get there one day.
In the mean time Sarah Jessica Parker and Jennifer Aniston got good things going on. They have made a steady career in TV shows and have been able to branch off into film. They are pretty much always their same niche with new situations with a few exceptions but I always enjoy watching them. What I like about SJ is she's not typical beauty yet she's the romantic lead and so likeable and quirky and Jennifer has really interesting non acting moments verbally and physically with her quirks, that make her more human in a highlighted fun way.
Anyways, I gotta go to bed! That pretty much all a accomplished today besides, checking out the couch...eh? and making Mango salsa for the workshop tomorrow. Missed gogo tonight cause I have to get up at asscrack tomorrow. so why am I still typing!
good night
xo-me
I had a mini loungey morning with the animals then had to get ready for a meeting with my manager at 4:30pm. yes I saud get ready in the morning for a 4:30pm appt! I got a little distracted with facebook invites and messages sipping down my coffee and okay carrot cake.
Had to catch the bus a bit before 1pm. Get headshots at apartment quick catch with roomie. Some reading of UDA and Creative Visualation on my travels. finally got to century city, and really dug the new agent working with my manager. She's a gemini too, 2 days after me, she asked me great questions about me and my acting. Like where am I not comfortable, and what's my ideal career. I realized some stuff about myself as the actress.
1. I'm not uncomfortable with much anymore. I know I can pretty much do anything. We excluded porn as a given! lol But implied or partical nudity I'd consider give the script. I used to be wayyyy against it. But you give me a sex scene with Johnney Depp, I'd pay you! haha
2. There's not one career I'd follow but a few I'd like to pull from. Julia Roberts. She's a powerhouse! She plays sexy, tough and vulnerable, she's the romantic lead, and produces her own projects now! She's always true to her niche and people love her for it. She has to laugh and cry in every movie!
Cate Blancett, I have more growing to do to get to her level of expertise, but that is what she is, I love how she morphs into characters, she's a cameleon, and grounded and regal, I'd like to get there one day.
In the mean time Sarah Jessica Parker and Jennifer Aniston got good things going on. They have made a steady career in TV shows and have been able to branch off into film. They are pretty much always their same niche with new situations with a few exceptions but I always enjoy watching them. What I like about SJ is she's not typical beauty yet she's the romantic lead and so likeable and quirky and Jennifer has really interesting non acting moments verbally and physically with her quirks, that make her more human in a highlighted fun way.
Anyways, I gotta go to bed! That pretty much all a accomplished today besides, checking out the couch...eh? and making Mango salsa for the workshop tomorrow. Missed gogo tonight cause I have to get up at asscrack tomorrow. so why am I still typing!
good night
xo-me
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Day 12 of 30 Days to Success - Heart of the matter
How is it already 11pm? Woah! I'm so ready for bed right now but I feel like I want to read more, write more, watch a movie, and work on my website again! haha
But it would be really good to go to bed before midnight. SO let me attempt to make this quick!
Today I...
*Woke up at 8am, to let in the house keeper
*Went back to sleep until 10:30 or 11am.
*Set appointment tomorrow with my manager
*Played with my guitar and saw a coyote, the totem magic is perfect for me right now Wisdom & Folly. um, yep.
*Journaling & Creative Visualization workbook, which brought up some good connectors of whats been keeping me in lack, and also did a gratitude list of sorts but on a whole different level.
*Had a few interesting feelings come up in a clearing I did on a phone training for a workshop I'm volunteering for saturday.
1. I feel guilty if I don't gogo, but wont be able to wake up early enough and it's a bit of a hassle with leaving the dogs that late at night.
2. I'm wondering why I'm volunteering, since that's service work and this is about ME 30 days.
3. I know I wanted to go to learn which I will, but maybe I'm supposed to goas a participant not a volunteer.
4. I really need that gogo money right now, but ultimately I think the workshop will be more of an investment in myself.
Went food shopping, neighbor offered her car to me which was so nice! But the store is really close so next time will probably be fine walk.
Anyways, made a carrot cake, and frosting. Just got done a bit ago, no idea how it tastes yet, it will be my breakfast.
Played a little more guitar, and realized I need to take some lessons. Like with everything else in my life I need to take it more seriously. And for no other reason besides knowing I did!
Roomie posted she finished the first episode of the webisode! yippie! Go Athena!
Here's the affirmation I discovered for myself today.
I, Nicole, now know that, the more I follow my heart, the more I get paid to do so! (sometimes it's way simpler than we make it)
And here's a question I'm passing forward.
What do you Love about yourself?
xo-me
ps...not proof reading....night!
But it would be really good to go to bed before midnight. SO let me attempt to make this quick!
Today I...
*Woke up at 8am, to let in the house keeper
*Went back to sleep until 10:30 or 11am.
*Set appointment tomorrow with my manager
*Played with my guitar and saw a coyote, the totem magic is perfect for me right now Wisdom & Folly. um, yep.
*Journaling & Creative Visualization workbook, which brought up some good connectors of whats been keeping me in lack, and also did a gratitude list of sorts but on a whole different level.
*Had a few interesting feelings come up in a clearing I did on a phone training for a workshop I'm volunteering for saturday.
1. I feel guilty if I don't gogo, but wont be able to wake up early enough and it's a bit of a hassle with leaving the dogs that late at night.
2. I'm wondering why I'm volunteering, since that's service work and this is about ME 30 days.
3. I know I wanted to go to learn which I will, but maybe I'm supposed to goas a participant not a volunteer.
4. I really need that gogo money right now, but ultimately I think the workshop will be more of an investment in myself.
Went food shopping, neighbor offered her car to me which was so nice! But the store is really close so next time will probably be fine walk.
Anyways, made a carrot cake, and frosting. Just got done a bit ago, no idea how it tastes yet, it will be my breakfast.
Played a little more guitar, and realized I need to take some lessons. Like with everything else in my life I need to take it more seriously. And for no other reason besides knowing I did!
Roomie posted she finished the first episode of the webisode! yippie! Go Athena!
Here's the affirmation I discovered for myself today.
I, Nicole, now know that, the more I follow my heart, the more I get paid to do so! (sometimes it's way simpler than we make it)
And here's a question I'm passing forward.
What do you Love about yourself?
xo-me
ps...not proof reading....night!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Day 11 of 30 Days to Success-google can be productive
Hello from the BU!
It's been a long and very short day at the same time. The Family that I'm housesitting for left at 6am so that's when I went to bed and woke up at around 11am.
Had a chill day with the animals. 2 doggies & 2 birdies. Really hot out today and tonight the poor dogs are huffing from this heat. I've been on and off the computer most of the day. Looking up buses for trips into civilization I anticipate having. Not many, since it's not that convenient.
Accomplishments for the day:
*I did some journaling today
*Updated my acting res...had to cut out a lot which feels good so I'd have room!
*Worked on my acting site, which I have a little more to do
*Did some acting submissions
*Got confirmation on stipend for the play today. Not much at all! But it's a free weekend getaway in Palm Springs come OCT.
*Tried to catch up with TRUE BLOOD, But they don't have HBO Afterall! Cue sadface
*Watched ending of 2010, and Somethings gotta give
In my googling adventures for Leading Ladies news I discovered this....which was exciting.
The rest of the industry racket, as my roomie likes to call it, wants me to pay 10-175 dollars for my own RED CARPET PICTURES! lol which eventually I'll check and update imdb.com
From now on I will have my own paparazzi photographer wherever I go! My friend Chris Sista! He gets better shots of me anyways, like my black & white facebook profile pic!
So just to update you on what I did do yesterday before it was so rudely wided out.....
*Read a bunch of chapters in UTA HAGAN by the pool and on the Train. She talked mostly about things I know but it's good to revisit with new perspective, like what she actually means by being truthful in everything you do on stage...kinda like in life. It's all about being authentic!
*Again I was a train Angel for a student of business who wants to sing and dance and she reminded me how important the BUSINESS is in the ACTING BIZ
*Followed up on the couch
*Did manifestation exercise focusing on answering questions for these four categories: My Body, My Home, My Career, My Relationships.
ie: MY CAREER. I want to make more money...Because then I could travel and see my family more, because I'd relieve stressed before bills, Because it feels good to support and take care of myself...etc
*oh and I found a really cool horoscope too: In 1960, Jacques Piccard and Donald Walsh rode in a bathyscaphe all the way down to the Mariana Trench, which is almost seven miles beneath the surface of the Pacific Ocean. Your assignment in the coming weeks, Gemini, is to move in their direction, metaphorically speaking. In my astrological opinion, ascending and soaring shouldn't be on your agenda. It's time to dive into the mysterious depths. -Thank you FREE WILL astrology you're right ON!
Well, I think me and the doggies have a date with the porch & the moon!
Sweet Dreams, are made of this, who am I to disagree, I traveled the world and the seven seas (i wish) Every bodie's looking for something! hehe I dance to that every week.
xo-me
It's been a long and very short day at the same time. The Family that I'm housesitting for left at 6am so that's when I went to bed and woke up at around 11am.
Had a chill day with the animals. 2 doggies & 2 birdies. Really hot out today and tonight the poor dogs are huffing from this heat. I've been on and off the computer most of the day. Looking up buses for trips into civilization I anticipate having. Not many, since it's not that convenient.
Accomplishments for the day:
*I did some journaling today
*Updated my acting res...had to cut out a lot which feels good so I'd have room!
*Worked on my acting site, which I have a little more to do
*Did some acting submissions
*Got confirmation on stipend for the play today. Not much at all! But it's a free weekend getaway in Palm Springs come OCT.
*Tried to catch up with TRUE BLOOD, But they don't have HBO Afterall! Cue sadface
*Watched ending of 2010, and Somethings gotta give
In my googling adventures for Leading Ladies news I discovered this....which was exciting.
The rest of the industry racket, as my roomie likes to call it, wants me to pay 10-175 dollars for my own RED CARPET PICTURES! lol which eventually I'll check and update imdb.com
From now on I will have my own paparazzi photographer wherever I go! My friend Chris Sista! He gets better shots of me anyways, like my black & white facebook profile pic!
So just to update you on what I did do yesterday before it was so rudely wided out.....
*Read a bunch of chapters in UTA HAGAN by the pool and on the Train. She talked mostly about things I know but it's good to revisit with new perspective, like what she actually means by being truthful in everything you do on stage...kinda like in life. It's all about being authentic!
*Again I was a train Angel for a student of business who wants to sing and dance and she reminded me how important the BUSINESS is in the ACTING BIZ
*Followed up on the couch
*Did manifestation exercise focusing on answering questions for these four categories: My Body, My Home, My Career, My Relationships.
ie: MY CAREER. I want to make more money...Because then I could travel and see my family more, because I'd relieve stressed before bills, Because it feels good to support and take care of myself...etc
*oh and I found a really cool horoscope too: In 1960, Jacques Piccard and Donald Walsh rode in a bathyscaphe all the way down to the Mariana Trench, which is almost seven miles beneath the surface of the Pacific Ocean. Your assignment in the coming weeks, Gemini, is to move in their direction, metaphorically speaking. In my astrological opinion, ascending and soaring shouldn't be on your agenda. It's time to dive into the mysterious depths. -Thank you FREE WILL astrology you're right ON!
Well, I think me and the doggies have a date with the porch & the moon!
Sweet Dreams, are made of this, who am I to disagree, I traveled the world and the seven seas (i wish) Every bodie's looking for something! hehe I dance to that every week.
xo-me
Day 10 of 30 days to Success! erased!
oh my god & goddess! haha I was signing out! I made great points and observations, and shared my to do list, and with one little computer glitch, it's lost to the cosmos. which reminds me, we are in retrograde be careful with communication, cars, phones, and computers! I could be all worked up about this, but why?
Maybe this is testing my ego, afterall, how much can my words actually make any kind of difference for you or I. We all have the same truth inside! And by divine timing my rise is here!
Let love lead! And trust it all is perfectly divine!
xo-me
Maybe this is testing my ego, afterall, how much can my words actually make any kind of difference for you or I. We all have the same truth inside! And by divine timing my rise is here!
Let love lead! And trust it all is perfectly divine!
xo-me
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